OKAY! Maybe it is the rain....maybe it is the PMS...

Has the world lost it's mind?

Has it?

The title of this blog may tell you what the state of mine is...and it isn't New York, people.

(That is the lamest joke, I think I need another RAINSHOWER of DEATH to clear my head...NOT!)

You know how I try NOT to rant...well, maybe you don't...but I really do...and then shit just piles up and I cannot stop myself.

Here are just a few things that have happened in the last week that have made me freak out.

(And know that I was just trying to get to other work and COULD not stop myself from writing..sick)

Okay...I really don't get why this 'Rob Ford not coming to Pride Day' pisses me off so much...I mean, I do and I don't.

But it begs the question, really, do we want him there?

I know the gesture would be a good one...an olive branch, if you will. (Fancy)

BUT, are we really surprised?

This man showed us who he was before the 905ers voted that boob into the mayor's office...his infamous bullying video on Youtube...where he tried to say he was bullied first...either way, good to know his reaction to pressure situations.

Here it is...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8EpSdyB0zY

Can't you just picture him and the other guy as 12 year olds before they hung that guy by his tighty, white-ies?

(Oh my god...how proud is his family of that...and he STILL got voted in...they can talk about it at the cottage.)

Oh, and there is his humble, smart, insightful and thoughtful interview with the CBC on the day after he was elected...gosh, he cares about the job, huh ?(And I don't really think he knows what Tea Party means...that being said...neither do I...think me stupid if you will, but I'm not the effing mayor)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHJGR4i7fhw

But the ugliest and surest signs of who he truly is are listed below. These following things truths I read in many articles about Rob Ford but was said best in an article from the Globe and Mail.

1. When he was a city councillor, he once railed against spending money on AIDS prevention.

2. He was the only leading candidate in last year’s campaign for mayor who did not attend Pride.

3. He declined to come to a ceremony marking an international day opposing homophobia.

Here is the article.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/toronto/marcus-gee/mayor-misses-out-on-opportunity-to-celebrate-diversity/article2071902/

He is a red neck boob.

Yesterday, when I wrote on twitter that because he is an elected official, declining to agnowledge a community within our city he should quit or be fired...this is the response I got from one individual.

"@tothe_core @sharronmatthews U should stfu,if he wasn't going to a bikeathon, no one would complain, he has family and wants to spend it with them."

I found it ever so lovely that he compared a community to a sports event.

I also loved that he told me to STFU.

Which I decided to take that it was calling me a Super Timely Fabulous Uberdiva....but again...that is just me.

So, Rob Ford....enjoy your time at the cottage...we will be better without you.

Frankly, the thought of you getting wetted by squirt guns is enough to give one MUCH pause.

Although, if he does decided to show, I hope he comes as this....

Now, another thing that has crawled into my craw in the last few days...and I don't know, again, if it is the PMS or what...

When did music become about women putting on bikinis and rolling around on floors...beds...the tops of cars...trees (that is my personal fave....remember how your bathing suit would get catches on it if you sat on the concrete? Imagine what a tree does to a swimsuit....just saying)...basically rolling around...talking about how they are gonna get you off.

Somewhere, in her grave, Janis Joplin is vomiting...and a bit wishing it was her.

THAT IS THE PROBLEM!!!

Ladies, don't lie, we all watch and think...'I am disgusted by that...why is she selling her body...can she even sing?...GOD, I wish I had an ass like that."

Don't lie...we all do...a bit, at least.

I do wonder if, before videos, this person would have had a career....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2FZ3JIVQxk

"Cause I'll be table dancing,

This is your chance to get with me...

On the table dancing,

That's where romance is

When you're with me..."

Oh my lord....jesus wept. (And then bought tickets to my show on July 23rd and 24th at Buddies in Bad Times...yes, I will perform this song. Okay, maybe I won't....but I will probably talk about it.)

Ke$ha.

Keisha.

Whatever.

It is just too much skank and not enough music, in my books.

But remember...I put a disclaimer out there...I love Britney Spears....still do....so there is just no winning with me....but I do think the skank factor has risen to a point that Stevie Nicks is considering doing a song called "Eff Me Up The Pooper" wearing one, long, see-thru pashmina.

And last, but not least....

Remember that actor from the Green Mile...the super creepy one who ends up peeing his pants and going into a mental institution?

This guy.

He just married a 16 YEAR OLD BEAUTY QUEEN.

He is 51.

What the fuck is happening?

IS THAT EVEN LEGAL????

Here is a little article about it, with picture...you gotta read it...and it is like she is posing for Playboy.

http://ca.eonline.com/uberblog/b248344_Five_Things_You_Didnt_Know_About_16-Year-Old_Bride_Courtney_Stodden.html

I love that one of her upcoming singles is called "Don't Put It On Me"...there are so many jokes here my head just exploded....literally, EXPLODED!!!!

And her mother signed the parental consent form to get her famous...married!!! Married.

AH!!!

What is happening?

People.

What is?

Luminato Closing Party.

Luminato Closing Party.

Luminato Closing Party.

Spoke Club.

Started with me not knowing anyone...then texting George (trying to look busy and important)...and twittering that if no one showed up that I knew by the count of ten I would take off.

During said count of ten, I tried to strike up a conversation with a couple young blond girls who had Lohan tans and wedgies and TOO FUCKING SHORT dresses and they blew me off like I was an old, drunk lady (it need be said here that I was drinking a free bottle of Smart Water....thanks, Jennifer Aniston.)

You will rue the day, bitches.

Then Scott McVittie found me and entertained me (I was on my way to the exit...wondering how long you had to stay to get the Biotherm swag bag...fancy ..he told me if I stayed all would be well.

He was very right!!!

In the next hour a ton of wonderful people showed up! John, Lorway, Shawn, Matthew, Marla, Derick, Scott, Tyler and Mitchell! Oh how we laughed.

5 Fave Things That Happened at or after the Luminato Closing Night Party

1. I wanted a Diet Coke...and when McVittie found out they were only allowed to serve clear beverages (?) he got on the Blackberry and then went and got me a Diet Coke...made me feel fancy.

2. When a young man asked me if I could be his hag for a moment, I replied " Baby, there is a long line up in front of you of men who are older, with more money and better stories...so, no."

3. Standing on the rooftop patio laughing while the wind blew my hair...like I was Beyonce or something.

4. When leaving I said how excited I was that there was a Biotherm swag bag for boys...and they told me I was holding the one for girls...then the woman in charge said "I think we can afford to give Sharron both."...and I knew my almost-close-to-being-famous-in-a-Canadian-weird-way-but-not-really was FINALLY paying off!

5. King Street on a Saturday Night reminds me why I never went clubbing in my youth.

Straight boys-stop bathing in CK, loosen the crotch pants and figure out that a girl probably won't fuck you if you stand behind her and tell her how fucking hot her ass is.

Straight Girls-Stop wearing a dress so short I can see the untanned creases at the bottom of your ass cheeks, wedgies or heeled shoes that are so high that you walk like Frankenstein (when did theses shoes STOP being hooker or drag queens shoes exclusively?) and PLEASE stop being so slutty. I mean, to each their own...but have some respect...and don't fuck the guy who told you how fucking hot your ass was, while he walked behind you.

Good times!

Thank you, Luminato!!!

Luminato Broadway's Night Out...and Effie.

Well.

I have just gone back and forth about delving into the wonderfulness that was last night at Metro Square.

I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck...you know that kind of tired?

I didn't (and still don't) know if I have the brain power to really capture the awesomeness of the evening.

I think I was getting tired last night and then when VJ John Bantay, from Musical Mondays at Splash in New York City played the Tony Awards version of "I am Telling You.." from 1983 (?) at the after party at Buddies and John Austin dragged me up onto the stage and we ACTED THE WHOLE thing out...well, that just pushed me over the edge...

I woke and thought, "Oh my god...my this hurts...my that hurts...how?....ah yes....Effie"....a gal has to know her limits....NONE!!! NONE, people.

When you wake up and find this picture on your coffee table, you know you've had a good night....

Huh....I guess...well, I must have been tired...as tired as Tyson, on the floor beside the shoes on the table (Haven't I ever seen Blood Brothers?....for those of you who get that...I thank you)

Last night was amazing.

When I went in for rehearsal in the early afternoon with the amazing arranger, accompanist and composer Lance Horne (who I introduced in the show last night and listed all of his credits EXCEPT that he had JUST accompanied Kristen Chenoweth in London last week in front of THE Queen...yes, "THE", not "A"....and Barrack Obama....I told him I only read what is written on my cards) I was unsure of what the day would hold...I knew it would be great...but would it rain...would people come because it had already been raining....you just never know.

I was going through Bohemian with Lance, Dale (Drummer of awesome from Stratford) and the Cellist...who's name was so gorgeous and lovely I was afraid to ask what it was again in case I still could not process it with my simple mind....when I heard the door close and there was Meow Meow...one of the most interesting and amazing artists I have ever seen...she would also be performing at the gig that night. I had written and article about her and she said she really liked it....I was a bit giggly. You know that takes a lot, people.

When I admire someone that much...that MUCH...I find it hard to hold an intelligent conversation.

Truth.

Anyhow, I went to the FANTASTIC Fashion Crimes to pick out my outfit for the night....GORGEOUS navy lace...with a red sash....all "Maria" from West Side opposite...you guys know how I love the www.fashioncrimes.com ...and just so you know they are having a FANTASTIC sale...run don't walk.

Then I went to the soundcheck.

Sky=Overcast.

But, we were not going to be negative about the fucking weather.

When the cast of "Jesus Christ Superstar" showed up, I saw friends old and new...I remembered, with GREAT excitement, that I would be seeing a lot of musical theatre people that I have not seen in a while...and I pined a bit for me musical theatre days (yes, you know how I get)...it was bittersweet...but more sweet.

They got up onto the stage and did their sound check...and I could have cried.

They were amazing.

They sounded amazing....artist after artist sang and I was so fucking excited for the night...Bruce Dow (I mean, really, what can you say about Bruce...he is just the best), Lee Siegel (fuck, what a vocalist)....the crazy Superstar Ladies Melissa O'Neil, Dominique Roy and Katrina Reynolds (belting the shit outta that shit), Josh Young....okay, people...this is one of the richest rock voices I have heard...ever...and Jonathan Winsby who filled in for the ailing Paul Nolan...and sang the crap out of Gethsemane...it was just...wow....that is all I have to say....wow.

GO SEE JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR!!!

And then the lovely people of "My Fair Lady" were up and I could not have been happier to see the lovely Deb Hay...who sang like a dream....Ben Campbell...the perfect Higgins...Jeff Irving as the delightful Freddy and the set was capped off with Neil Barclay as Doolittle...so different from the JSS set but so perfect.

GO SEE MY FAIR LADY!!!

I was just so happy that Chris Lorway, the AD of Luminato (who, sadly, is leaving after this festival) arranged this night...saw the merits of arranging this night...and just seeing these Canadian artists doing their thing in one place...magic, as my friend Mark says.

And, through the magic of Chris Lorway, I had the amazing chance to work with Lance Horne...who really is amazing artist and after I saw him playing for Allan Cumming and the aforementioned Meow Meow at the Edinburgh Festival last year, I could not wait for the chance.

The inimitable Shawn Hitchens, (Who I had the pleasure of co hosting this mega-fabu night with) Lance and myself put together a Broadway Medley...some lovely person put a tiny clip up of it on flicker...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5830976553/in/photostream/

Coolness...Shawn...good Fosse...good fucking Fosse.

The audience was so excited!!! And loving the musical theatre....MUSICAL THEATRE, BITCHES!!!

I did a bit of Bohemian...Chris tells me I can have a copy of the video they have made...sups cool....but till the here is a bit from the same person on flicker...thanks again....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5831035219/in/photostream/

Nothing like a fucking Jumbotron to make you feel fancy.

And Meow Meow...what do you say?

If you were there last night, I know you can't wait to see here again...you are struck...she is an inspiration.

Yes, she is.

As I looked out into the crowd and watched the rain coming down and everyone standing there watching her do her encore in totaly silence....again, magic.

And here she is...thanks to the trusty FLICKER person.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5831544528/in/photostream/

Last year, Chris Lorway, him told me about her.

I went home and googled the shit out of her.

Wow.

Huh.

She looks like SEXY BEAST of theatre.

I gotta see her show in Scotland, thinks I.

And I did...and I was forever changed.

Changed in the imaginings of what my limitations are...

Changed in thinking that there are rules in theatre.

Changed...

I would not have gone back to meet her if Wayne Gwillim had not made me.

I kinda waxed poetic about when I would get the chance to work with her...and a year later...here we were.

Remember all those donations I received last year so I could take my show places?

I stood offstage last night and watched Meow Meow and just coulda cried....again...from total happiness.

It is worth it, Canada...it is worth it to fund artists to go and do their work...things happen...artists meet...knowledge is passed on...connections are made. Shawn Hitchens is bringing his show to the same venue that I did my show at last year in Scotland. We will be there at the same time...he is brave and he is talented and he is gonna do the EDFRINGE!

Thanks again, TO ALL who supported me last year...I cannot thank you enough.

And, don't forget...I GO BACK THIS YEAR!!!

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/sharron-matthews-superstar-jesus-thinks-i-m-funny

I wanna thank Scott McVittie, Mitchell Marcus, Lance Horne and Shawn Hitchens who made the night such a dream...one they were equally excited about.

And mostly, thanks to Chris Lorway for making it happen.

This town has a lot to thank you for, sir.

New York 2011

I took this picture from under the tree, where I sat with my MAC computer in northern Central Park.

So, Sunday in the Park, huh?

So, this is a different trip to NY.

It is a work trip.

I am working with my friend, Karen Carpenter (the other fabulous Karen Carpenter director and angel of Love, Loss and What I Wore) on a super secret, sexy project.

So, I have been compiling, writing...and sneezing...I have some fucking summer sinus thing....fuck you sinus thing.

I haven't had the desire to see any big shows...and running in Hubert Hsu down here....who is seeing 14 shows in one week made me feel quite inadequate, I gotta tell you.

The first night I got here and waited for Thom to be done Priscilla Queen of the Desert....yes, I am staying with my bestie, Thom...who I have missed like I miss my favourite blue suit from when I was 8....god, I loved that suit...and I love Thom more.

He is like a breath of fresh air in a stinky, horrible nuclear-day-after-world.

Huh.

Yup, I do mean that.

He is doing wonderfully down here...and he has his first 'own' apartment in many years...I don't think he would mind me saying he is a true gypsy subletter.

It is in Harlem.

135th and Lenox, bitches.

The first thing I heard when I walked alone out of the building, by myself, my first morning here was..."Well, yes, big city girl"...I know it was directed at me...I took it as a compliment.

WHAT?

So, back to me waiting for Thom to be done his first night.....I went and sat at the end of the bar at Don't Tell Mama's and ordered a wine and read my Time Out New York to make some small plans for the week.

The waiters were ornery...the Nebraska beauty queen I was sitting near was more ornery...and the gay dude at the end of the bar let us all know within the first few minutes he sat down that he was a writer on a very famous sitcom set in NY and he was just exhausted from working all day.

I was back.

I love Don't Tell Mama's...and it doesn't disappoint...the ornery...yes, I love this word....dude on the piano was the same dude who would not let me sing for hours last year, when I was promoting my show and after I did he conceded that I was 'okay' ....again, I love New York.

After sitting and listening in the back of my mind for a while whilst reading my mag I heard a pure tenor and I looked up...my waiter was singing.

He must be about 20.

He sang Daniel by Elton John.

He was spit shone with recently combed hair, a plaid shirt and converse sneakers.

I could picture him as Curly in Oklahoma at his highschool.

Here he was in New York.

I wondered what would become of him.

I wonder.

The next night I went to Joe's Pub to see Justin Bond.

You see, it was exactly a year since I did my show there.

I wanted to go...and I have always wanted to see Justin Bond.

He was rapturous.

In his gold lame cocktail dress and black wrap around heels.

Singing his original songs, killing me with his wicked humour.

It made me happy/sad.

Oh....and Justin Bond's guest that night?

Carole Pope...who has moved to New York...sigh.

I wish we had more places like this in Canada.

Where artists could really be who they are and discover their truths and refine their art. Buddies in Bad Times in amazing....Maggie just opened her pubaret....but we are so far behind...there are 100 rooms here.

I have hope but it was happy/sad.

I feel a change is at hand for me.

There have been so many things...so many opportunities that I have had since my show here last year, that it feels like a million years since I did my show there.

I don't know what the change is, but I am open.

I write...I look through my old work...I look forward to writing new work....but change is coming...I can feel it.

I open my arms...and my heart...and try not to resist.

Tonight, I will see Liza fucking Minnelli live...for the first time...and Sandra Bernhard, who's first show was a great inspiration to me...

I keep working.

And Europe is 7 weeks away.

What the fuck. Life is good....so good. Thank you, Universe.

(If this sounds melancholy...remember...I am on cold pills.)