Sharron Matthews' Blog of Awesomeness...

Last Day of Workation. Sigh. BACK RUB ALL OVER!

2012-01-28T17:46:00.000-05:00

This is the breakfast I made myself this morning...I had to take a picture because George will never believe I made it.
I can't cook...thank god he is coming home...I am so sick of my own cooking I could scream.
(Please know that the whole time I write this I am procrastinating packing...and doing work...work that needs to be done before I midnight...lord...)

So, I stayed up super late night...though I went to bed at 10:00pm.
I think I am trying to soak up all the down time I have left. This month has been...it has been fabulous, a challenge, sleepy and snowy...
I read in bed...luxurious...but then when I did nod off...the dogs...knowing something is up...paced a lot through the night...that makes me think that there is ....

A: A ghost in my house
B: A murder in my house
C: They are both preparing to go downstairs and sit on our fancy couch...while I am sleeping.
D: All of the Above. (Which, you have to admit...would make for a good story)

Yesterday, I am rewinding my day...so I can procrastinate through another story...I went for a massage...my second this week...fancy...but I have to tell you...I feel a bit dirty about it.
Not in a "happy ending" kind of way...but...okay...so...I booked a massage at one of the places I like here in the country...it is a spa...and I guess I wasn't clear that I wanted a RMT for the masseuse...because when I arrive my regular pedicure lady...young lady, really...was waiting for me...when I expressed that I thought it was amazing that she was also a Registered Massage Therapist...she blushed...and said, "No, I do light touch massage..."...me said, "What is that..."...she said something like, "It is a form of massage that does not go deep...it is like a good backrub...all over...." And here is where I remember back...far back...to when I was but a young single gal...and when someone told you they were gonna give you a backrub all over....well, we all know what happens next.
But because I didn't want to make her feel bad (she does a fine pedicure...) I went in the room and disrobed...and felt like Coco from Fame.
You all know what I mean.
Cause, come on! If it doesn't have a medical purpose...it might as well be a rub and tug, right?
WELL!!!
Let me tell you something my friends...IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST RELAXING THINGS I HAVE EVER HAD....DONE!!!
Oh my god.
I was so relaxed I drooled all over the pillow...and I am glad I didn't fall asleep because I would probably have snored and tooted...
I felt naughty...I am not sure why...it was very decadent...but wholesome, people.
I felt like a fancy lady in ancient Rome...er something.
Naughty and relaxed.
So, great!!!
I could not wait to go again...and I did yesterday...and because I knew what I was getting it was EVEN BETTER!!!
And I didn't have someone pounding into my back...like I was a professional athlete!
I am NOT A FOOTBALL PLAYER PEOPLE!!!
Just a producer/writer/performer...who would like a BACK RUB ALL OVER!!
Is that so wrong?

Anyhow, I start a project on Monday.

A big new fabulous project.
I am very excited...and nervous...and excited.
The funny thing is...as I started to prepare and do the pre-production work for this project I felt a great deal of pre anxiety that I had to get it all right...I have to think of everything...I have to...I can't....I have to...I have to WIN...we know this place...this is a place where you can get stuck and all of the good creative energy goes out the window...you write, arrange, sing and create from a place of fear.
But I was inspired...because...though these people don't know it...they ALL...in the same 10 minutes...wrote something inspired, spirited and positive on the old FACEBOOK feed...and they were all people from the teams I had the great honour to work with last year on season one of Canada Sings.

"Chase your fears. That's what they're there for. " 

 -posted by Graham, 1-800-Got-Junk

"The only person that can kill your DREAMS is YOU! Nothing comes easy...sweeter the reward"- posted by Nancy, Scarborough Hospital

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." Goethe - posted by Sam, Lone Wolf Real Estate

What a true pleasure it was to do this job, my fave job ever...and the people I worked with just inspire me every day with their journeys.
I have seen a lot of them during the past year and marvel at their zest, balls and enthusiasm.
Maybe they were this way before and didn't know it ( I believe this) but they all tell me....they are now singing all the time...when it was just something they did in their showers...they are trying new things that have nothing to do with performing...they are seeking out adventure...they have taken something that they did for charity...with no huge outcome for themselves (aside from the knowledge that they had done something for their fellow man) and turned it into something to more.
They want to try and do new things...they are creative with their lives...and fearless.
It is a great happiness that we have kept in touch and I can watch what they are doing on the FACEBOOK.
Well, if these fabulous people can be fearless...so can I.

I have had an amazing time already...and now...in two days...I will begin...with my dearest pal, Christian...travel the country and work with and meet new people...what a gift.

I am truly excited.

And now, in honour of this journey...and the closing of the Seussical in Edmonton (they killed it out there) I would like to repost one of my fave videos...let us all go out and BE BRAVE.
And if it doesn't go the way we planned...plans are just a suggestion...aren't they?

Things that are true. Stratford Workation Week 4.

2012-01-24T01:47:00.001-05:00

WEEK 4!?!
Holy crap.
Where did the time go.
These are some things I found to be true today.

1. I type on my IPAD like a Gramma...with both of my pointing fingers...yes, I know some people call these fingers your index fingers...I find that boring.

2. Patience is a virtue. (Thanks To Gramma for that...the Gramma who I type like)

3. Karma is a bitch...and sometimes requires patience...which is a virtue

4. Some songs fit together like a puzzle...others require patience(see above)and a good long...long...long...think

5. When you hold open a door for a dude in Stratford, sometimes they take the unlit cigarette out of their mouth and ask..."How are you doing?" somewhat suggestively. Which, when you are bundled in down from head to toe...seems very strange.

6. After viewing a movie called "Contagion" tonight I have learned that the selfish Gwyneth Paltrow started an epidemic because her company is ruining the rain forests...and then going for Dim Sum.

7. Nate Berkus' show is super boring. Like super boring.

8. Wishes that more people had the courage of their convictions...including myself...and wishes that walking the walk went with talking the talk.

9. I watched The Talk today. It was amusing....that moderator woman has ENORMOUS hair...I wonder if she has seen her profile...it looks like she is wearing a space helmet.

10. Why is Nate Berkus still on my TV...

11. Cannot wait (but is trying to exercise patience...which is a virtue) for George to come home. He is the best guy in the world. Like, the whole world.

12. What other people say about us...is none of our business.

13. I should be sleeping....zzzz.

Toddlers and Tiaras...is it the end of the world...?

2012-01-20T18:35:00.001-05:00

Or is it just me.

I have watched a few shows lately that have made me peer outside the door to see if the four horsemen...that's what it is right? Four horsemen? To see if they are taking a ride down my street.

One show that I watched for 10 minutes, and crapped over, was a show that they call, "Dance Moms"...for the record...all of these Dance Moms should be ashamed of themselves. Fighting amongst each other...bitching at their kids...putting them in bad circumstances...living out their own dreams of grandeur...yah, I said it...grandeur through their kid...it is gross. And I turned it off...thankfully.

I HATE they shows where Moms are being shitty to their kids.

But then...every once in a while I am trolling through the TV online guide and I see an ad for Toddlers and Tiaras and I feel my interest being peaked...and though my mind screams, "No!!!"...my remote finger says, "Oh hells yes!!". Which sounds dirty...but it is not.

And there I am...watching Moms put their daughters in outfits like this...

The Mom dressed her daughter...as a hooker...and after she said ( the mother did)...."I might have made a bad decision"....DO YA THINK!?!?!?
She is dressed as a hooker...okay, it is a hooker with a heart of gold and all....but still...I wonder what Julia Roberts thinks of playing that role now.
Huh.
Anyhow...I am all warm and cozy in my house in Stratford thinking..."Well, how bad can it be this week...."

I would like to write out a direct quote from one of the mothers on the show right now...I have paused it...and I would like to inform you that this statment was made as mostly a voice over while the father is shaving the 3 year old's eyebrows...the kid looks terrified...

"We want to start her out young, teaching her not that she needs make up and hair to be pretty but you're ultimately going to get married and have kids and so I think pagents are one way to teach her to dress well and do those things that her husband needs. Because, you know, I mean that is a need a man has in his life. And I want my girls to give that to their husband like I want to give it to my husband."

I would like to pause here while I peer out my front window again...
Nothing.
Huh.

Lady...you are kooka.
This is the same woman that said to the camera...while gluing eyelashes onto her daughter...again, a 3 year old daughter...and got some glue in her eye and the kid just howled..."You can love pagents AND you can love Jesus"...I wonder if Jesus likes false eyelashes and boob enhancers...for 3 year olds.

I gotta turn it off...I can't support this...these bitches are crazy..

Just 3 more minutes...I am going to hell...or maybe heaven...I hope Jesus is dressed like a drag queen.

2 Things...One pic and an extended thought...

2012-01-18T21:56:00.001-05:00

The above is a screen capture from a skype conversation between Michael Hughes, Sara Farb and I. For some reason Micke and I are incredulous...who knows why? But I love it...he was just here and yet it was two mash ups ago.
Film at 11:00.

The next thing is an extended thought that I just workshopped on Facebook...but some people aren't on Facebook....so here you go...have a great night....

Holy effing mashing sleeping not sleeping songs running through my head on endlessssss looping chicken and hummus and carrots and peas for dinner 3 diet cokes later 8 dog boots and 2 human boots back aching thrilled to meet deadline wanna pass out and eat a cow...best thing I learned today...I learned from Orin Isaacs "I can play it singer-songwriter style"...THAT IS A STYLE!!! THAT WILL SAVE ME MILLIONS OF HOURS OF DESCRIBING. Millions.

Two in one day! Bullying and Bad Behaviour.

2012-01-16T16:19:00.000-05:00

Bullying and the Bad Behavior of Grown Ass People.

I always thought when I grew up it would go away.
That grown ups were better behaved, smarter and kinder.
Like my favourite friend’s (who was actually quite shitty to me) parents.
Who I thought were so awesome...they wore Moo Moos and went to Egypt. They were so cool.
I don’t know what that has to do with anything...but it bears mentioning.
Now that I think about it, they probably had key parties.
Anyhow.
How fucking sad was I when I discovered it is actually worse when you get older...and more insidious.
Bullying does happen when you are an adult...BUT there is no parental intervention and/or school principal intervention.
You are kinda on your own.
Like really on your own sometimes.
Because you can’t really ask for help...people fear that it may make them seem weak.
I have even tried to talk someone I love out of standing up to a bully...because it just seemed easier at the time.
Shame on me.
And no one really talks about it.
And people suffer in silence.
I look at Rob Ford and his ways of pushing people around...some that have been caught on video, all of which are in the media...and I thought, “If this happened in high school or university he would have been expelled.”
What happens when you do it as an adult?
You get elected Mayor of Toronto.
Excellent message.
And the bad behavior of grown ass people.
There is a strange generational thing happening that gives me great pause.
This “entitled”, “don’t fuck with me, I’m awesome”, “I can get anything even if I don’t work hard”, “I deserve the stars even though I have not earned them”, “I don’t care what bridges I burn all I care about is who can get me jobs” attitude that stops people from really examining their actions, or thinking before they speak or looking inside themselves. They are entitled to greatness, jobs, money...you name it...simply by being born.
Fuck everyone else.
Right?
Now, don’t get me wrong.
The message in all of my work...I love it when I call it my work...it sounds so fancy...but it is my work all the same...my life's work...the message has been “You can do it”, “You are awesome the way you are”, “Keep digging and climbing people...because there is gold at the bottom of that effing big hole and that fucking high mountain.”
That is my message because that is what I have always needed to hear myself...that success is the hopeful end of all my journeys. Affirmations are everything. I tell myself these things every day. Some people think they are stupid...but many an affirmation has gotten me through a tough day.
BUT I do not think success should come at the expense of another’s happiness and/or well being.
I do not think it will come without hard work.
And I certainly don’t feel like I am entitled to a career.
There are too many people working like fucking dogs for their future for me to think that I can just pop in and say, “Here I am, bitches...where is my glory? Huh?”.
And, may I say here...before you think I am ageist...there are many, many young and younger people who work their asses off for their chosen career and/or passion. (Don’t you love it when the girls on America’s Next Top Model talk about it being their passion...it is one of my favourite things)
But in that same generation exist the Entitled Many, and maybe I am wrong and it not just a generation...because I have seen the same behavior in people who are older...it just seems to be more prevalent now.
Am I wrong?
Is it just me seeing this?
I also believe, and have witnessed, that when you combine the bad behavior, sometimes mix in a lack of experience and add some hubris...a whole new bully is born.
A bully who believes they are not a bully....that they are simply ‘right’.
Who is entitled to the world.
Chilling.
A bully who lives a life at the expense of others...because they are number one...and anyone who questions that fact is trying to “Bring Them Down!”.
(Rob Ford vs. Toronto Star)
Can you picture this person as anyone in your life?
And it is easier to placate people like this...because going up against them is just gonna make everyone’s life a living hell.
They will not back down, they will convince themselves that anything they do or believe is the right thing.
And they, usually, have the loudest voice.
Right?
So, what do we do?...grin an bear it.
We sometimes watch these people be bullies to others and we are just so fucking happy it isn’t us that we hug them, we laugh with them and then we say, “Fucking whew.” when the day is over.
Huh.
I have done it...I have closed the door at the end of a long day and thought, “Thank god that wasn’t me.”
I will try not to do it again.
Because I can see what it does to people, it can be quite horrible and can undermine an entire work place...and if we don’t do anything...it leads Hubra-Bully (yup, I said it) to get worse, to feel like they are right...to believe their behavior is justified..and then it leads to something worse for the next person who is unlucky enough to get caught up with them.
We wait for someone else to take care of it.
Now, I am not saying that we should hurt this person...I just believe that they need to be called on their behavior...and...if we are all lucky...maybe they can see the error of their ways...maybe they can help themselves...who fucking knows, right?
Wouldn’t that be amazing?
I just think...if I can’t stand bullying against children...why do I tolerate it in adults?
Just sayin’
Rant done.

Dog boots and Bradley Cooper's eyes

2012-01-16T13:29:00.000-05:00

I thought that, maybe, because these dogs came from the Humane Society that they might be a bit tougher than our sweet Otto, but one minute in the snow at the park and Cassie had two feet in the air...one front and one back...which is challenging, as you might imagine...and Tyson had his ball in his mouth with frozen drool leaking out of the side...and he was sitting on his ass with both front feet in the air...and I could not get my camera fast enough....god damn it.
In Toronto, they have to wear boots because of the DEMON salt on the sidewalks...it is horrible...but here in the country...the sand...fancy.
Anyhow...
I went back to the house...you know...when you move...you can't find a fucking, fucking, fucking thing...
So, we piled back into the truck and went to visit Auntie Christine at Global Pet...then were booted and filled with pigs ears (exactly what it sounds like...but not as barbaric in person) and treats and here they are.

Goodness gracious.
All that is holy and cute.
We were so exhausted after all of this we only went to the park for a while...but looked cute while doing it.
Imagine the thought of preparing to put on 10 boots before a walk...including your own...jesus wept...and then asked what the title for my show was this year....
Ah, Jesus...you will just have to be patient.

Lord, I have some big secret news...

Anyhow...I watched the Golden Globes last night...I PVR'd them thank goodness...because...snore....zzzzz

Here are a few thoughts...some I have already workshopped on the Facebook....

1. What in the name of all that is holy was Meryl Streep wearing...jesus lord in the heavens.

2. Did you see when Meryl won and Glenn Close looked pissed...and was talking through closed lips to her date...interesting.

3. Ricky Gervais was tamer than last year...sigh...though...I did love when he said Colin Firth was a raging racist...that was funny.

4. Madonna (and we all know how I love her.) can't even articulate a "spontaneous" joke without sounding like she is reading the cereal box without her glasses.

5. How are Bradley Cooper's eyes...so sparkly...how? Huh? How? (Giggles and blushes)

6. Dear Angelina Jolie, Please...please...please....eat something...please.

7. I think George Clooney is the less skanky, more good looking Jack Nicholson of his generation.

8. I love the even Kate Beckensdale couldn't not laugh at Seth Rogen's "massive erection" joke...she tried to be and look scandalized...but then couldn't stop herself from laughing...love.

9. Oh, William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman...I think your home might be a weird place.

10. What is Johnny Depp's weird accent...what is it? Not french, not british...not mandarin....

11. Do you think Guy Pierce was mad that Peter Dinklage hasn't seen Mildred Pierce? And it is funny that Guy Pierce was IN Mildred Pierce...hee hee.

12. Kate Winslet...I mean...who cares...whatever...not that she is bad or anything...I am just ...zzzzzzzzzz.

13. Is Michelle Williams the size of her child?...she looks like I could fit her in my pocket.

14. The dresses were pretty...except, of course, Meryl's...fave dress?
Toss up between Charlize...who you can put a fucking burlap bag on and it looks fantastic...

The the hystorical Sofia Vergara....fuck she is some good looking....

That is all I've got.
Have a fabulous day all!

Michael Hughes and the crash that woke the world...except for him.

2012-01-15T09:16:00.000-05:00

So, Michael Hughes and I stayed up till 3:00am every morning for the last three nights...like we are in university or something.

Like sorority gals.

(For the record he has jumped out of various corners and scared the shit out of me about three times...once I peed my pants a bit...I am 43, after all.)

BUT last night I made a plan to go to bed as early as possible...because we had to get him to the train station at 8:15am-ish.

(He had bought a Balzacs, in advance, for this early morning journey.)

Then at 1:30am I turned to Michael and said, "If you can find something awesome to watch, I will stay up...", and he turned to me from the place he has sat on the couch...for the last three days...and said, "I'm on it!"

Oh Meryl Streep...two movies in one day...It's Complicated...and then the last 45 minutes of effing Devil Wears Prada.

Yes.

Meryl, you are an acting machine.

3:15am we went to bed...the puppies and me in our room and Michael Hughes in the "Sara Farb" room...as he calls it...

Then at about 4:35am there was a holy crash right beside my head...I jerked up in bed...my heart beat through my chest...I thought a plane had flown into the wall beside my bed...

I leaned over and saw the entire end table beside me...and it is huge...on its side...and everything on the ground...my phone in two pieces...my fucking IPAD...everything....and there is Tyson...with the whole night table leaning on his head...you see... this is where Tysons sleeps...

I guess he got up and turned around in his sleep and his collar got caught on one of the door knobs behind him on the side table. The poor thing...I dislodged him, checked him over...gave him a pat and sent him to Cassies' bed (which is twice as big) and then began the job of cleaning up and righting everything.
IPAD...unbelievably fine...Blackberry...fine with a cracked screen....fabulous Babushka lady jar that holds my water...smashed...lamp okay....dogs...shaking...Michael Hughes...asleep.
WHAT THE FUCK??
His room is about 5 feet away from mine.
I cannot believe it.
I go and get a rag and the broom from downstairs...and still cannot believe that he sleeps on.
After I have finished fixing up the room I get into bed and look into the cracked screen of my Blackberry and see that I received a text....I click it.
Here is the exchange.

And if you can't read backwards...here is what it says...

Michael Hughes: Is everything okay?
Sharron : You are a mess...oh my god....
Michael Hughes: Are you sleepwalking? I am scared.

And I starting laughing so hard...so fucking hard...then I went to his room and he looked like Sydney (Neve Campbell) during the last 10 minutes we had watched of Scream 4 two nights previous...
He came out and gave Tyson and Cassie a pat.
He had not heard a thing...until I went downstairs...
I heard him muttering..."Thank god this wasn't a fire drill..."
I don't think my dear Michael is meant for country life.
Like Zsa Zsa.
Here is Michael "playing with Tyson" at the park...

Can you see the fear in his poor face....
But my dear friend Michael was totally game to come up to "Stratford House" as he calls it...and keep me company.
And he did.
And it was a challenging week...I got some shitty news...and Michael kept me laughing and going through it all.
He is a very good friend.
I am sad to see him go.
Don't get me wrong...I am already back in bed and neither of us showered for three days...but I will miss him.
Very much.
Safe travels, Micke.
You deaf son of a bitch.

Chicken carsass, Vet, Michael Hughes and youtube.

2012-01-13T03:22:00.000-05:00

Two days ago Tyson, the big dog...this dog....

The one with the bigger head....decided to eat a chicken carcass out of the garbage.

FOR THE RECORD we are very careful about these things and put them outside in the garbage pail ASAP but every once in a while, the dogs being so great (and really just biding their time waiting for something awesome) you slip.

I went out and when I came back....garbage carpet in the kitchen.

Cassie (the dog who is on the bottom of the above pic) as far away from it as she can get...shaking and him...just sitting against the fridge, drooling....with nary a care...with a look that says, "Yell at me all you want....totally worth it."

So, the waiting game begins.

He, of course because his tummy is quite sensitive, gets some hives...and one is bigger than usual...off to the vet.

Let me remind you, for those who read along just humour me, those of you who are new...taking Tyson to the vet is like taking a four legged drunk dude, who has all of his power in his chest and is abnormally strong, out of a bar.

There is spinning and turning...there is a cry that is reserved specifically for the vet.

He shivers and shakes and stares at me.

It is a sad sight, to be sure.

Anyway...they poked around at him...did a biopsy on the bump, told me they'd call me and sent me on my way.

It was like a bad date, really.

Now it (the bump) looks worse than it did before...and it cost me...wait for it.... 200 fucking dollars.

I usually pretend the cost doesn't affect me...I have no idea why I do this...but I said, "Can you itemize that for me."

WHAT THE FUCK?

That is...wow.

Then we went to the train station to pick up Michael Hughes.

He came up to keep my older country bones company...sweet, right?

I think his mother thinks I have brought him up here to chain him in my basement and make him my cougar love slave.

I will try to control myself...promise.

I do wonder what my neighbours in the hood (who are very aware of the surrounds) think of me traipsing around with a younger man...it will make an awesome rumour...to be sure!

So, after a fabu lunch at York Street Kitchen and a visit to RKilts to say hi to Robert Pel we came back to Stratford House (that is what Michael calls it...it sounds all "A Little Night Music") and watched youtube, looked at Damn You Auto Correct and a bunch of other things for hours...hours...I laughed so hard I tooted...yes, you heard it here, people.

Today was the first day I took off from working on a big project...and it was nice to just piddle time away.

So....here is the champ of all the Youtube clips...the one that made me toot....

And here is my fave Damn You Auto Correct....

Night to all!!!

Good night Michael Hughes!!! The basement is almost ready for you....

PMS, Larry David and the Grocery line. Week Two in Stratford.

2012-01-11T10:40:00.002-05:00

Is the self serve line at the grocery store any faster?
Is it?
Is it any faster when you are PMSing?
And when something that you are trying to scan won't go through and you turn and look at the girl in charge of the self serve section and she is doing her upmost best to not see you and you then curse really horribly and the guy next to you scanning a bag of Lays is staring at you and his kid who is...well, as we have established earlier this week I cannot judge age....let us say 8...and is sitting in his dad's cart and immediately repeats my swear...is it really your fault?
Is it?
I have a headache.
(George is so happy to be in another province...)

But here are two videos that made me smile this morning.

One via the sweet Mary Walsh....

And the second I saw on Shawn Wrights feed...I wonder who Shawn's fave is ...Harvey or Tim...I wonder if young people are looking at this and wondering who Harvey and Tim are...

Oh, and if I see one more of those stupid knock offs of "Shit Girls Say" I am going to freak out.
Have a good day.

CAN YOU HELP SHAUNA FIND SARGE?

2012-01-10T11:15:00.002-05:00

Dear Friends,

I got up and wrote a blog about garbage tags this morning and then went to look at my Facebook feed and see that Sarge is still missing.
Sarge is a fabulous English Bulldog who is the best friend and constant companion of Shauna Black who lives in Toronto.
While out of town in northern Bracebridge, Ontario, on January 6th in the midafternoon, Sarge wandered away from the place where Shauna was staying.
Ever since, she has been combing the area where he went missing, setting up groups to find him, calling newpapers, shelters, schools, stores, making posters and generally exhausting every resource she can (and herself, I am sure) to find to best friend.
Everyday a group of people from all around take the bus to Barrie and Shauna picks them up, they drive to Bracebridge and they look for Sarge.
The social media community has been reposting and sharing info far and wide....literally thousands of people are looking for Sarge.
Today she is trying to locate a diver to find Sarge...because, whatever the end (thinking he may have wandered onto the nearby lake and fallen in), Shauna wants to know where Sarge is.

Can you help in any way?

Here is the Facebook Group:

Help Find Sarge The English Bulldog

http://www.facebook.com/events/125428930900180/#!/pages/Help-Find-Sarge-the-English-Bulldog-ONTARIO/226712340742166

Information can come from far away places...from strange places...with odd connections...someone might see some way they can help...you never know what can happen!

Sometimes people find dogs and take them in...that is what may have happened...but for him to get back to Shauna they have to know who Sarge is...so...spread the work...repost this blog, share the group, send this poster in an email, link it on your facebook page, because it takes one or two moments...and could make a big difference to two lives.

What do you say people?

Help Bring SARGE HOME!!!!

Now, watch this vid below and see how far they can travel and how long it can take sometimes...there is always hope.

Best,
Sharron

Week Two: Stratford Garbage Tags and Tebow...with a bit of Beyonce

2012-01-10T10:42:00.001-05:00

So, I had to get up at 9:30am...suck it, judgers...I got home late...and I don't have kids...and I am on a workation...vayworktion...you know what I mean...9:30am is effing early...I had to get up because we have a lot of garbage (because we were away so long I forgot what day garbage day was...I wonder if that is like Maggie Smith's character from Downton Abbey not knowing what a weekend was...I have never watched the show...that is the only reference I know...but it sounds like a new "Golden Girls" as far as I can tell.).
In Stratford you need garbage tags to get said garbage picked up.
Did I have garbage tags...no.
So, I hop in the car (in my pajamas...like the people I always judge) and get to the store and ask for 10...so I don't have to go back again for a while.
The lady behind the counter smiles nervously and tells me that she can only sell me 5.
I guess the look on my face was enough because her eyes widened and she very quickly added, "But I'll sell you ten!!! I'll sell you ten!!!"
Why the fuck would the City of Stratford decide that we are so crazy that we should only be allowed to be responsible for 5 garbage tags at a time...what are we gonna do? Trade them for meth?
Anyway.

Here are some things that I can't believe we give a shit about today.

1. Did Beyonce fake her pregnancy and have a baby via surrogate?!
Who gives a shit? So what if she wanted to pretend that she was pregnant? So what if she was pregnant? So what if we all knew she would name her baby something crazy and stupidly silly? It is her ( and by "her" I mean her stage parents') life. The thing I am still mad about is how thoughless it was to drop that beautiful bedazzled mike on the ground after she sang "Love On Top" as some awards show and then rubbed her belly!! What a beautiful mic. Forget the kid, I want that mic!!

2. Who the fuck is Tebow? (I know the picture above is someone else with his head added...but it made me laugh). And why does everyone call him Jesus? Who gives a shit? And then I found out...through the google...that he was a football player and I just rolled my eyes. It is football, people. Fucking football. And people judge me for thinking Prince is Jesus...he is way more fucking versatile and talented than Tebow...at least from what I can tell on the google.

Bonnie the papergirl.

2012-01-07T23:41:00.001-05:00

Two nights ago I was walking the dogs around Stratford about dusk-ish...god, it gets dark early...and we came around a corner and met a girl...she may be 12, she may be 9...I am, truly, a horrible judge of age...not having any of my own...(I also gave one of my nieces a menu when she was 5..."I can read this, Aunt Sharron!). The girl was in a pink coat with a pink hat...big, huge winter boots and she was pulling along a Radio Flyer filled Beacon Heralds. She looked the three of us over and asked, "Can I pet yowa dogs?"...you see, she has a tiny speech impediment...I wasn't gonna mention it, because I don't mean to mock her...it just made the whole moment so comtemp. Norman Rockwell that I could barely believe it. I say, "Yes, of course."...she starts telling me about her three dogs...and her mom...and I think..."Should she be talking to strangers...isn't having dogs the way scary people pull you in...wow, Sharron you are dark and bit untrusting..."After a while I realized that if I didn't walk away she might not stop...even Cassie had lost interest and was pointing herself as far away from us as possible...did you know that Cassie has a red winter/rain coat that looks like a cape...she looks like a super hero...I digress.So, I wave at the girl, bid her good day and we are back on our way.Today, I come around the same corner, early afternoon and there she is...has she been delivering papers this whole time...did she get into a conversation that didn't stop.She sees us and says, "Can I pet yowa dogs?".For a moment I think she doesn't remember us...but have you seen a pic of my dogs?If I could figure out how to attach a picture to this blog from my IPAD you would see one.Let it be said, they are big, white and quite memorable...the big one weighs 120 pounds...more than my friend Sara Farb.Then she walks up and pets them and says,"Wheya do I know you fwom?".I must have looked stunned and then said, "Well, I met you yesterday with the.....".She interrupts me and says, "Yeah, yeah...I know...but I know yowa voice and yowa face?"...and then she just stares at me.I laugh and say, "Well, I get around..."...what the fuck...then she just keeps staring at me.Uh.Do I...do I list my resume...do I continue on my way...."Have you ever watched Canada Sings?""Yah.""Well, I am on that Tv show....""Oh ya."She continues to stare at me...and then proceeds to talk about her dogs...her mom....Huh...no glory...Kids will cut you to the quick.I shall call her Bonnie.

One of the best things I have ever seen...thank you, Dr. Seuss.

2012-01-07T19:53:00.001-05:00

My Month in Stratford. Week One...Mani, Pedi, Waxi.

2012-01-06T15:34:00.000-05:00

So.
I went for a mani, pedi and hairpulling today.
Fancy.
I would like to share with you some of the things I learned.

1. I think people go for a pedicure because it is the one place that you can read Us, People, In Touch and Hello...and no one judges you. ( I got through 6 magazines. Bliss. Oh "Who Wore It Better"...I love you.)

2. I am not too knowledgeable about the bible, but I am pretty sure the Kardashians are one of the signs of the Apocalypse. I thought there were only three daughters...there is like...a million...and there are some boys too. And here are two words, Bruce Jenner. And here are two scarier words, Kris Jenner.
Check out their Family Christmas Shot.

Right? A whole lotta kooka.

3. I secretly wish I was a Kardashian.

4. My nail colour is called "Mermaid's Tear" from the Pirates of the Caribbean Collection. Me say, "What Collection?", she say, "The Pirates of the Caribbean Collection", me say, "That is fucked. ". she pauses for a second...looks around...and says, "I know, right?"

5. I thought people went for the magazines alone until the foot and leg massage started. I made sounds that are inappropriate. I did.

6. When the same massage happens on your hands...and your face is about a foot and a half away from the manicurist...it can get uncomfortable. I wanted to ask her to stop talking...but that just seemed weird...right? (Is it?)

7. Eyebrow waxing. Let it be said that I am afraid of needles and will put that off forever and tell the needle giving lady that I need to lie down during . But I pay someone to rip the hair off my face. Every three weeks.

8. Hair only grows on the left side of my upper lip...me say, "That is fucked.", She say, "I know, right?"

9. I hear the Kardashians get the anus' bleached. Pause and read again.

10. Oh! I forgot...when the pedicurist told me that my feet were in good shape, I giggled and was filled with hubris. I am the most competitive person I know.

11.The exit after a mani/ pedi can be one of the most vulnerable moments of ones life. Think about it...you can't use your hands...and it is winter but you are wearing flip flops so as not to wreak your pedicure. So, no hands, no feet...and everyone is putting on your clothes for you and rooting through your purse. So, really, a mani/pedi is an emotional trust exercise...people who you don't know rubbing you, touching you, asking you about your life, seeing the crap you keep in your bag (including half a scone I have been saving), watching you laugh over some nugget that Selena Gomez said and then sending you out in the world shoeless...like a baby.
Can you imagine if a therapist did that to you?
They could be sued.

Good day. Good day.

Oh, and for your viewing pleasure...Mermaid's Tears against a sea of purple...

Dear Grey's...and Ode from my third day on the couch.

2012-01-06T01:59:00.002-05:00

Dear Grey's,You are a slutty bitch who leaves for weeks at a time...and I reluctantly take you back...and then you suck me in with your sad, sexy story. You bitch. You slut. You whore. I am so fucking in love with you.Sharron xoxo

Goodbye 2011, Love Sharron

2012-01-03T08:12:00.004-05:00

It was just 2011.
Wasn't it?
I like to do a year end round up here on the old blog but now that it is 2012...it seems dirty somehow.
Fuck it.
Anyhow, here are just a couple things I was thinking, pondering...having a pause about.

1. It is 8:00am and I don't know how I ended up on freakin' Lea Michelle's fan page.

2. A friend of mine announced they were taking a facebook break...on facebook...and ten seconds later posted...on facebook...that they couldn't watch the new "Bachelor" because his hair was "all wrong".

3. I thought about taking a facebook break...and then I laughed and laughed.

4. Dear Weight Watchers, that commercial with Jennifer Hudson singing to herself is terrifying.

5. Dear Weight Loss Industry, I was watching Dick Clark on New Years Rockin' Eve (lord, help us...that was uncomfortable.) and the first commercial after the ball dropped, and every subsequent commercial after that, and on every station, was about you telling the world that they are fat...and quite possibly lonely. You suck ass.

6. Do you think Ryan Seacrest was created in some kind of pod by Dick Clark to take over his evil empire?

7. Looking back on 2011, and after consulting with my fabu neighbours down the street, Cyrus and Joanne, we all realized that sometimes...Bitches just be Crazy. Shake your head and continue on, people.

8. Scotland is one of my fave places on the total face of the earth...and the rain that falls there requires that you cultivate a resilient spirit and unstoppable sense of humour...and a liver made of iron. That last part was more about the drinking.

9. When you are complaining to someone about how you have to stay up till three in the morning to watch your TV show premiere in Canada, because you have brought your one woman show over to Europe and the time difference sucks...count yourself lucky as hell and shut your piehole.

10. When God (or whoever this might be) closes a door...sometimes he points you towards a window that is painted shut and you have to go and get a butter knife because you cannot find the screw driver and pry that shit open.

11. Under the direst circumstances, sometimes you can learn a lesson...mend an unmendable (why is that not a real word?) friendship...love the experience...and sometimes...in the midst of all this....look back to #7.

12. This summer, I stood in front of my theatre in London (England, people) with Team Jesus, holding my outfit, watching 4 foreign dudes pee into a MOVEABLE urinal...out in the open. Now THAT is progress...wait, OPPOSITE DAY!

13. Not all of the best decisions/choices are the easiest to make.

14. Not all good outcomes are the result of thrilling experiences. Sometimes you just gotta put your head down, muscle through, cry a bit and pretend it was easy...and/or fun.

15. I feel so blessed to have George in my life. I love him like crazy. He is the best person I know. He also knows how to cook and pack a car like a son of a bitch.

16. Hoda and Kathie Lee scare the fuck out of me.

17. When you are over 40, losing weight is fucked.

18. When you are over 40, sometimes you gotta look at yourself and say, "I look good the way I am."...not discounting any future weight loss...but, man, life IS TOO FUCKING SHORT!!!

19. Elizabeth Hasselbeck is just horrible...(see #7 again.)

20. In 2011 I spent over 2/3 of the year on the road/ traveling or working away from home. I met fabulous people, worked with amazing artists, wrote and performed a new show all over the world, did runs of some of my earlier shows all over Canada, had 3 articles featured in major publications...across the ocean, worked with a new producer who worked his fucking ass off and believed as much as I did, had a young man travel with me and play the piano...and when it was really required...lifted my heart and spirit with laughter and care, did a Reality TV show where people worked their asses off...never said "no" ..and they did it all for charity, executed some things I NEVER thought I was capable of, cried my ass off, met some challenges with a heavy heart, slid down a wall in disbelief when I saw myself on the cover of the Scotsman, never thought I would make it, made it, swam in the Aegean Sea, paid $400.00 for a fucking fish, watched the sun go down everyday for two weeks...with friends and my dearest love, got a pair of Bluntstones and Frye boots (like I had dreamed of for about 10 years), rode down the Thames with G, slow danced with about 25 strangers...from all over the world, was revisited by some of my demons, told said demons to fuck off, played a bird, had a tail, worked with a real...gods honest...amazingly talented clown (and that sound making dude from 'Police Academy"), had a team, watched her husband be strong, told the dogs they could NOT get up on the bed (and then let them up on the bed), AND thought about doing it all again. 2011 was amazing...it was fucking challenging and hard...it hurt my feeling sometimes...and other times it made my mouth fall open is disbelief....and it was tiring. But it was. And I thank the same god or whatever that shows me to the same painted-shut window over and over again...and I ask if it can just be open every once in a while...if it isn't too much trouble....no? Alright then.

Hope you all have a wonderful year.

Merry Christmas 2011

2011-12-25T10:30:00.000-05:00

There is something truly singular about this time of year. As we called friends on our Bluetooth last night on the way from Stratford to Hamilton, as the snow lightly came down, I was reminded of many things...how blessed we are to have so many wonderful people in our lives...how lucky we are to have our health...to have each other...and, most importantly, to have our lives...and with that the power to do whatever we wish with our time here...on this earth. To live, to forgive, to love and to not forget past hurts and pains but to learn from them and move forward...to recognize all that we have accomplished and to strive for more, to create more, to be quiet and peaceful...to do anything. Merry Christmas to all. Have a wonderful day and a wonderful life.
Love
Sharron xoxo

An Ode to the man I love...and, also spelt pizza.

2011-12-12T22:06:00.001-05:00

Dear All,

I was looking over my past few blogs...and they are all political like...what the fuck has happened to me?

They are also filled with ire...eire...eyer...you know what I mean.

WHO IS THIS GAL!?!?!

Where is the gal who likes a joke...a song...a Christmas animated special? Huh? Where?

I love that pic...the one above...from "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"...."Put one foot in front of the other and soon you'll be walking 'cross the floor.." and for the record I totally approve of the removal of the 'a' in 'across' to make the lyrics work...if anyone is asking.

Which they probably aren't but what the eff, it is my blog, rights?

I was feeling a little sleepy tonight...from the 87 shows in a row at 9:00am...I love the YPT but GURL it is early!

Anyhow, my dear hubby's agency party is tonight and as I was curled up on the bed in my robe and a full sweatshirt type suit underneath at 7:30pm, I am pretty sure that he knew he was on his own.

Which I am a bit sad about...because I love it when we go places together and all...yes, I do...suck it, eye rollers.

I miss him while he is gone.

Then I ate some spelt crusted cheese pizza and a bowl of pineapple.

Now that I am digesting I would like to present you with an ode...in honour of said awesome husband.

Ode to George

I wake up in the morning brimming with glee.

That my day will be spent with none other than he.

The husband of mine who makes my life grand.

Who makes me feel safe when he holds out his hand.

He is kind, kinder than many I know.

It isn't a contest, I just want to say so.

Sometimes I am blessed to stand up on the stage.

Watching him work as if he has no age.

His heart is wide open for all to see.

With an egg and a clover on his bended knee. (Possibly reaching there...but it works.)

If you know him at all, you are nodding along.

My sweet husband George, mine for a song.

Jesus Thinks I'm Funny Clip

2011-12-11T23:10:00.002-05:00

Sharron Matthews Superstar: Jesus Thinks I'm Funny from Scott Houston on Vimeo.

I love the Vid! It has taken forever for me to put this up...but this was Scotland, people...at least a taste!

Dear Christie Blatchford...yes, I know I said I would not read her again....

2011-12-10T17:13:00.003-05:00

Now, any of you who have followed what I write here and there...and thank you for that...might remember that I promised that I would never read Blatchford's column again after she told us that we were crappy for mourning the death of Jack Layton in whatever way we saw fit.

As a side bar, I love that she writes for the paper that endorsed that nincompoop, Rob Ford...stay classy, National Post.

But then I saw some posts on twitter and online about the article she wrote today about Toronto being a city of sissies.

What the fuck?

I tried very hard to not read it but when one friend of mine called her a cunt on twitter and then another highly respected artistic director mentioned on Facebook that she could go fuck herself...I thought it might be time to look at the article.

And I did.

I am not going to post a link here because that makes me feel dirty...suffice it to say that I just about fucking died when I read it.

I really though we were moving forward with the fight for gay rights, human rights...simple fucking rights...until Rob Ford got elected...and now after reading an article printed in a national newspaper that states the writer was "mortified and appalled" by having to watch young boys hug each other...I feel that we are in grave danger of falling very far back.

This article is trash and should be on the bottom of the kitty litter box ASAP.

And it propagates hate.

It tells people that it is not okay to different.

It tells people that being sensitive and loving is bullshit and is embarrassing. Not just men...people.

And, Blatchford goes on to say she loves gay men as any other woman does....and I counter, no, I don't think you do. If you did you wouldn't have written this article.

And isn't that like a racist saying "Some of my best friends are (fill in your own religion, race or whatever here)"

After reading this article and seeing that stupid Rick Perry video I find that bashing anyone who is LGBT has become one of the last acceptable bigotish things to do.

Again, as I said earlier this week, if y ou insert "Jew" or "black" or "Japanese" in any of these sentences it is not accepted and in some ways...or all ways...a hate crime...is it not?

Christie Blatchford....you fucking suck.

And I hope your gay friends never get the chance to act fey or lisp in front of you again.

And I love that she holds the Ford Brothers up as paragons of masculinity.

Jesus wept.

I love when a news organizations is that transparent.

NOW, I will never read you again.

UFC in the high schools. Rob and Doug Ford astound with their nincompoopishness...again.

2011-12-04T01:08:00.004-05:00

So, I try very hard to not get hepped up over the newest, latest hair brained idea that is coming out of the mayors office, although it is hard to hear about them because in a move usually reserved for the school grounds at recess, Rob Ford is pretending that the Toronto paper with the biggest circulation doesn't exist.

Sidebar: I spent sometime on Rob Ford's Facebook page in the last couple days, and wonder of horrifying wonders, there are some people who think he is doing a great job. Most of these people have resorted to name calling ("leftards"...can you even say that?) to put their points across and the others have yet to provide me with a link to the story/interview with the student who was bullied by Rob Ford (published by the National Post who, incidentally, endorsed Rob Ford for mayor on October 22nd, 2010...so if we are following the rules set out by the Ford mayorship...is this publication to be trusted?) and these people just talk about the article over and over...and Facebook-Highfive each other for making inane points.

Sidebar over.

Tonight after attending a super fun tree trimming party I came home and got on the old FB and saw an article about Rob and Doug (Bob and Doug....why am I only seeing this now?) asking a school board to consider instituting a UFC (the very bloody sport of ultimate fighting....very violent and very angry) based and branded program in their schools.

The brochure makes a point about saying that the UFC would like to promote their brand at a grassroots level.

Holy mother of Jesus god wept and passed out....and then called mother nature and she peed herself.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Yes, let us promote violence in schools...for marks and grading.

What an awesome, well thought out idea....let us get those kids all ramped up for violence...as we cut 400 jobs from the Toronto Police Force...they can handle that...oh, wait....

Why not put them in an orchestra, or a play....you have to work together in a group to do that...and instead of the outcome of the UFC thing ...which would be learning how to fight....you would have young people who know about music...history (which will repeat itself unless we learn from it...or some such thing)...the classics...knowing how to problem solve and work in a group dynamic....peacefully.

What a freaking concept.

But we know how those two guys feel about those airy fairy things....huh?

Do you feel like we are living in a freaky episode of the Twilight Zone when you read about these buffoonish ideas that would only be approved by Biff from Back to the Future?

What the fuck is going on here?

But those people...the ones on his Facebook page will vote him back in...lord in the sky...we gotta do something....now!

Here is the article...read it...and after you recover from passing out...repost.

Oh, and check out his Facebook page...and write things...that will get taken down everyday ( I wonder how much of our tax dollars go to the guy or gal who is making sure nothing negative stays posted about him on any and all of his social media...really...it is astounding)

http://www.thestar.com/iphone/news/article/1096707--doug-ford-suggests-schools-explore-ufc-linked-program

Prince plays "Rollercoaster of Love"

2011-11-27T09:52:00.000-05:00

Can u c the cabaret seats, people? Prince!!

Prince had cabaret seating...he DID....the tickets cost $1000.00 a piece...or more, I imagine...but the way he kept bringing people up from that section to dance on the stage...unattended even...it would have been totally fucking worth it.

TOTALLY!

And that mutherfucker did a rock, funk cabaret...he really did.

With mash ups, guest singers, guitar riffs...confetti cannons...I wish I could afford confetti cannons...I can't remember the last time I have been so entertained...

And when he launched into Purple Rain on the 2nd song...I almost peed AND passed out.

This is a bucket list item people...not just seeing Prince...but seeing him play his hits...ALL OF THEM, LIVE.

He said at the top of the show while the band was going and he was effing rocking his cheetah covered guitar..."When is the last time you heard a live singer? When is the last time you heard a live drummer? When is the last time you saw a live singer with 145 hits?"

Never modest...but why should he be??

He walked onstage and I started to cry.

Mess.

Back in 1995 (stay with me folks) while George was doing the Showboat tour (and I had dropped in for a three week stint in the show myself) in St. Paul, Minnesota, we were invited to Paisley Park by one of the dressers who was "The Artist's" ( as he was called then) wardrobe head...she said he was doing a private concert to work out some stuff for his tour and would love to have us...when she told me this...I totally freaked...we would have to get our shit together and make it there in a half hour after the show...when we get there I walked into the marble cover lobby of PP and meet up with a dude with the biggest afro I have ever seen...with a black hair pick sticking out of it...he was a player in the New Power Generation...and he said it was over....we had missed the show.

God, I was heartbroken.

I went back to Toronto a week later...and two weeks later George called me from St. Paul to say they had been invited back to Paisley Park...and made it...yes, Saidah Baba Talibah....you made it that time too...but I didn't.

George told me he played his material from the Gold Tour for no more than 250 people.

George is not the hugest Prince fan...but went for me.

Sigh.

So, when my childhood pal, Susan Curran, invited G and I to an Exec Box at the ACC I jumped!!!

I was so tired yesterday...but, again, when I got there and saw the symbol stage...well, you can guess my feelings.

He gave an amazing show...he played everything, people...and he performed like a mutherfucker...and he covered a BUNCH of awesome tunes...and he played for 2 and a half hours...not the the three hours of the night before...but I didn't care...

He played (from what George and I can recall):

Gold

Purple Rain

Cream

Razzberry Beret

Kiss

When Doves Cry

1999

I Would Die 4 U

Let's Go Crazy

Little Red Corvette

Nothing Compares 2 U ( KILLER!!!)

Alphabet Street (!!!!)

Darling Nicki

Take Me With You

Controversy

Sign of the Times

Delirious (again, !!!!!)

And from his mash ups and covers:

Crimson and Clover

Play That Funky Music

Everyday People

Don't Stop Till You Get Enough

And so many more we can't remember....because we were dancing...

He played that effing guitar...lord...he can play...and when he played the riff from "Rollercoaster of Love" I just about plotzed.

He also took a break and his three back up ladies, who were dressed in flowing robes, sang the FUCK out of "Angel" by Sarah McLaughlin....

It was amazing...just the best...and he we are...what a time we had.

Thanks SUE!!!

Dry heave Massage and Getting Recognized.

2011-11-18T18:40:00.001-05:00

So, today, for the first time I was recognized by someone I have never met for Canada Sings.

I am not going to lie to you...I am going to be truthy...or whatever the fuck people call it...it is nice to be noticed.

It just is...anyone who says it isn't ...is "Jennifer Aniston Famous" and sick of it...so sick of it that they have to fly to their private island for some seclusion.

There you have it.

Truthiness is scary.

Today, I was looking forward to a spa day...I have never really had one...but I am feeling a bit run down...so it is time.

I went for a fabu massage...that left me feeling...nauseous after...I really think it was great...but I dry heaved in the parking lot..had to cancel the following mani/pedi and brow/ moustache waxing....and then when George picked me up I cried because I can't even seem to relax correctly right now...there is a correct way to do this...and as a Virgo I feel that is is my job to find this perfect way.

So, in my dog walking coat covered in fur, my track pants covered in messy paw prints, my fave black hat that has seen better days and my rain boots...George took me to my fave breakie place in my new country home town. (I am not writing where it is just in case I suddenly become so famous that I get stalked...of course I think it is at the top of my Facebook page....hum.)

I ate steak and eggs.

I have never done this before....but I was feeling less sickie and decided I needed a meal of substance...like a lumberjack it seems...

I ate too much...homefries and all, people.

Then I told George I had to go lie down in the car...because I felt sickie again...suprise....and as I near the door a man who looked like he (and I think he would agree with me on this) would rather watch sports than a reality show about singing and dancing stopped me with a great excitement in his eyes...remember that I am filled with a precarious amount of steak and eggs....and he asked me if I was the girl....yes, girl...loves....from Canada Sings.

I was so gobsmacked I almost said no....why? I have no idea.

He then told me how much he loved the show...he saw every episode....and he takes his three daughters to dance class every week. Loves this as well.

Then he asked me if I was passing through town...when I said that I lived in this country town he seemed surprised.

Then a lady passed me a magazine...I have no idea where she came from...but she told me this was her magazine and she would love to interview me.

I was happy...with the steak churning in my gut...so I made my way out...and sat in the car.

George came a few minutes later and said that after I left the gentleman mentioned that they didn't get a lot of celebrities (um...who? me? what? I love it. I do. Truthy) in this town.

If you can guess this town I live in this will make you laugh.

And I did not puke on these people...thank god.

Some of the fine facial work I did on the show....

Opening Day of Seussical....Yes, Day.

2011-11-10T11:11:00.001-05:00

It has been a while, I know.

Since I arrived back from fancy Europe I have been lax.

First I went to ground...I'm sorry, I meant to the country.

Our version, mine and George's, of the country...where a Shoppers Drug Mart is a short 5 minute walk away and yet we still drive the car because there is so much parking.

Today is the opening day of Seussical at the fabu YPT.

I am excited.

We have the student opening this afternoon and the public opening tonight.

Two openings.

Huh.

Really....two.

I am excited and nervous...as usual.

This process has been joyful and busy.

I did a number of shows while we rehearsed, so I had to take a couple days off...but I was sad to leave when I did.

Happy that the shows in Burnaby went well!!! Love it there...but sad to leave rehearsal.

You see...the life of a solo performer is a bit lonely.

I love my Cooch...but there is only so much one can take of a person they aren't married to....while in fancy Europe...and I mean this on HIS end...Cooch was, and is, unfailing helpful to me...but I am a lot to handle, people.

So, you end up spending a great deal of time on your own...especially because I was sick and all this summer.

Working with a bunch of people...well, that is just the limit.

So many people to chat with, to create with (eff you, judgers.), to be in the same boat with.

And this cast is just amazing....led by the fantastic Allen MacInnis...I would do anything for Allen, don't tell him for eff sakes...but I would.

We all love this show and had an amazing journey to the day that is today...I think I can speak for all...I mean, putting together a show is never easy...especially a musical that is sung through...and doing it in two and a half weeks....really.

Again, I am excited about today...excited about opening...about the run...and getting to spend a couple precious holiday months with my dear George.

What could be better?

Here are a couple pics of us!

The group shot ended up a bit dark...but you get the picture...THE PICTURE!!!

Hilarious.

Come on out and see our little show...it is selling like hotcakes.

xoxo

Dear Rob Ford...I send you a musical message....Love Sharron

2011-10-31T10:12:00.001-05:00

A year of touring and now I am home...ish.

2011-10-23T21:40:00.009-05:00

This is a picture of Cooch and I.
It is from two days ago.
We were in Pearson Airport waiting for our flight to Vancouver.
I bought this hat at a kiosk 10 minutes before...and, obviously, I couldn't be happier
I am a consuming mess at the airport.
I am now back.
Just over 48 hours later.
I did two shows (two sets of 45 each show) and a workshop.
And still managed to meet my pal, Bickerton.
Life is funny.
And busy.
I just unpacked my mid sized suitcase and put it away....with the other two pieces (I still think of the set as my "World Domination Travel Trunks"...a very fancy description of the red luggage I got at Winners last year)...I put it in the closet of...my sublet in Toronto.
Yup, back in Toronto...again.
If you recall...I moved to Stratford last year...huh.
Well, I wanted to travel, right? And what a year of travel it has been people....I have gotten around, people.
Really.
I started the year with my trip to London to meet with my UK producer, Rob Harris to find a venue and come up with a plan for Edinburgh and my London debut.
And have a look around Old Blighty.
That is what they call it.
If someone can explain to me why, I would greatly appreciate it.
It was my first trip to London...and it was awesome.
I worked all day with Rob, we toured all the venues in London, met a real asshole of a publicist...he knows who he is...and at night I would skype with Christian Vincent, my partner on Canada Sings...it would be just afternoon in LA and late evening in London...and we would plan our tunes and numbers...I felt very fancy.
And a bit tired.
I won't lie to you.
This is me in a self portrait...I am in front of the Globe Theatre on the South Bank...if you couldn't tell where I was by the big fricken picture of Shakespeare.
P.S. Went on the tour of the Globe...it £12 and a woman coughed like she had TB throughout...it was lame and short and the actor who led it looked like he wished we were dead.

THEN I started Canada Sings...out came the luggage...I stayed in Cambridge for a week when we worked with the hot chicks from Lone Wolf Real Estate....and we lived across the street from the Roots Outlet Store.The hotel has a questionable pool with a painting that a 15 year old did of a palm tree scene at one end...so every lap I swam I had to look at that fricken painting.
Next, we stayed in my hometown, Hamilton, when we worked with the awesome men of the Hamilton Police Male Chorus...at the Sheraton (which my Mom thought was super swanky...her words)...and the bed was so effing comfortable that I would eat, work, sleep, talk on the phone, look into space...whatever...it was like being hugged by a fabulous marshmallow.
Yes, Marshmallow.
The last week of team training, we flew to Vancouver to work with 1-800-Got-Junk.
I was so excited, because it was February in Ontario and I knew Vancouver would be so awesome at this time of year...so, I just brought a fleecy. Well, didn't we arrive and it had fucking snowed. In effing Vancouver. We stayed in a hotel I can't remember the name of and I remember being jet lagged as hell...but the bed, again, super awesome.
By the time Canada Sings wrapped I had already stayed away from home for 6 weeks...and it was March.
May I also add her...which has nothing to do with travel...but one night after a taping Christian and I walked out of the John Basset Theatre, in the convention centre, really late...and as we walked out there was a really attractive well dressed young lady leaning against a wall and peeing.
Attractive.
I couldn't quite believe it.
While Christian went three shades of red ( and he lives in LA, people) she looked at me and slurred out that she really had to go. Clearly. Fancy. Also, during this time, Cooch and I did a crazy drive (that lasted from 5:00pm to 12:00am) from Pearson Airport (where I arrived just back from Vancouver) to Deep River, Ontario...in a rented Jetta. We had no cell phone coverage for most of the drive (disturbing Cooch to the bone...ah, the young), never saw an open gas station, and Cooch saw a shack on a lake and asked me what it was, when I told him it was an ice fishing shack, he said, "Is that a thing?" It bears (again, bares? bears?) mentioning here that the show went well, but it started to snow during...and the drive we took THE NEXT DAY was in biblical weather...for 9 hours...hail, snow, ice, fog, rain....biblical. Where next?...if you have hung in this long and are still reading...god bless you...I got Cooch on a plane, much to his horror...and we flew to Regina, enroute to Moose Jaw people...to do a show at the beautiful Capitol Theatre.

It is a frontier town people. After the show Cooch and I luxuriated...yup...in the Temple Mineral Springs. FYI the hotel lobby has a bust of Billy Holliday in it...not sure why, but who am I to question a love of Billie?

On the flight home we had three hours of turbulence, people were screaming and I took a gravol and put on classical music and did my best not to throw up.
Cooch hadn't flown very much.
He was worried about our next jaunt...needless to say.

I have to tell you...I forgot about a whole trip here.
I went to New York for a week to write.
I am so fucking fancy.
I stayed on Lennox Avenue with Thom Allison...got a sinus infection and it was one million degrees outside...I never went outside anymore than I had to...I was pretty "traveled out" right at that time...I gotta tell you.
The best part of that trip?
Seeing Thom, working with my friend Karen and the flight on Porter.
Delish. Worst part? The sinus infection, the heat and losing my fucking fucking fucking Blackberry in a gypsy cab.
One month later I gave Cooch and ativan and we flew to London, en route to Edinburgh.
I bribed the flight attendant to give Cooch a seat with better leg room and I slept the whole flight.
We took the train to Edinburgh...and by we...I mean me.
Somehow, Cooch ended up on the bus...for 10 hours...beside a woman with a big....ass.
Hard times.
But, you guys all know about Edinburgh if you have followed along.
The bed in the accomidation NOT like the Sheraton...let us say.
And the food was mostly beige/brown.
I was sick as a dog.
But we still rocked that shit!!

And we went on the awesome bus tour...
thanks to VisitScotland...

And then it was back to London....
my debut went awesome...but I was still sick as a dog and there was a part of me that really wanted to go home. I was so tired .

But, as you see, I had not been to any of these places with my dear George. So it was time for a trip to Greece...on Easy Jet...the airline with GENERAL SEATING!!!
Now, let us say that I am very competitive at the very best of times.
But to get the best seat on a flight I will knock over an old lady.
It is sad, but true.
Now, you guys, this was the trip of my dreams.
I always wanted to go to Greece.
Our pals Joe and Louise met me at the airport in San Torini and I fell on the floor with happiness.
And then I went to the same airport the next day and met George.
My sweet George.
I balled like a child.
Here is us.
We loved it.
We laughed, drank, ate and swam.
We napped and talked.
We drank more...ate more.
Got hosed by an effing asshole of a restaurant.
Don't go to Angelos in San Torini!
No matter how great the view is..

And here is the view...
DON'T GO!!!

And, after a wonderful trip, we flew back to London...for one day...and then home.
To Stratford.
For three weeks.
It was glorious.
Really.
And then it was time to leave again.

WE are back in TO (which is also awesome) and after my latest jaunt to Vancouver, I am putting away my luggage for the rest of the year.
Thanks to Cooch for being such a smashing travel companion.

I grew up wanting to see the world.
It is one of the reasons I wanted to do my own shows.
And I feel very lucky that I spent 15 weeks traveling...15 weeks.
It has always been my dream.
I am sure I will travel a lot next year as well, universe willing....but I feel very happy to be in one place for the next while.
With George.
It is never the same without him.
I hope you are all well out there in internet land.
Thanks for following my travels!
I do get up to some crazy shit, huh?

Rob Ford's Mayorless Arts Awards. And footbal.

2011-10-23T21:37:00.002-05:00

So, Rob Ford LIED and said he had urgent business and went to a football game instead to the Mayor's Arts Awards. After his snubbing of the ENTIRE gay community during Pride I believe that this is a man, a cabinet even, who believes that he/they is/are above having to show respect for all the people who live and PAY HIS Salary in Toronto. He believes that he can just hand off lies to us, that we are stupid enough to believe him, and that he...won't be accountable...he thinks we don't matter...and we tell ourselves that it is better that he doesn't show...I know I have...let us show him differently...let us write him, the office, our councilors, the newspapers, blog, whatever so that he has to come, sit and be uncomfortable at all of our functions...let him learn about us...the hard way.

And then I thought of Jack Layton

2011-10-06T12:23:00.001-05:00

Voting is not hard for me.

I have always voted NDP...It is just a fact.

(Let me just state...as I always do...I know next to nothing about politics...there, I said it...it isn't that I am a total idiot or anything...but I felt that it had to be said.)

But, today, as George drove to the polling station (inside the same building as the Tom Patterson Theatre) I was in a bit of turmoil.

I didn't know how to vote.

I don't want the PC to get in power...at all...not even with a minority...and the dude who has been running things here in Stratford for a while is a Liberal...which actually surprised me a bit...because Stratford and it's environs COULD NOT BE MORE CONSERVATIVE. Lord.

So, do I vote for the guy who can maybe get back in and who IS NOT PC...or do I vote my heart.

So, I got my little card...and sat behind the screen for so long that the lady (named Eunice...love) who is running my table at the polling station kept looking back at me.

And then I thought of Jack Layton...

I could not possibly vote against the NDP the year he made so much headway...the year he died...I just couldn't.

As George and I walked to the car...I told him all of this...and he said...well, they can't ever win if we don't vote for them....simple.

Love George.

Love the NDP.

Fall: An ode...

2011-10-01T08:44:00.000-05:00

Dear Fall,

It isn't that I don't like you...

Though, I know I have said this in the past...publicly.

But the sweet and honest truth of it is?

I do like you...I like your trees that change their clothes in the dark...in secret...like a college dorm roommate who has gained the "freshman 15" after eating all that rice pudding in the caf...and doesn't want you to see that their thong doesn't fit anymore.

I like the winds that blow warm and chilly...like a speech from a passive aggressive friend, who you don't realize has insulted you till 20 minutes after a convo is over.

I like your leaves that fall from trees and then fly around...in the passive aggressive wind...like a drunken friend that passes out and then gets up and flails around...and you try to catch them before they fall down and crack their heads open.

I like your sunny skies...that change in a heartbeat to grey, grey skies...that then open up and rain on you...and then hail on you...and then thunder on you...not necessarily in that order...making it cozy to sit inside and just watch the entire season 4 of True Blood with not too much guilt...not TOO much, I said...you judgers.

BUT what I do hate...is in Canada...when you are driving from your home for about an hour...from where you almost didn't take your jacket and scarf...and you are in a new and lovely town...and you open your car door....and it is FUCKING FREEZING OUTSIDE... and IT IS WINTER AND WILL NOW NOT BE OVER TILL APRIL....WHICH IS 8 MONTHS AWAY!

I fucking hate THAT.

So, fall...thanks for dropping by...and having a skanky quickie with winter...who them after the sex WOULD NOT leave your place...it is your own fault.

Love

Sharron

P.S. I have included this photo Shawn Wright from the Urban Barn just in case you are as mad at Fall as I am...and need a laugh.

Rudy Guiliani, Rob Ford, The Zoo and Three Theatres.

2011-09-27T22:24:00.000-05:00

“Ford won several victories. Council voted to seek buyers for the Toronto Zoo and the city’s three government-owned theatres, to eliminate the Christmas Bureau that helps charities distribute gifts to needy children, to stop giving out four free garbage tags to homeowners, and, by a 44-1 vote, to end police paid-duty at construction sites.”

-Toronto Star

I am watching the documentary “In Memoriam New York City 9/11/01” on my PVR.

I have been waiting for some time when my husband George is not here to watch it.

He can’t do it.

I want to see it.

And I can’t tell you exactly why.

It is disturbing, heart breaking and shocking...with the most graphic photos and film footage I have ever seen on the day. At one point I had to pause it and go do something else for a while...I had forgotten...well, you never really forget a day like that.

Our mind takes things like that and softens them over time.

But I felt that I needed to watch it.

Let me take a moment to say I was not in NY when this happened and do not presume to have had a similar experience to anyone who was there.

I experienced that day as a member of the world.

Rudolf Guiliani, then the mayor of New York City, is a key figure in this documentary...and his entire team is included...all tell their story.

I am struck by Mr. Guiliani, as a narrator, interviewee, human and mayor.

He is a true leader...with heart, bravery and strength.

Okay, before everyone starts freaking out...I am NOT comparing the council meeting, any of the budget cuts or Toronto’s present situation to 9/11.

It was just timely to see such a wonderful, inspiring example of leadership.

As opposed to the person who is now mayor of Toronto.

Rob Ford seems to revel in getting his way and he does not care a WHIT that is at the expense of the welfare and happiness of others.

He seems to be the kid in the high-school hallway who can’t wait to trip the kid in glasses...and then not be punished.

He doesn’t know what it is like to be a homeless person in downtown Toronto (nor do I), he doesn’t know what it is to want to drive your bike to work...because you live downtown , he doesn’t care about the arty farty types...basically...and you can correct me if I am wrong...he doesn’t seem to give a flying fuck about anyone who doesn’t live life the way he does.

How gross is that?

That is the part that pisses me off the most.

If he even seem to care A LITTLE about the wants and needs of ALL Torontonians... (P.S. I always thought the MegaCity or the GTA was a crap idea...I am not politically inclined enough to guess that this would have been the specific outcome...but all of our needs are too different...Etobicoke and downtown Toronto are NOT the same.)...I would maybe not hate him so much.

Maybe.

I ALSO love that selling three theatres have been lumped in with getting four free garbage tags.

And the Zoo...the effing Zoo.

I don’t know what the exact ramifications of tonight’s vote are on the Zoo...what I do know is that they are looking for buyers....that can’t be good for the Zoo.

I am happy to be proved wrong.

On Canada Sings, I did not have the pleasure of working with the team from the Toronto Zoo, but I did have the pleasure of meeting them and seeing their dedication to their place of work. These are people who care deeply about the animals.

Watch these fabulous people here...

http://www.globaltv.com/canadasings/video/week+1/the+junk+notes+vs+the+zooperstars/video.html?v=2080549754&p=1&s=dd#canadasings/video/week+1

Lord, the theatres...they are going to sell the St. Lawrence Centre, home of Canadian Stage and the Harold Green Jewish Theatre...the Sony Centre, the theatre that was one of the first to house touring companies from all over the world of Opera, Musical Theatre, Ballet and other performing artists of all kinds...oh and the Sony Centre has just undergone a HUGE EXPENSIVE RENOVATION...and the Toronto Centre, that hosted the original company of Harold Prince’s Showboat, the fabulous run of Jersey Boys and the studio that has become a hub for independent theatre...I can only guess what might happen to all three of these fabulous theatres.

Remember the Diesel Theatre?

What a fabulous space...condos...it is now condos.

Who the eff is gonna buy these spaces?

Theatre lovers?

Probably not.

I am also quite sure that if football was being played in any of these spaces, they would have been very safe, wouldn’t they, Mr. Ford.

(Egghhh....it was even hard to put "Mr." in front of his name.)

I know you don’t give a shit about theatre....but....

I was chatting with a young friend of mine today who is teaching Shakespeare workshops in high-schools.

I remembered when I first saw a traveling theatre company who came to my high-school...I loved it.

I was a young girl with no direction and in a single parent household...and that show, and those actors changed my life.

I wasn’t good at sports, math...well, good god...I was not very good at a lot of things...but I was good at theatre and being creative...and I feel that it changed my life for the better.

On a basic level, it helped me be social, learn to express myself, be independent, speak up for myself and on a bigger level it helped me dream big dreams...make grand plans...and it was a great deal better anything else I was being offered at the time by my guidance councilor.

Theatre has also taught me strength, taught me to open my mind and think outside of the box, it has taught me kindness, and it has taught me about human nature.

I saw Dreamgirls, La Cage Aux Folles, Song and Dance, numerous ballets and Bonnie Raitt at the Sony Centre.

I had the pleasure of being in the original revival company of Harold Prince’s Showboat at the Toronto Centre and did a number of cabarets in the studio theatre.

When I was 27 I had the honour of being in The House of Martin Guerre in the Bluma Appel Theatre and I have worked in the Jane Mallet a number of times...in the St. Lawrence Centre.

Theatre matters.

Theatre matters, Ford.

Theatre matters, Harper.

Theatre matters you two effing BBQ buddies.

(Didn’t that video make you sick? “What video?” you ask....well...this effing video....)

http://ca.news.yahoo.com/blogs/canada-politics/harper-conservatives-try-quash-rob-ford-barbeque-video-172632797.html

And we won’t go softly...as that Shakespearean dude says...we will fight.

You effers.

Can you imagine if we had a leader in Toronto (or effing Ottawa) who inspired us...what great things we could accomplish?

The Canada we could grow?

And as a sidebar....because I am still in the mind set of this documentary...Do you believe that if we had a calamity of some kind in this city that Ford would be the kind of leader who would make us feel safe...and think of everyone?

All Torontonians?

It may seem like an overly dramatic question...but it really levels the playing field doesn’t it?

I am going to go and write all the city councilors now...as Eric Woolfe suggests...

Because I can’t support an arsehole who won’t give Christmas gifts to needy children....Jesus wept.

Last night in London at Leicester Square Theatre 2011

2011-09-17T15:38:00.001-05:00

Thank you to Mike Bickerton for making this on hie fricken IPHONE...what a fabu night this was...the warm up and then the show...just magic...and to have something to remember it by...even better!

Rest in Peace, Bradley Garrick

2011-09-11T23:09:00.001-05:00

When I was 16 years old, I had the amazing fortune to find myself in a summer company for young actors...I was paid $169.00 a week (I remember the first cheque) and I began to hang around with a group of actors/kids from the OTHER end of Hamilton (West End....fancy) and we performed at Hamilton Place together.

I loved this group of people.

For someone who hung around with the same people since kindergarten, it was pretty exciting to meet all these new, like minded people.

While "hanging" with this group of people I met Bradley Garrick.

He was 14, at the time.

He was gregarious, always fun and handsome....

He and I liked to drink Peach Schnapps.

A lot of Peach Schnapps.

I remember him with a fake, yak hair moustache...hair parted down the middle...as a dancing waiter in Hello Dolly...as one of the sailors in South Pacific....we were so young.

In the intervening years things have happened, life is life...and as a result, I have not seen him in a very long time...the last was at a panto at the Wintergarden, I think....

But when I heard he was sick, George and I were struck.

And now, so far from home, hearing of this passing tonight (in the wee hours, here in Greece) we are saddened.

Not being a part of his immediate life, it feels strange to be writing my feelings for the world to see...but who cares...I will miss him...I am sad that he is not in this world...and I feel great sadness for Phillip...I wish you peace.

Bradley...this earth was a more interesting place with you in it.

It is smaller without you.

We all, whose life you have touched in small and large ways, mourn your passing.

Love.

Last Day in London, Jesus, Canada Sings....and Chris says this is his fave picture of me.

2011-09-04T06:32:00.000-05:00

Last Day in London....and Chris says this is his fave picture of me.

THIS IS YOUR FAVE PIC OF ME, Cooch?

THIS?!?!?!

Not maybe, this?

Look at me leaning on that fucking car like it is my fucking job.

That first picture screams "This chick played Madame Thenardier in Les Mis...and clearly is trying to recapture her youth...and looks like she ate something quite disagreeable."..."Oh...and she doesn't care."

Okay...alright.

I guess I should just be happy that someone has a favourite anything about me...and move on....

Um...but as a side bar....what about this one, Cooch?

First Preview of "Jesus Thinks I'm Funny" at Buddies in Bad Times Photo by: @[584940190:2048:Michele-Marie Beer] Sharron Styled by Fashion Crimes

Anyhow, I am sitting in my darkened bedroom at my pal Tober's place in Lambeth...Tober has been the best friend and host...I so appreciate his care...and he has cared for me...thank you...I am now LAYING here...on my bed and I don't want to open the windows...the blinds...the door...because then I will have to accept that the time has come...my last show in the UK of Jesus.

There was such a great deal of planning that went into this...the trip I took here, to London, earlier this year...staying with Rob, my producer...picking a theatre during the day...and at night spending 3 hours on skype with Christian Vincent (who I had never met in person) planning numbers, picking songs and getting ready for the first week of Canada Sings.

It seems so effing long ago.

And at 7:00pm tonight I will do my show at Leicester Square Theatre...with many friends in the audience...thankfully...what a blessing...and Team Jesus...who I hold so close to my heart...yes...look out...I am feeling all melancholy...it will be a fun night, I believe...I am very excited, above all other feelings.

Which is a tiny bit of a surprise to me.

Because I was so sick the whole time I was here...this is where I spent the entire month of August (when not performing)....

Sleeping, coughing, fevering, freezing, checking my voice, finding out about the great reviews,drinking tea, taking drugs, watching season 3 of True Blood, missing George, looking at my cover of the Scotsman over and over and over, resting, resting, resting and laughing laughing laughing on occasion....that was something else...but BECAUSE I was so sick I thought I would just be grateful that the end would be near...but I am sad...and excited...and thankful...and, yes, melancholy...and fulfilled.

I had the amazing experience of running and refining my show for over a month...what a gift...I changed it...shaped it and was in it...enjoying it...even when sick.

THAT was just the best.

It feels like a tight show.

Bliss.

Thanks to the universe.

And all the people who have supported me.

Again, I must write that all artists in Canada should get the chance to come to the Edinburgh Festival...or at least have the chance of seeking funding from our government and bringing their work over.

It changes the face of your work...and your perspective...and you meet amazing artists...and work with amazing new people.

And spreads the word about our country ...I have told a least 100 international artists about our Fringe festivals...I hope they all come and see our beautiful country.

Soap box away.

I am gonna strap on my feathers in a couple hours...and off we go LAST SHOW!

And next week, while I am on vacation in...Greece...it feels so fancy to write it...the last episode of Canada Sings will air...with the fabu group, RUN DRC from the Distillery district in Toronto...it is a wonderful episode and I hope all watch it...I will get it a couple days after...but will be there in spirit on the day of airing.

I can't believe that will be the end of Season One...we shall see if there is a Season Two...but what a great, life changing experience that was.

Really.

I loved that job almost MORE than any other...it was so wonderful to meet and work with all these people...from all walks of life..who just wanted to to perform...not for money...or fame...but for charity.

To get those musical numbers together...to arrange them myself...to pass them onto the fabulous Orin Issacs to orchestrate...and he would listen to my koo koo recordings and try to figure out what the eff I was doing...and he would transcribe it note for note...amazing...

To collaborate with Christian...what a gift..what a hard working, talented creator...what a dear friend.

And the crew on Canada Sings...love...what an amazing job they do...the hardest job of all...to do their upmost to make sure you will never guess that they exist. To be silent and invisible. They are amazing...Team Riley and Team Bickerton...though we...the fancy artistic teams...pretend it is about us and whether we win or not...we really know it is about them...and whether THEY win or not...cameras, audio, craft, talent and music coordination, editors, producers, directors, casting, wardrobe....working their asses off ...taking me into the green screen room at the end of the day..."So Sharron, it is day 4...how do you feel? Is it coming together?"

Um...not always.

I loved all my groups and got to know some of the people from the others...and we were all on the same side, really.

We just wanted to do good work...and to win...WIN WIN WIN...lord, I am competitive.

Thanks to Insight and all for having me...it was amazing.

Again, I hope you tune in next week and spread the word one more time!!!

Here are a couple of my fave shots at Canada Sings for you to check out now that you might have watched the shows and know these people a bit!!!

those outfits!

Gigi...make up and Adreano...hair

Rachel...audio

Bicks...Producer

Chris...DOP

Christian and Me! Thanks Christian.

Boilerhouse week with Team Riley

So, after tonight...I am off...off to the land where I am going to TRY not to turn on my computer except to check emails....can you fucking believe it?

I know that you don't but I am really gonna try. I feel the world needs a break from my whoring social media self....just for a while...I am not losing my mind or anything...I will be back.

Two nights ago, when Cooch and I got into the cab to go to the theatre for the debut, we rode along the Thames...and we looked up at Big Ben as we went by...and I felt fancy...and lucky...and thankful.

What a fucking year....so far....it is only September....lord...the possibilities....love to you all....

Wait!! What about this one, Cooch!

(Thanks to Cooch....my constant companion...here he is in his new hat....I like this pic of YOU best....)

But I am most excited...about seeing.....

I am never leaving home without him...again...the tall one...the other ones we can figure out, though I miss them so much as well...but the tall one....lord.

Dear Scarborough Hospital Team "PULSE"!

2011-09-01T06:27:00.001-05:00

Dear Pulse, You were and are pure class. And your execution of that number last night would have made the Shirelles or the Four Tops give you props. Thank you so much for working so hard and for being so joyful and positive through the entire experience...and for showing us all what it is like to approach something so selflessly as a true ensemble. Thanks to my "yeah yeah' and "whoa whoa" girls (Elaine, Tabitha, Patty and Nancy) duet queen Elecia, , my strong as a bull Edguardo, the slick and smooth Mike who started it off in style, Steph the rap goddess and SWEET SWEET ANNIE YOU MOTOWN GODDESS...all of you...I will never forget one of you.

And I will NEVER get over the fact that Elaine is a freaking grandmother, she looked so hot in that outfit....you all did!! (Thanks to Lisa Williams who did ALL the wardrobe...KILLER)

Elaine's grandaughter asked to be my friend on Facebook...and I passed out.

Working with you was a absolute pleasure.

Though your show was shown last night, the country won't know that you were mine and Christian's first team.

I was excited and nervous to be starting a new show...and you guys could not have been more awesome...you really taught us what the show was all about.

I remember CV and I chatting the first day and him saying how he just wanted you guys to look your absolute best...classy and smooth....and you did, my people you did.

And you sounded like bleeping Motown stars.

So, basically, you kicked the crap out of that!

Thanks to Christian, for his awesomeness and vision...great job friend, as always.

And thanks to the awesome Kelly and Scott and the Keg Spirits for the great competition!

I love this show!

I love my job.

Great work done by all!

AND don't get me WRONG... I LOVE ALL MY TEAMS!!!

My Hammer Cops...23 of the coolest...more hardworking men you will ever meet ...you ARE ALSO my heart...who sang Britney Spears...how can I NOT love you?

My GOT Junker...one of the most physically challenging routines pulled off with style and talent and fun fun fun...you rocked my world.

WOLF PACK...AWWOOOW...our naughtiest routine...so much hair...so much sass...and you kicked the butt out of your outfits and the number...nasty!!! LOVE.

And the Energetics...very ambitious DISCO routine that you rose to the challenge of...with flair....booty shaking...joy and ...guess what? HEART!

I enjoyed the experience of working with everyone of you...lord...I am getting all awards show speech-ie.

Just letting you know how much I loved you all...and the work you did.

One more week.

Can't believe it!

WAY TO GO PULSE!!!

You ARE my heart...you all are....I got room for all..

Dreams come true...in many different ways

2011-08-28T18:49:00.001-05:00

I am sitting at the table in my university flat that I share with the awesome group that is Team Jesus...and I am filled with melancholy.

This has been a challenging ride, my friends.

One of the hardest yet.

One of the most rewarding.

Here is (in the true spirit of my media whoring ways) what the reviewers have said...(and I really get used to whoring myself even more than usual over here...it is a epidemic.....people will tell you how many stars they got from the Scotsman before you learn their names...as a self producer, I appreciate and admire this)

The Scotsman named Jesus Thinks I'm Funny "Best of the Fest" along with 15 other performances and said "She owns the stage and anyone who dares look her way" and gave me 4 Stars (they love the stars here...FYI-this was my most prized possession from this visit here....people will fucking do many untoward AND NASTY things to get a Scotsman reviewer in. )

The Skinny (love that they are called The Skinny) called the show "A brilliant piece of comedy cabaret" and gave 5 stars.

Hairline claimed the show is "a ballsy, chaotic, foul mouthed version of Glee.", which, oddly enough, was what Three Weeks said last year...love it....and gave 4 Stars...

(Sidebar...I asked the audience who wrote Beth (by Kiss) and a youngster yelled out "Glee" and I had a child, passed out and changed into a panther....I watched Season 3 of True Blood while I've been here...that would explain the panther reference)

This year Three Weeks said "Not only is Sharron Matthews a superstar, she is a force of nature." NATURE PEOPLE!!! And they gave me 4 Stars.

And One4Review handed me a plump 5 Stars...first review of the fest..."This is pure entertainment at it's best. Fabulous!" (Yes, there was an exclamation after 'fabulous'...I didn't add it.)

I did about one million personal appearances and two Best of the Fest shows...and feel promo/publicity sated.

It was amazing and fabulous to perform with the people that I did these Fest shows with...amazing.

All these things I did through a haze of antibiotics and lozenges...suffering from a throat infection ...BUT knowing I would be well soon...believing it! My last week I would be FREE AND FUCKING CLEAR !!!

And then... to top off the whole experience off...today, my last show at the Edfringe 2011... I am sick as a dog.

Again.

I have ANOTHER throat infection.

After a full run of anti-freakin-biotics for the first one.

What the fuck.

I was well for about 3 days in the middle.

Then during my second show this week...I felt the tickle in my throat....my heart sank.

I have been soldiering along...I had to cancel a couple shows...which was really hard to do...but that is life, yes?

I went to the Royal Infirmary for a second time and the doctor said (after recognizing me from a promotional appearance I did earlier...fancy and odd) how lucky I was to get two throat infections...huh...I mentioned that I didn't think luck is the word I'd use....unless you put SUPER CRAPPY in front of it.

So, I have been sick for two weeks of my four...which has been a bit spiritually draining...as lordy as that sounds...but I think you get it.

I rest all day and don't talk ...and then warm up for a couple hours on and off...and then do the show...then come home and go to bed.

As I said...it has been a challenge.

But things have been going so well in SO MANY ways...I just haven't had a chance to see any other work, to participate in an symposiums...I know I know...I am very blessed to be here...it is just disappointing on that front.

When I have been able to do the shows I have had packed to sold out houses...the word of mouth and the promo has been killer...so when I had to cancel... it was just....arg.

No one said it would be easy, yes?

I got myself here...and the situation is what it is...and I made the very best of it...I remind myself constantly that life isn't always perfect situations...it is what you do with what you have been given...but still...challenging.

(Pause here for reflection ....and to do the LAST show...and to go on an adventure...and to be in my room in Edinburgh...with everything packed up and ready to go...and I realize that I have not finished this blog...do I finish it or bury it? Do I just not mention the part of the journey that was really fucking hard this year?)

So, last night, we had a sold out house plus 10 people that we shoved in the back...and, of course, because it is the last show and I got two seconds of voice...there is a really verbal, loud, asshole of a heckler...who I dispatch as quickly as possible...but then about 10 minutes later he reemerges and he says something so awful and unkind...I realize for the first time that I might have to eject his ass...and tell him so...and the audience claps...but I decide to give him some rules if he wants to stay...I see a couple people looking nervous...and I mention to them that this guy...and I point my finger into his face...is nothing...I have worked in bars all my life ...this is nothing...and then the guy becomes quiet...he agrees to the rules...and the show continues...huh...but I have my eye on that motherfucker.

With all the challenges...It is a great show....a really fine night...I am a bit hoarse but I do the very best I can...and I manage to enjoy myself...believe it or not...and at the end this guy...the fucking heckler says "You're a Superstar"...and I stop all sound and say "What the fuck did you just say?"....he says it again...and I look at the audience and say..."They always crawl to me at the end."...big applause...but you know what? It could a gone either way...it really could have...but I was willing to see it through...whatever the ending...this place is a TRIP!!!

I went to the dressing room and had a cry...and then did a TV interview.

Lord.

What a life.

Thank you for it...I really do....but what the fuck...all because I told the world that you think I'm funny...you gotta put me through the ringer....well, you know what Jesus?...WORTH IT!!!

Instead of going out after, Chris (who now has my cholera) Chloe, Rob, Simon (Rob's partner) and I...basically Team Jesus sans Anjali (who has ridden my vocal fader like a Nascar driver...WTG Anjali!) come back to the flat and have fizzy vitamin C's and Chinese take out and go to bed early....because I am not done, bitches.

I have 5 days off to brush off the dust and REALLY rest and then... I TAKE MY SHIT TO LONDON!!!

At this point I would love to heartily thank Team Jesus...Rob who produced the show and made sure every seat was full every night....Chloe who was on the mile along side him every day...flyering like a mofo...Anjali who teched the eff out of the show...and to my dear Cooch, who took care of my ass. He played like a son of a bitch and made me chicken noodle soup. Team Jesus rocked...and I thank them...now we will french kiss LONDON!!!

If you wanna come I would love to have you!!!

My London debut....and I am ready people...primed....and stoked.

After all this practice and rest I will be like a fucking race horse at the starting gate....I can feel it.

GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!!!

The room is smaller...and the tix are selling....Friday Sept 2nd at 10:00pm and Sunday Sept 4th at 7:00pm...and that is it!!!!

Who knows when I will be back?

Go to www.climarproductions.com for info and tix and stuff!!!

This morning...thanks to the FINE people at VisitScotland...Chris and I went on a van tour...Rabbie's Tour...to the Highlands...to the Loch's...to a Whiskey Distillery...though we were knackered...we couldn't wait...and it was FABULOUS!!! The driver and guide, Barney, was fabulous...the tour was very personal and so engaging...a lot of stops and all very different...but never too many....really really fabulous.

And my fave part was, on the way back, Barney pulled off and said "This is not a scheduled stop but we are running on time and there is a farmer's field here with some standing stones in it..."

I have always wanted to see and touch the standing stones...and never have.

Lord.

They are 5000 years old and no one knows why they are there or what they are for...they just are.

I am taking it is a life lesson...okay...I am gonna get lordy...we don't know why it is hard sometimes...it just is...and you deal ...and live....and move on...and celebrate your victories and live through the rest.

LORDY!!!

Here are some pics of our fabu day.

Tomorrow?

LONDON. bitches!!!

Me and Tour Banana

We are on a Grade 9 trip... apparently.

Hermitage Waterfall

We are in front of the Stream that we wanted in the picture....

Loch Tay

Chris at the Dewar's Distillery

Chris finds a straight...of course.

OKAY!!! GEORGE!!! FETCHE LA VACHE!!! This is where they filmed "Monty Python's Holy Grail"...I know I spelled the french cow thing wrong...evs.

Standing Stones.

A dream come true...

Thank you, Jack Layton

2011-08-23T04:18:00.005-05:00

It is 9:30am in Edinburgh...4:30am back home...and I can't sleep.

Until the wee hours last night, I read everything there was to read...looked at all the videos...poured over and lurked on hundreds of Facebook pages, I am sure, in an effort to feel like I was in Toronto...with all my countrymen mourning the death of Jack Layton.

I have heard my George, when he tells me a story about a man or woman in politics that he admires (who works tirelessly with his/her country in mind...not his/er own political gain), use the phrase " he was/is a true son or daughter" of the country.

I don't think there would be many people in Canada who didn't agree that Jack Layton was a true son of Canada.

I saw the news of Mr. Layton's death on Twitter yesterday, and called George on Facetime immediately to talk to him about it...he didn't even know yet...the internet is a powerful thing.

I just could not...still can not believe he is gone.

I was always proud to say, when I lived in East York for 13 years, that I lived in his riding.

I had the great honour of casting a vote for him MANY times...and bragged about it.

Though I am NOT AT ALL a political beast I have talked with George about Jack a lot and I wondered and worried, aloud, if he had the grit and hard side that is needed to be a Prime Minister...then one day I decided maybe he didn't need to be like all the other politicians...he could just be the way he was...and maybe be Prime Minister...what a concept.

He seemed to remain himself through all of his battles, political and otherwise...he didn't change or shape himself to fit the picture of what a politician was...he just continued to be himself...I remember him talking about peace keeping at a time when it was not popular.

He was REALLY changing our country...really.

With heart.

When was the last time you could say that about someone that had worked their way so high in our country's political scheme?

I thought about Trudeau...though I was very young when he was in power...you knew he truly gave a shit about all the Canadians...not just the ones in his party or who voted him in. He gave a shit about the whole country.

And then Jack Layton penned that glorious letter.

Though this may not be a popular statement and I hope to live to be one hundred, I believe there is a sort of grace in having the knowledge that your time is coming...to tell everyone you love them, to tie up lose ends, to really take in your life...

He used part of his time to take us all, Canada, in his loving hands and tell us it will be alright...well, I thank you so much for that time you spent on us...and made us believe that we can carry on...that we need to continue with his legacy...his fight...his quest to make Canada a better place for all.

And I hesitate to write about this here...but it was actually what spurred me to write about Mr. Layton...so I guess I can thank her for one thing...for making me try to turn a negative into a positive.

Christie Blatchford, columnist for the National Post, in horrible taste, wrote an article just hours after his death judging our WHOLE COUNTRY for mourning him in such a public way. I am sure you will now go and read this article...and I encourage it...and then I ask you to have a think about whether you will continue to read her work.

And then I encourage you to read Mr. Layton's letter to us.

Dear Christie Blatchford, Thank you for showing us who you truly are. Now we will take you at your word and believe you. I will never read your published works again. Signed, Sharron Matthews

When I was in my 30's and living "on the Danforth" in Toronto I used to go to Niko's on the corner of Monarch Park and Danforth for their fabu greek food. One day I was sitting by myself eating my greek salad and I looked at the table in the corner...and there was NDP party member for the government of Ontario, Marilyn Churley and sitting with her was Jack Layton.

I got so excited.

Remember...I know nothing of politics and could care less and till now I would only get this excited when seeing Michael Jackson.

They saw my excitement (anyone who knows me would not be surprised by this) and came over and chatted with me for a few minutes before going back to their meals.

I ran home and told George...so excited.

Now, you could say they were just being political animals...maybe so...but I was just a gal sitting alone...and it made me feel like he cared about what I thought...and I loved that.

And meeting him in person was one of the things that made me think..."Why can't he just be Jack and be Prime Minister?"

One person at a time.

Thank you Jack for teaching me this...you gotta change the world one person at a time.

Rest in peace.

This is Peter Tabuns, Marilyn Churley and Jack Layton.

Edinburgh...21 Days...Sublime to the Ridiculous...oh and back to Sublime

2011-08-21T13:09:00.000-05:00

This has been a ride, so far, my people.

I don’t know what I expected...but I have learned...when I come to the Edinburgh Fringe...just to arrive with “An empty cup, girl” (Fabu Canadian Music Man -Yes, that is his official title- Orin Issacs, told me that this was the best way to start every week of Canada Sings...no expectations...but with preparation).

You can prepare as much as you want, but you really never know what this place is gonna throw at you.

A new venue...what comes with that? A lot of technical issues (mic broke on the third night...when an important VIP was present...did the first 20 minutes sans mic...and didn’t trust it for the rest of the night...mike stands are effed...bought our own) and the inevitable figuring out of how everyone’s show runs and how to get the audience in and out....on time. And 3 times in the Carlton Hotel, where the cabaret bar is...the fire alarm has gone off and we have had to evacuate...putting EVERYONE behind.

I have had a couple of really big challenges this year, as well...

Firstly, after running the show once in front of the fringe audience...the show didn’t seem right...it seemed ALMOST right...but not quite there...and I decided that instead of feeling that way for the whole run, I would work on it...change it...find the right way to tell my story...well, that took about 4 nights of performing (and days of rehearsing) to figure out...there is NOTHING like fixing your show in front of a paying international audience to give you hives.

But I REALLY wanted it to be right.

And when it was FINALLY right...boy, it was an awesome feeling! But the feelings getting there...very, very hard...it laid me low for a couple days...but I kept working and doing the personal apprearances and promo gigs...and....lordily...believing...what else are you gonna do?

But I got it...I figured it! I did...and fuck, it was worth the work to get there. (Still makes me a bit pukey to think of putting in a new section every night for 4 nights till I got it right...pukey, people)

Then, I woke up the 6th day...with a sinus infection.

Lord.

I went straight to the Royal Infirmary...and they gave me some antibiotics...but I was still singing on a sick throat for a couple days...AND one night in the show I felt like I had been dunked in a pool of water. Fever...no fever...fever.

So, I have lived like a bit of a monk to make sure I can sing my shows and my PA gigs.

So, only A FEW challenges.

AND we waited for the ever important reviews.

And it was taking FOREVER.

People will not come unless they know about your reviews...they just won’t.

And all anyone wants is a good Scotsman review...it is the most important paper. I couldn’t even get them to come out to see my show last year...AT ALL!!

I told my producer not to tell me when or if they were coming.

And they came...one of my “I am putting in a new part” nights.

And he didn’t tell me....god bless his soul.

So, then next day, a bit bummed about the lack of reviews and about my sick body, I asked Cooch to come with me to look for a pair of high heels for the show...and after we found them....

Aren’t they gorgeous?

...we were sitting and eating Subway sandwiches....yes, a Subway sandwiches...and I get a call from my producer asking me if I can be at a photo shoot in full make up and costume...in one hour...for the Scotsman.

They won’t tell him what the review is going to say...but they ask for me to come to the photoshoot anyway.

Lord.

I strapped on my high heels and hit the streets of Edinburgh.

Fun...but what the fuck was the review going to say?

I did my best to forget about it...impossible...and did the show.

The next morning I could hear my producer, Rob, pacing in front of my bedroom door...yes, we all share very clean and nice student accomidations, my friends...so he was just next door...and when I got up he was standing in front of my door holding this...

My legs could not hold me.

And it was a 4 Star review...from the Scotsman...my show was named one of the “Best of the Fest”...asked to perform at special afternoon show featuring other artists with given the same distinction...holy fuck .

My producer all but exploded with happiness...I was just amazed...and shocked.

Then things started to happen.

Other great reviews, promoters coming out, big audiences....a show that is hitting a joyous stride, for me, anyhow.

Yes, I am tired people....exhausted, even.

But I am feeling good...in my spirit and my heart.

And yesterday, I taped my show.

And for this occasion, all the people I knew who were coming to Scotland were actually present and in the audience...Mike Bickerton, John Austin, Chris Lorway, Rachel Neuberger, Anne Barnshaw, my cousins Deb and David...and a sold out audience...it was glorious. Lord, the time Cooch and I had. It was magic.

I cried like a baby after, alone, as I got changed.

I just felt like I had come over a mountain.

I love the challenge of coming here...but make no fucking mistake...it is a challenge.

And then we Canadians danced...meeting up with the young and talented Shawn Hitchens and the dishy, Clyde Wagner....and went to as many gay bars as we could.

One bar was called “CCBlooms”...after Bette Midler’s character in Beaches...Cooch didn’t know what it meant...lord...but WE DANCED!!!

I had such a great fucking time...and tonight...I sleep....and tomorrow...I start again.

6 more shows...who knows what they hold?

I do know one thing though...I am NEVER going anywhere without George again.

Never...I think our time apart rule will be three hours...until he gets really sick of me...and then it will be 6...but that is it!

Gods the GAY BARS were FUN!! SEE?!?!??

(Thanks to Cooch, John, Bicks and Clyde Wagner for the pics!!!)

My appearence on chat show "Edinburgh Tonight" with Joe Simmons and Lorraine Chase....and accompanied by the handsome Chris Tsujiuchi

2011-08-14T12:00:00.001-05:00

Subtle differences between Canada and Scotland

2011-08-14T09:07:00.001-05:00

I have a sinus infection.

Glamourous.

Have had to cancel some promotion appearances..,but still am experiencing packed houses thanks to Team Jesus on the Mile, people.

OH! And last night after my audience was brought in there were 8 people who said they wanted tickets...our box office said I was sold out...and then a melee began. With fists and all.

It made me feel not scared...but super fancy.

Okay...

So I couple of days ago, at the start of the sinus thingie, I went to the Royal Infirmary and got some drugs...here is where I experienced one of the many subtle differences between Canada and Scotland.

When one gets an antibiotic in Canada we are told, "Take with food and Do not drink alcohol "

When one gets and antibiotic in Scotland you are told, "Take an hour before meals and (my fave part) try not to have more than one or two drinks."

You gotta love the Scots.

Cooch's Video Diary of Edinburgh Part One!

2011-08-13T16:47:00.001-05:00

Thanks to Chris for making this...it is fun as hell!!!

Sharron and Cooch, Day 6 Edfringe. Dirty. But only our clothes!!

2011-08-09T08:33:00.001-05:00

Promo Gigs, Blister, Canada Sings, Margaret Cho wants to shop and first 5 Star review!

2011-08-08T08:07:00.003-05:00

Oh my lord, people!

What a THREE, yes, read only THREE, days it has been so far!

After the first PACKED preview I went home and changed a medley into a mashup! I did...like magic...Jesus magic.

This was the line up for Day 2

1. Go to the Mile for two hours to meet the people and hand out flyers. (Success)

2. Go to Edinburgh Tonight and do a promo spot (Successful, I think)

3. Look at the Festival Pull Out section in the Scotsman (Auntie Pat told me it is Scotland's most fancy paper.) and look at the article that I WROTE about cabaret...here is the link!!!

http://www.edinburgh-festivals.com/viewpreview.aspx?id=2477

It was so fancy...that I freaked out...it is in the middle...the very middle!!! (SUPER SUCCESS)

4. Do my show...oh yes, there is that! (Gonna stop rating all the activities here)

5. And then I did a midnight promo gig that turned into me going on at 3:00amish...I sang Bohemian Rhapsody and there was a drunk woman in the front row who just made my life very special...she was like a gift. I just kept pausing and looking at her...shaking my head...and then continuing on.

The thing I really love about these promo gigs is that you meet artists that you have never met before...see them do there thing...and then you do your thing...and word of mouth happens...maybe a cross promotion. Everyone is quite supportive here. You have to be.

For the record, on Day 2, I got up about 9:00am and made it to be at 4:00am.

So, when I woke up the morning of Day Three....me tired. It is rainy. I feel a bit sicky.

It stresses me out...because the list for Day Three is....

1. Gotta pick up some stuff for the show at Princes Mall. (Fake Uggs so I don't have sock lines when I change at my venue into my heels....judge me if you will, bitches.)

2. Gotta do a promo at "The New Town" which is a benefit for Waverly Centre....fabu Gay Bar...filled with dishy Gays. LOVE. (This promo is at 6:30pm....so we ram ourselves into the car to make it for my ....

3. 8:05pm Show that the Space....I hear there is a reviewer going to be there...no time for dinner/fuel....suck it up Matthews.

4. 8:10pm....my stomach tells me that I need to eat....while I am onstage...I spend a couple seconds of silence negotiating with my stomach.

"I will give you a couple pieces of pizza later if you just SUCK IT UP for an hour, stomach".

"Alright....but don't go off on a rant...I will make you forget the rest of the show, Rest of Sharron"

"Fair enough, Stomach...may I continue?"

"Please do"

5. Finish the show....it went amazingly...thank god...

6. Sell a couple CD's and while I do a young and beautliful blond girl comes up to me...keep in mind that some of my show is about how I learn to accept myself the way I am...she gives me a little squeezy ball...that I think people use to calm themselves...and she barely speaks english...she says, very haltingly that she would like me to keep this...because she used to hate the way she looked in the mirror...and that this squeezy ball always helped. It has clearly been well loved...I am humbled...what a lovely thing. If I wasn't so fucking tired I woulda had a cry...here it is...

But I couldn't cry because I had to go to....

7. Promo gig at 10:00pm at the Udderbelly 2...a Musical Comedy Night...I was interested to see what I was gonna see...OH it bears or does it bare...I never get that right...anyway...I gotta tell you...because I have spent a lot of time walking I managed to get a blister...that has turned into some kind of war wound...so now...I a trying to not limp around in my high heels...or my frye boots...so I put on my rain coat...still raining...and we shove ourselves into Rob's (fabu producer) car and off we go...Rob tends not to believe what the GPS is telling us so we get a bit lost...and there are three yelling accents in the car....Welsh...North London....Etobicokian...and me with my hands over my ears. WE make it. Get rockstar parking. And in we go.

There are a lot of duo comedy acts here...and there are 4 of them in this show...it is an interesting gig.

More really nice people...my fave are the hosts "Horse and Louis" who are doing a free gig (there are a ton of them) at Laughing Horse - ESpionage. I will be going.

8. We go to a pizza place. WE get a pizza... I tell my stomach it is on it's way. Then I fall into a mouth open coma/sleep.

Holy fuck doodles.

So, today, I am taking it easy....writing to all of you who might wanna read!

Also today...I woke to two very awesome pieces of internet info.

Our friend, Michael Hughes...decided to write Margaret Cho on the Twitter...Cho is here in Edinburgh, doing her show and looking for a shopping mate...

So, I woke to my email telling me that Margaret Cho wrote me on Twitter...what the fuck....

I have written her back...we shall see what develops...I am gonna try and get her to my show!!!

AND I got my first 5 STAR (they love the stars over here...it seems to matter more than the content of the review...I heard someone exclaim yesterday "It reads like a five!") review today!!!

YAY!!!

Here it is....

One4Review

5 stars

*****

7th August show.

Sharron is the only person I’ve seen who personally welcomes every audience member as they come in to their show. She is incredibly affable and sets everyone at ease, it’s almost like she’s welcoming you into her home.

This sets up an all-too-quick hour of fabulous singing and anecdotes. Sharron has a huge vocal range and covers all styles and genres, sometimes in the same phrase. Yet it’s not over-used – her voice is beautiful, honest and sometimes deeply emotional and a joy to listen to.

She has the whole audience in tears of laughter one second, then in complete silence for the next song. Absolutely delightful. Add to that the spot-on musicianship of Chris Tsujiuchi who is clearly enjoying himself on piano – this is pure entertainment at it’s best. Fabulous! - Alan

Here is a link to the review proper....

http://one4review.wordpress.com/2011/08/08/sharron-matthews-superstar-jesus-thinks-im-funny/

I want to take this moment to thank Rob and Chloe, Rob's assistant, for working so hard all day to fill the houses. And they are filled, people. Packed.

And Chris...he is so fabu to have along...so fabu...and a true supporter...onstage and off...and he plays like a dream.

I couldn't be happier...I am going to take a nap right now!!!

The only thing missing?

George.

OH!!!!

And DON'T Forget!

This WEdnesday at 9:00pm Canada SINGS is on for the second week....

Just Energetics vs. Toronto Fire Fighters.....

OOHHH.....Christian and I worked with the Just Energetics...a super eclectic, talented and diverse team. Super positive problem solvers...and all round good people! Hard working people!!! GO JUST ENERGETICS!!!

Here they are!!!

First Preview Day at Edfringe 2011...same hair, exploding music stand and "HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW STYX!

2011-08-05T18:51:00.000-05:00

So after taking a long a beautiful walk around Arthur's seat today....

(I got over the show whilst I power walk...really...do some of my best work here, people) so, after the walk i began to crap my pants...and this is usual people...no need for alarm...ask George. Poor husband man.

This is the moment when I don't feel like I have prepared enough...and it makes me sick in the tummy...but I did my best to take care of that by going to my fave bargain store on Nicholson Street (Wayne and Derrick will know it) called Edinburgh Bargain...I got a stool last year (for my show...not poo) last year that took me 4 hours to assemble.

This year I just got a light bulb and a big salad bowl.

But it filled the hole.

I went to the mile for 2 hours today and chatted with people and handed out flyers...oh the people I met!!!

From EVERYWHERE!!!

Team Jesus worked their collective asses off today.

Rob and Chloe went to the mile at 11:00am and stayed until just before the show with a small break...god bless...Chloe all being awesome on the IPAD (with the fabu viewing pack made my none other that kilt maker extraordinaire, Robert Pel....the IPAD is stocked with my vids...a lot of people commented on it. (GREAT idea George).

And by showtime...I felt great...who knew how many we would have.

But, thanks to TEAM JESUS, it was packed!!! PACKED!!!

It is always weird to load in for the first time...because it is all so new and you really have a VERY SPECIFIC period of time to get it all together...and it was a bit of chaos...but it went really smoothly...so any awesome people!!! Cousin's Deb and Paul were there...my cousins by marriage...so lovely and supportive...and a bunch of people from "I Love You, Your Perfect..." playing here at the fringe with my Edinburgh buddy on the old FB, Alan Gibson...and a great number of people I have never met before.....love it.

Highlights...during a very tense medley moment...and yes, these do exist...Chris' music stand exploded...it was amazing, really.

And during my highschool medley it became clear that the audience had never heard of Styx or Kiss....WHAT?!?!?

I did this research last year...but I can't believe that they didn't know KISS!! STYX!!!

Gotta do a think on that tomorrow.

But I sold a bunch of Cd's and it went super awesome...I am excited to run this show.

And I had Indian food and too much wine...and met a woman with the same hair style...she was 20...suck it young people...I can rock it too!!!

BED!!!

Thanks to Team Jesus!!!

Another day and another ....day.

Night all!

Junk Notes vs. Zooperstars & Sharron v.s Being a Million Miles Away

2011-08-03T21:51:00.000-05:00

Lord.

I didn't think I would watch it.

It is 2:00am in the morning in Scotland...and I am doing my tech tomorrow for my show at the Edinburgh Fringe (for all of you who may have not been playing along so far) and I need sleep.

So, about 1:00am I knock on the door of my piano player, Chris and say, "You need to call your young friends who are tech savvy and help me set up a TV to Skype to Scotland date.

He jumped to, god bless him.

We worked on it for 25 minutes before a former student of mine from Sheridan College agreed to do it...for 2 free coachings for his 3rd year Pop Critique. I offered...I think he might have done it without...but you gotta make it worth someone's while, right?

Worth it.

I was so red in the face when it started...I sat with my stage show producer, Rob and Chris, the aforementioned...yes, I said it...piano player and friend...I felt so far away...but skype is freaky...it brought me right to Canada.

Now, you all have to know that the coaches have seen almost no footage from the show.

We don't even really know how the other coaching team works...or what they are like on camera...how they run their rehearsals..nothing.

We only really know our team and our rehearsal days...except the sneak peek...which goes by in a nanosecond and you can only see the tape once....ONCE, I tell you!!!

This is high pressure stuff, people!!!

Christian, my trusty partner and friend, and I never knew what to expect....I was so happy to see all these people from Got Junk audition...they were all from different parts of the company and some of them barely knew each other.

The worked their tales off....EVERY ONE of them.

And they had some mad natural skills...and the number was tailor made for them.

Christian and I came up with the concept, and picked the songs together...I do the arrangements and he the choreo.

I love working with him...he is talented man...and super kind.

I am so bleeping tired but I am so happy that I got to see it.

I am glad that I met and worked with all these fab people!!!

Graham and his man UGGS...and his beautiful children.

Tim and his quiet way...and fabu talent.

Erin and her tenacity....so proud of her...she is inspiring.

All the Junk Notes....Andrew, Jeff, Chantel, Zara, Sheila, Scott, Lisa, Yoro...I LOVE YOU GUYS and I COULD NOT BE PROUDER!!!

But this lassie ( booooo bad cultural reference) has got to let her sleeping pill kick in and go to bed!!!

I can't wait to see what next week holds...

Congrats to Kelly and Scott and the Zooperstars!!! Great work you guys!!!

I am watching you, Kelly and Scott.

Thanks to Insight, Global...the fabulous crew and every person we worked with every day....it was really the dream job to end all dream jobs.

CANADA SINGS ROCKS!!!

Scotland and Canada Sings!

2011-08-03T14:41:00.001-05:00

Made it...I fucking made it.

2011-08-01T18:10:00.000-05:00

Made it...I fucking made it.

So, I lay in the bed at Rob and Simon's flat in Blackheath, just outside of London proper...near Greenwich (posh...and not spice, people).

Rob is my producer on this weird and wild, second time back to Crazytown, EdFringe adventure....(please remember as I go farther in this blog that I have had a melatonin and an allergy pill...two words...awe some.)

I am filled with an odd sense of calm as well as accomplishment.

I made it to the first leg of my journey.

Just getting here is half the battle...the raising of the funds, the writing of the show, the producing of the previews, the conversing across the ocean on many types of devices, the decisions, the arranging (not to mention the million other things I cannot think of right now...due to the drugs) are all time consuming.

Really, I feel happy as shit that I made it this far.

Chris is very excited and it has filled me with excitement, as well.

When we got on the plane we found ourselves side by each...shoved into seats the size of a barbie chairs.

But that is a charter...and I sure was happy for the price (thank you, Pablo)...but Chris is a big, tall guy....this was bullshit.

I pulled aside the high functioning and clearly not-having-any-of-it stewardess queen...and asked her, ever so kindly, if she would mind if Chris moved to the empty seat in the middle...which clearly had more leg room...i didn't have much hope...but you an only ask, right?

Well, she looked pinched and said....well, let me see what I can do....(read, go fuck yourself, ginger).

But then a couple minutes later she came by and whispered, "I am not going to ask you to pay for this, but I don't want to make the people who had to mad....so just go along....( LOUDER) So, I will move your friend here and then I will grab your money when I come through for duty free." Wink.

Well, my belief in humanity and the kindness of high functioning agressives has been restored.

Thank you, Jesus.

The flight was lovely.

The border was pleasant.

The pick up lovely (thank you, Simon).

And then I fell asleep in my clothes for three hours.

Chris and I will make our way to Edinburgh tomorrow...and I am very excited.

I have a huge line up of things to do...but in a way that I hope is not filled with hubris...I feel like I am going somewhere I know...that I fit in...that I know some of the ropes...and the people.

I am very excited. Did I mention that?

That all being said...I was filled with happiness today...and part of it was thankfulness to all the people who helped to get me here last year...the inroads that we made are priceless...to Derrick Chua and Wayne Gwillim, who I will miss this year.

Fucking busking.

To the donors this year...THANK YOU!!!

To the donors last year...THANK YOU!!!

I am excited to see what this years adventure holds...wait...the melatonin is really kicking in....gotta go.

Love

Y'all.

Shar

Oh ya...this year I bought a proper rain coat!

Jesus Thinks I'm Funny Teaser!

2011-07-28T22:33:00.001-05:00

Pirate/Bootleg of Final Jesus Encore...

2011-07-28T01:10:00.001-05:00

One of my Lovelies in the audience took this pirate vid of my encore at Buddies on July 24th...my final preview!!
LOVE IT!!! SPREAD THE SUPERSTAR WORD!!! MG SUPERSTAR!!! You know who you are!

Jesus Use Me. WHAT?

2011-07-15T20:46:00.001-05:00

I made it home...in 3 and half hours...

The subtitle to this should be..."Will I really have another vodka cooler?"

Don't high school girls drink vodka coolers?

And then I remember the day I was sent sides for an audition and I thought I was auditioning for the teenager...and it ended up that I was called for the "young" mom.

I was 21.

How embarrassing was that?

See what happens when I have Vodka Coolers?

I am a bit giddy/maudlin right now...which is an interesting mix...oddly enough.

I decided to come back to Stratford to get some work done...George is fancy-shakespearing it at the park so he couldn't come back with me.

Oh, I didn't capitalize the s in shakespeare to honour the person who walked up to me when I hosted the Doras and said, whilst...yes, I said it... whilst looking down their nose at me...that it was the Stratford Shakespeare Festival...not the Stratford Festival.

Well.

It was just rehearsal for eff's sake.

This same person accepted an award two years ago at the Doras...and walked away from the mic pontificating "Aren't we professional actors....can't we speak properly without a mic?"...whilst looking down his nose...at all of us.

Well.

Hm...will I have another vodka cooler?

Anyway, it is dark and here I sit....

Do you know how long it took me to rotate this picture?....wow.

Anyhow, it took three and half hours to get here.

The traffic stopped on the 427 for fucks sake...which is a 10 minute walk from my TO sublet for those of you who are not from TO....I went off road, bitches...I navigated with my blackberry and the compass on my car...because I am fancy that way....yes, it took a long time...but it was a gorgeous drive.

I am presently on my back deck....like in the above picture...but it is quite dark now.

Anyhow, I wrote this so I could show you this...

My friend, Lori...in Belgium...fancy...sent this album cover to me.

Oh my god...I would love to mash this with something.

But!!!

My show is finished.

And I am a week away from my two previews at Buddies...will you come?

I talk about Jesus...Lady Gaga...Michael Jackson...a 7 foot drag queen...Jesus...the captain of the football team from highschool (before I was a 'young' mom...that sounds wrong...) and so many more.

I am really excited and quite proud of the show I am gonna do...and I would love you all to see it first!

So, if you got time next weekend...come down and I will polish off my heels and my foul language...

The fun we will have....

Where is that last cooler...

SHARRON'S Summer Webisode PART ONE

2011-07-13T08:08:00.000-05:00

SHARRON's Summer Webisode PART TWO!!!

2011-07-13T08:06:00.001-05:00

Dear World, I met Donny Osmond.

2011-07-07T10:49:00.002-05:00

Can you take it?

That is me, DONNY OSMOND, and Maureen Riley.

I love the first pic because Maureen is gazing ever so lovingly at him...

Maureen and I had planned to meet for drinks last night a while ago...and then when I got offered tickets to the show I wondered if she would like to come...maybe she would not be into it.

Here is our email exchange....

Dear Maureen,

Holy poo.

I hope this excites you as much as me...but my friend offered me AWESOME tickets to the fricken'

Donny and Marie opening tomorrow night!!! Wanna meet me at the Four Seasons Opera thingie place at 7:25pm tomorrow night ?

(There is also a party after...we might meet them...)

Shar xoxo

Sent from my crackberry.

Sharron,

Ummmmmmm. Yes please!!!! This is effing awesome.

Done and done.

See you there.

Thanks!!

Sent from C3PO ...

I loved most of all that her email came to me from C3PO.

So, we met out front of the fabulous Four Seasons Opera Place...I have never been in there before and TOTALLY love that the first thing that I am seeing there is DONNY AND FREAKIN' MARIE!!!

Maureen was dressed as a fashionable girl about town, of course, and I was dressed like Susan Anton in the 70's....look it up if you will.

We were both very excited.

Got my AWESOME tickets, from my dear friend Grant, and was in line behind Marilyn Dennis...in my head I went all high status for a second and wanted to remind about when I met her last year at "love, loss and what I wore" and try to get my ass on her TV show to promote MY TV show and Buddies previews of my UK show (Which is on July 23rd and 24th...don't forget...here is the link for online tickets... http://www.ticketweb.ca/sn l/Search.action?query=sharron+matthews+superstar

or call $16 975 8555...see what I did there?) but I didn't want to make a big ass of myself just before the show and have to suffer through the shame for the entire show.

Maureen and I got to our seats and met a lot of peeps from the business... Sean Tasson from the St. Lawrence, Kevin Levesque (the fabulous Miss Conception), Paul Bellini, Kelly Cameron from Broadwayworld.com...so many people...

Maureen and I both decided that if they sang a " A Little Country, A Little Bit Rock and Roll" we would shit our pants.

The lights went down and the young and talented Jeff Madden came was introduced by Aubrey Dan to sing the anthem...I love that...he sang it like a bird, of course.

And then the count down to the show started...we all participated ( you know how I love the participation) and the curtains opened and there they were at the top of a sparky staircase...in sparkly clothes.

DONNY AND MARIE.

It bears mentioning here that I watched every episode of their TV show.

Saw every show that they did at the CNE, as well as the Osmond Brothers.

I owned their barbie dolls.

I loved Donny and Marie...well, mostly Donny...but Marie as well.

These people put on a show...VEGAS STYLE!!!

There was lots of shiny things...dancers...projections...high heels...purple outfits...

One of my fave things was a mash up that Marie did of "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith into "Boots are Made For Walkin"...while playing a specially made glittery guitar with a big silver M on the front..and she wore a sparkly ( love the sparkles) cowboy hat...and then she had minions come onstage after and change her shoes while she talked...and give her water...she guzzled the whole bottle (I have done this same thing...cabaret shit is universal...and I love it.) and then threw the empty bottle in the wings and said, "You thought that mormons couldn't drink."....oh Marie...now, I love you even more.

The best part was...they sang their ASSES OFF!!!

There really did...I was throughly charmed, impressed and won over...not that it was a long journey...I do love them.

She did the first solo set and his was in the second act...he did "Close Every Door"...he sang "Go Away Little Girl" and "Puppy Love"...and the cougs in the front rows were freaking...and so were the cougs that were sitting in our two seats...I heard someone singing along near me when I realized it was Maureen.

He also did a rocking, singing and dancer version of the Osmond's "Crazyhorse" and a lovely ballad he wrote for his son.

He was also awesome AND personable AND sang the shit out of everything.

Then they sat on stools and sang all of their duets..."I'm Leavin' It All Up To You"..."Make The World Go Away" ....and others...it needs to be said here that I never really thought about how weird these songs were to be sung by a brother and sister until this moment....I had a moment of pondering and then I remembered...IT WAS FREAKING DONNY AND MARIE!!! WHO FUCKING CARES!?!?!?

I was thoroughly, musical, entertainment....ly....spent at the end....SPENT I TELL YOU!!!

Maureen and I did not shit our pants when they sand "Little Bit Country..." but we ALMOST did.

And they closed their show with the song that they sang at the end of their TV show...and we both held hands and cried.

Amy, from Flip Publicity, who was sitting behind us said that we were a very entertaining part of the evening...your're welcome, I say.

Maureen and I dragged our asses (and our free posters) across the street to the Hilton for the party...because Maureen was getting her pic with Donny....I was shy and unsure...yes, I was...you guys don't know EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!!!

Anyways...we waited with Avery Saltzman (founder of the Harold Green Jewish Theatre) and his fabu partner Kevin...Avery...that ass...told me that I wasn't writing on my blog enough...so here it is you son-of-a-bitch...and while my back was turned Donny walked in the room and Avery disappeared...he and Donny had done "Joseph" together...and Avery is trying to book Donny for a fundraiser...so I didn't mind.

And then Maureen grabbed my hand and said..."We are getting our picture"....side note....please look in any publicity stills from the party...Maureen is cagily wandering around in the back of ALL OF THEM...and then she put herself in front of him and said "Can you please do a shot with us?"...He, of course, says yes, because he is a lovely guy...a really lovely guy...and I begin to stammer and make an ass of myself...but I don't care...I got my fucking picture with Donny Osmond....thanks, Maureen!!!

Go and see this show...it is so much fun...I have never given so many standing ovations in one night.

THANKS DONNY AND MARIE!!

And Maureen!!!

How mad the "How to Spot A Dud at the Fringe Festival" article in the STar made me..

2011-07-03T02:22:00.002-05:00

.

This article (below) was posted on the Toronto Star Online today.

I am actually copying it onto this page because it has become VERY HARD to find it now at the Toronto Star Online...I hope it is because the paper is embarrassed.

It is like the writer is encouraging patrons and audience members to NOT come to the theatre...to not be adventurous or have independent thought when choosing a play or musical to see at the festival...to only go to pieces that are endorsed by critics...to not take a chance on something different...to basically go against the whole spirit of what the festival is.

It is ALSO like the writer is turning artists away from trying something new, exciting, dangerous or inde-freakin-pendent.

Have any of us had the good luck to stumble on a show that was unexpectedly interesting or found a show that featured a performer who was amazing in a piece that was may not...by accident?

I have added my thoughts to the article below each part...my thoughts are in italics.

How to spot the duds at the Fringe festival

By Bruce DeMara Entertainment Reporter

Jul 02, 2011

1. Avoid dramaturgy. References in the program attesting that the production has been “dramaturged” are almost always a bad sign. Dramaturgy is the process of having an author’s original work savagely dissected by fellow artists and reinterpreted in ways that make it a contradictory, irretrievable mess. Fringe productions should be fresh, spontaneous feats of derring-do. If you have to dramaturge the darn thing, do it post-Fringe. Dramaturgy often means turgid drama.

SM: Seeing the word Dramaturgy might mean that the playwright went to a professional dramaturg, of which Toronto has many fabulous examples ...Iris Turcott, Stephen Colella, Mary Francis Moore...for help to make their show tighter, more concise, have a better flow...for many reasons.

I also didn't know that the definition of Dramaturgy was "having an author's original work savagely dissected by fellow artists, etc..." I think professional dramaturgs would disagree.

2. Even decent shows can be a downer if they’re in a crappy venue. So imagine you’re leafing through the program when a show grabs your interest: Low Riders, a semi-autographical musical featuring a troupe of transsexual ex-biker “little people.” Your finger hastily scrolls down to check times and venues and — argh! — it’s at Theatre Passe Muraille’s Backspace (an airless box up a long flight of stairs) or the Factory Theatre Studio (down some stairs, then up some more to another uninspired space) or the Helen Gardiner Phelan Playhouse (hard to spot from the street, even more stairs, a few odd turns and a so-so theatre if you’re lucky enough to find it). Other venues can be even less promising. The Ladies Polar Room at the College Street United Church? Venues in church basement settings often feature ancient living-room furniture with broken springs as seating.

SM: At the Edinburgh Fringe last year there were fabulous and INVENTIVE shows in a VW Van, a public toilet and a swimming pool. I have attended fabulous, intimate pieces at both the TPM backspace and the Factory Theatre Studio space. It is the Fringe...not the freaking Winter Garden. We have a limited number of spaces in Toronto. If someone would like to help the theatres get funding to build more, I am sure we would be all for it...but we are creative and work with what we got. That is why we are artists.

3. “Minimalist” production values. No set, no lighting, no costumes. Just two actors on a bare stage, morphing between characters with baffling rapidity. Three steps stage left (or right, it doesn’t matter) apparently denotes a scene change. A change in facial expression, voice or body language would help. Or how about putting on a hat or using a prop to indicate you’ve gone from playing a 7-year-old girl to an ancient Phoenician god? We love theatre but we’re not mind readers.

SM: I find this highly offensive. Maybe the artist cannot afford a set, lights, costumes or props...maybe the artist is new to the business and does not have the contacts to outsource these things...that is what the fringe is for...for the audience to use their imaginations. For artists who might have no other chance to have their shows produced in a space like the Tarragon or TPM. Also, does the writer realize that there are very tight change overs between shows...and artists cannot afford the time to put up a complicated set...sometimes it is 10 minutes. And "change in facial expression"?...Please.

4. Overly ambitious productions. A program that promises an “eclectic multimedia blend of theatre, dance, music, puppetry, visual art and feminist dub poetry” is sending out multiple warning signs.

SM: Our artistic options are getting smaller and smaller. I WISH I could write my dance, theatre, multi media, puppet piece with some feminist stuff in it...that would be fucking awesome.

5. Cheap sets, i.e. those made of Styrofoam, cardboard, etc. Sure, Fringe productions are cheap, dirt cheap. But, with the odd exception, a set that appears to be constructed of material from a discount art supply store or from the detritus of an overturned garbage can is rarely a promising sign.

SM: Again, as with #3, I find this highly offensive. How do you know what an artist can afford...or what we can do with an overturned garbage can? Haven't you seen "Stomp"?

6. One name everywhere. Writer/director/producer/actor/lighting and costume designer. If one name is ubiquitous throughout the program, someone is usually spreading themselves very thin, too thin for the result to be enjoyable. Steer clear.

SM: Maybe they could use a dramaturg.

7. A variation of No. 6. Two names everywhere. Or three. Two or three co-writers, co-stars, co-directors, co-producers, etc. will often result in much backstage back-stabbing and in-fighting for creative control. Tension is so often the fuel that makes live theatre crackle with energy. Just not this kind of tension.

SM: What the eff does this mean? This just sounds stupid. And this is a stupid, gross generalization. It isn't like people are cutting each others throats backstage...this isn't "Showgirls".

8. Flyers. Whether you’re standing in line or lounging at the Fringe Club behind Honest Ed’s, strangers will try to force you to take promotional material for upcoming shows. It may be as humble as an uneven square of plain white paper with blurry lettering or as slick as multi-coloured laminated cardboard. (Your pockets, purse or backpack will soon be stuffed with them. They will seem to multiple like rabbits.) It gets tricky because sometimes the cheapest promo material turns out to be for the best shows and the fanciest ones are for the biggest duds. Look for excerpted reviews, e.g., “Best of Edinburgh Fringe 2010.” And ask around. Fellow theatre lovers are great at sharing both hot picks and train wrecks.

SM: Yes, we must only go to shows that are suggested by reviewers or claimed to be "Best of...".

How the fuck else do you expect to artists to sell their shows? With ads in papers? With billboards. Everyone knows they will get a flyer at the fringe.

This article seems to mock the very spirit of the amazing Toronto Fringe Festival.

I think Bruce DeMara owes an apology to the Toronto Fringe.

I, with the generous help of many donors, took my show to the mother of all Fringe's last year...the Edinburgh Fringe. I spent an amazing three weeks there and was very proud to trumpet how fantastic our Toronto Fringe was and is.

I saw many shows...the best were the ones that were independent...not promoted by a large producer... had a crappy space (I saw one performer who did her show with a full band on a stage the size of a postage stamp and had duct work right over her head)...had no set...could only afford to bring themselves...was written, produced and performed by the same artist.

Please, Toronto Fringe audience members, pay no attention to this article and be brave and make bold choices about what you are gonna see.

I bet you will be pleasantly surprised.

The Toronto Fringe runs July 6 to 17. Info at fringetoronto.com

Postscript (P.S. I have never officially written a postscript before so please excuse if this is not appropriately fancy)

I have received many emails and comments about this post...which always makes me happy...mostly because it means someone is actually reading my shit. Also because it means that people give a shit about the arts.

I received such an email from a writer from the newspaper in which the offending article occurred. This writer has supported me greatly whenever I have asked for a boost (and it has always been greatly appreciated). I feel it would be only right to do the same kindness. The writers at this newspaper are not allowed to comment on each others articles but this writer wanted me to know that they had nothing to do with the writing of this article, and actually spent a great deal of time opposing it. This same writer felt quite embarrassed that it appeared at all.

Mostly, I am very happy that all of our thoughts about this article have not gone unnoticed and maybe, next time, it will not be written at all. Let us go to these features instead that take about the great things to expect from the fringe.

http://www.toronto.com/article/691255--10-freakiest-shows-of-the-2011-toronto-fringe-festival

http://www.nowtoronto.com/guides/fringe/2011/story.cfm?content=181546

http://www.nowtoronto.com/guides/fringe/2011/story.cfm?content=181543

http://www.nowtoronto.com/guides/fringe/2011/story.cfm?content=181542

OKAY! Maybe it is the rain....maybe it is the PMS...

2011-06-24T13:03:00.000-05:00

Has the world lost it's mind?

Has it?

The title of this blog may tell you what the state of mine is...and it isn't New York, people.

(That is the lamest joke, I think I need another RAINSHOWER of DEATH to clear my head...NOT!)

You know how I try NOT to rant...well, maybe you don't...but I really do...and then shit just piles up and I cannot stop myself.

Here are just a few things that have happened in the last week that have made me freak out.

(And know that I was just trying to get to other work and COULD not stop myself from writing..sick)

Okay...I really don't get why this 'Rob Ford not coming to Pride Day' pisses me off so much...I mean, I do and I don't.

But it begs the question, really, do we want him there?

I know the gesture would be a good one...an olive branch, if you will. (Fancy)

BUT, are we really surprised?

This man showed us who he was before the 905ers voted that boob into the mayor's office...his infamous bullying video on Youtube...where he tried to say he was bullied first...either way, good to know his reaction to pressure situations.

Here it is...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8EpSdyB0zY

Can't you just picture him and the other guy as 12 year olds before they hung that guy by his tighty, white-ies?

(Oh my god...how proud is his family of that...and he STILL got voted in...they can talk about it at the cottage.)

Oh, and there is his humble, smart, insightful and thoughtful interview with the CBC on the day after he was elected...gosh, he cares about the job, huh ?(And I don't really think he knows what Tea Party means...that being said...neither do I...think me stupid if you will, but I'm not the effing mayor)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHJGR4i7fhw

But the ugliest and surest signs of who he truly is are listed below. These following things truths I read in many articles about Rob Ford but was said best in an article from the Globe and Mail.

1. When he was a city councillor, he once railed against spending money on AIDS prevention.

2. He was the only leading candidate in last year’s campaign for mayor who did not attend Pride.

3. He declined to come to a ceremony marking an international day opposing homophobia.

Here is the article.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/toronto/marcus-gee/mayor-misses-out-on-opportunity-to-celebrate-diversity/article2071902/

He is a red neck boob.

Yesterday, when I wrote on twitter that because he is an elected official, declining to agnowledge a community within our city he should quit or be fired...this is the response I got from one individual.

"@tothe_core @sharronmatthews U should stfu,if he wasn't going to a bikeathon, no one would complain, he has family and wants to spend it with them."

I found it ever so lovely that he compared a community to a sports event.

I also loved that he told me to STFU.

Which I decided to take that it was calling me a Super Timely Fabulous Uberdiva....but again...that is just me.

So, Rob Ford....enjoy your time at the cottage...we will be better without you.

Frankly, the thought of you getting wetted by squirt guns is enough to give one MUCH pause.

Although, if he does decided to show, I hope he comes as this....

Now, another thing that has crawled into my craw in the last few days...and I don't know, again, if it is the PMS or what...

When did music become about women putting on bikinis and rolling around on floors...beds...the tops of cars...trees (that is my personal fave....remember how your bathing suit would get catches on it if you sat on the concrete? Imagine what a tree does to a swimsuit....just saying)...basically rolling around...talking about how they are gonna get you off.

Somewhere, in her grave, Janis Joplin is vomiting...and a bit wishing it was her.

THAT IS THE PROBLEM!!!

Ladies, don't lie, we all watch and think...'I am disgusted by that...why is she selling her body...can she even sing?...GOD, I wish I had an ass like that."

Don't lie...we all do...a bit, at least.

I do wonder if, before videos, this person would have had a career....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2FZ3JIVQxk

"Cause I'll be table dancing,

This is your chance to get with me...

On the table dancing,

That's where romance is

When you're with me..."

Oh my lord....jesus wept. (And then bought tickets to my show on July 23rd and 24th at Buddies in Bad Times...yes, I will perform this song. Okay, maybe I won't....but I will probably talk about it.)

Ke$ha.

Keisha.

Whatever.

It is just too much skank and not enough music, in my books.

But remember...I put a disclaimer out there...I love Britney Spears....still do....so there is just no winning with me....but I do think the skank factor has risen to a point that Stevie Nicks is considering doing a song called "Eff Me Up The Pooper" wearing one, long, see-thru pashmina.

And last, but not least....

Remember that actor from the Green Mile...the super creepy one who ends up peeing his pants and going into a mental institution?

This guy.

He just married a 16 YEAR OLD BEAUTY QUEEN.

He is 51.

What the fuck is happening?

IS THAT EVEN LEGAL????

Here is a little article about it, with picture...you gotta read it...and it is like she is posing for Playboy.

http://ca.eonline.com/uberblog/b248344_Five_Things_You_Didnt_Know_About_16-Year-Old_Bride_Courtney_Stodden.html

I love that one of her upcoming singles is called "Don't Put It On Me"...there are so many jokes here my head just exploded....literally, EXPLODED!!!!

And her mother signed the parental consent form to get her famous...married!!! Married.

AH!!!

What is happening?

People.

What is?

Luminato Closing Party.

2011-06-19T00:53:00.000-05:00

Luminato Closing Party.

Spoke Club.

Started with me not knowing anyone...then texting George (trying to look busy and important)...and twittering that if no one showed up that I knew by the count of ten I would take off.

During said count of ten, I tried to strike up a conversation with a couple young blond girls who had Lohan tans and wedgies and TOO FUCKING SHORT dresses and they blew me off like I was an old, drunk lady (it need be said here that I was drinking a free bottle of Smart Water....thanks, Jennifer Aniston.)

You will rue the day, bitches.

Then Scott McVittie found me and entertained me (I was on my way to the exit...wondering how long you had to stay to get the Biotherm swag bag...fancy ..he told me if I stayed all would be well.

He was very right!!!

In the next hour a ton of wonderful people showed up! John, Lorway, Shawn, Matthew, Marla, Derick, Scott, Tyler and Mitchell! Oh how we laughed.

5 Fave Things That Happened at or after the Luminato Closing Night Party

1. I wanted a Diet Coke...and when McVittie found out they were only allowed to serve clear beverages (?) he got on the Blackberry and then went and got me a Diet Coke...made me feel fancy.

2. When a young man asked me if I could be his hag for a moment, I replied " Baby, there is a long line up in front of you of men who are older, with more money and better stories...so, no."

3. Standing on the rooftop patio laughing while the wind blew my hair...like I was Beyonce or something.

4. When leaving I said how excited I was that there was a Biotherm swag bag for boys...and they told me I was holding the one for girls...then the woman in charge said "I think we can afford to give Sharron both."...and I knew my almost-close-to-being-famous-in-a-Canadian-weird-way-but-not-really was FINALLY paying off!

5. King Street on a Saturday Night reminds me why I never went clubbing in my youth.

Straight boys-stop bathing in CK, loosen the crotch pants and figure out that a girl probably won't fuck you if you stand behind her and tell her how fucking hot her ass is.

Straight Girls-Stop wearing a dress so short I can see the untanned creases at the bottom of your ass cheeks, wedgies or heeled shoes that are so high that you walk like Frankenstein (when did theses shoes STOP being hooker or drag queens shoes exclusively?) and PLEASE stop being so slutty. I mean, to each their own...but have some respect...and don't fuck the guy who told you how fucking hot your ass was, while he walked behind you.

Good times!

Thank you, Luminato!!!

Luminato Broadway's Night Out...and Effie.

2011-06-14T14:57:00.001-05:00

Well.

I have just gone back and forth about delving into the wonderfulness that was last night at Metro Square.

I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck...you know that kind of tired?

I didn't (and still don't) know if I have the brain power to really capture the awesomeness of the evening.

I think I was getting tired last night and then when VJ John Bantay, from Musical Mondays at Splash in New York City played the Tony Awards version of "I am Telling You.." from 1983 (?) at the after party at Buddies and John Austin dragged me up onto the stage and we ACTED THE WHOLE thing out...well, that just pushed me over the edge...

I woke and thought, "Oh my god...my this hurts...my that hurts...how?....ah yes....Effie"....a gal has to know her limits....NONE!!! NONE, people.

When you wake up and find this picture on your coffee table, you know you've had a good night....

Huh....I guess...well, I must have been tired...as tired as Tyson, on the floor beside the shoes on the table (Haven't I ever seen Blood Brothers?....for those of you who get that...I thank you)

Last night was amazing.

When I went in for rehearsal in the early afternoon with the amazing arranger, accompanist and composer Lance Horne (who I introduced in the show last night and listed all of his credits EXCEPT that he had JUST accompanied Kristen Chenoweth in London last week in front of THE Queen...yes, "THE", not "A"....and Barrack Obama....I told him I only read what is written on my cards) I was unsure of what the day would hold...I knew it would be great...but would it rain...would people come because it had already been raining....you just never know.

I was going through Bohemian with Lance, Dale (Drummer of awesome from Stratford) and the Cellist...who's name was so gorgeous and lovely I was afraid to ask what it was again in case I still could not process it with my simple mind....when I heard the door close and there was Meow Meow...one of the most interesting and amazing artists I have ever seen...she would also be performing at the gig that night. I had written and article about her and she said she really liked it....I was a bit giggly. You know that takes a lot, people.

When I admire someone that much...that MUCH...I find it hard to hold an intelligent conversation.

Truth.

Anyhow, I went to the FANTASTIC Fashion Crimes to pick out my outfit for the night....GORGEOUS navy lace...with a red sash....all "Maria" from West Side opposite...you guys know how I love the www.fashioncrimes.com ...and just so you know they are having a FANTASTIC sale...run don't walk.

Then I went to the soundcheck.

Sky=Overcast.

But, we were not going to be negative about the fucking weather.

When the cast of "Jesus Christ Superstar" showed up, I saw friends old and new...I remembered, with GREAT excitement, that I would be seeing a lot of musical theatre people that I have not seen in a while...and I pined a bit for me musical theatre days (yes, you know how I get)...it was bittersweet...but more sweet.

They got up onto the stage and did their sound check...and I could have cried.

They were amazing.

They sounded amazing....artist after artist sang and I was so fucking excited for the night...Bruce Dow (I mean, really, what can you say about Bruce...he is just the best), Lee Siegel (fuck, what a vocalist)....the crazy Superstar Ladies Melissa O'Neil, Dominique Roy and Katrina Reynolds (belting the shit outta that shit), Josh Young....okay, people...this is one of the richest rock voices I have heard...ever...and Jonathan Winsby who filled in for the ailing Paul Nolan...and sang the crap out of Gethsemane...it was just...wow....that is all I have to say....wow.

GO SEE JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR!!!

And then the lovely people of "My Fair Lady" were up and I could not have been happier to see the lovely Deb Hay...who sang like a dream....Ben Campbell...the perfect Higgins...Jeff Irving as the delightful Freddy and the set was capped off with Neil Barclay as Doolittle...so different from the JSS set but so perfect.

GO SEE MY FAIR LADY!!!

I was just so happy that Chris Lorway, the AD of Luminato (who, sadly, is leaving after this festival) arranged this night...saw the merits of arranging this night...and just seeing these Canadian artists doing their thing in one place...magic, as my friend Mark says.

And, through the magic of Chris Lorway, I had the amazing chance to work with Lance Horne...who really is amazing artist and after I saw him playing for Allan Cumming and the aforementioned Meow Meow at the Edinburgh Festival last year, I could not wait for the chance.

The inimitable Shawn Hitchens, (Who I had the pleasure of co hosting this mega-fabu night with) Lance and myself put together a Broadway Medley...some lovely person put a tiny clip up of it on flicker...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5830976553/in/photostream/

Coolness...Shawn...good Fosse...good fucking Fosse.

The audience was so excited!!! And loving the musical theatre....MUSICAL THEATRE, BITCHES!!!

I did a bit of Bohemian...Chris tells me I can have a copy of the video they have made...sups cool....but till the here is a bit from the same person on flicker...thanks again....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5831035219/in/photostream/

Nothing like a fucking Jumbotron to make you feel fancy.

And Meow Meow...what do you say?

If you were there last night, I know you can't wait to see here again...you are struck...she is an inspiration.

Yes, she is.

As I looked out into the crowd and watched the rain coming down and everyone standing there watching her do her encore in totaly silence....again, magic.

And here she is...thanks to the trusty FLICKER person.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5831544528/in/photostream/

Last year, Chris Lorway, him told me about her.

I went home and googled the shit out of her.

Wow.

Huh.

She looks like SEXY BEAST of theatre.

I gotta see her show in Scotland, thinks I.

And I did...and I was forever changed.

Changed in the imaginings of what my limitations are...

Changed in thinking that there are rules in theatre.

Changed...

I would not have gone back to meet her if Wayne Gwillim had not made me.

I kinda waxed poetic about when I would get the chance to work with her...and a year later...here we were.

Remember all those donations I received last year so I could take my show places?

I stood offstage last night and watched Meow Meow and just coulda cried....again...from total happiness.

It is worth it, Canada...it is worth it to fund artists to go and do their work...things happen...artists meet...knowledge is passed on...connections are made. Shawn Hitchens is bringing his show to the same venue that I did my show at last year in Scotland. We will be there at the same time...he is brave and he is talented and he is gonna do the EDFRINGE!

Thanks again, TO ALL who supported me last year...I cannot thank you enough.

And, don't forget...I GO BACK THIS YEAR!!!

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/sharron-matthews-superstar-jesus-thinks-i-m-funny

I wanna thank Scott McVittie, Mitchell Marcus, Lance Horne and Shawn Hitchens who made the night such a dream...one they were equally excited about.

And mostly, thanks to Chris Lorway for making it happen.

This town has a lot to thank you for, sir.

New York 2011

2011-06-08T13:59:00.001-05:00

I took this picture from under the tree, where I sat with my MAC computer in northern Central Park.

So, Sunday in the Park, huh?

So, this is a different trip to NY.

It is a work trip.

I am working with my friend, Karen Carpenter (the other fabulous Karen Carpenter director and angel of Love, Loss and What I Wore) on a super secret, sexy project.

So, I have been compiling, writing...and sneezing...I have some fucking summer sinus thing....fuck you sinus thing.

I haven't had the desire to see any big shows...and running in Hubert Hsu down here....who is seeing 14 shows in one week made me feel quite inadequate, I gotta tell you.

The first night I got here and waited for Thom to be done Priscilla Queen of the Desert....yes, I am staying with my bestie, Thom...who I have missed like I miss my favourite blue suit from when I was 8....god, I loved that suit...and I love Thom more.

He is like a breath of fresh air in a stinky, horrible nuclear-day-after-world.

Huh.

Yup, I do mean that.

He is doing wonderfully down here...and he has his first 'own' apartment in many years...I don't think he would mind me saying he is a true gypsy subletter.

It is in Harlem.

135th and Lenox, bitches.

The first thing I heard when I walked alone out of the building, by myself, my first morning here was..."Well, yes, big city girl"...I know it was directed at me...I took it as a compliment.

WHAT?

So, back to me waiting for Thom to be done his first night.....I went and sat at the end of the bar at Don't Tell Mama's and ordered a wine and read my Time Out New York to make some small plans for the week.

The waiters were ornery...the Nebraska beauty queen I was sitting near was more ornery...and the gay dude at the end of the bar let us all know within the first few minutes he sat down that he was a writer on a very famous sitcom set in NY and he was just exhausted from working all day.

I was back.

I love Don't Tell Mama's...and it doesn't disappoint...the ornery...yes, I love this word....dude on the piano was the same dude who would not let me sing for hours last year, when I was promoting my show and after I did he conceded that I was 'okay' ....again, I love New York.

After sitting and listening in the back of my mind for a while whilst reading my mag I heard a pure tenor and I looked up...my waiter was singing.

He must be about 20.

He sang Daniel by Elton John.

He was spit shone with recently combed hair, a plaid shirt and converse sneakers.

I could picture him as Curly in Oklahoma at his highschool.

Here he was in New York.

I wondered what would become of him.

I wonder.

The next night I went to Joe's Pub to see Justin Bond.

You see, it was exactly a year since I did my show there.

I wanted to go...and I have always wanted to see Justin Bond.

He was rapturous.

In his gold lame cocktail dress and black wrap around heels.

Singing his original songs, killing me with his wicked humour.

It made me happy/sad.

Oh....and Justin Bond's guest that night?

Carole Pope...who has moved to New York...sigh.

I wish we had more places like this in Canada.

Where artists could really be who they are and discover their truths and refine their art. Buddies in Bad Times in amazing....Maggie just opened her pubaret....but we are so far behind...there are 100 rooms here.

I have hope but it was happy/sad.

I feel a change is at hand for me.

There have been so many things...so many opportunities that I have had since my show here last year, that it feels like a million years since I did my show there.

I don't know what the change is, but I am open.

I write...I look through my old work...I look forward to writing new work....but change is coming...I can feel it.

I open my arms...and my heart...and try not to resist.

Tonight, I will see Liza fucking Minnelli live...for the first time...and Sandra Bernhard, who's first show was a great inspiration to me...

I keep working.

And Europe is 7 weeks away.

What the fuck. Life is good....so good. Thank you, Universe.

(If this sounds melancholy...remember...I am on cold pills.)

This is why I don't answer the phone....

2011-05-11T16:26:00.000-05:00

The following is a transcript from a phone call I received on my land line (?) earlier today.

Me: Hello?

She: Who is this?

Me: Who is THIS?

She: This is Bobby Lynn.

Me: (inside voice: Really?!) What can I do for you, Bobby Lynn?

She: Who are you?

Me: (Pause) I think you have the wrong number.

She: Your number is programmed into my husband's cell phone...who are you?

Me: (Ah...she thinks I am his mistress of something...I am intrigued and sad...but mostly intrigued) I am the owner of this phone number...but I have only been here a couple months so it must have been someone else...(Why the fuck am I justifying myself to you instead of following my natural instincts and hanging up....one word: intrigued)

She: I don't think so....your name is programmed in my husband Peter's phone under UMV. (My mind does one million things...under my vage....u must vage....u make vaginas...I don't know why my mind was stuck in this place)

Me: I don't know Peter.

She: How do you know his name?

Me: You just said it.

She: Who are you?!?!?!

Me: Okay, I am not your husband's mistress or whatever...I know that much....and I gotta tell you...you are really freaking me out, Bobby Lynn. ( I hear it is important in these negotiations to establish intimacy.)

She: (long long Pause) Wrong number.

Dial tone.

I have included a picture from my photo shoot...because it felt like the right thing to do.

Scotland, London, Stratford, Hamilton, Canada Sings has a DEBUT date ...and my highschool reunion.

2011-05-10T17:34:00.003-05:00

Yup, I am a mere two and half months from trundling back over the pond to Scotland, doing my London debut and having Canada Sings debut while I am....abroad...abroad....HAHAHAHAH!

(You will have to read through all of this to get to the part about my highschool reunion...just read through....don't be a pussy and just scroll down...yes, I called you a pussy)

August 10th is the air date for Canada Sings people...I will be in Scotland at the Edinburgh Fringe...which is fancy...but I wish I was gonna be here...I will be here in spirit.

So, watch Global on August 10th and then go to the CanadaSingsTV (yes, all one word) facebook page and tell everyone how much you loved me...wait, it...the TV show...and maybe me...why not, right?!?!?

All joking aside, I really believe that this is gonna be a wonderful show...and it isn't a talent show...it is an amazing hour of watching your possible friends and neighbours work their asses off and transform from office workers, doctors, nurses, policemen, waiters, call centre workers and firemen into an amazing group of singers and dancers...and it is all for charity....I KNOW!! You will love it.

And I am in it.

But the reason I won't be in Canada is because I will be debuting my new show at the Edinburgh Fringe, bitches.

It is called....ready?....

Sharron Matthews Superstar: Jesus Thinks I'm Funny.

Yup.

And here is a pic from my promo photoshoot....

YUP!!! SO EXCITED!!!!

Anyhow, before all of this happens, I have some shows I would love to have you be around for, if you wanna!

I am reprising my Flying Beaver Pubaret Show (Big hit, people, was the Critic's Pick in the Toronto Star and the Now Magazine!!!) at the NEW Springworks Festival here in Stratford...it is happening this Friday the 13th (wow, I just noticed that...will have to honour that somehow) at 11:00pm at Factory 163....please go here for the deets

www.springworksfestival.ca

I am bringing Cooch and Jamie Drake up from TO to accompany me...we are gonna have a blast....IN MY NEW HOMETOWN!!!

FYI: This show...late night...not so much kid friendly!

And then from May 17th to the 29th I will be doing my "Sharron's Big Broadway Show" in the studio at Theatre Aquarius in Hamilton....my hometown....I have been doing this show all over Canada and it has been very well received and I have a great time...I am excited that there is gonna be a nice two week run!

This show? Totally kid friendly! Not toddler friendly...teenager and tween ish friendly. As long as they don't heckle...then all bets are off.

Go here for tickets and details...and it is selling really well so buy your tickets NOW!!!

http://www.theatreaquarius.org/OnStage/StageWriteSeries/StageWrite-Show1.html

SO!

I went to my 25th highschool reunion. I didn't know it was the 25th. So, when I was standing there with my friend Regan and said, "How long have we been out of highschool?", she looked at me like I was a doof and pointed at the big 25th Reunion banner on the wall....doof.

It was weird.

And I could not stop saying it.

There were a lot of people I didn't remember...there were a lot of people that I remembered who didn't really seem to want to remember...there were a lot of great people who I have not seen in a million years that I got to talk with.

And there was that bitch from grade 3...who I went to school with all the way to grade 12....who didn't talk to me...who ignored me from grade 3 to grade 12...who I saw there.

The one that my young girl friends demanded that I invite to my 13th brithday party...even though she didn't speak to me...and I did... yes, I know....but I was young, my dad had died and I just wanted everyone to like me.

She was there.

She is married to a drummer or something.

If you get that...then that makes me happy.

Anyhow, I saw her and thought about confronting her...and decided she wasn't worth the air.

I am 4-fucking-2 years old, people.

For the record...she still has the same hairstyle (?!) and seems to be the same FUCKING BITCH.

Other than that, my friend Jody just reminded me to write a couple of things... ...it is good to have friends to remind you of things.

1. Thanks to Anita Blaney for arranging the whole reunion, I am sure it was a great deal of work.

2. Dear Chrissie Godwin-Bokstein, I am sorry I asked you where you lived 3 times...I was over stimulated by all the people.

3. Thanks to Regan for getting a couple of us together beforehand to drink and eat Chinese food, you are the glue, Regan.

4. Thanks to the one man who kept pointing out how hot his wife was, "Can you believe how hot my wife is? Huh?" Huh...

I hope you all are well!!!

Come on out to the shows...I would love to see you!!!

Three Favourite Things So Far Today...

2011-05-07T11:22:00.001-05:00

So, it is only noon here in Stratford and I have done so much and thought so many fabulous thoughts ALREADY....I hope you enjoy....or scratch your head...or are as mad as I am...so many options, HUH?

Anyhow...first thing this morning I looked out the back window ( I always do before I go outside because we are still a week away from an effing fence....people weren't meant to share property) and there are two women, one young, one old, with spades....digging up my garden.

I shit you not.

I YELL out the window..."THAT FLOWER IS MINE!" (it was the best I could come up with at short notice..I had just woken up after all)...I pulled on whatever was near (probably a cocktail dress and a hoodie) and ran outside...the women were still standing there...with the effing shovels...looking at me like I am crazy. I said again, "That is my flower...everything from that stake over (they were a good 5 feet in my yard) is mine."...then the old woman said "My sister used to own all these properties...I am used to just taking the flowers...." and still they stood, "Well, they are mine...." (I remained firm in my theme) and I was not budging.

WHO DOES THIS!?!?!?!

Is this what happens in the country?

She then told me that she had be removing flowers for a month...which would explain the three big holes in my garden. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

OUT, get out!!!!

And they actually had the gall to seem pissed.

Then when I was driving to New Hamburg to drop George off I saw a huge sign hanging over the GORGEOUS green fields that said "Today's Holocaust, Abortion! Funded by YOUR Tax $$$!".

Um.

That seems a bit much, don't you think.

I hate that I will have to now look at this every time I go back and forth.

Way to fuck up the view.

Maybe I should rent a billboard beside it with that says....oh lord...I can't even write down what I want it to say...

Then that sent me down the conservative way....

With that thought I realized that we are probably one of the ONLY countries in the world where the leader was a big liar and then got a bigger majority after a non confidence vote and election...

WE LIKE LIARS!!!

All this being said I saw a gorgeous set of shelves at the antique market....

Politics and the girl who has no idea.

2011-05-01T17:13:00.001-05:00

This is me.

My name is Sharron Matthews....Superstar (eff you guys, I am trying to start a trend and sell my shows...judge away.)

I am only a tiny bit embarrassed to tell you that I know absolutely nothing about politics.

I find it boring.

I find it tedious.

And like when you buy a car you know you are getting screwed, you just don't know how much...this is the way I feel about politics.

And that I am being coerced and lied to.

Huh.

Sad, huh?

AND I mean, armed with limited knowledge from "Man And Society" class taught by Mr. Tobin...god, he was a mean fucker...in Grade 10 and 11, I can see that we have it a lot better than most.

Lybia.

Egypt.

That Kim Jong Il in North Korea

Ew....shiver....gross...there are some mean fuckers (Like Mr. Tobin....but worse, I imagine)...running peoples lives in our world.

So, by comparison, maybe we don't have it so bad.

But maybe it can still be better.

(The next part may give away my limitations when it comes to fancy things like economics and...other gross shit but I feel compelled to tell you....so judge me if you will...I don't give a crap)

So, one day I asked George, who tapes the debates and watches them on PVR while I am on Facebook, reading my Kobo or wishing I was a little big dead from even hearing the debates in the background...I asked George what the whole "Non Confidence" thing meant....he took a great deal of time to describe the whole thing to me...I am always eager to learn...about anything but politics BUT I used the same learning skills that I need when I study....things.

When he was finished I said, "So, he lied, they party lied and broke the law".

He said, " Um, not technically....they weren't tried in a court of law...".

Me said, "What the fuck does that mean?"

He said, "Fancy thing, fancy thing, fancy things ....huge words like quagmire.... Non confidence vote."

Me said, " So they lied and broke the law and did things that other people could be put in jail for."

He said, "Um not technically..."

And around and around it went...George loves how there are absolutely no shades of grey with me....loves it, I am sure.

I was so mad.

I mean, I wasn't going to vote for the doof in the first place...I always vote NDP....always....but now...how?

How the fuck do we make this not happen?

I think that some people think that their vote doesn't count.

I sometimes feel this way.

But it does.

I think of all the people through the centuries who have DIED for the right to vote.

All the people who die now.

This is gonna sound ultra gaylordy...so put on your gaylordy reading caps....all our votes count.

Then I had a TRULY gaylordy thought...what if we all voted our hearts and the fuckers were kicked out.

What if...or what if we had a coalition GOVERNMENT!! THIS IS MY FAVE IDEA!!! I think Layton needs a terminator...I am not sure he has it in him...WHAT IF!!!

Who knows what can happen when we all vote our hearts....

That being said, here is a little story...I was recently in Moosejaw and the dude who was driving me to the airport began to tell me a story about the injustices that had happened at an Ash factory...I am hoping that I got that right...that some big business from Australia, of all places, was trying to buy out the Ash Factory near Moosejaw and they needed said Ash Factory...and he started to talk about how they had called the PM in to fix it...and I started to laugh...and he looked at me like I was crazy...this was the day I truly realized that some people think he is AWESOME!!! I mean, I know he gets votes and I guess I just never thought, truly thought about where they came from.

And then the next week I went to my sister's house in Hamilton and she had a PC sign on her fucking lawn and I just about passed out.

SO!!! SOME others will be voting their hearts as well...SO WE NEED TO FUCKING VOTE TOMORROW, PEOPLE!!!!

There, I said it...back to regular things...like watching "Hope Floats"

Just remember...."I think when ordinary working people come home, turn on the TV and see a gala of a bunch of people at, you know, a rich gala all subsidized by taxpayers claiming their subsidies aren't high enough, when they know those subsidies have actually gone up – I'm not sure that's something that resonates with ordinary people," Stephen Harper said in Saskatoon,

Well, at least my driver was happy.

VOTE, BITCHES!

"It is a Sausage Convention" at RUSH last night!

2011-04-20T15:41:00.001-05:00

First of all....have you ever seen a happier man in your whole life.

Standing beside my man watching him THRILL through EVERY song that came on....PRICELESS. WORTHE EVERY PENNY FOREVER!!!

Second of all...I have NEVER seen so many STRAIGHT MEN in one place in my entire life. It was a bit weird for me...I didn't know how to conduct myself...

Third of all...I put myself in a line up to get into the orchestra (they call it the FLOOR in concert land...so strange this world)...into the orchestra of the theatre (auditorium)... at least I thought it was that line up...it was the line up for the...wait for it...MEN'S washroom...LINE UP!!! The men's rooms were all packed to overflowing.....that is how many guys were there...and it was sold out...it was, in George's words...a sausage convention. Almost, every time I walked by a group of dudes I would hear them say "There's a girl."....a girl....giggle...me...a girl. LOVE IT.

Fourth of all...George ran out of beer and I said I would go get him some and how much did he want...I put in my ear plugs...yes, I know...and as I walked away I saw about 10 guys nodding to George with awe and respect...

Fifth of all...Though RUSH is amazing...they really are...Geddy Lee, the lead singer commented that because they were so old they had to take an intermission...well, of course they did...it is the theatre, people...George went in search of the Men's room with the shortest line (it still amazes me) and I pulled out my KOBO and sat down... a gentleman in a Maple Leaf's cap and a t shirt that said "Don't Ask....I Divorced the Bitch" said,

"You brought your book to RUSH?"...incredulously....and I said, "Well, it is intermission and I don't know any of you people and my phone has no reception...do you have a better idea?"...He just shook his head and laughed at me in my face...and I bit back "It is a wonder that you aren't married"....or maybe "So, you do well with girls?"... or" You play the best air guitar and drums I have ever seen...that is gonna get you laid!!!" ....oh, so many thoughts....

Sixth of All...I loved watching that band. There is just three of them and they make the most amazing noise I have heard...symphonic. They played like motherfuckers...and that

Getty Lee...he was amazing.....

Geddy Lee had some tight pants on for a 60 year old dude to be running around in. And HE could move...I guess that is from many years of wearing too tight pants...stuffed with a banana....George will be mad when he reads that...but a joke is a joke.

That being said...they are fucking virtuosos....did I spell that right...fuck it...you know what I mean.

Seventh of All...My show at the Flying Beaver on Friday is SOLD OUT!!! I love that, I have to say. So, a second show has been added on Saturday and I have been told that it is selling very well. I would love to see you all...so please book in advance...you can come and have a nice dinner as well...get right sloshed. Don't heckle me though...you know what happens to hecklers....So,call the Pubaret (647.347.6567) for tickets...or go here for online tickets https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/170991

Rush, bitches.

2011-04-19T10:02:00.000-05:00

I am going to see RUSH tonight.

At Copps in Hamilton.

With George...and my people.

Just before Valentines Day (okay, don't tell George but it was Valentines Day) I was on set ...I love saying that...you can judge the fuck out of me...that never gets old...I was on set and trying to figure out what to get George...when George showed up...parking the cube van that held all of our belongings because he was moving our entire home to Stratford from Toronto...on Valentines Day. He showed up ON SET and gave me a beautiful necklace...from where? FASHION CRIMES...322 1/2 Queen West. (You can never promote enough).

I felt so happy and a bit like a tool.

George is so great at the suprises...you know what I a super good at? Cleaning, organizing and making sure he always has soap and toothpaste and socks. That is what I am good at.

So, talking with Andrew, Darcy and Eric (Camera, Audio and Intern Fabulous) I was trying to figure out how I could get the best gift ever. I knew that if I focused I could achieve this thing. THEN I REMEMBERED!!!

I was in Hamilton at the time shooting "Canada Sings" at that morning on the way to breakfast I had seen the poster outside Copps Coliseum for RUSH...and they were playing one of their albums in it's entirety...2011 or something like that.

Now, I am a RUSH fan...not a super fan or anything...but because of George's deep love of this band...I learned very quickly to love them as well.

He loves that Neil (drummer) is from St. Catharines and insists that since Neil writes all the lyrics that "Lakeside Park" is about Port Dalhousie.

We went to a film opening of a Johnny Depp movie once..I was looking at Johnny Depp when Getty Lee walked by him on the red carpet and George was gone...running after him to take a picture on his phone...and he proclaimed that "You're the star, man,"

George loves RUSH and has never seen them live.

SUPER AWESOME GIFT FROM HEAVEN!

So, Andrew told me about a great website called www.stubhub.com ...they get you great seats at a number of different prices and they are trusted and true.

Yes, sometimes the tickets are more than face value...but we are all adults here..right?

So, I got...for the first time in mine and George's adult life....floor seats.

They cost a million dollars.

I have never spent money like that on tickets...and I am NOT bragging...it is just ...it seemed worth it.

We went into hawk ( I have spelled that wrong)...but we are GOING TONIGHT!

George is working in the Hammer (Hamilton to those not in the know) right now and went to the local concert T store to get us Tshirts....we are doing this up right...

I am excited.

I hope George doesn't pass out.

On another note...as a slutty blog writer (and I mean that I am using this blog to sell myself as a musician you dirty minded bitches) my show this Friday night at The Flying Beaver Pubaret is a few tickets from being sold out. So Maggie Cassella asked me to do Saturday Night the 23rd...after having a check in with my musicians I am ready to go.

I am excited about these shows...it is has been a long time since I just sang for the love of it (LORDY, I KNOW!) but I have two of my fave players, Cooch (Chris Tsujiuchi) and Drake (Jamie Drake...not that other DRake) and we are gonna jam it up. I have some new stuff and some stuff I have not done in many, many years. Pink, Blue October, Prince, Duran Duran, Gaga, Back Street Boys...so many artists...too many to name!!!

And I will have had a mammogram, been to a RUSH concert, to London, England, shot a TV show and been to Deep River and Moose Jaw...and moved to the Country...I have a story to tell, people.

So, If you want the last couple Friday tickets GET ON IT!

OR/AND book it up for Saturday....

My agent just bought through the online site and it worked like a charm!

I hope you can come out...as I said before..I am putting the GOOD back in Good Friday and then, now....I am putting the...um...fucking awesomeness back in Easter Weekend...so show up on Friday or the day before Jesus rose...or something (he gets my humour, by the way...he isn't offended...he told me).

Jesus will be there as far as I know.

Here is the info again!

The Flying Beaver Pubaret @ 488 Parliament Street

Shows at 8:00pm on Friday April 22nd and Saturday April 23rd

TIX: $15advance/$20 door

Showtime: 8pm

Dinner available before, during, and after the show

Reservations recommended.

647.347.6567 for info

Pubaret opens at 4pm

Stay and dance to our live DJ after the show!

You can call or order online...here

https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/170991

I hope we can look meaningfully into each others eyes.

Love

Sharron

Country Strong and Boobs.

2011-04-16T16:56:00.000-05:00

So, I had a few alarming things happen in the last couple days.

#1 I had my first mammogram EVER yesterday. I heard a lot of ladies say it is now way better than it was before. Well, “before” must have been fucking terrible. Because that was pretty shitty. First, let me say that the mammogram is a tool used to detect irregularites in the breast...the boob...I know this. It is an early warning tool. For that I am grateful...BUT can’t they find another way to check our boobs? Huh? The groping, the pulling, the squeezing. I was kinda like writing a grant application for the Canada Council. NO WAIT!!! That is worse....the grant writing, that is.

#2 I had above said Mammogram because I have my first physical in 4 years...I know!!! I KNOW!!! But I went....let me SAY THIS?!?!? When you are 42 years old, your physical takes Eighty THOUSAND HOURS!!! AND let us frank, I had a finger in every place there was to put one...lord. I took off my clothes more times than a noon hour stripper at Jilly’s.

#3 When I am alone at home for the day, sometimes I love to watch movies that George will never EVER want to watch with me. The choice today was between Tangled and...wait for it...Country Strong. STOP JUDGING ME! You know some of you were wondering about it.

Well, wonder no more.

That movie has more holes in it than...a cheese grater, a siv, a salad spinner, a hooker’s nylons, my voice after belting for 7 days straight (I, for some reason, dedicate that to Shawn Wright)....LORD LOVE US ALL!!!

Okay...I am gonna write this down for all to see....WHAT THE FUCK MADE GWYNETH PALTROW SUDDENLY DECIDE THAT SHE WAS A FUCKING RECORDING ARTIST? She was autotuned within an inch of sanity. I think of all the country divas out there who watched that movie...and then got really mad after. She has...and I hope I am not spoiling this for you...a concert segment at the end where she is dancing...on my sweet lord...she is changing dresses, giving the performance of a life time....and at the end she says “That is how it is done, sweetheart.”

Really.

Is it?

I am not so sure it is.

Ug...the uncomfortable scenes...the stories that don’t make sense...the bird...the fucking bird...oh, lord...and there is some stinky acting.

LORD!

Sorry...I am always hopeful for a musical movie...but my god...as a bonus, the secondary female and the secondary dude are good singers.

I can only think that Faith Hill watched that movie, that her hubby was in and said “ You gotta be fucking kidding me...”

WAIT!

Did you ever see the youtube vid where Faith Hill is doing a concert and yells at some coug in the audience who grabbed Tim McGraw’s balls....oh god...google it!

Anyhow.

I just had to get that out.

And on the flip side...the tickets to my show on Friday are going fast. I am only doing one, no matter what, so get your tickets in advance people!

Cooch and I rehearsed yesterday...oh lord...I am excited....new stuff...new stuff....and I called the fabu Jamie Drake! He will come to percuss...

I am so looking forward to see you all....

What fun we will have....

Here is the info again!

Online tickets at https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/170991

FB Page Event!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=146357842097245

Happy Weekend, All!!!

The sun is coming out right now!