Luminato Broadway's Night Out...and Effie.

Well.

I have just gone back and forth about delving into the wonderfulness that was last night at Metro Square.

I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck...you know that kind of tired?

I didn't (and still don't) know if I have the brain power to really capture the awesomeness of the evening.

I think I was getting tired last night and then when VJ John Bantay, from Musical Mondays at Splash in New York City played the Tony Awards version of "I am Telling You.." from 1983 (?) at the after party at Buddies and John Austin dragged me up onto the stage and we ACTED THE WHOLE thing out...well, that just pushed me over the edge...

I woke and thought, "Oh my god...my this hurts...my that hurts...how?....ah yes....Effie"....a gal has to know her limits....NONE!!! NONE, people.

When you wake up and find this picture on your coffee table, you know you've had a good night....

Huh....I guess...well, I must have been tired...as tired as Tyson, on the floor beside the shoes on the table (Haven't I ever seen Blood Brothers?....for those of you who get that...I thank you)

Last night was amazing.

When I went in for rehearsal in the early afternoon with the amazing arranger, accompanist and composer Lance Horne (who I introduced in the show last night and listed all of his credits EXCEPT that he had JUST accompanied Kristen Chenoweth in London last week in front of THE Queen...yes, "THE", not "A"....and Barrack Obama....I told him I only read what is written on my cards) I was unsure of what the day would hold...I knew it would be great...but would it rain...would people come because it had already been raining....you just never know.

I was going through Bohemian with Lance, Dale (Drummer of awesome from Stratford) and the Cellist...who's name was so gorgeous and lovely I was afraid to ask what it was again in case I still could not process it with my simple mind....when I heard the door close and there was Meow Meow...one of the most interesting and amazing artists I have ever seen...she would also be performing at the gig that night. I had written and article about her and she said she really liked it....I was a bit giggly. You know that takes a lot, people.

When I admire someone that much...that MUCH...I find it hard to hold an intelligent conversation.

Truth.

Anyhow, I went to the FANTASTIC Fashion Crimes to pick out my outfit for the night....GORGEOUS navy lace...with a red sash....all "Maria" from West Side opposite...you guys know how I love the www.fashioncrimes.com ...and just so you know they are having a FANTASTIC sale...run don't walk.

Then I went to the soundcheck.

Sky=Overcast.

But, we were not going to be negative about the fucking weather.

When the cast of "Jesus Christ Superstar" showed up, I saw friends old and new...I remembered, with GREAT excitement, that I would be seeing a lot of musical theatre people that I have not seen in a while...and I pined a bit for me musical theatre days (yes, you know how I get)...it was bittersweet...but more sweet.

They got up onto the stage and did their sound check...and I could have cried.

They were amazing.

They sounded amazing....artist after artist sang and I was so fucking excited for the night...Bruce Dow (I mean, really, what can you say about Bruce...he is just the best), Lee Siegel (fuck, what a vocalist)....the crazy Superstar Ladies Melissa O'Neil, Dominique Roy and Katrina Reynolds (belting the shit outta that shit), Josh Young....okay, people...this is one of the richest rock voices I have heard...ever...and Jonathan Winsby who filled in for the ailing Paul Nolan...and sang the crap out of Gethsemane...it was just...wow....that is all I have to say....wow.

GO SEE JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR!!!

And then the lovely people of "My Fair Lady" were up and I could not have been happier to see the lovely Deb Hay...who sang like a dream....Ben Campbell...the perfect Higgins...Jeff Irving as the delightful Freddy and the set was capped off with Neil Barclay as Doolittle...so different from the JSS set but so perfect.

GO SEE MY FAIR LADY!!!

I was just so happy that Chris Lorway, the AD of Luminato (who, sadly, is leaving after this festival) arranged this night...saw the merits of arranging this night...and just seeing these Canadian artists doing their thing in one place...magic, as my friend Mark says.

And, through the magic of Chris Lorway, I had the amazing chance to work with Lance Horne...who really is amazing artist and after I saw him playing for Allan Cumming and the aforementioned Meow Meow at the Edinburgh Festival last year, I could not wait for the chance.

The inimitable Shawn Hitchens, (Who I had the pleasure of co hosting this mega-fabu night with) Lance and myself put together a Broadway Medley...some lovely person put a tiny clip up of it on flicker...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5830976553/in/photostream/

Coolness...Shawn...good Fosse...good fucking Fosse.

The audience was so excited!!! And loving the musical theatre....MUSICAL THEATRE, BITCHES!!!

I did a bit of Bohemian...Chris tells me I can have a copy of the video they have made...sups cool....but till the here is a bit from the same person on flicker...thanks again....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5831035219/in/photostream/

Nothing like a fucking Jumbotron to make you feel fancy.

And Meow Meow...what do you say?

If you were there last night, I know you can't wait to see here again...you are struck...she is an inspiration.

Yes, she is.

As I looked out into the crowd and watched the rain coming down and everyone standing there watching her do her encore in totaly silence....again, magic.

And here she is...thanks to the trusty FLICKER person.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5831544528/in/photostream/

Last year, Chris Lorway, him told me about her.

I went home and googled the shit out of her.

Wow.

Huh.

She looks like SEXY BEAST of theatre.

I gotta see her show in Scotland, thinks I.

And I did...and I was forever changed.

Changed in the imaginings of what my limitations are...

Changed in thinking that there are rules in theatre.

Changed...

I would not have gone back to meet her if Wayne Gwillim had not made me.

I kinda waxed poetic about when I would get the chance to work with her...and a year later...here we were.

Remember all those donations I received last year so I could take my show places?

I stood offstage last night and watched Meow Meow and just coulda cried....again...from total happiness.

It is worth it, Canada...it is worth it to fund artists to go and do their work...things happen...artists meet...knowledge is passed on...connections are made. Shawn Hitchens is bringing his show to the same venue that I did my show at last year in Scotland. We will be there at the same time...he is brave and he is talented and he is gonna do the EDFRINGE!

Thanks again, TO ALL who supported me last year...I cannot thank you enough.

And, don't forget...I GO BACK THIS YEAR!!!

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/sharron-matthews-superstar-jesus-thinks-i-m-funny

I wanna thank Scott McVittie, Mitchell Marcus, Lance Horne and Shawn Hitchens who made the night such a dream...one they were equally excited about.

And mostly, thanks to Chris Lorway for making it happen.

This town has a lot to thank you for, sir.

New York 2011

I took this picture from under the tree, where I sat with my MAC computer in northern Central Park.

So, Sunday in the Park, huh?

So, this is a different trip to NY.

It is a work trip.

I am working with my friend, Karen Carpenter (the other fabulous Karen Carpenter director and angel of Love, Loss and What I Wore) on a super secret, sexy project.

So, I have been compiling, writing...and sneezing...I have some fucking summer sinus thing....fuck you sinus thing.

I haven't had the desire to see any big shows...and running in Hubert Hsu down here....who is seeing 14 shows in one week made me feel quite inadequate, I gotta tell you.

The first night I got here and waited for Thom to be done Priscilla Queen of the Desert....yes, I am staying with my bestie, Thom...who I have missed like I miss my favourite blue suit from when I was 8....god, I loved that suit...and I love Thom more.

He is like a breath of fresh air in a stinky, horrible nuclear-day-after-world.

Huh.

Yup, I do mean that.

He is doing wonderfully down here...and he has his first 'own' apartment in many years...I don't think he would mind me saying he is a true gypsy subletter.

It is in Harlem.

135th and Lenox, bitches.

The first thing I heard when I walked alone out of the building, by myself, my first morning here was..."Well, yes, big city girl"...I know it was directed at me...I took it as a compliment.

WHAT?

So, back to me waiting for Thom to be done his first night.....I went and sat at the end of the bar at Don't Tell Mama's and ordered a wine and read my Time Out New York to make some small plans for the week.

The waiters were ornery...the Nebraska beauty queen I was sitting near was more ornery...and the gay dude at the end of the bar let us all know within the first few minutes he sat down that he was a writer on a very famous sitcom set in NY and he was just exhausted from working all day.

I was back.

I love Don't Tell Mama's...and it doesn't disappoint...the ornery...yes, I love this word....dude on the piano was the same dude who would not let me sing for hours last year, when I was promoting my show and after I did he conceded that I was 'okay' ....again, I love New York.

After sitting and listening in the back of my mind for a while whilst reading my mag I heard a pure tenor and I looked up...my waiter was singing.

He must be about 20.

He sang Daniel by Elton John.

He was spit shone with recently combed hair, a plaid shirt and converse sneakers.

I could picture him as Curly in Oklahoma at his highschool.

Here he was in New York.

I wondered what would become of him.

I wonder.

The next night I went to Joe's Pub to see Justin Bond.

You see, it was exactly a year since I did my show there.

I wanted to go...and I have always wanted to see Justin Bond.

He was rapturous.

In his gold lame cocktail dress and black wrap around heels.

Singing his original songs, killing me with his wicked humour.

It made me happy/sad.

Oh....and Justin Bond's guest that night?

Carole Pope...who has moved to New York...sigh.

I wish we had more places like this in Canada.

Where artists could really be who they are and discover their truths and refine their art. Buddies in Bad Times in amazing....Maggie just opened her pubaret....but we are so far behind...there are 100 rooms here.

I have hope but it was happy/sad.

I feel a change is at hand for me.

There have been so many things...so many opportunities that I have had since my show here last year, that it feels like a million years since I did my show there.

I don't know what the change is, but I am open.

I write...I look through my old work...I look forward to writing new work....but change is coming...I can feel it.

I open my arms...and my heart...and try not to resist.

Tonight, I will see Liza fucking Minnelli live...for the first time...and Sandra Bernhard, who's first show was a great inspiration to me...

I keep working.

And Europe is 7 weeks away.

What the fuck. Life is good....so good. Thank you, Universe.

(If this sounds melancholy...remember...I am on cold pills.)

This is why I don't answer the phone....

The following is a transcript from a phone call I received on my land line (?) earlier today.

Me: Hello?

She: Who is this?

Me: Who is THIS?

She: This is Bobby Lynn.

Me: (inside voice: Really?!) What can I do for you, Bobby Lynn?

She: Who are you?

Me: (Pause) I think you have the wrong number.

She: Your number is programmed into my husband's cell phone...who are you?

Me: (Ah...she thinks I am his mistress of something...I am intrigued and sad...but mostly intrigued) I am the owner of this phone number...but I have only been here a couple months so it must have been someone else...(Why the fuck am I justifying myself to you instead of following my natural instincts and hanging up....one word: intrigued)

She: I don't think so....your name is programmed in my husband Peter's phone under UMV. (My mind does one million things...under my vage....u must vage....u make vaginas...I don't know why my mind was stuck in this place)

Me: I don't know Peter.

She: How do you know his name?

Me: You just said it.

She: Who are you?!?!?!

Me: Okay, I am not your husband's mistress or whatever...I know that much....and I gotta tell you...you are really freaking me out, Bobby Lynn. ( I hear it is important in these negotiations to establish intimacy.)

She: (long long Pause) Wrong number.

Dial tone.

I have included a picture from my photo shoot...because it felt like the right thing to do.

Scotland, London, Stratford, Hamilton, Canada Sings has a DEBUT date ...and my highschool reunion.

Yup, I am a mere two and half months from trundling back over the pond to Scotland, doing my London debut and having Canada Sings debut while I am....abroad...abroad....HAHAHAHAH!

(You will have to read through all of this to get to the part about my highschool reunion...just read through....don't be a pussy and just scroll down...yes, I called you a pussy)

August 10th is the air date for Canada Sings people...I will be in Scotland at the Edinburgh Fringe...which is fancy...but I wish I was gonna be here...I will be here in spirit.

So, watch Global on August 10th and then go to the CanadaSingsTV (yes, all one word) facebook page and tell everyone how much you loved me...wait, it...the TV show...and maybe me...why not, right?!?!?

All joking aside, I really believe that this is gonna be a wonderful show...and it isn't a talent show...it is an amazing hour of watching your possible friends and neighbours work their asses off and transform from office workers, doctors, nurses, policemen, waiters, call centre workers and firemen into an amazing group of singers and dancers...and it is all for charity....I KNOW!! You will love it.

And I am in it.

But the reason I won't be in Canada is because I will be debuting my new show at the Edinburgh Fringe, bitches.

It is called....ready?....

Sharron Matthews Superstar: Jesus Thinks I'm Funny.

Yup.

And here is a pic from my promo photoshoot....

YUP!!! SO EXCITED!!!!

Anyhow, before all of this happens, I have some shows I would love to have you be around for, if you wanna!

I am reprising my Flying Beaver Pubaret Show (Big hit, people, was the Critic's Pick in the Toronto Star and the Now Magazine!!!) at the NEW Springworks Festival here in Stratford...it is happening this Friday the 13th (wow, I just noticed that...will have to honour that somehow) at 11:00pm at Factory 163....please go here for the deets

www.springworksfestival.ca

I am bringing Cooch and Jamie Drake up from TO to accompany me...we are gonna have a blast....IN MY NEW HOMETOWN!!!

FYI: This show...late night...not so much kid friendly!

And then from May 17th to the 29th I will be doing my "Sharron's Big Broadway Show" in the studio at Theatre Aquarius in Hamilton....my hometown....I have been doing this show all over Canada and it has been very well received and I have a great time...I am excited that there is gonna be a nice two week run!

This show? Totally kid friendly! Not toddler friendly...teenager and tween ish friendly. As long as they don't heckle...then all bets are off.

Go here for tickets and details...and it is selling really well so buy your tickets NOW!!!

http://www.theatreaquarius.org/OnStage/StageWriteSeries/StageWrite-Show1.html

SO!

I went to my 25th highschool reunion. I didn't know it was the 25th. So, when I was standing there with my friend Regan and said, "How long have we been out of highschool?", she looked at me like I was a doof and pointed at the big 25th Reunion banner on the wall....doof.

It was weird.

And I could not stop saying it.

There were a lot of people I didn't remember...there were a lot of people that I remembered who didn't really seem to want to remember...there were a lot of great people who I have not seen in a million years that I got to talk with.

And there was that bitch from grade 3...who I went to school with all the way to grade 12....who didn't talk to me...who ignored me from grade 3 to grade 12...who I saw there.

The one that my young girl friends demanded that I invite to my 13th brithday party...even though she didn't speak to me...and I did... yes, I know....but I was young, my dad had died and I just wanted everyone to like me.

She was there.

She is married to a drummer or something.

:)

If you get that...then that makes me happy.

Anyhow, I saw her and thought about confronting her...and decided she wasn't worth the air.

I am 4-fucking-2 years old, people.

For the record...she still has the same hairstyle (?!) and seems to be the same FUCKING BITCH.

Other than that, my friend Jody just reminded me to write a couple of things... ...it is good to have friends to remind you of things.

1. Thanks to Anita Blaney for arranging the whole reunion, I am sure it was a great deal of work.

2. Dear Chrissie Godwin-Bokstein, I am sorry I asked you where you lived 3 times...I was over stimulated by all the people.

3. Thanks to Regan for getting a couple of us together beforehand to drink and eat Chinese food, you are the glue, Regan.

4. Thanks to the one man who kept pointing out how hot his wife was, "Can you believe how hot my wife is? Huh?" Huh...

I hope you all are well!!!

Come on out to the shows...I would love to see you!!!

Three Favourite Things So Far Today...

So, it is only noon here in Stratford and I have done so much and thought so many fabulous thoughts ALREADY....I hope you enjoy....or scratch your head...or are as mad as I am...so many options, HUH?

Anyhow...first thing this morning I looked out the back window ( I always do before I go outside because we are still a week away from an effing fence....people weren't meant to share property) and there are two women, one young, one old, with spades....digging up my garden.

I shit you not.

I YELL out the window..."THAT FLOWER IS MINE!" (it was the best I could come up with at short notice..I had just woken up after all)...I pulled on whatever was near (probably a cocktail dress and a hoodie) and ran outside...the women were still standing there...with the effing shovels...looking at me like I am crazy. I said again, "That is my flower...everything from that stake over (they were a good 5 feet in my yard) is mine."...then the old woman said "My sister used to own all these properties...I am used to just taking the flowers...." and still they stood, "Well, they are mine...." (I remained firm in my theme) and I was not budging.

WHO DOES THIS!?!?!?!

Is this what happens in the country?

She then told me that she had be removing flowers for a month...which would explain the three big holes in my garden. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?

OUT, get out!!!!

And they actually had the gall to seem pissed.

Then when I was driving to New Hamburg to drop George off I saw a huge sign hanging over the GORGEOUS green fields that said "Today's Holocaust, Abortion! Funded by YOUR Tax $$$!".

Um.

That seems a bit much, don't you think.

I hate that I will have to now look at this every time I go back and forth.

Way to fuck up the view.

Maybe I should rent a billboard beside it with that says....oh lord...I can't even write down what I want it to say...

Then that sent me down the conservative way....

With that thought I realized that we are probably one of the ONLY countries in the world where the leader was a big liar and then got a bigger majority after a non confidence vote and election...

WE LIKE LIARS!!!

All this being said I saw a gorgeous set of shelves at the antique market....

Politics and the girl who has no idea.

This is me.

My name is Sharron Matthews....Superstar (eff you guys, I am trying to start a trend and sell my shows...judge away.)

I am only a tiny bit embarrassed to tell you that I know absolutely nothing about politics.

I find it boring.

I find it tedious.

And like when you buy a car you know you are getting screwed, you just don't know how much...this is the way I feel about politics.

And that I am being coerced and lied to.

Huh.

Sad, huh?

AND I mean, armed with limited knowledge from "Man And Society" class taught by Mr. Tobin...god, he was a mean fucker...in Grade 10 and 11, I can see that we have it a lot better than most.

Lybia.

Egypt.

That Kim Jong Il in North Korea

Ew....shiver....gross...there are some mean fuckers (Like Mr. Tobin....but worse, I imagine)...running peoples lives in our world.

So, by comparison, maybe we don't have it so bad.

But maybe it can still be better.

(The next part may give away my limitations when it comes to fancy things like economics and...other gross shit but I feel compelled to tell you....so judge me if you will...I don't give a crap)

So, one day I asked George, who tapes the debates and watches them on PVR while I am on Facebook, reading my Kobo or wishing I was a little big dead from even hearing the debates in the background...I asked George what the whole "Non Confidence" thing meant....he took a great deal of time to describe the whole thing to me...I am always eager to learn...about anything but politics BUT I used the same learning skills that I need when I study....things.

When he was finished I said, "So, he lied, they party lied and broke the law".

He said, " Um, not technically....they weren't tried in a court of law...".

Me said, "What the fuck does that mean?"

He said, "Fancy thing, fancy thing, fancy things ....huge words like quagmire.... Non confidence vote."

Me said, " So they lied and broke the law and did things that other people could be put in jail for."

He said, "Um not technically..."

And around and around it went...George loves how there are absolutely no shades of grey with me....loves it, I am sure.

I was so mad.

I mean, I wasn't going to vote for the doof in the first place...I always vote NDP....always....but now...how?

How the fuck do we make this not happen?

I think that some people think that their vote doesn't count.

I sometimes feel this way.

But it does.

I think of all the people through the centuries who have DIED for the right to vote.

All the people who die now.

This is gonna sound ultra gaylordy...so put on your gaylordy reading caps....all our votes count.

Then I had a TRULY gaylordy thought...what if we all voted our hearts and the fuckers were kicked out.

What if...or what if we had a coalition GOVERNMENT!! THIS IS MY FAVE IDEA!!! I think Layton needs a terminator...I am not sure he has it in him...WHAT IF!!!

Who knows what can happen when we all vote our hearts....

That being said, here is a little story...I was recently in Moosejaw and the dude who was driving me to the airport began to tell me a story about the injustices that had happened at an Ash factory...I am hoping that I got that right...that some big business from Australia, of all places, was trying to buy out the Ash Factory near Moosejaw and they needed said Ash Factory...and he started to talk about how they had called the PM in to fix it...and I started to laugh...and he looked at me like I was crazy...this was the day I truly realized that some people think he is AWESOME!!! I mean, I know he gets votes and I guess I just never thought, truly thought about where they came from.

And then the next week I went to my sister's house in Hamilton and she had a PC sign on her fucking lawn and I just about passed out.

SO!!! SOME others will be voting their hearts as well...SO WE NEED TO FUCKING VOTE TOMORROW, PEOPLE!!!!

There, I said it...back to regular things...like watching "Hope Floats"

Just remember...."I think when ordinary working people come home, turn on the TV and see a gala of a bunch of people at, you know, a rich gala all subsidized by taxpayers claiming their subsidies aren't high enough, when they know those subsidies have actually gone up – I'm not sure that's something that resonates with ordinary people," Stephen Harper said in Saskatoon,

Well, at least my driver was happy.

VOTE, BITCHES!

"It is a Sausage Convention" at RUSH last night!

First of all....have you ever seen a happier man in your whole life.

Standing beside my man watching him THRILL through EVERY song that came on....PRICELESS. WORTHE EVERY PENNY FOREVER!!!

Second of all...I have NEVER seen so many STRAIGHT MEN in one place in my entire life. It was a bit weird for me...I didn't know how to conduct myself...

Third of all...I put myself in a line up to get into the orchestra (they call it the FLOOR in concert land...so strange this world)...into the orchestra of the theatre (auditorium)... at least I thought it was that line up...it was the line up for the...wait for it...MEN'S washroom...LINE UP!!! The men's rooms were all packed to overflowing.....that is how many guys were there...and it was sold out...it was, in George's words...a sausage convention. Almost, every time I walked by a group of dudes I would hear them say "There's a girl."....a girl....giggle...me...a girl. LOVE IT.

Fourth of all...George ran out of beer and I said I would go get him some and how much did he want...I put in my ear plugs...yes, I know...and as I walked away I saw about 10 guys nodding to George with awe and respect...

Fifth of all...Though RUSH is amazing...they really are...Geddy Lee, the lead singer commented that because they were so old they had to take an intermission...well, of course they did...it is the theatre, people...George went in search of the Men's room with the shortest line (it still amazes me) and I pulled out my KOBO and sat down... a gentleman in a Maple Leaf's cap and a t shirt that said "Don't Ask....I Divorced the Bitch" said,

"You brought your book to RUSH?"...incredulously....and I said, "Well, it is intermission and I don't know any of you people and my phone has no reception...do you have a better idea?"...He just shook his head and laughed at me in my face...and I bit back "It is a wonder that you aren't married"....or maybe "So, you do well with girls?"... or" You play the best air guitar and drums I have ever seen...that is gonna get you laid!!!" ....oh, so many thoughts....

Sixth of All...I loved watching that band. There is just three of them and they make the most amazing noise I have heard...symphonic. They played like motherfuckers...and that

Getty Lee...he was amazing.....

Geddy Lee had some tight pants on for a 60 year old dude to be running around in. And HE could move...I guess that is from many years of wearing too tight pants...stuffed with a banana....George will be mad when he reads that...but a joke is a joke.

That being said...they are fucking virtuosos....did I spell that right...fuck it...you know what I mean.

Seventh of All...My show at the Flying Beaver on Friday is SOLD OUT!!! I love that, I have to say. So, a second show has been added on Saturday and I have been told that it is selling very well. I would love to see you all...so please book in advance...you can come and have a nice dinner as well...get right sloshed. Don't heckle me though...you know what happens to hecklers....So,call the Pubaret (647.347.6567) for tickets...or go here for online tickets https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/170991

Rush, bitches.

I am going to see RUSH tonight.

At Copps in Hamilton.

With George...and my people.

Just before Valentines Day (okay, don't tell George but it was Valentines Day) I was on set ...I love saying that...you can judge the fuck out of me...that never gets old...I was on set and trying to figure out what to get George...when George showed up...parking the cube van that held all of our belongings because he was moving our entire home to Stratford from Toronto...on Valentines Day. He showed up ON SET and gave me a beautiful necklace...from where? FASHION CRIMES...322 1/2 Queen West. (You can never promote enough).

I felt so happy and a bit like a tool.

George is so great at the suprises...you know what I a super good at? Cleaning, organizing and making sure he always has soap and toothpaste and socks. That is what I am good at.

So, talking with Andrew, Darcy and Eric (Camera, Audio and Intern Fabulous) I was trying to figure out how I could get the best gift ever. I knew that if I focused I could achieve this thing. THEN I REMEMBERED!!!

I was in Hamilton at the time shooting "Canada Sings" at that morning on the way to breakfast I had seen the poster outside Copps Coliseum for RUSH...and they were playing one of their albums in it's entirety...2011 or something like that.

Now, I am a RUSH fan...not a super fan or anything...but because of George's deep love of this band...I learned very quickly to love them as well.

He loves that Neil (drummer) is from St. Catharines and insists that since Neil writes all the lyrics that "Lakeside Park" is about Port Dalhousie.

We went to a film opening of a Johnny Depp movie once..I was looking at Johnny Depp when Getty Lee walked by him on the red carpet and George was gone...running after him to take a picture on his phone...and he proclaimed that "You're the star, man,"

George loves RUSH and has never seen them live.

SUPER AWESOME GIFT FROM HEAVEN!

So, Andrew told me about a great website called www.stubhub.com ...they get you great seats at a number of different prices and they are trusted and true.

Yes, sometimes the tickets are more than face value...but we are all adults here..right?

So, I got...for the first time in mine and George's adult life....floor seats.

They cost a million dollars.

I have never spent money like that on tickets...and I am NOT bragging...it is just ...it seemed worth it.

We went into hawk ( I have spelled that wrong)...but we are GOING TONIGHT!

George is working in the Hammer (Hamilton to those not in the know) right now and went to the local concert T store to get us Tshirts....we are doing this up right...

I am excited.

I hope George doesn't pass out.

On another note...as a slutty blog writer (and I mean that I am using this blog to sell myself as a musician you dirty minded bitches) my show this Friday night at The Flying Beaver Pubaret is a few tickets from being sold out. So Maggie Cassella asked me to do Saturday Night the 23rd...after having a check in with my musicians I am ready to go.

I am excited about these shows...it is has been a long time since I just sang for the love of it (LORDY, I KNOW!) but I have two of my fave players, Cooch (Chris Tsujiuchi) and Drake (Jamie Drake...not that other DRake) and we are gonna jam it up. I have some new stuff and some stuff I have not done in many, many years. Pink, Blue October, Prince, Duran Duran, Gaga, Back Street Boys...so many artists...too many to name!!!

And I will have had a mammogram, been to a RUSH concert, to London, England, shot a TV show and been to Deep River and Moose Jaw...and moved to the Country...I have a story to tell, people.

So, If you want the last couple Friday tickets GET ON IT!

OR/AND book it up for Saturday....

My agent just bought through the online site and it worked like a charm!

I hope you can come out...as I said before..I am putting the GOOD back in Good Friday and then, now....I am putting the...um...fucking awesomeness back in Easter Weekend...so show up on Friday or the day before Jesus rose...or something (he gets my humour, by the way...he isn't offended...he told me).

Jesus will be there as far as I know.

Here is the info again!

The Flying Beaver Pubaret @ 488 Parliament Street

Shows at 8:00pm on Friday April 22nd and Saturday April 23rd

TIX: $15advance/$20 door

Showtime: 8pm

Dinner available before, during, and after the show

Reservations recommended.

647.347.6567 for info

Pubaret opens at 4pm

Stay and dance to our live DJ after the show!

You can call or order online...here

https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/170991

I hope we can look meaningfully into each others eyes.

Love

Sharron

Country Strong and Boobs.

So, I had a few alarming things happen in the last couple days.

#1 I had my first mammogram EVER yesterday. I heard a lot of ladies say it is now way better than it was before. Well, “before” must have been fucking terrible. Because that was pretty shitty. First, let me say that the mammogram is a tool used to detect irregularites in the breast...the boob...I know this. It is an early warning tool. For that I am grateful...BUT can’t they find another way to check our boobs? Huh? The groping, the pulling, the squeezing. I was kinda like writing a grant application for the Canada Council. NO WAIT!!! That is worse....the grant writing, that is.

#2 I had above said Mammogram because I have my first physical in 4 years...I know!!! I KNOW!!! But I went....let me SAY THIS?!?!? When you are 42 years old, your physical takes Eighty THOUSAND HOURS!!! AND let us frank, I had a finger in every place there was to put one...lord. I took off my clothes more times than a noon hour stripper at Jilly’s.

#3 When I am alone at home for the day, sometimes I love to watch movies that George will never EVER want to watch with me. The choice today was between Tangled and...wait for it...Country Strong. STOP JUDGING ME! You know some of you were wondering about it.

Well, wonder no more.

That movie has more holes in it than...a cheese grater, a siv, a salad spinner, a hooker’s nylons, my voice after belting for 7 days straight (I, for some reason, dedicate that to Shawn Wright)....LORD LOVE US ALL!!!

Okay...I am gonna write this down for all to see....WHAT THE FUCK MADE GWYNETH PALTROW SUDDENLY DECIDE THAT SHE WAS A FUCKING RECORDING ARTIST? She was autotuned within an inch of sanity. I think of all the country divas out there who watched that movie...and then got really mad after. She has...and I hope I am not spoiling this for you...a concert segment at the end where she is dancing...on my sweet lord...she is changing dresses, giving the performance of a life time....and at the end she says “That is how it is done, sweetheart.”

Really.

Is it?

I am not so sure it is.

Ug...the uncomfortable scenes...the stories that don’t make sense...the bird...the fucking bird...oh, lord...and there is some stinky acting.

LORD!

Sorry...I am always hopeful for a musical movie...but my god...as a bonus, the secondary female and the secondary dude are good singers.

I can only think that Faith Hill watched that movie, that her hubby was in and said “ You gotta be fucking kidding me...”

WAIT!

Did you ever see the youtube vid where Faith Hill is doing a concert and yells at some coug in the audience who grabbed Tim McGraw’s balls....oh god...google it!

Anyhow.

I just had to get that out.

And on the flip side...the tickets to my show on Friday are going fast. I am only doing one, no matter what, so get your tickets in advance people!

Cooch and I rehearsed yesterday...oh lord...I am excited....new stuff...new stuff....and I called the fabu Jamie Drake! He will come to percuss...

I am so looking forward to see you all....

What fun we will have....

Here is the info again!

Online tickets at https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/170991

FB Page Event!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=146357842097245

Happy Weekend, All!!!

The sun is coming out right now!

Moose Jaw, The Plane and The Beaver....

So, I went to Moose Jaw.

I didn’t know WHAT to expect...first of all, I couldn’t believe that they would bring my show ALL THE WAY THERE for one night.

I was nervous and wondered if this was all a ploy to get me to Saskatchawan and kidnap me...I don’t know why...theses things just occur to me.

Two things, this is the tallest building in Moose Jaw.

Main Street Moose Jaw.

Second thing, I bought this purse at the Pharmasave on Main Street.

Cooch and my new bag...that I bought at the Moose Jaw Pharmasave

What an amazing time I had...what a gorgeous theatre, what lovely people...I sent an email to Steve Patterson (Patterson is a Moose Jaw native) and he rallied his folks, Kathy and Bob, who rallied a bunch of other folks, Marianne Woods and Kelly Handerek made their ways up from Regina...laughs were had, dresses were spun in (you know!), notes were belted and CD’s were sold.

Oh look at me and Cooch...

Thank you Graham (who worked at the Royal Alex when I was but a pup in Les Mis), the General Manager of the Moose Jaw Cultural Centre for bringing me out there!

Though it was a great time and all that is not why I write now.

Chris Tsujiuchi ( my accompanist) and I flew on the lovely but frugal Air Canada (not even a fucking meal anymore? REALLY?). Chris hasn’t flown a ton and the flight out was so lovely. We were chattin and I was all bragging (I wasn’t quite aware of it at the time, really) about how much I have flown...Oh, so many times. I am an old hat...hundreds, darling....hundreds.

So, on the way back, I manage to score a row by myself (the plane is smaller, two rows on each side) and I pull out my book and settle in. About an hour and a half into the flight I decide to watch “Black Swan” but the plane begins to bump around a smidge (a smidge) and it makes me feel a bit sickie....to be honest, from the 20 minutes I saw that Natalie Portman is working WAY TOO HARD...but that is just me...so I turn it off.

The seat belt light goes on and the bumping gets...well...bumpier.

Lord have mercy.

The captain is all, “Ladies and Gentlemen we have a weather front from here to Toronto, so we apologize for the turbulance...buckle up bitches”....wait...there is still and hour of flight left....AND THE PLANE JUMPS TO THE LEFT AND THE RIGHT....LIKE THE FUCKING HOKEY POKEY....in the FUCKING SKY!!!!

Why, my friends, WHY when the screaming starts...why doesn’t the magnitude of the “turbulance” get addressed? Hmm? Huh? WHY!?!?!? FOR AN HOUR! We are bumping around so much I know that it is now TOO LATE to have a gravol...I put in my earphones and find a classical station and grip the seat like it is the last place I will ever sit. Which, after a half an hour , I believe it will be.

I can’t even get up to find Cooch (which is what I call Chris)...I know he is behind me, scared out of his shit...listening to India Arie...because he assumes he is also going to die and since India is his fave...he should go down listening to her.

Then I begin to search for an air sickness bag....just in case...cause let me tell you what people...I could feel my Tim Horton’s BLT wanting to make a entrance.

The whole time...even though there is, as I mentioned earlier, screaming...no one in that front cabin says a word. Which just makes me believe that the end is near. There is no sign of a flight attendant, either.

You feel so fucking helpless and small...yes, I just got philosphical...whatever...I was going to die.

I managed to talk myself out of hurling....barely...because there was a throw up convention going on around me...and I am a joiner...I had my music up to 11.

When I see Toronto through the window I feel such a great amount of relief...I almost pee.

We land...I am still filled with my BLT...but when I grab my bag and walk off I give the pilot the hairiest eyeball I can manage....past the stink of throw up....ug, I am gagging right now.

So, lucky to be alive....telling Cooch the whole way out of the terminal that flying to Europe will be better. (!)

What a trip.

And after all that...I realized that it is never too soon to sing live....nice transition, bitches, huh?

Maggie Cassella has opened up a new venue, The Flying Beaver Pubaret, and her Good Friday entertainment canceled! WHAT?!?!? She asked me...and I thought...Easter Weekend...a holiday....WHY NOT!!!

So, as you may have heard, I am putting the GOOD back in GOOD FRIDAY, people.

It is a lovely, intimate room and I am singing for ONE NIGHT ONLY!

I think that tickets are selling really well, so here in the info, book early....it is a week AWAY!

Friday April 22nd, $15 advance and $20 at the door.

The Flying Beaver Pubaret

488 Parliament Street (North of Carlton)

Showtime: 8pm

Dinner available before, during, and after the show

Dinner reservations recommended.

647.347.6567 for info.

Pubaret opens at 4pm.

I am singing a bunch of new stuff...things I have had on list TO DO list for a while!

It has been too long...I miss all of your guys!

I got some stories to tell....TV show, traveling, UK debut, back to the Fringe, I have moved to the country....SO MUCH!!!!

Here is the link to online tickets and the FB event!

Online tickets at https://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/170991

FB Page Event!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=146357842097245

Come on DOWN!!!!!

Jesus called....he will be there!

Sublime meet Ridiculous.

And just when I was feeling fancy....

I got sent an email today asking if I wanted to audition for a commercial to sing...to a hamburger.

Not that I am above it...not at all...I will always do what it takes to pay the mortgage people!

I just love that you can go from striding towards a wind machine to possibly dueting with 98% Real Canadian Beef in 6 days.

WELCOME TO CANADA!!!

Not for the faint hearted.

What is my motto, you may ask?

Some of you already know...but for those who don't...

Dear Younguns, Before you start feeling all fancy...you are always one phone call away from wearing a banana suit, handing out flyers.

So keep keepin' on.

Love

Sharron (Almost the 98% Real Beef Lady)

The View and The Apocalypse.

I try not to watch The View anymore...“Why, Sharron, WHY!?” you may ask.

Other than that fucking Elizabeth Hasselbeck...back...beck...whatEVER!!! She just crawls up my skirt the wrong way...ya know?

Oh, and other than Sherry Sheppard...she is just not a rocket scientist...or even a rocket eater ( ya know the ones you get for Halloween....I feel that I may have just jumped the blog shark...I continue...).

The combination of Sheppard and Hasselbeck just makes me wanna go out and purchase an anti- anxiety program...they just...who...when...breathe, Sharron.

And Barbra Walters? Jesus wept...and poor Whoopi looking on in disbelief waiting to cash her paycheck...and the other one...

But sometimes...on a snowy winter day...when I am tired...and procrastinating putting the boxes away...I pull up the couch and watch these chicks go at it whilst (yes, I said it) I eat my eggamuffin.

Today...Donald Trump was on. That bronzer wearing redneck motherf*#er...he really is a red neck...classless with money...a lethal combo.

So fancy....

He began to talk about...how he was going to run for President...of the United States...not of the Hairclub for Men.

I gave myself a shake...and wondered if I was still asleep...and then I freaked out.

I began to feel like I did when I saw my first episode of American Gladiator...like the Apocalypse was imminent.

Donald Trump talking about how the U.S. should charge other countries when they go to war to “help them out”...I could not believe it...I just fucking...I didn’t know....breathe, Sharron.

CHARGE FOR WAR!!! Like it is a business....I mean, I know it has been big business for years...but how gross to hear it put in those terms.

And he talked about for his running mate...oh my god...are you ready...Sarah fucking Palin....JESUS WEPT AGAIN!

I didn’t know what to do...I didn’t know who to call...I just thought I was having a stroke or something.

Can this really happen...could this happen?

And then he said that he wanted to see Obama’s birth certificate...he and the fucking Hasselbeck insinuated that Obama wasn’t an American citizen...that he was trying to put one over on the American people...really?? REALLY!?!?!?!?

Oh my dear sweet lord...I am looking for the 4 horsemen...or is it seven...I DON’T KNOW!!!

I AM FREAKING OUT!

And then Elizabeth Taylor died...and Margaret Cho called her (with love, I am sure) the Queen of the Fag Hags...

UM...I know what she means...but...um...too soon.

And then after a bunch of snow fell...what the eff...APOCALYPSE!!!!

And then, on Twitter, Rick Mercer made fun of how Toronto freaks out when it snows...which is just the newest joke...WAIT!...NO IT ISN’T!!! And I love RICK MERCER...and he made a crappy, antiquated joke!!! IT IS THE END PEOPLE...it is gonna rain frogs and unicorns....and maybe poo.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?!?

Canada Sang, People!

Canada Sings...and cries...and dances...and transforms...and laughs...and sometimes looks pissed off...and almost always overcomes...and does so so so so so many things.

It has been too effing long, my friends...I haven’t written in two months...and it has been two months since I started this show in earnest.

Anyone who hasn’t been to my page in the last two months...I shot a TV show.

Holy crap.

I have NEVER done anything like this before...and the results have been astounding...they have been winding...and have made me take a knee on a daily basis.

Canada Sings.

So, here is the deal.

There are two choreographers (Christian Vincent and Kelly Konno) and two vocal coaches (Scott Henderson and myself)...we get split into two artistic teams and then we go into work places such as....are you ready?...Scarborough General Hospital, The Keg, Lone Wolf Real Estate Tech., Air Canada, Just Energy, Toronto Fire Fighters, Hamilton Police, Good Life Fitness, Boilerhouse Restaurant, Earl Hamber Public School, 1-800-Got-Junk and the Toronto Zoo...and teach their people a number...most of these people have never performed before.’

Then they compete against another team for $10,000.00, which goes to the charity of their choice.

And it is a fully staged, costumed and musically tracked number. On a huge stage...for celebrity judges..oh ya, and for the people of Canada...who will watch it on Global.

Oh yes, and ALL of these people continue to work at their jobs during the process....SO! They work all day and rehearse all night.

I don’t know what I thought it would be when I accepted the job...I actually didn’t know because it was a new show.

But it sure turned out to be...well, something else.

I am sitting in my new place in Stratford (my agent thinks my life is over because I moved to the country) and am looking back over the whole experience with a fabulous mixture of shock, awe, disbelief, excitement and sadness.

Oh I have learned so very much...and I say that without one ounce of sarcasm...which is hard for me, as you know.

I can honestly say that this has been one of the best experiences of my life...and after “Love, Loss” and the World Domination Tour...that is saying a lot.

It is true.

I started this gig trying to fit the people into the number and I finished trying to fit the number on the people...and what people.

My god...these people worked hard and I feel humbled by their dedication and tenacity...and heart...such a great deal of heart...and all for charity.

I think the show is going to be fucking awesome...yup...I said it....and I also said that a number of times on the show...I wonder how much I will be bleeped....many times, I hope.

Lord, I swore like a sailor.

I honestly don’t know how to tell you all about it in one blog....I think watching the show might help. It is supposed to air in August, as of right now...

I want to thank all of the crew...here I go...please god let me not forget anyone....

Team Bickerton

Mike, Matt, Siobhan, Craig, Homer, Dan, Booker, Leeanne, Chris, David, Kal, Ryan, Phillip, Rob, Aaron, Marla, Peter and Rachel.

Chris...thank you for making my week....

Team Riley

Maureen, Topher, Jacqueline, Patrick, Jason, Johnnie, Matt, Darcy, Andrew, Eric, Joel, Devo, Chris, Jessie, Don, Mark, Chris and Ben.

And all the people at Insight...from the fabulous and amazing John and Barb to the awesome Mark (magic...it is magical, Sha Sha), Heather (who cast my ass), Erinn (who is editting my ass), Julietta (who cleared the songs for my ...yes...alright...ass) Tina, Alex, Stephen, Lori, Sue and Lindsay (who pays my ass)! (THANKS FOR THE FLIP CAM!!! I WANT TO SEND YOU A QUESTIONABLE VIDEO).

To Gigi and Adreano ( I know I spelled that wrong)...who made me feel like one billion bucks the last week...the hair and make up of my dreams. And Mel’s hair and make up team who made our groups feel like royalty.

Gigi and Adreanno do me up!

I want to put out a special thanks to Lisa Williams, who costumed THE ENTIRE show. And when I called her in a panic, right at the beginning and said “All I want to do is look and feel awesome.”...did exactly that. And her crew...Casey, Sarah, Paul...the THREE SISTERS (please forgive me SIS’....I don’t want to get one name wrong, so I am not attempting any of them...I don’t want to cause a family rift)....you, all of you, made this show look so beautiful.

And Matty, who led myself and Christian around with such care for 4 days of ABSOLUTE CRAZINESS. Thank you so much.

To Scott and Kelly...you talented sons of bitches...though we were competing against each other (remember the day we stopped talking on the communal board...all I could think was, “IT IS ON, PEOPLE!”) sitting with you guys last week was some of the most enjoyable time I have spent (although that first day was a fucking killer).

The Artistic Teams for Canada Sings WEARING those outfits!

ORIN ISSACS...you effing rock. Your tracks rock. Your support was invaluable...and I loved it when you called me “doll”. And when you sang...ah, when you sang.

And to our teams...Scarborough Hospital, Lone Wolf, Just Energy, Hamilton Police, Boilerhouse and Got Junk...you humbled me with your talents and drive...really.

Lastly, I would like to thank Christian, who, in our very first phonecall, told me he had my back and then NEVER disappointed. What a talented, forthright, honest man. Saying goodbye to him was like saying goodbye to a brother. I hope we get to do this again for many reasons, the biggest is so that we can go to breakfast in the morn when we are away from TO. I do not, do not, want to lose touch with you, my friend. I loved working with you, you are amazing.

Christian and I in Vancouver take a skype call on a break.

Alright, those of you who weren’t on the show....who skimmed till here...thanks for reading my love letter to Canada Sings.

I feel so lucky to have worked on this show...I can’t wait to watch it from the kitchen as my husband tells me how it goes...I am sure I said MANY questionable things...it was lovely to just be myself...and not learn lines...WHAT COULD BE BETTER!?!?

Oh wait...and the last day I had my pic taken...with a WIND MACHINE!!!!

Scott, Kelly, myself and Christian work that effing WIND MACHINE! Closer
Taken by the always handsome BICKERTON!

Okay, so I am giving myself a couple more days and then I am back at it.

Goodbye Canada Sings...hopefully, till next time.

Be well all!