And then I almost died!

Alright people, are you ready for a scary tale.

Tuck yourself in and put your hands and feet under the blanket....as you don't want to be grabbed by the spirits.

So, here I am in Orangeville, they are so nice to me here, to rehearse the two hander play that George and I are doing....

Well, because George is doing an Aboriginal Dance piece this week during the day, true story, we are rehearsing from 5-10 in the evening.

And we have had to pull out of retirement from his place at Richmond and Sherbourne....

(my sister is house sitting....so don't think about robbing us!!!!)

Otto the 15 year old dog....

On the road, again.

God bless his stinky soul.

( He does smell like corn chips)

We finish rehearsal and George is going back to our place in TO to make the commute easier for himself tomorrow.

I am going to stay at the General Manager's home in the country.

Well, I come out and put Otto in the Ford and it starts to rain a bit....Marilyn, said General Manager, has been so sweet and very concerned that I make it there okay so late at night....but I am like.....oh, don't worry...I drive all the time at night....

Well, the effing rain makes the road all damned shiny and there are no lights....it is pitch black, except for the lights on my car and the lights from the occasional yahoo that drives by me and flips me the bird for driving so slow......

Oh my god....I just kept driving and driving....I got lost twice and had to pull into the Texas Chainsaw Massacre-er's drive way to look at the map.

So, finally I find the sideroad that she lives on...it is like a rollercoaster.....and it is wet and gravelly....oh my....

my heart beats a bit faster...I just want to get there....

Remember how warm it was yesterday?

Remember how fucking cold it got last night?

Well, I find the driveway to her house and as god is my fricken' witness a goddamned dear ran in front of my car.

You gotta be kinding me....

Then as I swerve out of the way I see a freakin' bunny.....

All of a sudden it is the fricken wild kingdom.

Her house is lovely and she actually has me and Otto set up in a separate apartment over the garage....it is very nice and homey...just a teeny bit cold....as the temperature has dropped about 100 degrees in the last hour.

I take all of my luggage up the stairs and then heave up my 45 pound dog...and Bob's your uncle and Neil's your aunt...at least in my world he is!

So, there is a TV with rabbit ears....thank jesus....and a phone....but I really feel like I am in the middle of nowhere.....again, Marilyn, I thank you for the place, it is wonderful....I am not ungrateful....just trying to tell the story the way it was.

So as I go down the stairs I see that there is someone standing at outside the door looking in, I gasp and clutch the pearls.....but then I see that it is just Marilyn......she is all concerned that I am settled in.

I tell her I am great!

She says that I should be aware that there is supposed to be some high winds during the night.

I say, bring it....she mentions that it can get pretty windy.

Well, I go to sleep at 11:00pm.

You guys.

The wind sounded like someone was trying to rip off the roof.

It sounded like...an effing tornado....and if any of you know my dog....he HATES noise.

Of any kind.

So, I can hear him shaking on the floor....I try to get him up on the bed...it takes about 20 minutes of shaking, growling and lifting!

But I get him up!

I put him under the covers and we lay there and cannot sleep at all, it was sooooo loud!

It started to sound a bit scary at about 3:00am.

I thought the windows were going to blow in.

So, I am drifting in and out of sleep clutching Otto to my side.

I wake fully at 4:11am and as my eyes open....

The power goes out.

When I am staying somewhere new I always leave a little light on to keep me feeling safe and cosy.

Well.... no lights .... pitch fucking black.

Um.

Heart beats....Otto whines just a little.....never a good sign....and the I start to think of the new show I have been watching....have you watched it....

Paranormal State....

It is about ghostbusting people basically.

I am scared as shit.

No doubt.

I clutch to my chest the only thing that I think can help me out of this mess.

My blackberry.

And I begin to randomly shine the light around the room to make sure that there are no serial killers waiting.

I don't know where any candles are and the ground outside is frozen because the temperature went down 100 degrees in an hour....so running like hell is out of the question....and it is hard to run with a 45 pound, 15 year old, scared as I am schnauzer that I am in charge of.

So, I ask Otto what we should do...he gags like an old man and breathes his breatheof death on me.

Alright.

The power stayed off for 4 hours....I know because Otto and I were awake for all of them.....the power made the heat go off....it was 55 degrees on the thermostat when it started up again!

I went through every Steven King book I had ever read....and every scary scenario that ever existed.

And it sounded like armageddon was happening outside.

Then it started to sound to sound like someone was making their way up the steps....

It was the longest 4 hours of my life....with my blackberry clutched in one hand and Cornchip dog in the other....thank god for Otto......

When the sun rose I fell into a stuppor.....

I made it!

And I didn't get killed!

Only almost.

The Screen Actors Guild? I never!

Oh my god!!!!

You guys!!!!

I didn't know but I was up for a SAG award!

REALLY!!!!

I was sitting here watching the only awards show on TV.... I was so excited that I almost peed!

I did!

How many exclamations can I use in this blog?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All of the dresses....all of the make up......all of the boobjobs....all of the thank you speeches being run over inside of coifed brains.....

Then John Travolta and Nicki Blonsky came onstage and announced that the Hairspray movie was up a "Best Cast" award!

WAIT!!!!!

I was in the cast!!!!

I was!!!!

Then they showed a clip.....I was in it twice.....that was two more times than James Marsden..... and he played Corny effing Collins....I screamed soo fucking loud that George almost jumped off of the couch!

I was excited like I was.......when something awesome would happen when I was in my twenties.....before I was jaded!

Then.....I didn't win.....it was sad.......hmm.

All of my excitement gone... so fast.

I never win anything.

Fuck.

Here are a couple thoughts about the SAG awards!

Charles Durning, Mickey Rooney, Julie Christie, Ruby Dee.......

Old people scare me.

Is that wrong?

At least I am honest.

Is that Kate Hudson goona break up Matthew McConnaghy's relationship?

She is a bit of a homewreaker.

Do you think Angelina and Brad even remember Jenn?

Vanessa Williams dress looked like it wanted to go south.

And lastly, I loved Daniel Day Lewis' speech.

He is one class act.

Miss America LIVE!

So.

George and I are sitting on the couch...we both have our laptops in our.......well, in our laps.

And we are watching......

but only out of the corner of our eyes......

Miss America.......

LIVE!!!!!!!

It is being billed as America's first real reality show!

Oh my...........

This guy from Entertainment Tonight is the host.....and it is live.....it seems to freakin' him out....he is stumbling over he words and has the crazy eyes.

They have as a colour commentator.....I have always found that title slightly disoncerting......

that mean guy from 'What Not To Wear'.....Clinton or something......he just gave the 35 girls who didn't make the top 15 creampuffs and cookies....they have to sit to the side of the stage and watch bitches that they can't really stand fight each other for the illustrious title of Queen of the People Whose Moms Pushed Them Too hard.

Oh ya .....

and didn't feed them for 18 years.

Old Miss America's dress looks like it was made by ...... by .....

my dog.

That host is havin' a hard time..... they are saying that the bikini  competition is really just  a focus on health and fitness and......

oh ya....

titties and asses!!!!

Thoughts in the bikini competition...

Miss Iowa is wearing clear heeled hooker shoes...

Which was fitting as the music sounded like it was stripper tunes....

Miss Indiana's last name is Rash....

Icky....

They all have fierce bodies.....makes me want to kill them a bit.

Miss Washington looks like a drag queen....

Oh my harsh....

but true my people.....

Work it Miss Florida!

Miss Utah is in a one piece!!!!

Hmm.

What is she hiding?

That host is still looking like he took the wrong job.

That Clinton is just effing mean?

And the first commercial is for home pregnancy tests and the second is for Tostitos.....

and the third, my friends,

depression medication!

WHO DO THEY THINK IS WATCHING THIS?

And how can a side effect of depression medication be suicide? 

Can you tell me that?

And I think they gave the host a valium on the break.

Oh No.....

They are cutting 6!

Who will kick who?

Who will wish death on the other?

They sure know how to put on a smilie face.....I would be effing pissed..... and that Miss Utah should have worn a bikini.... she just got kicked off!

And then she got down on the floor and did push ups ..... who does she think she is?

Jack Palance?

EVENING WEAR!

But a commercial break first!

I went today to meet with some friends that I had not hung out with since 1986!

Holy shit.... that sounds like forever!

I was a bit pee-my-pants excited!

I met Chrissie and Regan at Slainte in Hamilton....we sat and talked and laughed for 3 hours..... god the names that they were coming up with and the stuff they remembered made me gobsmacked.

I am so glad that we met...I wanted to post a picture of us together from 1986 but I could not find one....and I took my camera to take a pic of now but forgot to put batteries in....ass.

Anyhow.....I had a fab time you guys!

Cannot wait for next time!

Commercial break over!

All of the parents are onstage for the final part.....like there isn't enough pressure... Mama Rose is onstage.

Oh that first dress is lovely! 

But Miss Texas' dress is a green kermit-the-frog mess...with panels and god knows what else.

Georgia got fake boobies, I thinkie.

Oh... and so does Indiana.

Those 40 women on the stage are just the whole experience and they are sitting with Clinton, the mean guy, during the evening wear part....you know they are just cutting the crap out of all those dresses.......Oh I am exhausted!

 I don't know it I can make it through the rest!

I just lost interest....I wish there was pizza.

And chips.

And Dip.

mmmmmmm.

I am turning it.....the pagent is outdated and it bores me now.....ooooh Austin Powers.

 Okay....then I turned it back on when George took Otto out  to walk......Miss Texas was doing jazz on pointe.....to the Rich Man's Frug from Sweet Charity.....what the fuck is Jazz on POINTE>>>>>it is bad.....that is what it is....the next girl is playing the violin.....oh shit here comes George!

Sweatin' to Oldies

So, I go to a bikram yoga class.......

With my friend Thom, .....

Do you know what bikram is?

It is an hour and a half of yoga poses in a room that can go to 110 degrees......

Really......

Hot yoga, the younguns call it.

First of all, Thom got me all scared telling me how hard and challenging it was....and how it could make you feel dizzy and sick to your stomach and maybe a bit faint....

And after this conversation I got off the phone....I don't even think I sounded like I was willing by the end of the conversation.....and turned to my husband and told him that I thought that I might die.

Then I called my friend Vicki.....she is a choreographer and a dancer.......she sounded skeptical and started to tell me how she went and because she is all a dancer , she pushed herself way hard.....and then she went home with a migrane and projectile vomited.....well.....aweseome.

I was actually quite scared by the time I got the studio .....and we had to go to a late class so the place was packed....about 35 people.....

All pretty much naked.

Really.

I was wearing pants and two tank tops and it looked like I was in a parka compared to everyone else....

There was a dude in a man bikini.....

And all I could think of as I watched him standing front and centre with his spray-on tan was.....

You come here to be naked and in your speedo .....and you have an excuse....

did I mention people were pretty much NAKED!!

I walked into the room to put my matt down before we started....to save my place and all.....and when I felt the wave of heat and the breathed in the humidity.......

I started to panic, but just a bit.

Then when we all got in the room and it was just jam packed.....

I panicked a bit more.....

Then the lady asked who was new to the class and 2 of us put up our hands....she said the most important thing was to not leave the room....it would be bad for your heart and is disruptive to the class.......so try and tough it out for the.....

HOUR AND HALF!

AHHHHHHH!

I was already sweating and trying not to run screaming from the room.....fighting the fight or flight instinct.

It was hard!

So, about ten minutes into the class.......a dude ran out....he just wanted OUT and someone in the class asked him to not leave the room....not even the teacher....you could tell he was freakin' a bit....then the teacher tried to talk him out of it...

LET THE POOR GUY GO FOR GODS SAKE!

I laid down about 5 times.....I felt sick about the same amount and felt like I was gonna pass out only once.

Not bad, eh?

There was a point when I was wrapped up in some position and the teacher said not to think badly of the person who brought you.....I looked at Thom....

he pretended not to notice.

But I made it....cue all of the applause.....I think that the hardest thing was trying to just be easy on myself and not try to push myself too hard....and honour when I had to stop....and really,  just to try not to run out of the room.

I sweat so much that my clothes weighed about 10 pounds and my hair was soaked....

but let me tell you something....

when it was done.....

this felt better than doing a great opening night show.

It felt like I had done something athletic, which has never been my forte....

and that I had conquered a fear....

And that I am a sweating machine.

So,.......

I went back today at noon.....yup I did!

I am nothing if not obsessive.....

And guess what........I did awesome...I only laid down twice......

and think I did  well on the poses for a beginner...

Although I got there early to get a good spot and this lady came in just as we started and stood right in front of me in the mirror....I wanted to say something but I thought that wouldn't be very yoga-ie of me.

I am proud and I only hurt a bit......I think I will do it again.

Doesn't that sound cracked?

Trading Spouses.....

Just a thought!

Have you ever watched Trading Spouses?

Oh my lord!

It is sooooooooo good!

Oh my dear lord...... it is 250 shades of wrong!

And if this in wrong I don't want to be right!

They always put a new age person from the north with a christian from the deep south and just back up and let the hilarity ensue.

There was a woman on this week who was so freakin' scary..... she was from Louisiana and was so crazy and so afraid that she was being possessed by the dark side ........ because the people in the family were astrologists ......  and the first place she felt the devil was.....drumroll please.... 

the dryer that made a clunking noise....... 

it scared her so much that she puked in the garden.

Oh god your guys......tune in.

National Velvet......

So!!!!

My BFF Thom and I got together tonight for the first time in a while......wanna know how gay we are?

We listened to broadway  showtunes on my MAC...really!

Then we felt the ennui and decided that we needed to go see some trash movie.....

enter 

National Treasure: Book of Secrets!

Oh my.....did all of these actors take this movie because they were told that the other actors were taking it.....

Helen Mirren: Oh well, Ed Harris is in it.

Ed Harris: Well, Helen Mirren is in it.

Nicholas Cage: Why did I get a face job and plugs?

Oh my ......

What the fuck happened to Nick Cage?!!!!!

Thom mentioned that he heard he had work but holy shit.....everytime the camera got close everyone in the theatre winced!

Nothin' about him looked real...which made me sad because he looked like he might be down to earth.

Anyhow...Thom and I got there just before the movie started and sat beside a family of four who had obviously gotten there early to get a good seat....the daughter and son looked like they were totally doing this to make their parents happy.....then just as the lights went down and the movie started the tallest ....I know I have a tendency to exaggerate sometimes but this time not......THE TALLEST man I have ever seen walked into the theatre.....it is like when you are on the plane and seated and the seat next to you is empty and someone walks down the aisle with a new born.....you are praying that they sit with the big dude in front of you.......so back to the movie theatre.....we all just cringe and wait....then he sits his huge self right in front of the daughter....and I lean forward and have to cover my mouth....they rearrange all of their family seating and then the worlds tallest dude gets up and changes his seat....the son leans forward and turns to Thom and I and in his best stage whisper says " That guys was like seven feet tall, right?"

Oh my....laughter ensued.

The movie made me laugh and yawn just a bit....but I was with Thom so we made our own fun talking about how snatched Helen Mirren looked.......how unbelievable the Jon Voight is still out there workin......how good looking Ed Harris is with his texan accent.....

At the end I guess we might have talked too loud because the guy sitting directly in front of Thom and I stood in front of us for all of the credits....he was the last one in the theatre.

Fun killer.

So much coffee.....

I have spent alot of my time at coffee shops this week!

That is how I know I am on an, almost, vacation.

Not really though...I am writing and editing footage on my Mac.

It still makes me poop my pants that I can edit on my MAC.

Met my friend Deb at the Remarkable Bean in the beaches.....or is it the beach......the people down there are a bit particular about that....

I lived in the Beaches....that is my choice....for one year and only one year.....I thought that it would be a dream .. but it was ass-ie......... I have never seen so many yuppies in my life!

You had to have a baby carriage and a dog to live down there....oh and alot of fleece ....oh ya and the weirdest part of all....I have never seen so many white people in my life....it took me about 2 weeks to figure out what was so different then it hit me as I was walking down the street drinking my Starbucks.....

"There is no cultural diversity down here!"

Not even close.

And the house we lived in had a questionable family living in the downstairs apartment.

One of their bastard children stole George's bike out of the garage.

I still hate that family a bit.

Is that wrong.

Where was I?

The Remarkable Bean....

My friend Deb and I did 'Bye Bye Birdie ' at Leah Poslun's in the early 90's.....and if that doesn't take you back......I played .....what was her name.....Ursula?.....anyway the character was 17...that was the last time I played anything under 25...I wished someone would have told me...I would have enjoyed it.

Deb and I are 19 years older.....that makes me shit my pants....

Then I went to Starbucks to meet my new friend Patricia....she is a fancy actress......she was on the Jane Show....I liked that show.....fucking cancelled...anyhow....Patricia and I were surrounded by some strange people....did you ever really notice what weird-ies hang around coffee shops......besides myself that is......people who chat with themselves....ya know.....I am not feeling that funny today....I cannot think of one funny thing to say....I am just rambling on about nothing....usually I can come up with a theme or a dirty joke or something.

Wow.......I hope I didn't lose my funny.

ENCHANTED, I'm sure.

So, I tried to see Enchanted on Saturday night....I have gayly been waiting to see it since it came out but with the 400 Wizard of Oz'z and the Sharron's Parties I had to wait.....so  George and I are on our way there...we had to drive to the Golden Mile at Warden and Eglinton...near the old hood...feels far as France now....and in the car I feel a bit off...but we arrive late...surprise... and have crappy seat choices because it is packed....I am immediately angry at everyone who is in the cineplex for not seeing the movie earlier.....we end up getting seats in the back beside a woman who has taken a whole bottle of the Giorgio knock off and poured it all over herself.....and then bought the biggest tub of popcorn in the land....that is not a the best combination of smells in the world......then the movie does some visual dips and dives and I turn to George and tell him....

"We have to go"

"What?"

"We have to go."

"Why?"

"Because I am gonna puke."

Everyone out of the pool.....nothing makes a person move faster than the threat of vomit.

George, having been with me for 15 years, knows that I can spew with the best of 'em so he gets me the fuck out of there.

I was super sad.

I really wanted to see it.

Then !

He took me to the Scotia on Monday to the biggest theatre to see it.

We love him....he watched the first part twice.

He must truly love me.

I LOVED IT!

I could not be gayer for it!

I loved everything about it,

I loved that Amy Adams......can you believe that Idina Menzel was in a musical movie and didn't sing.....though she can do no wrong by me, in the beginning she was doing some big MT acting but she managed to dial it back a bit.....don't you think?

I liked McDreamy....when he sang that little bit I cried ....eff you judgers!

I did not like Susan Sarandon's platform shoes......they were too Paul Stanley from 'Kiss'..she should have had a high thin heel.

And George thought that they could have done a better job on James Marsden's hair.....hmm....really George?

But other than that......

GAY FOR IT!!!!

Thoughts?

Anyone Can Whistle

What a lovely night!

Anyone Can Whistle at the Diesel......

The whole community in one place at one time...alot of gay and alot of energy and alot of people needing attention......most of all me.....I need alot of attention....ask George.

I love Sondheim......I don't know that show that well......during the second act I couldn't believe the hits!

'Oh, that is from this show!'

I said that about 3 times.

I love me some Blythe Wilson!

She can do no wrong by me....there is a place I go when I watch other ladies perform.....and sometimes when they are just turning it out I get a bit jealous....just being honest people.....then if they are just so individually good, something that is singular and awesome.... I transcend right past jealous to....wow...right on sister.....I ain't even jealous....that is where I go with dear Blythe...she is some good.

 ( I also feel that way about the lovely Corrie Koslo...who was not in Anyone Can Whistle....I just felt it bared mentioning.) 

And the young Adam Brazier in between rehearsals for WWRY and this....he was fresh as a daisy......the consummate leading man.......you know who made me laugh till I almost peed......

Juan Chioran.....fuck he was funny......gave me 3 of the best laughs that I have had in a while.

It was all good....Jon Munroe, Mark Harapiak...OHHHH and wait....

How much do I adore Kate Hennig!

I did a show with her up in London at the Grand a few years back and just enjoyed her so much....she is Old school good.....like the Divas of Broadway .....ballsy, brash, belty and hot! I am not jealous of her either...okay just a bit....she rocks it.

She was awesome!

As you can see I really enjoyed myself.....all the younguns were really great too.

One of the them came up to me after the show and called me .....

Ms. Matthews.....can you take it.....made me feel important and a bit ashamed of feeling important a moment later.

I had a great night and I got to wear my bright pink, leopard skin pony boots!!!!

What a night! 

Well, it finally happened!

My old dinosaur of an Acer computer, which I have fondly called Edna for the last 6 years.....yes.....six whole years.....shouldn't they last as long as a couch?.....they cost the fricken same amount........where the hell was I?.....oh ya......Edna just turned over and would not let me access her floppy.....yep......I said floppy......she has decided that the interface years are over.

Ug.

What the hell to do now?

It ain't like anyone can afford a computer....but sadly I need one.

So, I pulled out the trusty Future Shop card, the only way I can purchase what I need, peeps....and got A MAC!

(Play heavenly music here.)

I am 

in bed......blogging.

YUP.......bedblogging.

I have so much new news that I will be announcing on the blog today!

New news.....what is that .....repititious repitition!

So, George and I are doing a two hander play in Orangeville next month.

REALLY.

It is called Ropes End and I have to say that I am quite excited.

Life just changes whenever it wants, huh?

I was supposed to have a whole nother different  year in my plans that exist in  my head!

Oh well, go with the flow.

Then I am artistic director for the Dark Night Cabaret Series that Acting Up Stage will be presenting this year......oh what a line up I have come up with....I am also doing a night of a new show!

It is March 10th ( my night) 11th, 17th and 18th @ the Berkley Upstairs Space!

Very exciting!

Then......as if that weren't already enough,

I am doing at show in April for Sky Gilbert @ Buddies.....it is a play with music!

It is called Happy! 

Oh ya.....and I have a Sharron's Party at the Rose Theatre in Brampton on Feb 7th!

Wowie!

Can you take it!!!!

So many awesome things.....and, of course, April is the time that George goes off to Shaw to play Fredrick in A Little Night Music.....

Whew.

Exhausted with the good news!

And happy with the MAC Bedblogging.

One more thing.......what about all of those stinking American Idols being released from their record contracts?

What has happened to Justin Guarini?

Taylor Hicks was voted for by one billion people...yet 6 of them bought his record!

Ruben who?

I am still wondering......where is Clay?

I liked him.

I could not help it....he was one of my people, whether he admitted it or not.

Why would anyone still watch that crappy show?

NO GOLDEN GLOBES!

And you thought I was talking about Nicolette Sheridan's fake ta ta's.......( I tried to pick the most fake looking pair that I can think of).......

George was watching the People's Choice Awards while I was dismateling ( I can't spell, you know what I mean) the XMAS tree and then I asked him where the audience was......no audience?!

%&$#&^* What?!

Then the news started that there was gonna be NO GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS!

#$@#%# WHAT?!

Oh my lord!

I live for award season.

The dresses, the hair, the fashion misteps, the fake tans, George Clooney.......

Other things......

OH NO!

And the G.G.'s are my fave award show....wanna know why?

Two Reasons

1. Because they are at dinner and are allowed alcohol.....remember the year Sharon Stone got up and all but showed her woo woo during a speech for Martin Scorcese.

They get a bit drunk and then they speechify!

What could be better?

2. The Movie People have to mingle with the TV people......who are seated 3 football fields away from the stage.....if is like the caste system in India for shit sakes......

make one crappy film and you get to move to table #470 with a Baldwin Brother....who is not Alec!

I am sooooo sad!

What about the Oscars?

What ABOUT THEM?

What if they cancel them?

I just fainted and came back to.

Otto, my dog, licked my face with his bum bum breath and woke me!

Say it ain't so!

On another note.....Paul from Montreal.....I tried to get that Lynn Crombie article on line but they wanted to me pay for it!

Now I am gonna have to buy it.....I can't stop myself...you know how I am obsessed with Britney.....so you and my obsession are costing me a buck......

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

I, obviously, must have finished working with other humans everyday because I find myself at the computer writing on my blog everyday.....these are the thoughts that I would pester my dressing-room mates with or my piano player.....but with Oz being over, me taking a little break from the Party, Georgie rehearsing in Hamilton and Otto ( my 14 year old pup) clearly using his age as a weapon to pretend that he is deaf to my natterings....I must turn to the fabled three of you who read this....

I really have not left the house much since Jan 2nd.....I happily get into my pajamas when I get home from anywhere.....even when it is 2:00pm in the damned afternoon and could not be happier!

I think I could quite possibly be a hermit wih great ease!

Weird!

Anyhow.

As I was laying on the couch today at noon in my robe and slippers watching my newest discovery.....Paranormal State on A and E...awesome!......Blythe, my friend, called me an invited me to a movie.......well....my slipper-covered feet screamed...... "NOOOOOO! Stay home".....but my ass screamed..."Get off of me!!!! I am can't see anything"

So, I say yes....then she tells me it is at the Cumberland.....and to me that only means...subtitles.....oh, and that this is the place where they still put real butter on the popcorn ...good to know, eh? See what you can learn on ths blog?

Even though th subtitles make me wanna stay on the couch ......I don't get to see Blythe enough because she lives away ......so I say "YES! I should get out of this house!"

After I say yes....she tells me that it is this film...yes, it is a film, not a movie.....about a man who can only communicate with his left eye.......

Really.

I should get out of the house.

I should get out of the house.

I should get out of the house.

I decide to remain firm on my decision.....then she says the name and the time and I agree to meet her.......

I thought that it was called 'Driving Hell to With the Butterflies" ....which I soon found out .....after my 9 minute cab drive to the Cumberland where my cabdriver taught me about all the the evils of communist party in China.....

did you know that the communist party has been in power there since 1949 .....and that 80 million people have gone missing since that year in that country....I did find it very interesting.....

Where was I?

Oh ya.......I soon found out the title was 'The Diving Bell and the Butterfly'....just for the record...I like my title better.

We got in the theatre a bit late....and have to say....I was a bit worried about my enjoyment level for the next two hours.......it seemed 'all serious......ness'.....and though I thought it good to embrace my serious side.....I was till worried about the part of me that loves anything staring Will Ferrell.

Do you ever feel like you go to fancy serious movies.....I am sorry, films.....to feel a bit smart and superior?

Me too.

Anyhow......the film was soooooo good.....I loved it!

It is about a very successful french dude who suffers a stroke and then has 'locked-in' syndrome.....he can hear and see out of one eye but cannot move or talk....at all....you might think it too maudlin but it was suprisingly funny and moving!

The last ten minutes of the movie ......oh.....wait ...I don't want to give it away.....but let me just say....it was shot without the benefit of steady cam .....so I felt a bit sicky-sicky.....so I left to go to the bathroom and missed the last 5 minutes of the film.....

Ass.....but still....wowie!

Now, I am home after taking a gravol....still feeling a bit naseuous......god I am fragile ....I am all over sleepy and feeling sad and inspired by this film.

Go see it!

I am soo glad that Blythe asked me to go.....especially when she knows the low level of my entertainment factor....thank god I have good friends who are helping me try to stretch my 'Kraft Dinner Hamilton Girl' tastes.....

Mmmm....Kraft Dinner........thank god there is a store across the street!

Perez...............

Now, I don't think that I am all that.....and a bag of chips....

( I always agree with that saying because doesn't a bag of sour cream and onion chips make everything better?)

...but I have this little blog and sometimes I just gotta speak my mind....

I LOVE Britney Spears.....

that girl worked harder before she was 20 years old then most of us have worked in a lifetime.....and wearing something resembling a bikini most of the time.....which takes balls.....that poor girl.

George, my husband, kept saying to me that someday......well...the media ain't gonna be truly happy until they kill her......and now it seems ....that they are close.

I try not to read too much about it....but I cannot stop myself from checking in every once in a while.....I wonder how the debacle that is her poor life is going......she is 26 people.....26 years old !!!

So....sometimes.....I am totally embarrassed to say......I go on perezhilton.com......

UG!

That guys is a fucking mess.

You know.....YOU KNOW that he was a total geek, wore low-slung hipster jeans with the muffin top and got his head flushed at least once while going to highschool.....you know what a mess that shit was....and now my friends, he is making all of the popular people pay.......

I feel something akin ( yes, I said akin) to a religious outrage about that guy...I see why people get into the jihads.....he is a nasty little bastard and has focus alot of his energy on outting people who want to live their sexual orientations in peace and little pop stars......

Maybe he wanted to be a little pop star.

He hates Avril.....now I have to get pissed off right away because I am bound by my patriotism to defend her rockin' ways......

And he REALLY hates poor little, misguided and effed up Britney.

He has made it his personal mission to put that little girl in the ground.......

He puts pics of her on his webpage in straight jackets and makes her body look all fat....that would be the thing that wuld finally drive me over the edge.

And, dears, his glass house is very, very tall......I do hope that the windows start getting shattered very soon......

(ooooooh almost poetic.....I think I am all fancy.)

Clearly, that young girl has got some problems.....and like the Spears family needs anymore shit....little Jamie is preggers!

My........just leave the poor girl alone.

Maybe without all of the media attention she might be able to string something together that looks like a normal life.

It seems that people like Perez forget that these people are real.

I wonder how long this ass would be able to hang tough under the same kind of media scrutiny.....not as long as dear Britney has.

I am praying Britney.

I barely ever do that.....but I think you need the help, ya poor thing.

And I wish a yeast infection on that Hilton dude.

Nothing life threatening.....just weird and itchy and embarrassing to explain!

I know!........

Happy 200-and fricken'-8!

I have been told by some that it is time to write something here!

Well, you guys, it has been so busy I have not had a chance to keep up....I thought that maybe no one was following along anymore but here we are.....I am gonna try and keep on it!

What a fall and winter, people!

Between the Party and Wizard I have been running my ass off......which actually needs to happen.....it seems that I started eating mid December and stopped exercising the same day....ouch......but it was sooooo busy!

Wizard was awesome!

Who woulda thought...Children's Theatre and Sharron Matthews....together again for the first time!

But what a good time was had....I really enjoyed it...although those little ones sure kept me on my toes....you never knew when they were going to scream something out!

I mean really!

Boooo.....Hisss......well...I got to say boo right back and when they decided to talk to me while I was being an actor I could just reach down and be extra wicked!!!

AWESOME JOB!

I did love working at LKTYP and all of the people were excellent.....it was a happy place....and what with Georgie being there....sweet.....and Thom......sweet...and Shawn Wright.....what?......awesome......he is an excellent mess.....what fun I had with him and he is just great to work with......and I shared a dressing room with Molly Atkinson.....we were older and jaded together ......although we sure let our lines blur between who was good and who was evil.....backstage we passed it back and forth!

You know it is true, Molly!

And the Party?!

Well, I went all over Ontario!!!!

Hamilton was my first stop on my Christmas tour!

That is where the picture is from......oh my old principal Mr. Swan, who comes to see everything, was there......all of my friends from highschool, holy crap, and many others.....family and friends.....it was a great night with Allie Hughes, awesome and Stephanie Yelovich...also awesome!

Zachary Florence, young composer and player accompanied me that night....he was sweet and light of finger!

Then to the Diesel..... packed it out at about 200 people!!!

Woo hoo!

I wore three, count 'em, three outfits and debuted a bunch of new stuff....the Hooker medley seems to be a Christmas favorite.....who knew?

I video'd that night so look for footage in the next month on the old website!

Then off to Peterborough.....I had about 100......oh, they were naughty at the Showplace in the lounge....they already asked me back for next season!!

Randy Read was one of my guests there and he just told the best stories .....he told about how he got his partner Steve an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas a few years ago!

I had a blast there....then to Alliston......where there was a small but mighty audience.....there was a 9 year old in the first row......um.....they were quiet....which is always a challenge for me....but they all stayed and I got a nice review...go fig!

The topper to the year was New Years at the Waterloo Entertainment Centre.....what a night....the audience was from 24 years to 80 years....and they all had fun and laughed......it was truly a great night!

Steve Thomas played for me in Waterloo and at the Diesel.....I have known that man since I was 24.....he is just excellent and makes me laugh....his playing is full and excellent!.....oh and he likes pretty girls.

I am excited about the year to come......with theatre and the Party branching out a bit more.....I am booked in Brampton on the 7th of Feb......I was there in the summer and had a blast I look forward to going back!

Who knows where I will go next?

Oh...but I will be Artistic Director of the Dark Night Cabaret Series for Acting Up Stage this March.

The 10th, 11th, 17th and 18th......I will announce the guests very soon......I will be previewing a whole new show on March 10th.

I think I am gonna call it

'Sharron Does Canada'

......

Sounds Patriotic, non?