Edinburgh...21 Days...Sublime to the Ridiculous...oh and back to Sublime

This has been a ride, so far, my people.

I don’t know what I expected...but I have learned...when I come to the Edinburgh Fringe...just to arrive with “An empty cup, girl” (Fabu Canadian Music Man -Yes, that is his official title- Orin Issacs, told me that this was the best way to start every week of Canada Sings...no expectations...but with preparation).

You can prepare as much as you want, but you really never know what this place is gonna throw at you.

A new venue...what comes with that? A lot of technical issues (mic broke on the third night...when an important VIP was present...did the first 20 minutes sans mic...and didn’t trust it for the rest of the night...mike stands are effed...bought our own) and the inevitable figuring out of how everyone’s show runs and how to get the audience in and out....on time. And 3 times in the Carlton Hotel, where the cabaret bar is...the fire alarm has gone off and we have had to evacuate...putting EVERYONE behind.

I have had a couple of really big challenges this year, as well...

Firstly, after running the show once in front of the fringe audience...the show didn’t seem right...it seemed ALMOST right...but not quite there...and I decided that instead of feeling that way for the whole run, I would work on it...change it...find the right way to tell my story...well, that took about 4 nights of performing (and days of rehearsing) to figure out...there is NOTHING like fixing your show in front of a paying international audience to give you hives.

But I REALLY wanted it to be right.

And when it was FINALLY right...boy, it was an awesome feeling! But the feelings getting there...very, very hard...it laid me low for a couple days...but I kept working and doing the personal apprearances and promo gigs...and....lordily...believing...what else are you gonna do?

But I got it...I figured it! I did...and fuck, it was worth the work to get there. (Still makes me a bit pukey to think of putting in a new section every night for 4 nights till I got it right...pukey, people)

Then, I woke up the 6th day...with a sinus infection.

Lord.

I went straight to the Royal Infirmary...and they gave me some antibiotics...but I was still singing on a sick throat for a couple days...AND one night in the show I felt like I had been dunked in a pool of water. Fever...no fever...fever.

So, I have lived like a bit of a monk to make sure I can sing my shows and my PA gigs.

So, only A FEW challenges.

AND we waited for the ever important reviews.

And it was taking FOREVER.

People will not come unless they know about your reviews...they just won’t.

And all anyone wants is a good Scotsman review...it is the most important paper. I couldn’t even get them to come out to see my show last year...AT ALL!!

I told my producer not to tell me when or if they were coming.

And they came...one of my “I am putting in a new part” nights.

And he didn’t tell me....god bless his soul.

So, then next day, a bit bummed about the lack of reviews and about my sick body, I asked Cooch to come with me to look for a pair of high heels for the show...and after we found them....

Aren’t they gorgeous?

...we were sitting and eating Subway sandwiches....yes, a Subway sandwiches...and I get a call from my producer asking me if I can be at a photo shoot in full make up and costume...in one hour...for the Scotsman.

They won’t tell him what the review is going to say...but they ask for me to come to the photoshoot anyway.

Lord.

I strapped on my high heels and hit the streets of Edinburgh.

Fun...but what the fuck was the review going to say?

I did my best to forget about it...impossible...and did the show.

The next morning I could hear my producer, Rob, pacing in front of my bedroom door...yes, we all share very clean and nice student accomidations, my friends...so he was just next door...and when I got up he was standing in front of my door holding this...

My legs could not hold me.

And it was a 4 Star review...from the Scotsman...my show was named one of the “Best of the Fest”...asked to perform at special afternoon show featuring other artists with given the same distinction...holy fuck .

My producer all but exploded with happiness...I was just amazed...and shocked.

Then things started to happen.

Other great reviews, promoters coming out, big audiences....a show that is hitting a joyous stride, for me, anyhow.

Yes, I am tired people....exhausted, even.

But I am feeling good...in my spirit and my heart.

And yesterday, I taped my show.

And for this occasion, all the people I knew who were coming to Scotland were actually present and in the audience...Mike Bickerton, John Austin, Chris Lorway, Rachel Neuberger, Anne Barnshaw, my cousins Deb and David...and a sold out audience...it was glorious. Lord, the time Cooch and I had. It was magic.

I cried like a baby after, alone, as I got changed.

I just felt like I had come over a mountain.

I love the challenge of coming here...but make no fucking mistake...it is a challenge.

And then we Canadians danced...meeting up with the young and talented Shawn Hitchens and the dishy, Clyde Wagner....and went to as many gay bars as we could.

One bar was called “CCBlooms”...after Bette Midler’s character in Beaches...Cooch didn’t know what it meant...lord...but WE DANCED!!!

I had such a great fucking time...and tonight...I sleep....and tomorrow...I start again.

6 more shows...who knows what they hold?

I do know one thing though...I am NEVER going anywhere without George again.

Never...I think our time apart rule will be three hours...until he gets really sick of me...and then it will be 6...but that is it!

Gods the GAY BARS were FUN!! SEE?!?!??

(Thanks to Cooch, John, Bicks and Clyde Wagner for the pics!!!)

My appearence on chat show "Edinburgh Tonight" with Joe Simmons and Lorraine Chase....and accompanied by the handsome Chris Tsujiuchi

Subtle differences between Canada and Scotland

I have a sinus infection.

Glamourous.

Have had to cancel some promotion appearances..,but still am experiencing packed houses thanks to Team Jesus on the Mile, people.

OH! And last night after my audience was brought in there were 8 people who said they wanted tickets...our box office said I was sold out...and then a melee began. With fists and all.

It made me feel not scared...but super fancy.

Okay...

So I couple of days ago, at the start of the sinus thingie, I went to the Royal Infirmary and got some drugs...here is where I experienced one of the many subtle differences between Canada and Scotland.

When one gets an antibiotic in Canada we are told, "Take with food and Do not drink alcohol "

When one gets and antibiotic in Scotland you are told, "Take an hour before meals and (my fave part) try not to have more than one or two drinks."

You gotta love the Scots.

Cooch's Video Diary of Edinburgh Part One!

Thanks to Chris for making this...it is fun as hell!!!

Sharron and Cooch, Day 6 Edfringe. Dirty. But only our clothes!!

Promo Gigs, Blister, Canada Sings, Margaret Cho wants to shop and first 5 Star review!

Oh my lord, people!

What a THREE, yes, read only THREE, days it has been so far!

After the first PACKED preview I went home and changed a medley into a mashup! I did...like magic...Jesus magic.

This was the line up for Day 2

1. Go to the Mile for two hours to meet the people and hand out flyers. (Success)

2. Go to Edinburgh Tonight and do a promo spot (Successful, I think)

3. Look at the Festival Pull Out section in the Scotsman (Auntie Pat told me it is Scotland's most fancy paper.) and look at the article that I WROTE about cabaret...here is the link!!!

http://www.edinburgh-festivals.com/viewpreview.aspx?id=2477

It was so fancy...that I freaked out...it is in the middle...the very middle!!! (SUPER SUCCESS)

4. Do my show...oh yes, there is that! (Gonna stop rating all the activities here)

5. And then I did a midnight promo gig that turned into me going on at 3:00amish...I sang Bohemian Rhapsody and there was a drunk woman in the front row who just made my life very special...she was like a gift. I just kept pausing and looking at her...shaking my head...and then continuing on.

The thing I really love about these promo gigs is that you meet artists that you have never met before...see them do there thing...and then you do your thing...and word of mouth happens...maybe a cross promotion. Everyone is quite supportive here. You have to be.

For the record, on Day 2, I got up about 9:00am and made it to be at 4:00am.

So, when I woke up the morning of Day Three....me tired. It is rainy. I feel a bit sicky.

It stresses me out...because the list for Day Three is....

1. Gotta pick up some stuff for the show at Princes Mall. (Fake Uggs so I don't have sock lines when I change at my venue into my heels....judge me if you will, bitches.)

2. Gotta do a promo at "The New Town" which is a benefit for Waverly Centre....fabu Gay Bar...filled with dishy Gays. LOVE. (This promo is at 6:30pm....so we ram ourselves into the car to make it for my ....

3. 8:05pm Show that the Space....I hear there is a reviewer going to be there...no time for dinner/fuel....suck it up Matthews.

4. 8:10pm....my stomach tells me that I need to eat....while I am onstage...I spend a couple seconds of silence negotiating with my stomach.

"I will give you a couple pieces of pizza later if you just SUCK IT UP for an hour, stomach".

"Alright....but don't go off on a rant...I will make you forget the rest of the show, Rest of Sharron"

"Fair enough, Stomach...may I continue?"

"Please do"

5. Finish the show....it went amazingly...thank god...

6. Sell a couple CD's and while I do a young and beautliful blond girl comes up to me...keep in mind that some of my show is about how I learn to accept myself the way I am...she gives me a little squeezy ball...that I think people use to calm themselves...and she barely speaks english...she says, very haltingly that she would like me to keep this...because she used to hate the way she looked in the mirror...and that this squeezy ball always helped. It has clearly been well loved...I am humbled...what a lovely thing. If I wasn't so fucking tired I woulda had a cry...here it is...

But I couldn't cry because I had to go to....

7. Promo gig at 10:00pm at the Udderbelly 2...a Musical Comedy Night...I was interested to see what I was gonna see...OH it bears or does it bare...I never get that right...anyway...I gotta tell you...because I have spent a lot of time walking I managed to get a blister...that has turned into some kind of war wound...so now...I a trying to not limp around in my high heels...or my frye boots...so I put on my rain coat...still raining...and we shove ourselves into Rob's (fabu producer) car and off we go...Rob tends not to believe what the GPS is telling us so we get a bit lost...and there are three yelling accents in the car....Welsh...North London....Etobicokian...and me with my hands over my ears. WE make it. Get rockstar parking. And in we go.

There are a lot of duo comedy acts here...and there are 4 of them in this show...it is an interesting gig.

More really nice people...my fave are the hosts "Horse and Louis" who are doing a free gig (there are a ton of them) at Laughing Horse - ESpionage. I will be going.

8. We go to a pizza place. WE get a pizza... I tell my stomach it is on it's way. Then I fall into a mouth open coma/sleep.

Holy fuck doodles.

So, today, I am taking it easy....writing to all of you who might wanna read!

Also today...I woke to two very awesome pieces of internet info.

Our friend, Michael Hughes...decided to write Margaret Cho on the Twitter...Cho is here in Edinburgh, doing her show and looking for a shopping mate...

So, I woke to my email telling me that Margaret Cho wrote me on Twitter...what the fuck....

I have written her back...we shall see what develops...I am gonna try and get her to my show!!!

AND I got my first 5 STAR (they love the stars over here...it seems to matter more than the content of the review...I heard someone exclaim yesterday "It reads like a five!") review today!!!

YAY!!!

Here it is....

One4Review

5 stars

*****

7th August show.

Sharron is the only person I’ve seen who personally welcomes every audience member as they come in to their show. She is incredibly affable and sets everyone at ease, it’s almost like she’s welcoming you into her home.

This sets up an all-too-quick hour of fabulous singing and anecdotes. Sharron has a huge vocal range and covers all styles and genres, sometimes in the same phrase. Yet it’s not over-used – her voice is beautiful, honest and sometimes deeply emotional and a joy to listen to.

She has the whole audience in tears of laughter one second, then in complete silence for the next song. Absolutely delightful. Add to that the spot-on musicianship of Chris Tsujiuchi who is clearly enjoying himself on piano – this is pure entertainment at it’s best. Fabulous! - Alan

Here is a link to the review proper....

http://one4review.wordpress.com/2011/08/08/sharron-matthews-superstar-jesus-thinks-im-funny/

I want to take this moment to thank Rob and Chloe, Rob's assistant, for working so hard all day to fill the houses. And they are filled, people. Packed.

And Chris...he is so fabu to have along...so fabu...and a true supporter...onstage and off...and he plays like a dream.

I couldn't be happier...I am going to take a nap right now!!!

The only thing missing?

George.

OH!!!!

And DON'T Forget!

This WEdnesday at 9:00pm Canada SINGS is on for the second week....

Just Energetics vs. Toronto Fire Fighters.....

OOHHH.....Christian and I worked with the Just Energetics...a super eclectic, talented and diverse team. Super positive problem solvers...and all round good people! Hard working people!!! GO JUST ENERGETICS!!!

Here they are!!!

First Preview Day at Edfringe 2011...same hair, exploding music stand and "HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW STYX!

So after taking a long a beautiful walk around Arthur's seat today....

(I got over the show whilst I power walk...really...do some of my best work here, people) so, after the walk i began to crap my pants...and this is usual people...no need for alarm...ask George. Poor husband man.

This is the moment when I don't feel like I have prepared enough...and it makes me sick in the tummy...but I did my best to take care of that by going to my fave bargain store on Nicholson Street (Wayne and Derrick will know it) called Edinburgh Bargain...I got a stool last year (for my show...not poo) last year that took me 4 hours to assemble.

This year I just got a light bulb and a big salad bowl.

But it filled the hole.

I went to the mile for 2 hours today and chatted with people and handed out flyers...oh the people I met!!!

From EVERYWHERE!!!

Team Jesus worked their collective asses off today.

Rob and Chloe went to the mile at 11:00am and stayed until just before the show with a small break...god bless...Chloe all being awesome on the IPAD (with the fabu viewing pack made my none other that kilt maker extraordinaire, Robert Pel....the IPAD is stocked with my vids...a lot of people commented on it. (GREAT idea George).

And by showtime...I felt great...who knew how many we would have.

But, thanks to TEAM JESUS, it was packed!!! PACKED!!!

It is always weird to load in for the first time...because it is all so new and you really have a VERY SPECIFIC period of time to get it all together...and it was a bit of chaos...but it went really smoothly...so any awesome people!!! Cousin's Deb and Paul were there...my cousins by marriage...so lovely and supportive...and a bunch of people from "I Love You, Your Perfect..." playing here at the fringe with my Edinburgh buddy on the old FB, Alan Gibson...and a great number of people I have never met before.....love it.

Highlights...during a very tense medley moment...and yes, these do exist...Chris' music stand exploded...it was amazing, really.

And during my highschool medley it became clear that the audience had never heard of Styx or Kiss....WHAT?!?!?

I did this research last year...but I can't believe that they didn't know KISS!! STYX!!!

Gotta do a think on that tomorrow.

But I sold a bunch of Cd's and it went super awesome...I am excited to run this show.

And I had Indian food and too much wine...and met a woman with the same hair style...she was 20...suck it young people...I can rock it too!!!

BED!!!

Thanks to Team Jesus!!!

Another day and another ....day.

Night all!

Junk Notes vs. Zooperstars & Sharron v.s Being a Million Miles Away

Lord.

I didn't think I would watch it.

It is 2:00am in the morning in Scotland...and I am doing my tech tomorrow for my show at the Edinburgh Fringe (for all of you who may have not been playing along so far) and I need sleep.

So, about 1:00am I knock on the door of my piano player, Chris and say, "You need to call your young friends who are tech savvy and help me set up a TV to Skype to Scotland date.

He jumped to, god bless him.

We worked on it for 25 minutes before a former student of mine from Sheridan College agreed to do it...for 2 free coachings for his 3rd year Pop Critique. I offered...I think he might have done it without...but you gotta make it worth someone's while, right?

Worth it.

Worth it.

I was so red in the face when it started...I sat with my stage show producer, Rob and Chris, the aforementioned...yes, I said it...piano player and friend...I felt so far away...but skype is freaky...it brought me right to Canada.

Now, you all have to know that the coaches have seen almost no footage from the show.

We don't even really know how the other coaching team works...or what they are like on camera...how they run their rehearsals..nothing.

We only really know our team and our rehearsal days...except the sneak peek...which goes by in a nanosecond and you can only see the tape once....ONCE, I tell you!!!

This is high pressure stuff, people!!!

Christian, my trusty partner and friend, and I never knew what to expect....I was so happy to see all these people from Got Junk audition...they were all from different parts of the company and some of them barely knew each other.

The worked their tales off....EVERY ONE of them.

And they had some mad natural skills...and the number was tailor made for them.

Christian and I came up with the concept, and picked the songs together...I do the arrangements and he the choreo.

I love working with him...he is talented man...and super kind.

I am so bleeping tired but I am so happy that I got to see it.

I am glad that I met and worked with all these fab people!!!

Graham and his man UGGS...and his beautiful children.

Tim and his quiet way...and fabu talent.

Erin and her tenacity....so proud of her...she is inspiring.

All the Junk Notes....Andrew, Jeff, Chantel, Zara, Sheila, Scott, Lisa, Yoro...I LOVE YOU GUYS and I COULD NOT BE PROUDER!!!

But this lassie ( booooo bad cultural reference) has got to let her sleeping pill kick in and go to bed!!!

I can't wait to see what next week holds...

Congrats to Kelly and Scott and the Zooperstars!!! Great work you guys!!!

I am watching you, Kelly and Scott.

Thanks to Insight, Global...the fabulous crew and every person we worked with every day....it was really the dream job to end all dream jobs.

CANADA SINGS ROCKS!!!

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Scotland and Canada Sings!

Made it...I fucking made it.

Made it...I fucking made it.

So, I lay in the bed at Rob and Simon's flat in Blackheath, just outside of London proper...near Greenwich (posh...and not spice, people).

Rob is my producer on this weird and wild, second time back to Crazytown, EdFringe adventure....(please remember as I go farther in this blog that I have had a melatonin and an allergy pill...two words...awe some.)

I am filled with an odd sense of calm as well as accomplishment.

I made it to the first leg of my journey.

Just getting here is half the battle...the raising of the funds, the writing of the show, the producing of the previews, the conversing across the ocean on many types of devices, the decisions, the arranging (not to mention the million other things I cannot think of right now...due to the drugs) are all time consuming.

Really, I feel happy as shit that I made it this far.

Chris is very excited and it has filled me with excitement, as well.

When we got on the plane we found ourselves side by each...shoved into seats the size of a barbie chairs.

But that is a charter...and I sure was happy for the price (thank you, Pablo)...but Chris is a big, tall guy....this was bullshit.

I pulled aside the high functioning and clearly not-having-any-of-it stewardess queen...and asked her, ever so kindly, if she would mind if Chris moved to the empty seat in the middle...which clearly had more leg room...i didn't have much hope...but you an only ask, right?

Well, she looked pinched and said....well, let me see what I can do....(read, go fuck yourself, ginger).

But then a couple minutes later she came by and whispered, "I am not going to ask you to pay for this, but I don't want to make the people who had to mad....so just go along....( LOUDER) So, I will move your friend here and then I will grab your money when I come through for duty free." Wink.

Well, my belief in humanity and the kindness of high functioning agressives has been restored.

Thank you, Jesus.

The flight was lovely.

The border was pleasant.

The pick up lovely (thank you, Simon).

And then I fell asleep in my clothes for three hours.

Chris and I will make our way to Edinburgh tomorrow...and I am very excited.

I have a huge line up of things to do...but in a way that I hope is not filled with hubris...I feel like I am going somewhere I know...that I fit in...that I know some of the ropes...and the people.

I am very excited. Did I mention that?

That all being said...I was filled with happiness today...and part of it was thankfulness to all the people who helped to get me here last year...the inroads that we made are priceless...to Derrick Chua and Wayne Gwillim, who I will miss this year.

Fucking busking.

To the donors this year...THANK YOU!!!

To the donors last year...THANK YOU!!!

I am excited to see what this years adventure holds...wait...the melatonin is really kicking in....gotta go.

Love

Y'all.

Shar

Oh ya...this year I bought a proper rain coat!

Jesus Thinks I'm Funny Teaser!

Pirate/Bootleg of Final Jesus Encore...

One of my Lovelies in the audience took this pirate vid of my encore at Buddies on July 24th...my final preview!!
LOVE IT!!! SPREAD THE SUPERSTAR WORD!!! MG SUPERSTAR!!! You know who you are!

Jesus Use Me. WHAT?

I made it home...in 3 and half hours...

The subtitle to this should be..."Will I really have another vodka cooler?"

Don't high school girls drink vodka coolers?

And then I remember the day I was sent sides for an audition and I thought I was auditioning for the teenager...and it ended up that I was called for the "young" mom.

I was 21.

How embarrassing was that?

See what happens when I have Vodka Coolers?

I am a bit giddy/maudlin right now...which is an interesting mix...oddly enough.

I decided to come back to Stratford to get some work done...George is fancy-shakespearing it at the park so he couldn't come back with me.

Oh, I didn't capitalize the s in shakespeare to honour the person who walked up to me when I hosted the Doras and said, whilst...yes, I said it... whilst looking down their nose at me...that it was the Stratford Shakespeare Festival...not the Stratford Festival.

Well.

It was just rehearsal for eff's sake.

This same person accepted an award two years ago at the Doras...and walked away from the mic pontificating "Aren't we professional actors....can't we speak properly without a mic?"...whilst looking down his nose...at all of us.

Well.

Hm...will I have another vodka cooler?

Anyway, it is dark and here I sit....

Do you know how long it took me to rotate this picture?....wow.

Anyhow, it took three and half hours to get here.

The traffic stopped on the 427 for fucks sake...which is a 10 minute walk from my TO sublet for those of you who are not from TO....I went off road, bitches...I navigated with my blackberry and the compass on my car...because I am fancy that way....yes, it took a long time...but it was a gorgeous drive.

I am presently on my back deck....like in the above picture...but it is quite dark now.

Anyhow, I wrote this so I could show you this...

My friend, Lori...in Belgium...fancy...sent this album cover to me.

Oh my god...I would love to mash this with something.

But!!!

My show is finished.

And I am a week away from my two previews at Buddies...will you come?

I talk about Jesus...Lady Gaga...Michael Jackson...a 7 foot drag queen...Jesus...the captain of the football team from highschool (before I was a 'young' mom...that sounds wrong...) and so many more.

I am really excited and quite proud of the show I am gonna do...and I would love you all to see it first!

So, if you got time next weekend...come down and I will polish off my heels and my foul language...

The fun we will have....

Where is that last cooler...

SHARRON'S Summer Webisode PART ONE

SHARRON's Summer Webisode PART TWO!!!

Dear World, I met Donny Osmond.

Can you take it?

That is me, DONNY OSMOND, and Maureen Riley.

I love the first pic because Maureen is gazing ever so lovingly at him...

Maureen and I had planned to meet for drinks last night a while ago...and then when I got offered tickets to the show I wondered if she would like to come...maybe she would not be into it.

Here is our email exchange....

Dear Maureen,

Holy poo.

I hope this excites you as much as me...but my friend offered me AWESOME tickets to the fricken'

Donny and Marie opening tomorrow night!!! Wanna meet me at the Four Seasons Opera thingie place at 7:25pm tomorrow night ?

(There is also a party after...we might meet them...)

Shar xoxo

Sent from my crackberry.

Sharron,

Ummmmmmm. Yes please!!!! This is effing awesome.

Done and done.

See you there.

Thanks!!

M

Sent from C3PO ...

I loved most of all that her email came to me from C3PO.

So, we met out front of the fabulous Four Seasons Opera Place...I have never been in there before and TOTALLY love that the first thing that I am seeing there is DONNY AND FREAKIN' MARIE!!!

Maureen was dressed as a fashionable girl about town, of course, and I was dressed like Susan Anton in the 70's....look it up if you will.

We were both very excited.

Got my AWESOME tickets, from my dear friend Grant, and was in line behind Marilyn Dennis...in my head I went all high status for a second and wanted to remind about when I met her last year at "love, loss and what I wore" and try to get my ass on her TV show to promote MY TV show and Buddies previews of my UK show (Which is on July 23rd and 24th...don't forget...here is the link for online tickets... http://www.ticketweb.ca/sn l/Search.action?query=sharron+matthews+superstar

or call $16 975 8555...see what I did there?) but I didn't want to make a big ass of myself just before the show and have to suffer through the shame for the entire show.

Maureen and I got to our seats and met a lot of peeps from the business... Sean Tasson from the St. Lawrence, Kevin Levesque (the fabulous Miss Conception), Paul Bellini, Kelly Cameron from Broadwayworld.com...so many people...

Maureen and I both decided that if they sang a " A Little Country, A Little Bit Rock and Roll" we would shit our pants.

The lights went down and the young and talented Jeff Madden came was introduced by Aubrey Dan to sing the anthem...I love that...he sang it like a bird, of course.

And then the count down to the show started...we all participated ( you know how I love the participation) and the curtains opened and there they were at the top of a sparky staircase...in sparkly clothes.

DONNY AND MARIE.

It bears mentioning here that I watched every episode of their TV show.

Saw every show that they did at the CNE, as well as the Osmond Brothers.

I owned their barbie dolls.

I loved Donny and Marie...well, mostly Donny...but Marie as well.

These people put on a show...VEGAS STYLE!!!

There was lots of shiny things...dancers...projections...high heels...purple outfits...

One of my fave things was a mash up that Marie did of "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith into "Boots are Made For Walkin"...while playing a specially made glittery guitar with a big silver M on the front..and she wore a sparkly ( love the sparkles) cowboy hat...and then she had minions come onstage after and change her shoes while she talked...and give her water...she guzzled the whole bottle (I have done this same thing...cabaret shit is universal...and I love it.) and then threw the empty bottle in the wings and said, "You thought that mormons couldn't drink."....oh Marie...now, I love you even more.

The best part was...they sang their ASSES OFF!!!

There really did...I was throughly charmed, impressed and won over...not that it was a long journey...I do love them.

She did the first solo set and his was in the second act...he did "Close Every Door"...he sang "Go Away Little Girl" and "Puppy Love"...and the cougs in the front rows were freaking...and so were the cougs that were sitting in our two seats...I heard someone singing along near me when I realized it was Maureen.

He also did a rocking, singing and dancer version of the Osmond's "Crazyhorse" and a lovely ballad he wrote for his son.

He was also awesome AND personable AND sang the shit out of everything.

Then they sat on stools and sang all of their duets..."I'm Leavin' It All Up To You"..."Make The World Go Away" ....and others...it needs to be said here that I never really thought about how weird these songs were to be sung by a brother and sister until this moment....I had a moment of pondering and then I remembered...IT WAS FREAKING DONNY AND MARIE!!! WHO FUCKING CARES!?!?!?

I was thoroughly, musical, entertainment....ly....spent at the end....SPENT I TELL YOU!!!

Maureen and I did not shit our pants when they sand "Little Bit Country..." but we ALMOST did.

And they closed their show with the song that they sang at the end of their TV show...and we both held hands and cried.

Amy, from Flip Publicity, who was sitting behind us said that we were a very entertaining part of the evening...your're welcome, I say.

Maureen and I dragged our asses (and our free posters) across the street to the Hilton for the party...because Maureen was getting her pic with Donny....I was shy and unsure...yes, I was...you guys don't know EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!!!

Anyways...we waited with Avery Saltzman (founder of the Harold Green Jewish Theatre) and his fabu partner Kevin...Avery...that ass...told me that I wasn't writing on my blog enough...so here it is you son-of-a-bitch...and while my back was turned Donny walked in the room and Avery disappeared...he and Donny had done "Joseph" together...and Avery is trying to book Donny for a fundraiser...so I didn't mind.

And then Maureen grabbed my hand and said..."We are getting our picture"....side note....please look in any publicity stills from the party...Maureen is cagily wandering around in the back of ALL OF THEM...and then she put herself in front of him and said "Can you please do a shot with us?"...He, of course, says yes, because he is a lovely guy...a really lovely guy...and I begin to stammer and make an ass of myself...but I don't care...I got my fucking picture with Donny Osmond....thanks, Maureen!!!

Go and see this show...it is so much fun...I have never given so many standing ovations in one night.

THANKS DONNY AND MARIE!!

And Maureen!!!

How mad the "How to Spot A Dud at the Fringe Festival" article in the STar made me..

.

This article (below) was posted on the Toronto Star Online today.

I am actually copying it onto this page because it has become VERY HARD to find it now at the Toronto Star Online...I hope it is because the paper is embarrassed.

It is like the writer is encouraging patrons and audience members to NOT come to the theatre...to not be adventurous or have independent thought when choosing a play or musical to see at the festival...to only go to pieces that are endorsed by critics...to not take a chance on something different...to basically go against the whole spirit of what the festival is.

It is ALSO like the writer is turning artists away from trying something new, exciting, dangerous or inde-freakin-pendent.

Have any of us had the good luck to stumble on a show that was unexpectedly interesting or found a show that featured a performer who was amazing in a piece that was may not...by accident?

I have added my thoughts to the article below each part...my thoughts are in italics.

How to spot the duds at the Fringe festival

By Bruce DeMara Entertainment Reporter

Jul 02, 2011

1. Avoid dramaturgy. References in the program attesting that the production has been “dramaturged” are almost always a bad sign. Dramaturgy is the process of having an author’s original work savagely dissected by fellow artists and reinterpreted in ways that make it a contradictory, irretrievable mess. Fringe productions should be fresh, spontaneous feats of derring-do. If you have to dramaturge the darn thing, do it post-Fringe. Dramaturgy often means turgid drama.

SM: Seeing the word Dramaturgy might mean that the playwright went to a professional dramaturg, of which Toronto has many fabulous examples ...Iris Turcott, Stephen Colella, Mary Francis Moore...for help to make their show tighter, more concise, have a better flow...for many reasons.

I also didn't know that the definition of Dramaturgy was "having an author's original work savagely dissected by fellow artists, etc..." I think professional dramaturgs would disagree.

2. Even decent shows can be a downer if they’re in a crappy venue. So imagine you’re leafing through the program when a show grabs your interest: Low Riders, a semi-autographical musical featuring a troupe of transsexual ex-biker “little people.” Your finger hastily scrolls down to check times and venues and — argh! — it’s at Theatre Passe Muraille’s Backspace (an airless box up a long flight of stairs) or the Factory Theatre Studio (down some stairs, then up some more to another uninspired space) or the Helen Gardiner Phelan Playhouse (hard to spot from the street, even more stairs, a few odd turns and a so-so theatre if you’re lucky enough to find it). Other venues can be even less promising. The Ladies Polar Room at the College Street United Church? Venues in church basement settings often feature ancient living-room furniture with broken springs as seating.

SM: At the Edinburgh Fringe last year there were fabulous and INVENTIVE shows in a VW Van, a public toilet and a swimming pool. I have attended fabulous, intimate pieces at both the TPM backspace and the Factory Theatre Studio space. It is the Fringe...not the freaking Winter Garden. We have a limited number of spaces in Toronto. If someone would like to help the theatres get funding to build more, I am sure we would be all for it...but we are creative and work with what we got. That is why we are artists.

3. “Minimalist” production values. No set, no lighting, no costumes. Just two actors on a bare stage, morphing between characters with baffling rapidity. Three steps stage left (or right, it doesn’t matter) apparently denotes a scene change. A change in facial expression, voice or body language would help. Or how about putting on a hat or using a prop to indicate you’ve gone from playing a 7-year-old girl to an ancient Phoenician god? We love theatre but we’re not mind readers.

SM: I find this highly offensive. Maybe the artist cannot afford a set, lights, costumes or props...maybe the artist is new to the business and does not have the contacts to outsource these things...that is what the fringe is for...for the audience to use their imaginations. For artists who might have no other chance to have their shows produced in a space like the Tarragon or TPM. Also, does the writer realize that there are very tight change overs between shows...and artists cannot afford the time to put up a complicated set...sometimes it is 10 minutes. And "change in facial expression"?...Please.

4. Overly ambitious productions. A program that promises an “eclectic multimedia blend of theatre, dance, music, puppetry, visual art and feminist dub poetry” is sending out multiple warning signs.

SM: Our artistic options are getting smaller and smaller. I WISH I could write my dance, theatre, multi media, puppet piece with some feminist stuff in it...that would be fucking awesome.

5. Cheap sets, i.e. those made of Styrofoam, cardboard, etc. Sure, Fringe productions are cheap, dirt cheap. But, with the odd exception, a set that appears to be constructed of material from a discount art supply store or from the detritus of an overturned garbage can is rarely a promising sign.

SM: Again, as with #3, I find this highly offensive. How do you know what an artist can afford...or what we can do with an overturned garbage can? Haven't you seen "Stomp"?

6. One name everywhere. Writer/director/producer/actor/lighting and costume designer. If one name is ubiquitous throughout the program, someone is usually spreading themselves very thin, too thin for the result to be enjoyable. Steer clear.

SM: Maybe they could use a dramaturg.

7. A variation of No. 6. Two names everywhere. Or three. Two or three co-writers, co-stars, co-directors, co-producers, etc. will often result in much backstage back-stabbing and in-fighting for creative control. Tension is so often the fuel that makes live theatre crackle with energy. Just not this kind of tension.

SM: What the eff does this mean? This just sounds stupid. And this is a stupid, gross generalization. It isn't like people are cutting each others throats backstage...this isn't "Showgirls".

8. Flyers. Whether you’re standing in line or lounging at the Fringe Club behind Honest Ed’s, strangers will try to force you to take promotional material for upcoming shows. It may be as humble as an uneven square of plain white paper with blurry lettering or as slick as multi-coloured laminated cardboard. (Your pockets, purse or backpack will soon be stuffed with them. They will seem to multiple like rabbits.) It gets tricky because sometimes the cheapest promo material turns out to be for the best shows and the fanciest ones are for the biggest duds. Look for excerpted reviews, e.g., “Best of Edinburgh Fringe 2010.” And ask around. Fellow theatre lovers are great at sharing both hot picks and train wrecks.

SM: Yes, we must only go to shows that are suggested by reviewers or claimed to be "Best of...".

How the fuck else do you expect to artists to sell their shows? With ads in papers? With billboards. Everyone knows they will get a flyer at the fringe.

This article seems to mock the very spirit of the amazing Toronto Fringe Festival.

I think Bruce DeMara owes an apology to the Toronto Fringe.

I, with the generous help of many donors, took my show to the mother of all Fringe's last year...the Edinburgh Fringe. I spent an amazing three weeks there and was very proud to trumpet how fantastic our Toronto Fringe was and is.

I saw many shows...the best were the ones that were independent...not promoted by a large producer... had a crappy space (I saw one performer who did her show with a full band on a stage the size of a postage stamp and had duct work right over her head)...had no set...could only afford to bring themselves...was written, produced and performed by the same artist.

Please, Toronto Fringe audience members, pay no attention to this article and be brave and make bold choices about what you are gonna see.

I bet you will be pleasantly surprised.

The Toronto Fringe runs July 6 to 17. Info at fringetoronto.com

Postscript (P.S. I have never officially written a postscript before so please excuse if this is not appropriately fancy)

I have received many emails and comments about this post...which always makes me happy...mostly because it means someone is actually reading my shit. Also because it means that people give a shit about the arts.

I received such an email from a writer from the newspaper in which the offending article occurred. This writer has supported me greatly whenever I have asked for a boost (and it has always been greatly appreciated). I feel it would be only right to do the same kindness. The writers at this newspaper are not allowed to comment on each others articles but this writer wanted me to know that they had nothing to do with the writing of this article, and actually spent a great deal of time opposing it. This same writer felt quite embarrassed that it appeared at all.

Mostly, I am very happy that all of our thoughts about this article have not gone unnoticed and maybe, next time, it will not be written at all. Let us go to these features instead that take about the great things to expect from the fringe.

http://www.toronto.com/article/691255--10-freakiest-shows-of-the-2011-toronto-fringe-festival

http://www.nowtoronto.com/guides/fringe/2011/story.cfm?content=181546

http://www.nowtoronto.com/guides/fringe/2011/story.cfm?content=181543

http://www.nowtoronto.com/guides/fringe/2011/story.cfm?content=181542

OKAY! Maybe it is the rain....maybe it is the PMS...

Has the world lost it's mind?

Has it?

The title of this blog may tell you what the state of mine is...and it isn't New York, people.

(That is the lamest joke, I think I need another RAINSHOWER of DEATH to clear my head...NOT!)

You know how I try NOT to rant...well, maybe you don't...but I really do...and then shit just piles up and I cannot stop myself.

Here are just a few things that have happened in the last week that have made me freak out.

(And know that I was just trying to get to other work and COULD not stop myself from writing..sick)

Okay...I really don't get why this 'Rob Ford not coming to Pride Day' pisses me off so much...I mean, I do and I don't.

But it begs the question, really, do we want him there?

I know the gesture would be a good one...an olive branch, if you will. (Fancy)

BUT, are we really surprised?

This man showed us who he was before the 905ers voted that boob into the mayor's office...his infamous bullying video on Youtube...where he tried to say he was bullied first...either way, good to know his reaction to pressure situations.

Here it is...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8EpSdyB0zY

Can't you just picture him and the other guy as 12 year olds before they hung that guy by his tighty, white-ies?

(Oh my god...how proud is his family of that...and he STILL got voted in...they can talk about it at the cottage.)

Oh, and there is his humble, smart, insightful and thoughtful interview with the CBC on the day after he was elected...gosh, he cares about the job, huh ?(And I don't really think he knows what Tea Party means...that being said...neither do I...think me stupid if you will, but I'm not the effing mayor)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHJGR4i7fhw

But the ugliest and surest signs of who he truly is are listed below. These following things truths I read in many articles about Rob Ford but was said best in an article from the Globe and Mail.

1. When he was a city councillor, he once railed against spending money on AIDS prevention.

2. He was the only leading candidate in last year’s campaign for mayor who did not attend Pride.

3. He declined to come to a ceremony marking an international day opposing homophobia.

Here is the article.

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/toronto/marcus-gee/mayor-misses-out-on-opportunity-to-celebrate-diversity/article2071902/

He is a red neck boob.

Yesterday, when I wrote on twitter that because he is an elected official, declining to agnowledge a community within our city he should quit or be fired...this is the response I got from one individual.

"@tothe_core @sharronmatthews U should stfu,if he wasn't going to a bikeathon, no one would complain, he has family and wants to spend it with them."

I found it ever so lovely that he compared a community to a sports event.

I also loved that he told me to STFU.

Which I decided to take that it was calling me a Super Timely Fabulous Uberdiva....but again...that is just me.

So, Rob Ford....enjoy your time at the cottage...we will be better without you.

Frankly, the thought of you getting wetted by squirt guns is enough to give one MUCH pause.

Although, if he does decided to show, I hope he comes as this....

Now, another thing that has crawled into my craw in the last few days...and I don't know, again, if it is the PMS or what...

When did music become about women putting on bikinis and rolling around on floors...beds...the tops of cars...trees (that is my personal fave....remember how your bathing suit would get catches on it if you sat on the concrete? Imagine what a tree does to a swimsuit....just saying)...basically rolling around...talking about how they are gonna get you off.

Somewhere, in her grave, Janis Joplin is vomiting...and a bit wishing it was her.

THAT IS THE PROBLEM!!!

Ladies, don't lie, we all watch and think...'I am disgusted by that...why is she selling her body...can she even sing?...GOD, I wish I had an ass like that."

Don't lie...we all do...a bit, at least.

I do wonder if, before videos, this person would have had a career....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2FZ3JIVQxk

"Cause I'll be table dancing,

This is your chance to get with me...

On the table dancing,

That's where romance is

When you're with me..."

Oh my lord....jesus wept. (And then bought tickets to my show on July 23rd and 24th at Buddies in Bad Times...yes, I will perform this song. Okay, maybe I won't....but I will probably talk about it.)

Ke$ha.

Keisha.

Whatever.

It is just too much skank and not enough music, in my books.

But remember...I put a disclaimer out there...I love Britney Spears....still do....so there is just no winning with me....but I do think the skank factor has risen to a point that Stevie Nicks is considering doing a song called "Eff Me Up The Pooper" wearing one, long, see-thru pashmina.

And last, but not least....

Remember that actor from the Green Mile...the super creepy one who ends up peeing his pants and going into a mental institution?

This guy.

He just married a 16 YEAR OLD BEAUTY QUEEN.

He is 51.

What the fuck is happening?

IS THAT EVEN LEGAL????

Here is a little article about it, with picture...you gotta read it...and it is like she is posing for Playboy.

http://ca.eonline.com/uberblog/b248344_Five_Things_You_Didnt_Know_About_16-Year-Old_Bride_Courtney_Stodden.html

I love that one of her upcoming singles is called "Don't Put It On Me"...there are so many jokes here my head just exploded....literally, EXPLODED!!!!

And her mother signed the parental consent form to get her famous...married!!! Married.

AH!!!

What is happening?

People.

What is?

Luminato Closing Party.

Luminato Closing Party.

Luminato Closing Party.

Spoke Club.

Started with me not knowing anyone...then texting George (trying to look busy and important)...and twittering that if no one showed up that I knew by the count of ten I would take off.

During said count of ten, I tried to strike up a conversation with a couple young blond girls who had Lohan tans and wedgies and TOO FUCKING SHORT dresses and they blew me off like I was an old, drunk lady (it need be said here that I was drinking a free bottle of Smart Water....thanks, Jennifer Aniston.)

You will rue the day, bitches.

Then Scott McVittie found me and entertained me (I was on my way to the exit...wondering how long you had to stay to get the Biotherm swag bag...fancy ..he told me if I stayed all would be well.

He was very right!!!

In the next hour a ton of wonderful people showed up! John, Lorway, Shawn, Matthew, Marla, Derick, Scott, Tyler and Mitchell! Oh how we laughed.

5 Fave Things That Happened at or after the Luminato Closing Night Party

1. I wanted a Diet Coke...and when McVittie found out they were only allowed to serve clear beverages (?) he got on the Blackberry and then went and got me a Diet Coke...made me feel fancy.

2. When a young man asked me if I could be his hag for a moment, I replied " Baby, there is a long line up in front of you of men who are older, with more money and better stories...so, no."

3. Standing on the rooftop patio laughing while the wind blew my hair...like I was Beyonce or something.

4. When leaving I said how excited I was that there was a Biotherm swag bag for boys...and they told me I was holding the one for girls...then the woman in charge said "I think we can afford to give Sharron both."...and I knew my almost-close-to-being-famous-in-a-Canadian-weird-way-but-not-really was FINALLY paying off!

5. King Street on a Saturday Night reminds me why I never went clubbing in my youth.

Straight boys-stop bathing in CK, loosen the crotch pants and figure out that a girl probably won't fuck you if you stand behind her and tell her how fucking hot her ass is.

Straight Girls-Stop wearing a dress so short I can see the untanned creases at the bottom of your ass cheeks, wedgies or heeled shoes that are so high that you walk like Frankenstein (when did theses shoes STOP being hooker or drag queens shoes exclusively?) and PLEASE stop being so slutty. I mean, to each their own...but have some respect...and don't fuck the guy who told you how fucking hot your ass was, while he walked behind you.

Good times!

Thank you, Luminato!!!

Luminato Broadway's Night Out...and Effie.

Well.

I have just gone back and forth about delving into the wonderfulness that was last night at Metro Square.

I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a truck...you know that kind of tired?

I didn't (and still don't) know if I have the brain power to really capture the awesomeness of the evening.

I think I was getting tired last night and then when VJ John Bantay, from Musical Mondays at Splash in New York City played the Tony Awards version of "I am Telling You.." from 1983 (?) at the after party at Buddies and John Austin dragged me up onto the stage and we ACTED THE WHOLE thing out...well, that just pushed me over the edge...

I woke and thought, "Oh my god...my this hurts...my that hurts...how?....ah yes....Effie"....a gal has to know her limits....NONE!!! NONE, people.

When you wake up and find this picture on your coffee table, you know you've had a good night....

Huh....I guess...well, I must have been tired...as tired as Tyson, on the floor beside the shoes on the table (Haven't I ever seen Blood Brothers?....for those of you who get that...I thank you)

Last night was amazing.

When I went in for rehearsal in the early afternoon with the amazing arranger, accompanist and composer Lance Horne (who I introduced in the show last night and listed all of his credits EXCEPT that he had JUST accompanied Kristen Chenoweth in London last week in front of THE Queen...yes, "THE", not "A"....and Barrack Obama....I told him I only read what is written on my cards) I was unsure of what the day would hold...I knew it would be great...but would it rain...would people come because it had already been raining....you just never know.

I was going through Bohemian with Lance, Dale (Drummer of awesome from Stratford) and the Cellist...who's name was so gorgeous and lovely I was afraid to ask what it was again in case I still could not process it with my simple mind....when I heard the door close and there was Meow Meow...one of the most interesting and amazing artists I have ever seen...she would also be performing at the gig that night. I had written and article about her and she said she really liked it....I was a bit giggly. You know that takes a lot, people.

When I admire someone that much...that MUCH...I find it hard to hold an intelligent conversation.

Truth.

Anyhow, I went to the FANTASTIC Fashion Crimes to pick out my outfit for the night....GORGEOUS navy lace...with a red sash....all "Maria" from West Side opposite...you guys know how I love the www.fashioncrimes.com ...and just so you know they are having a FANTASTIC sale...run don't walk.

Then I went to the soundcheck.

Sky=Overcast.

But, we were not going to be negative about the fucking weather.

When the cast of "Jesus Christ Superstar" showed up, I saw friends old and new...I remembered, with GREAT excitement, that I would be seeing a lot of musical theatre people that I have not seen in a while...and I pined a bit for me musical theatre days (yes, you know how I get)...it was bittersweet...but more sweet.

They got up onto the stage and did their sound check...and I could have cried.

They were amazing.

They sounded amazing....artist after artist sang and I was so fucking excited for the night...Bruce Dow (I mean, really, what can you say about Bruce...he is just the best), Lee Siegel (fuck, what a vocalist)....the crazy Superstar Ladies Melissa O'Neil, Dominique Roy and Katrina Reynolds (belting the shit outta that shit), Josh Young....okay, people...this is one of the richest rock voices I have heard...ever...and Jonathan Winsby who filled in for the ailing Paul Nolan...and sang the crap out of Gethsemane...it was just...wow....that is all I have to say....wow.

GO SEE JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR!!!

And then the lovely people of "My Fair Lady" were up and I could not have been happier to see the lovely Deb Hay...who sang like a dream....Ben Campbell...the perfect Higgins...Jeff Irving as the delightful Freddy and the set was capped off with Neil Barclay as Doolittle...so different from the JSS set but so perfect.

GO SEE MY FAIR LADY!!!

I was just so happy that Chris Lorway, the AD of Luminato (who, sadly, is leaving after this festival) arranged this night...saw the merits of arranging this night...and just seeing these Canadian artists doing their thing in one place...magic, as my friend Mark says.

And, through the magic of Chris Lorway, I had the amazing chance to work with Lance Horne...who really is amazing artist and after I saw him playing for Allan Cumming and the aforementioned Meow Meow at the Edinburgh Festival last year, I could not wait for the chance.

The inimitable Shawn Hitchens, (Who I had the pleasure of co hosting this mega-fabu night with) Lance and myself put together a Broadway Medley...some lovely person put a tiny clip up of it on flicker...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5830976553/in/photostream/

Coolness...Shawn...good Fosse...good fucking Fosse.

The audience was so excited!!! And loving the musical theatre....MUSICAL THEATRE, BITCHES!!!

I did a bit of Bohemian...Chris tells me I can have a copy of the video they have made...sups cool....but till the here is a bit from the same person on flicker...thanks again....

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5831035219/in/photostream/

Nothing like a fucking Jumbotron to make you feel fancy.

And Meow Meow...what do you say?

If you were there last night, I know you can't wait to see here again...you are struck...she is an inspiration.

Yes, she is.

As I looked out into the crowd and watched the rain coming down and everyone standing there watching her do her encore in totaly silence....again, magic.

And here she is...thanks to the trusty FLICKER person.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tadeoberjon/5831544528/in/photostream/

Last year, Chris Lorway, him told me about her.

I went home and googled the shit out of her.

Wow.

Huh.

She looks like SEXY BEAST of theatre.

I gotta see her show in Scotland, thinks I.

And I did...and I was forever changed.

Changed in the imaginings of what my limitations are...

Changed in thinking that there are rules in theatre.

Changed...

I would not have gone back to meet her if Wayne Gwillim had not made me.

I kinda waxed poetic about when I would get the chance to work with her...and a year later...here we were.

Remember all those donations I received last year so I could take my show places?

I stood offstage last night and watched Meow Meow and just coulda cried....again...from total happiness.

It is worth it, Canada...it is worth it to fund artists to go and do their work...things happen...artists meet...knowledge is passed on...connections are made. Shawn Hitchens is bringing his show to the same venue that I did my show at last year in Scotland. We will be there at the same time...he is brave and he is talented and he is gonna do the EDFRINGE!

Thanks again, TO ALL who supported me last year...I cannot thank you enough.

And, don't forget...I GO BACK THIS YEAR!!!

http://www.edfringe.com/whats-on/comedy/sharron-matthews-superstar-jesus-thinks-i-m-funny

I wanna thank Scott McVittie, Mitchell Marcus, Lance Horne and Shawn Hitchens who made the night such a dream...one they were equally excited about.

And mostly, thanks to Chris Lorway for making it happen.

This town has a lot to thank you for, sir.