The Weirdest Flight I Have Ever Had...and THAT is saying something...

The view out of my West Jet Window...which I stared at a lot...

I remember when I was young and I saw women at the airport with their smart carry ons... their spiffy travel outfits, almost always featuring a jaunty scarf...and I would wonder where they were going...and I wished as hard as I could that I would get to travel to interesting places someday.
Well, that wish came true...how thankful am I?
Truly.
And I am so used to traveling with an accompanist/friend or Georgie that when I strike off on my own it is strange... but exciting...I feel in charge and grown up...YES...I know I am well past the grown up stage...but there is something about traveling on ones own that I find thrilling...you never know what is gonna happen.
This week I am flying to Calgary en route... en route?...yes, en route to Banff....I LOVE BANFF!!
And I love working at the Banff Centre...four years ago I did a workshop there and out of two weeks I worked a total of 12 hours...it was magical...not that I don’t love work or anything...the work was also magical...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN...Patty Jamieson was also there and had the same schedule...and she is a organizer...and so she took care of all our plans...which was pretty awesome and freeing for me...we had mad good times...and we DID NOT get in the way of any Elk...because it was rutting season and Kelly Robinson told us if we did we would be gored...yes, he said GORED. That word was enough to keep us away from the hangouts of the Elk.
This visit I will be working with The Young Canadians.
How excited am I?
My pal Lisa was in the Young Canadians when she was growing up here in Calgary and she carries very fond memories of her time...they are a hard working group of young (obviously) singers and dancers who travel all over doing their singing and dancing thing...and my pal from Canada Sings, Scott Henderson, is on their faculty and asked me to come out and work with them...and that Kelly Konno is going to be here too!! What? Yes, how cool.
So, today George dropped me off at the airport with my new Swiss Army luggage that I got at Winners (I bought the small and large bag...and then waited for two weeks until the middle one went on sale...yes, that is who I am...surprised?...I thought not...I figured if it sold while I was bidding my time, waiting for the price to lower...I was not meant to have it... JUST like that “if you love something let it go” statement...sort of...) anyhow, I  walked into the airport...with my jaunty woolen scarf on...and spent an extra $45 to upgrade my seat...as a treat to myself. Who does not want more leg room, I ask you? And the chance to get on the plane first...for someone like myself THAT is almost worth it alone.
Even though, when I got into the preboarding line some arsehole budded in front of everyone...very casually.
I hate people like that...BUT, because I wanted to be easy going and not get in an arguement I let it go...and just stewed...which is almost more satisfying.
THAT is also who I am.
ANYHOW, West Jet rocks.
Oh,also, don’t tell George, bought myself a pair of ear phones that block out surrounding sound...I don’t really need them...we have both have earphones...but it was an impulse buy that I still feel bad about...LET IT GO, Matthews.
LET IT GO!
And, as of right now, I am pretty glad I did buy them.
Anyhow, I digress...as I usually do...THAT is also also who I am.
I got on the plane...got my luggage stowed over my seat (satisfying)...gave the line- budder the stink eye (also satisfying)...and then as the plane filled up...and it did fill up...the flight was packed...the two seats beside me remained empty...could it be...NO IT COULD NOT.
Just before the doors closed a young woman in a fuchsia pink, size minus two Canada Goose Down Jacket got on the plane with her hoser boy toy...and they LOUDLY sat down beside me...her coat was all over me...she complained loudly that there was no room for their luggage near their seats (come on time) and when she saw her TV was dark, she pointed at it and said to her lunk head boy/man, “Well, watch me get a free flight...”.
She then called the LOVELY stewardess over and said...very grossly..., “Is this gonna work...or do I have to complain?” AND the stewardess said, “If you see the button on your armrest it will turn it on.”...and she smiled and walked away. And I smiled and got my new ear phones...my external sound reducing earphones. I listened to many many songs whilst reading my Vanity Fair on my IPAD (FANCY!!! That is what I feel like solo traveling ladies back in the 70’s woulda done) and watched, out of the corner of my eye, Mean Girl and Lunk Head drink...and drink...and drink...I must have really zenned out...because about two hours into the flight I saw Mean Girl start to gesticulate wildly with her hands...knocking her drink into my lap...just missing my IPAD.
HERE is a place where I could have gotten truly pissed off...but still...trying to relax and be peaceful...I smiled and said it was fine as her gin and juice soaked it way down my tights into my crotch...such a pleasant feeling...opposite day. (Not really pleasant at all)
But I saw that her make up was all down her face...and when I pulled off my earphones I noticed that everyone around us was very attentive to our row.
It was in the next few minutes that I realized they were super drunk...and breaking up...loudly...agressively...and in great detail.
I was torn.
Torn between truly not caring, wanting them to just shut it...and being really intrigued and wanting to use it for art/comedy/fodder later.
So I put my earphones back on...slowly pulling the one off of the ear that they could not see.
Yes, that is also me.
I am so many things...
He asked her why she had not been “affectionate” in so long...
She said it had only been a month.
He said two.
She then counted back...
She said he was a criminal...and so was his family.
He said his criminal family paid for her trip to Toronto, to the spa and for the boots she was obsessively spit cleaning for the entire flight (finger on boot that is on the ground most of the time...finger into mouth...over and over...gross).
She said he better get that this was it.
He said he got it.
He then said he is a great boyfriend and wanted to show her how much he loved her.
She said that he was a shit boyfriend who would probably go to jail.
And then they just kept saying the same things over and over again as he told her over and over again to stop crying.
Which she was doing...loudly...with me basically sitting in their laps...with my wet, gin soaked crotch...and new earphones...
I had almost forgotten about budding-in-line guy. (almost)
I then realized that I had to use the ladies room.
I was afraid to move because I didn’t want them to notice that I existed.
But a gal has got to go.
So, I get out...and when I get to the bathroom I look at the lovely stewardess who is standing there and she just touches my arm and says that she feels bad for me...and tells me that they had stopped serving them about an hour before...but that they had brought little bottles of booze with them...and that they would change my seat but the flight is full.
I had not said a word...
I looked back, out into the plane and  almost EVERYONE is looking at me with a sad, very Canadian, apologetic look (NOT BUDDING GUY...who is a-fucking-sleep...jack ass...you can’t write this stuff) on their faces.
All I can think is, “God, these new earphones were an amazing purchase”...I barely heard anything until she spilled her G and J on me.
Anyhow, I stood at the front for about 10 minutes...and then sat back down.
They fought for the REST OF THE FLIGHT.
And when the flight was over, and we were near the gate she bolted and tried to get off...begging the lovely stewardess to open the door...while the lovely stewardess told her she had to wait till we were attached to the loading platform.
Without ANY of her stuff.
Lunk Head could barely look me in the eye as I walked by.
Mean Girl called me honey, slurred how sorry she was...and tried to touch me...ew.
I made it out alive.
THAT was the weirdest...most intriguing...and irritating flight of my life.
I am now at a wonderful hotel...I ate and Alberta Beef Burger with a lovely salad...tomorrow morning I am in van to Banff...I am looking forward to traveling again.
Who KNOWS what might happen!
Me in my jaunty scarf, with my bargain/wonderful luggage and the best new earphones in the world.

The Beautiful Sunset I looked at as Mean Girl cried.

My present Calgary view!!

2014 - RUDE EFFING PEOPLE, Lump In Breast, Egg Salad Sandwiches and London Road.

2014 has already been a lot of things...so many things...ups...downs...thrills...spills... awesome people...douche bags...it is just now February and I have, quite literally, seen it ALL!

1. The short but incredibly sweet “Freezing and Fabulous Northern Tour”.

SIDEBAR: Thanks to Ari Weinberg and all who contributed to the Facebook discussion of what the tour should be called...god, how I loves the internets...which, incidentally, was something we did not have for TWO DAYS up north... or phone service...for two days. Shiver. SIDEBAR ENDED.

I was driving myself and Cooch (Chris Tsujiuchi: Co-pilot and navigator, friend and accompanist...and passenger seat rider for some of the most biblical weather two traveling music makers have ever seen) in the rented Jeep Patriot (solid four wheel drive) on the same roads that they film "Ice Trucks" on...swear to jesus. I would look in my rear view mirror and see the road shimmering and white. BUT then we got to do shows for some awesome, people in the north... so lovely...Geraldton had a reception for us after...I thought it was for everyone in the audience but it turned out it was just for Cooch and I...magical little egg salad sandwiches and potato chips dipped in chocolate...thanks Geraldton!! (We put the extra sandwiches in the glove box and by the next day they were frozen solid like the heart of Vladmir Putin...that’s his name, right?)
And after the 6 HOUR drive to Manitouwadge the next day, we arrived just in time for a home cooked meal and 40 minutes to spare before the next show...I just kept saying to Cooch, don’t let me sit down...or LIE down. The show was awesome...Amber 11 and Mackenzie, also 11, were at the packed audience...they were excellent audience members...and when I asked them if they wanted to hear a story about something and they said, NO...I congratulated them on their honesty and they brought them up onstage for the rest of the show...where they very well behaved after that...much to their guffawing parent’s chagrin....I just said “guffaw” and “chagrin” in the same sentence...fancy...and I must be 100 years old.
Then a few days later...after a long ride and flight back to TO, we got into another rental...the biggest ever...it was an Escalade knock off...and drove to the wonderful town of Peterborough. OH, I have performed there and I truly love every visit...this one included.
FREEZING AND FABULOUS concluded...happily done...glad the fucking driving was OVER!!!
Oh, and as I was on my way to Peterborough, the Escalade knock off, whose bluetooth system was so fancy I hooked my phone up to it, well, the on board phone rang and the “Albany Clinic” came up on the screen. My heart started to beat...and I hung it up. And then I freaked out quitely while Cooch figured out the on board media system and played awesome songs for me...we pulled over to get a coffee and I went into the bathroom and called the Clinic...the Clinic where my doctor is...where I had just had my physical done...including a mammogram...

2. Repeat Mammogram and Ultrasound after my Physical

For the second time in my life, I had to go for a mammogram that accompanies the  physical after you are 40. So much to look forward to young ladies, huh? (Again, as I always say, if you wonder what a mammogram feels like open your fridge, stick your head in the door and open and slam it shut about 500 times). AND for the second time in my life I had to go back for a second mammogram and ultrasound due to “irregularities” in my left breast. They actually showed the scan to me this time, the tech telling me that they had new technology, and that because of that they thought it was showing up as being shaped differently...she pointed to my 2011 mammogram and my 2014 mammogram with the irregularity circled on both...obviously a different shape on both...and she continued to talk with me as I stood topless and covered my boobs with my hands and became faint.
Lord.
Truly.
I had to sit down and they got me a glass of water.
She said, “It was probably nothing”.
But then, as Helga, the ultrasound lady, chopped away at my boob and underarm with her hand wand, with a very efficient look on her face...seriously, she was terrifying...the phone rang and she answered it, “Speaking”...then paused and listened...and said. “We’ll see” very curtly and hung up the phone...getting back to her work on my boob while cursing under her breath.
There is a huge sign on the way that says, “The technician CANNOT give you results or comment on the ultrasound”....but we all wish, right?
Anyhow, at the end she said in a very businesslike fashion, “The results will be available in a week.” and turned back to her computer signalling that we were done.
I stood and put on my shirt and said, “Thank you.”...even though I didn’t really mean it...even though she did her job in a very professional way...even though I just wanted to cry.
While at the clinic I signed a form that said we could now give out permission to get results over the phone.
So, a week later, as I stood, ironically, topless,  in the gym change room...my cell rang...I saw the Albany Clinic on the screen...and though I never usually answer my phone in the gym...I answered it...

Ruby: “Sharron, it is Ruby, from Dr.XXXXXX’s office, she looked at your mammogram and it is normal.”
Me: (pause...pause...pause...try to catch my breath and get my shit together.)
Me: (As I begin to cry) Thank you, Ruby.
Ruby: Are you alright, Sharron?
Me: (pause...pause...pause...) Yup.
Ruby: I am gonna go...take care, Sharron.

I know it is a small thing in regards to the problems that can happen with lumps and bumps...tumours...and scares...but it was scary all the same.
Now, I have to go every year...and George says it will be clear every year.
Get your physical and your mammogram, ladies.
Scary...but worth it.
SIDEBAR: Though I knew I had to go back for the follow up while I did my Peterborough show, I managed to not think about it and have a wonderful time...truly.

3. London Road at Canadian Stage

I do not do a lot of theatre anymore...I mostly do my own shows...but I will never get over my head over heels, mushy, love affair with musical theatre. I just love it. And when everyone was abuzz about the auditions for London Road, I took one look at the music and thought, “Hell NO!”.
The cast that was assembled?
Stellar.
The time to learn one of the hardest things I have ever seen?
5 weeks.
Days used to learn all the music?
Every day of 5 weeks.
George...my George... was cast in the show and vicariously I live through him and all the dear people in the show, as they go through this once in a lifetime experience...the kind of experience that we all dream about. And they don’t mind that I am the biggest groupie ever. I try to stay quiet and just be in the background sometime...but I am so jealous of the whole thing...in the best possible way.
They are so good.
It is one of the best things I have ever seen.
People are going back 2 and 3 times.
I have will have seen it four times by the time it closes on Sunday the 9th.
George is amazing...he is almost unrecognizable to me in his character work...all of them.
They all play 62 characters...they sing the high holy shit out of it...the band, led by Reza Jacobs is out of this world...the direction by Jackie Maxwell...perfect...the set...the lights...the sound...the crew...the stage managers...just everything. They are just everything.
Do you get how lordy I am for this, yet?
Not that this is about me at all...this show...but I am so inspired by it...it makes me want to do a show...a musical theatre show...it makes me want to tell more complete and fearless stories.
Thanks to all involved for this wonderful gift.
If you have not seen it...you have 4 more chances.
Do yourself a favour of the heart and soul...
We moved to TO for 10 weeks so George could do this show...it is not a secret that George walks with a cane and is scheduled for a hip replacement at the end of March...so I came with him for many reasons...besides the fact that I want to spend every day with him...but we have a home in Stratford and a dog...both of who are right now being minded by a very dear friend...the main reason I came was to make sure George to get places and get what he needed...we were staying in a sublet close to the theatre...


4. I Don’t Even Know How to Title This...but PEOPLE ARE RUDE!!

But a couple of weeks ago, many of you will remember that George and I put up on FaceBook and all social media that we needed a place to move into for the NEXT DAY because of a flood. The flood was caused by a faulty plumbing system and washing machine...the sublet owner’s, not ours.  I was doing my laundry in it, when for the first time, at about 9:30pm at night, it overflowed. Well, it turned out it was running down their walls and into their computer room...I felt horrible for them...I had no idea it was even happening because the machine was so loud I had to close the door to the room  when it was operating (something I had told them about previously...and that was their answer to the problem) so I started to help bail out the machine and wring out the towels for an hour...and I started to think that they were angry at me...and/or blamed me for the flood...and I thought, “I must be wrong and paranoid” while I continued to bail and wring and asked George to come home ASAP.
When G arrived he (while limping the whole time) started to make suggestions about moving furniture...he helped and moved furniture...which he should not have been doing and wrung out towels till the cows came home.
Having had a number of rental properties in our lives, we understand the hardships that can and do happen...the money you have to sink into something...the upkeep that must be attended to...and we know how stressful it all can be. What a gamble it can be.
So, we chalked up their initial mad and angry behavior to stress...and tried to help as best as possible...then they informed us that due to the work that would need to be attended to they needed us out...the next day.
It was 11:00pm.
Before a two show day for George and a drive to Peterborough followed by a show for me...are you, by any chance keeping scores and dates?...I just balked.
And as they went back downstairs George got on the internet and I began to pack our stuff.
We slept a few restless hours and then were fully moved out by 11:00am the next day...we dropped our stuff at a dear person’s place (I was still wearing the pajamas I had bailed that fucking washer in the night before)...where we would stay for four days...till they came back and then we would move to a new place.
The first had an elevator...and the second had many steps...all that George hauled stuff up when I could not do it myself...which I felt horrible about.
NOW!!! I am not boo hooing for your sympathy...truly...just keep following  along...if your intrigued...it gets better....
We were never asked where were going, how...or how we arranged it so fast...but, again, we decided to operate soully on the idea that these people were stressed and not really aware of what was occuring on our end...though their end was surely hellish...we were still in a major bind.
Also, they never offered any compensation for us having to leave two weeks early.
Which was weird...and a bit odd.
But for the sake of the friendship and some other ones connected, we decided to suck it up and shut up.
Now, over a week later...when common sense usually prevails...we got a detailed email...not asking for one second how it goes with us...at all...but telling us what they had to do to renovate and clean up...and THEN asked up to pay part of the insurance deductable...and for cleaning.
Yes...please go back and read that again.
Telling us to drop the money to them in an email.
We paid $500 extra dollars on this move.
You know what I hate...two things...rude people...and holding my tongue...the first seems to happen more and more...and the second, I know this will surprise some of you who know how vocal I can be, is something I have done since I had an experience with being sued...
But you know what?
Fuck it.
What a rude rude rude rude thing to do.
Lacking the littlest bit of common sense.
If you own it...and you don’t do the upkeep...whatever occurs? YOUR FAULT!!
YOU CANNOT ASK SOMEONE TO MOVE OVER NIGHT!!
AND THEN NOT GIVE THEM A REFUND AND YET ASK FOR MORE!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?!?!?
So, there you have it.
2014 in a nutshell...
OH! And I did some voice work, and auditions, went to the gym, had lots of meetings, saw lots of movies, hung out with great friends...moved 3 times...drove though northern ontario...had a mammogram scare...did 3 shows...loved George’s show...and then had to deal with some douchebaggery.
BUT that is living, I guess.
How was your month?

And then, I almost punched the guy on the exercise bike beside me in the throat....

So, in regards to what I said earlier this year about seeing people at the gym...who were new, or returning or whatever...I would like to put something out there.
I was on the bike today at the gym...like I have been hundreds, maybe thousands of times...and halfway thru my 40 minute cardio (the time I had been on the bike bears mentioning for later)...at about the 20 minute mark...which is halfway for those of us, like myself, who like to live in Obviousland (instead of OBLIVIOUSLAND, where many seem to live...but, I digress ) HALFWAY through the workout, a guy got on the bike beside me. I had my earphones on watching a movie with that guy from Grimm in it...the movie was clearly shot in TO...David Keely was in it...Shawn Byfield was in it... it was about disco... BUT, I DIGRESS... again, I had my earphones on... but you know how or when someone is trying to get your attention just by being physically OBVIOUS (not oblivious...or, upon further relection, maybe he was, actually)...he was all looking at my screen...looking at me...trying to make eye contact again and again. And I like to keep in my zone and not strike up new friendships while on the "random" setting on the exercise bike...because those fucking hills sneak up on you.

And I was enjoying my disco movie...and  my workout.

When I was done I took out my earphones and wiped down my machine...and  Obvious Guy says, with a lot of voice projection, "Fun, huh?"

Oh, it bears being said here that Obvious Guy looks like Ned Flanders from the Simpsons.

I say, "Sometimes." and I smile and begin to walk away...and for another few sweet seconds he and I are in a land where we are equal and just commiserating, me mostly against my will, about a hard workout.

He laughs, "Well, don't worry...it gets easier."

I stop, turn back and look at him.

He is barely pedalling on his bike.

I look away.

I decide to contain myself.

It is a decision I now regret.

What a gross assumption to make.   

AND let my soap box, freak out begin.

To assume that it is my (OR ANYONE'S) first day at the gym is very condescending.

Very.

And, quite frankly, idiotic and rude...and that kind of remark, no matter how well intended...although I cannot figure out how it could be well intended... is designed to make someone feel less than.

It is like you have looked me over from head to toe, without my consent, and found me wanting...and out of my element.

And this pisses me off to no end. 

If you have never been overweight you may not know this feeling...but I can guarantee if you have...you have felt it, and it pissed you off.

It is along the lines of, "Good for you."

Or, "Keep at it."

All said with a smile... still making the statement no less condescending.

Yes, if you can believe it, people YOU DON'T KNOW like to lean into your workout and give you that kind of encouragement...and when I wrote on my Facebook page earlier about new years gym kindness...some people said that they like to encourage people THEY DON'T KNOW who are or seem to be new to gym with words, without being prompted...and I never said anything back then...but I will say here and now, that usually NEVER works out.  

If you need to encourage people with words, without being asked BY THIS PERSON for an opinion or that kind of support, I believe (and all of you may not...I know...but this is my blog...so) you have looked someone over and judged (however kindly it may be meant or feel) them out of their element.

Here is where I would like to say, on behalf some of the overweight people at the gym,  just let people be.

Let them fit in and be normal.

That would be the very best thing you could do in my humble opinion.

If they ask for help and you feel like giving it...by all means help out!!

BUT PLEASE DON'T OFFER YOUR OPINION WITHOUT BEING ASKED. IT IS THE KIND OF THING THAT MIGHT KEEP SOMEONE NEW FROM COMING BACK.

OR IT IS THE KIND OF THING THAT MIGHT CAUSE SOMEONE RETURNING TO WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE THROAT.

Too harsh?

I am just so fussed up.

I wish I had said something...and I didn't because I thought I was either A: going to say something I would regret or B: follow that thought by either punching the person in the throat  or almost break my soul by trying not to punch them in the throat.

Now, I am not a violent person...not really...but well, there you go.

Sharron's Moral of the Story: (this is not everyone's moral...some of you may feel different...but again, it my blog...so...)  Let people be. Live and let live. Help when asked if you can...and if you feel yourself wanting to say, "Keep it up." or "Good for You." or "It gets easier." to someone YOU HAVE NEVER met...hold your tongue...and think about what made you think you could say that TO SOMEONE YOU HAVE EVER MET...or why you think this person YOU HAVE NEVER MET needs your help. 

But that is just me.

So, if you see me...and feel these feelings...and you read my moral. Please be advised.

And then, if all else fails...thanks to my pal Morleen on Facebook, there is this...

 

Have a good day all!

   

And then I felt out of the truck...Happy January.

I hate the cold.
I do.
Cue all the people saying, “Well, Sharron we DO live in Canada.”

I KNOW!!!

But you see, to me, Toronto is like the Florida of Canada...ya know what I mean?

Maybe you don't.
I would like to ask here, in all seriousness, does ANYONE really like to wake up and see this?

 

ANYONE?!?!
Do the five people I saw riding BIKES this morning... REALLY!?!?...like this Weather of Doom?
Or does the dude I saw walking around with his Danier

leather jacket open to the sport shirt while he talked on his Blackberry (come on!!) without gloves on (COME ON!!!)...enjoy the Gusting Wind Of Tight Boobiness?
Maybe the chick who budded...YES, BUDDED...in line in front of me at the Starbucks in her fur lined, million dollar ear flap hat, that matched her TO THE GROUND Canada Goose jacket (is that what they are called?) AND her matching-every-other-piece-of-her-wardrobe Sorell boots...another investment...yes, I have a pair...but I live in Christmasland, so I need them...not saying that she didn’t...but...HOW DID I GET SO FAR OFF TOPIC...PROBABLY because of the fucking fucking fucking fucking cold...anyhow, back to the the outfitted chick that budded in front of me in line at Starbucks...if you know me AT ALL you know how I feel about the budding...and she spiritedly was ordering her venti mocha-choka-la-da-dee-da? Does she like the Slush of Mordor?
(Actually, to be honest, she seemed quite thrilled about the weather, I think she was waiting to wear her new billion dollar Arctic Christmas Outift...her joy was the only thing that kept me from choking her.)
Do any of you REALLY  LIKE THE COLD?
Again...just for clarity...I FUCKING HATE THE COLD.
So, this fine fucking morning I bundled myself up as much as I could...I got myself and the big dog into our truck... that seems to be held together right now by about 100 tons of salt.
And I started her up.
Lord...the sound that truck made as she screamed into -22 degrees...was bone chilling.
BUT I was bound and determined to take the big dog for a walk.
You see, we moved yesterday into another sublet in TO...and Tyson has been a bit shook up about it all...he is quite tender hearted and doesn’t like too much change...so he is drooling a lot...seriously, as soon as he lies down I put a towel under his jowly face...poor boy.
But walks always make him feel better.
So, I was determined.
He had his winter coat on after all...a coat we had to stretch and cut a bit to make it fit him...he is big boned...and some of you might remember that when we searched for a coat for him the first year we had him, the person at the pet store told us we would probably have to go to Horse World to find him a jacket.
Horse World.
Anyhow, the pup and I rode in the truck to the Brick Works...and after we got our shit together and parked and got out of the car, got the poop bags and the ball...he walked three steps and then raised two feet in the air...and was shaking and shaking...and let me tell you, that huge dog raising not one but two feet in the air is quite a feat of engineering.
It has been so long since we had needed boots for the pups that I had forgotten...Tdog is good till about minus 11, really.
So, back in the fucking car...we drove to Petsmart, Pet Times, Small Wonders and NONE of them had the boots we needed...and more than that, when I asked for boots they looked Tyson up and down and said they probably didn’t make boots that big...which made me mad...because people are even sizeist against my big boned dog’s feet.
Jesus Wept.
Pet Valu was our last hope...and yes...yes, bitch...they had them!!
BALLOON BOOTS!!!
So easy to put on and take off...right?

Well, by this time Tyson and I had ridden the truck all around the god damned city...he had gotten in and out about 6 times...and he was having none of it...I didn’t blame him really...I was ALSO having none of it...so, I had to actually climb in the back of the truck to get these friggen boots on him...and he was really making me work for it...so a pushed my Sorell boot against the car grill for leverage and my foot slipped and I found my self flying out of the back of the truck...onto the salt encrusted, slush covered, -22 degree pavement.
I just gave in and laid there...there just didn’t seem like any other choice at the time...I was actually a tiny sliver happy to be lying down...but as the slush leaked throught my pants I pulled myself up to sitting  and found myself staring at three Sobey’s employees who were all outside their store....WITHOUT COATS...smoking...and staring...at me on the ground...in the slush...and the salt...in a pool of what was left of my self respect.
They all stared at me as I stared at them...no one helping the other out...wait, THEY DIDN’T NEED HELP!! I WAS ON THE GROUND...thanks for the support humanity.
And, for the record, after I got Tyson in the boots and back to the Brick Works, about 2 hours later...he was so afraid that he is getting left behind (which is what happens to him when we move to a new place...god bless) that he took about 25 steps into the park and then walked back to the truck.

 

I fucking hate the cold.

SUCCESS!! Happy New Year to ALL!!

On this fine morning...the last of 2013...HOLY FUCK how did that happen? ... anyhow, on this fine morning Tyson and I went here.

To the freezing cold cold cold effing cold beach...to think...and freeze...but mostly to think...
I always feel a lot of pressure on this day to make a resolution... to look over the past year...to see what I learned...mull over what I did...the shit and the gold...if I was lucky enough to strike some gold... usually I can mine something from 364 days...and THEN to try to come up with an idea for the new year... to try it improve...to figure out how to start anew...oh my lord... THE PRESSURE, PEOPLE!
OH, and to come up with a theme...that started in 2009, really...the theme thing...examples:

2009 - The Year of “I’m Not Fucking Around”
2010 - The Year of World Domination
2011 -  The Year of Awesome
2012 - The Year of GOLD
2013 - The Year of Possibility

Now, after the first four themed years...so strong in title and intention...one might think that the ‘Year of Possibility’ is not the most excellent or specific theme...but after wracking my brains for days...knowing I was not going to tour in 2013 but would spend a lot of the year laying some foundations for the years to come...it seemed perfect...and terrifying.
Yah...Possibility is scary...and fabulous...but scary...
Who knows what the fuck will happen...but I wanted to remain open.
And I tried to remain open for the whole year...challenging to say the very least.
Now, this would be the place where I would list my achievements in the “Year of Possibility”...but fuck that.
I did some awesome stuff that I truly enjoyed  and I did some things that didn’t go as planned but were learning experiences...and I did some stuff that scared the effing shit out of me and I did some stuff just for the fucking fun of it.
ALL SUCCESSES in my book.
Now, What Constitutes A Success, you may ask?
Well, I decided THAT during the ‘Year of Gold’ one afternoon while I was standing onstage in Scotland, bowing at the end of one of my promotional shows in the famous Spiegeltent in George Square.
It came to me quietly...like they say in those songs...it didn’t hit me upside the head like a trumpet...as they say in other songs...but as I waved at the audience, looking up into the lights, feeling particularly triumphant...because after 3 years at the Edinburgh Fringe I felt like I had finally mastered my 10 minute promo set...which is no easy feat...it took me about 50 promo gigs to do this...this thought floated into my head...

 "Sharron, if you wish it, there isn’t just ‘Success and Failure...but Success and Successes That Did Not Go As Planned But Are Something to Learn From.”

...and I wandered offstage into mucky outside area that was the backstage, lined with picnic tables at which were seated: an acrobat dressed up as a swan, a stand up comedian who smelled like he just left the pub moments before (After being thoroughly bathed in Guiness...It was noon...but who am I to judge?), a saucy Russian magician who spoke no english and a dude who wrapped his head in elastic bands...and said, “Huh.”
And I know I have heard the above statement and the following statement in a hundred different ways over a hundred times before...but true realization comes when it comes, right?
Failure is simply not to try.
Simple.
So, I went with that...when the universe...or your innermost soul sends you a message like that...an amazingly wonderful message...who are we to not listen?
So...ALL that being said...2013 was filled with successes of varying degrees.
AND today...I decided something else.
Now, I am just gonna go with this for me, I am not trying to ram it down your throat...but if you feel it might help your cause...please, by all means...go ahead.
I WILL not make resolutions...or wipe the slate clean and start anew in 2014.
You know what? I think that starting anew is too much pressure and quite possibly bullshit...and most importantly, it does not bring into the mix all of the work you have done thus far to get here...all of your ‘Successes That Did Not Go As Planned But Are Something to Learn From.’
THAT work in our life is some important.
Basically, I would never have gotten to (what I believe is) my very best 10 minute promo set without the other 50 tries.
So...I continue on into 2014 ...and try to improve...and evolve...and remain open...and scare myself...and have fun...and other fancy things.
Theme for the year? There are a couple of contenders...I still like my theme....but I will not make a final decision yet.
BUT I will say this...I have a “Do These Songs” folder on my ITUNES...and I just went to look at it and this year there were 30 songs in that folder...and I did 28 of them.
I smiled...SUCCESS!!
Happy New Year to All! Let us roll on into 2014!