My tummy, Shaw and Otto

Ohhhh Lord!

Since Otto passed it seems that I have an eating and drinking obsession.

I hesitate to use the word 'problem' because ...... well I don't want to.

I seem to be filling the hole in my heart with chardonnay and ketchup chips.

Ya know what?

Who the eff cares.... I am allowed to have that .... but I will drink Slim Fast for two weeks to get into my summer clothes... healthy, schmelthy.

So.... I still miss the little sweet pup that is Otto with a sadness that catches me by surprise and takes my breath away... but I find the days a bit easier and his life story a bit clearer.

It is easy to think that he was the same as ever until you really examine his life.

I had just convinced myself that he was going to be fine... oh the guilt I felt when it was all done was staggering.

But... you guys.... I saw him last night.... you can call me crazy... and eff you if you do... but I was reading and I saw a shadow pass by the door... Just about Otto height.... George thinks he was on his was to drink out of the toilet...Did you know that even though he always had a bowl full of water he loved to drink out of the toilet... but would not drink out of it if we came into the room... I guess he thought he was keeping it some sort of secret.... what a strange little guy.

George and I have gotten a house up at  Shaw this week and are going to spend the next 5 months up here.

We needed a change.

We are gonna rent out our awesome pad to some rich film person!!!

WOO HHOOOOO!!!

I hope they give a a billion dollars....

I do love it up here in Niagara.

It is peaceful.

George and I have had a fuck of a year.... we need a bit of peace.

I close Happy this week and then do the Party first... I have to say that I haven't been this excited about the Party in a while... I am jazzed!

So much to say... gotta go pick up my sweet from work with the fancy people!

Missin Otto, Fire alarms, pizza and Jack Daniels...

Well.

If that ain't a title to maybe peak your interest I don't know what is.

How effing gorgeous was the weather yesterday?

I rode my bike to the beaches and told Otto that he could run along side me cause now he didn't need the leash.

I could just picture him flying through the air beside me like he used to ..... before he had the two knee replacements.

I had my ipod on and had specifically put on all 'up' songs.... but I must have hit a sad title by accident....and it was a tune from Spring Awakening that is about someone passing and I actually had to pull my bike over and I put my hands on my knees and had a snotty, hard cry.

A nice man stopped to see if I was okay .

There are alot of dogs in the beaches.

And I was mentally trying to will them all to come and see me.

A little fat white terrier made a bee line for me, finally and I petted him.

I miss petting Otto.

I miss looking into his eyes and smelling his old man smell.

I miss watching his ears bounce as he walks down the street in front of me.

So, after two weeks of rehearsal and stuff we opened Happy last night.

I always find opening nights quite surreal.

I always get sick to my stomach ..... I always think that I am too tired to do the show.

And I am always surprised by all these feelings.

Alot of people who I hold very dear were there last night.

Vicki, Blythe, Avery ( yes you Ave... I know you are reading) Kevin, Ed, Edna, Alan, Shawn, Cathy amd Emilie.....

When I came out for the first scene... could see a Sharron's Bitch t-shirt in the audience....distracting but totally happy making.

It was a great house and I only eyeballed one of the reviewers...so that was good.

But it was a great night!!!

I always think that if no one gets severely hurt and most of the lines get said the opening went well.

I have really enjoyed this experience ... the cast is excellent...Sky is wonderful ....all of the crew are just fantastic....it has been a blessed experience.

Blythe got me my first drink and I didn't look back.

Patricia, who has worked at Buddies for years and years, kept giving me shots of Jack Daniels....let us keep in mind that usually I can handle a spritzer..... oh my lord... I was quite inebriated... I closed that place down and laughed... well.. I laughed.

It was nice to laugh after the week I had... I still felt some guilty but I think Otto was there and he understood.....I wonder if he finally came and saw what I did for a living.

I wonder if he sat in the front row and thought....this is what she has been doing when she is not at home?

So, Chris the lovely front of house man got me into a cab...

And I came in the house.....and George called and told me to take a motrin and drink alot of water and have something to eat.

So, at 2:30am I made a pizza.... well I guess there was some shit in the oven that was burning off... I was on the computer.... and the effing fire alarm goes off.

I am standing on a chair and fanning it... it turns off... but then ten minutes later it goes off.... IN THE WHOLE BUILDING!!!!

I go outside and all of the tenants are outside with there dogs and cats in carriers....and I see the firetrucks coming and I am terrified that they are coming to me.... all I wanted was a pizza.

Luckily they didn't come to me... but I am sure that was my fault....it was too much of a coincidence.

Oh what a night!

Like back when I was just young.

And new life begins......

I mean....forget her.....look at that nose......don't you just want to bite it?
I wasn't gonna write again during this week because I didn't want to share my day to day sadness with you guys.... I was afraid it might get exhausting but.....it is my day.
There are alot of things going on everyday....I am just happy to have the many blessings....ironically ....my job in Happy....my upcoming show...meetings for the Doras....and I have to tell you that I have been given many gifts from Otto ... but it is his parting ones that have truly cut me to the quick.
I always say to George at some point every month as I stop and have a few breaths from working that I have no friends.... I have people who I really need to spend more time with who I want to call my dear friends but since I have not had alot of time in the last ..... holy shit.... couple of years.... since I really started working on ' the party' in earnest .... I haven't had more than a moment to spare.... so the phone was my way of connecting.
Otto has always been my best friend.
Then when we let him go ..... I have had such an outpouring of calls daily and emails and texts..... I am just weakened by how lucky I am...Otto reminded me that I do have friends.... great and true friends who make sure that I am breathing and making it thru the day.
Thank you Otto.
Going to the theatre on Tuesday was more than I could almost bear....bare....oh fuck I don't know.....I just kept thinking.... if I get out of bed .... if I take a shower..... if I eat..... if I put on clothes.... if I get on my bike.....just one foot in front of the other....
Otto was everywhere I looked... reminding me to fill his water dish... reminding me not to open the front door too wide or he might run out...
and everytime I remembered I would feel weak....
Such a small being.... such a large place in my heart and mind.
But to the theatre I went for our first invited dress run.
How the fuck?
But everyone there was so wonderful to me even though I walked in and started to cry.
I just breathed.....
I am so thankful for this work... this show.
It is soothing and full of laughter.
That night I got home from the show ..... and as George is away in rehearsal I dreaded going into our place.
I stood out front on the street for 10 minutes with my keys in my hand just walking back and forth.
Then when I wheeled my bike in I called out my regular greeting of 'hey buddy, i'm home' ......the silence was so loud I broke down and when I came back to myself and turned on the light.... as god is my witness... a toy of his that we lost months ago was laying on the floor in front of his chair.... it was the first thing I saw.
Now, to be fair... I did do a big obsessive clean that day ..... but it was the first thing I laid eyes on when I turned on the light.
I believe... I so do believe in my heart that he was telling me that he is playing somewhere.
And he is here.
And with George.
He can be everywhere.
Just like Santa.
This morning I woke up with a tiny shred of peace....which made me feel bad .... like I was forgetting him.....then a dear friend called me and told me she knew how sad I was.... and that she had just had a baby boy last night.....
A beautiful soul transcends and another comes to show us the way.
I still miss you Otto.
I miss your stinky breath.

Otto Matthews-Masswohl, October 11th, 1993 - April 14th, 2008

Clinton's Ottobre Sinfonia

What a day.

George and I sit in front of this computer as sad as we have ever been.

We just cannot believe it.

We just keep expecting him to run into the bedroom although he has not run, as he does in my dreams, in a very long time.

He was just about to make his 15th summer.

Who knew a dog with two back knee replacements would make such a long and successful go of it?

How do you decide that it is time to let them go.

Logically, it makes sense.

But your heart?

Oh my lord.

I have always wanted a dog.

George always wanted a dog.

And then when George and I got together about  9 months into our courtship....yes it was.....we decided to get a dog.

When anyone tells me that they are gonna get a dog and they are less than two years together I say 'tsk' inside my head.

Thank god it all worked out.

It was meant to be.

Otto was the greatest.

He was sweet and innocent and he never hurt a soul.

He LOVED everybody.

He really did.

He loved people more than anything.

He came to us swaddled in a green and white striped towel from a place on Alexander Street.

Just across from where I spend my days rehearsing right now.

We actually brought him to the park beside Buddies this week as a bit of a lark....he was very sick that day.

Everything seemed so hopeful and young and innocent then.

We were young and new.... all three of us.... full of hope.... and he was full of poop.

He went with us everywhere.... he was so permanent a fixture in our old white Honda Accord that he busted the fabric on the middle of the seat.

He used to rest his head on the armrest during car rides.

He lived in PEI, Vancouver.....he actually saved me from being attacked in the crappy neighbourhood we were living in.... we gave him a steak.....he also lived in California, Calgary and went on countless Les Mis and Showboat tour destinations.

He was sweet we love him.

We miss him.

We were so lucky that he came to spend his life with us.

We had the great honour of looking into his sweet, sweet, slightly milky, brown eyes as he went to his final puppy rest.

WE Love You Otto.

We will miss you forever and there will never be another like you.

I hope you watch over us from beyond as you did in life.

We are devastated at your passing.

We are jubilant that we were kept company by you for such a great length of time.

We shall never be that innocent again.

I have already seen you quickly out of the corner of my eye.

Love Mommy and Daddy

Oh lord!

I miss vacation already....but if you click the video of the palm trees underneath the sweet puppy you can see what we saw~

It will never ..... never be summer!

It effing snowed today...made me want to hit something with my booted foot.

But, still, I have been riding my bike back and forth to rehearsal....

Home at lunch to take care of sweet Otto.

He is my schnauzer.... he is 15 years old....and he is sick.

It makes me sigh and it makes me just ......

He is the best dog....

He has humped some of the best legs....

He has foraged from the garbages of some of the best homes...

He has dipped his paws in both oceans....

He has pooped on both coasts....

He has peed in almost all of the states and provinces.... Can't say how happy they were about that in Tennesse....

He had the runs there.....

His lovely presence in our lives has always figured in our decisions about whether to take jobs or not....

It even was part of our decision to move...

People have made fun of us because of that........

I say....

You don't know what it is like to know Otto...

We are laying together on the couch and eating carrots and watching the Notebook with Gena Rowlands....

For the record, we thought we wouldn't but, Otto and I both cried... we think that movie is sad.

 

SPRING IT!

Oh lord, I am so happy that it is spring!!!!

I just cannot take another effing snow storm.....

NO!

This is for Avery who said 

"Why the heck have you not written on your blog?"

I want to put 'fuck' back in that line instead of eff but Avery would not talk that way.

He is not potty mouthed!

Speaking of Avery I went to see the opening night of his first show for the Harold Green Jewish Theatre!

Rose starring Lally Cadeau....

George could not go because he was sicky.... so there I was..... off to a straight play alone..... will wonders ever cease..... I was in the front row!

It was SSSOOOOOO Good!

Lally was spectaular..... she took us all to school that night!

Congrat Lally and HG Jewish Theatre!

So much has happened since my last Blog!

The Doras called....yes the actual award picked up the phone and gave me a ringy-dingy.....ah Lilly Tomlin where are you?.....

anyhow... they asked me to host!

Sharron's Party at the fricken' Doras!!

I am so excited!

I only started to minorly crap my pants yesterday!

What will all the fancy actors say?

Wait!

I forgot!

Who cares!!!!

What if my humour is a little musical and low class!

Excited again!

Oh and guess who is my guest on the Doras?

THOM~!!!!!

YEah!

George and I went to Mexico for a week.... we could not afford it but..... the day before we decided that we couldn't not afford it!!

That sounds wrong!

You know what I mean!!!!

We went to the only place where it was not raining... Puerto Vallarta!

We have been there 2 times already and kinda wanted to go somewhere new but when we got there we were sooo happy that was where we went!

Our resort was in Romantic Town....Old Town.....my favorite part...... GAY TOWN!

Yeah!!!!

George got picked up by a man whore and I got my boob felt up by a mariachi player!

FUN!

There is so much to tell you about that time..... we met a young man named Ken from Etobicoke who was on his own and he hung with us.... what a nice young man..... I wanted to help him find girls....and did!

Oh.... so much to tell you......we also hung out with an amazing couple name Lorraine and Doug!

She is a firey blond who knows how to party and tells a  good story and he is a suave man who plays the mandolin, who also knows when the time has come to pitch her favorite CD off the 8th floor balcony into the ocean.....so many stories!!!!

But to hear those stories you have to come to my celebration of the Doras and all things spring at the Diesel!

Sunday April 27th BABY!

8:00pm

Diesel Playhouse

SHARRON'S PARTY IS BACK!!!!

With the crazy and handsome Reza Jacobs on Piano....

Up and Comer Sara Farb of Edges fame....

And Headlining Guest???

Patricia Zentilli....

She was Audrey in Little Shop at Canstage

....

In the Jane Show and this season she was on Rick Mercer!!!1

Woo Hoo.....

I will tell all the stories!!!

Come on Down!

 I gotta go learn my lines for Happy.....oh did I mention Happy?

The show I am doing at Buddies that is written and directed by Sky Gilbert?

It is gooooooooood people!!!!

What fun I am having in rehearsals!!!

Gotta learn those lines!

Oh.... and are you exhausted yet?>>>>>>>>>>

I got new stuff on you tube!!!!

www.youtube.com/sharronpartygirl

Check it out baby!

Peace out!