Best and Worse of 2009

What a year it has been, what a rare mood I'm in...why it's almost like being in bed...oh no...wait! I AM in bed.
And I could not be happier, or more exhausted, or more excited...or more nervous.
Oh people, I am SOOO many things...and they are all a result of the year that was 2009....and the decade that was the....2000's? The Aughts?
Did we ever come up with a proper way to label this strange, exciting AND effed-up decade?
It seems too daunting to go over the best and worse of the decade...I mean I am in bed, after all....but let me try for this year...

January
Best: I guested on Keith Cole's "Needle Exchange" and he surprised me by having a band and handing me the words to "I Kissed a Girl" by Kate Perry...a song I have NEVER sung...nor knew the melody to...I made it up...and was mad...but just fake 'on stage' mad. And then John Colbourne wrote something about it in the paper "the closest he (Keith Cole) came to needling any of his guests was when he scolded musical theatre diva Sharron Matthews for not singing enough "pretty" songs -- and based on her rendition of The Rose, he might have a point."...um...is that bad...or good? I went with good...as I love John Colbourne...he has given me all of my most interesting and fabulous reviews..."takes to the stage like a leopard to the jungle"... "can sell any song like it is prime downtown real estate"...see how I worked my bullet points in there...I am such a publicity whore...I own it...judge as you will.

Worst: (Here is a "I am not gonna lie to you, it was bad" moment.)
When I filled lotion bottles at a friend's spa (NOT a rub and tug you dirty bitches) because that epic musical Rob Roy was cancelled five days before we started rehearsal (two days before Christmas). I filled said bottles because I had reluctantly deemed it close enough to the job to fix my car and buy Christmas presents. OH and...not that I was bitter...I had to quit many gigs as, though there had been no contracts given out it was "leaked" to the Toronto Star that I, and a number of others, were going to be in the show.
Super classy.

February
Best: It is a tie between the " Awesome Wedding of Adrienne and Kevin Dennis" and the "Salon/Dance Party at the Loach's"
The wedding reception was at the Palais Royale...BEAUTIFUL... the guest list was a who's who a fabu fun people ...Serge Kushnier, Matty Murray, David Dunbar, Bob Foster, Karen Burthwright, Rachel Fischer, Patty Zee (who was only at the church because she was doing "A New Brain" and, incidentally had accidentally cut part of her finger off the day before). The evening ended with a live band and a conga line and then a limbo with trained dancers....it was a site to behold an unnamed dancer shimmying under the bar with her beautiful dress hiked up as far as it would go. As I said, AWESOME.
The Salon/Dance Party at the fabulous and supportive Loach's started with some very intimate performances by Guy Few, George Masswohl (yes, that George Masswohl...he made me cry), my idol Sandra Shamas showed part of her latest show on the huge TV screen and then I told a story about how much she inspired me...I didn't make it through and cried like a baby and she maybe thought I was bonkers...ah well.
And then...outta nowhere...the party had dwindled down to a core group of fabu people...Christine Horne, Brad Hampton, Dan Thompson, Georgie, Shelly and Peter, the Loach's...and a two hour dance party ensued...it was quite possibly one of the BEST PARTIES I HAVE EVER BEEN TO!

Worse: Going to a callback to play a series regular on an American TV series called "Happy Town"...I was SO excited to have the callback in such strapped times...arriving I found out that the two woman I was called back for my part with were IN THEIR 60's!!!!!!!

March
Best: The "Sing Out, Louise!!!" benefit at Buddies in Bad Times. Because I hosted and produced the evening I had the luxury of standing backstage and witness some of the best performances I have EVER seen... Patricia Zentilli singing "IF", accompanied by Patti Loach...Zentilli hit a high M at the end of the tune that made me pee. Thom Allison, accompanied by Wayne Gwillim) debuted one of his alter egos, Alexandra Neil, and killed the audience with his talent and style. George Masswohl (yes, that George Masswohl) did one of the most moving two song acts I have seen, with flugel horn accompaniment by John Loach. Damien Atkins and Andrew Kushner performed an accapela medley of songs that was just funny and flabbergasting and featured "Single Ladies" by Beyonce before it was fashionable to copy that song. Just to name a few of the amazing artists!

Worse: I was featured in a article for the Globe and Mail Auto Section, a puff piece for my Sharron's Parties...and because I drive an SUV I was labeled in the scathing comments as everything from fat and stupid (mean and What has my weight got to do with my car?) t0 a lesbian (which I took as a compliment).

April:
Best: Sharron's Surprise Party at Buddies in Bad Times...great guests over these two nights...Kritty Uranowski, Gabi Epstein and my dear friend from days of yore Tim Boyle...he and I talked in the interview for 20 minutes and told some very scathing stories about our roomate-ness in the 90's. IE: the big naked late night walk in Penetang and Hoolies.

(George just turned over and said "Are you still writing?"...yes, I am still in bed.)

Worst: Letting George talk me into going to the audition for "Phantom 2: Electric Boogaloo"...okay...that is not the title....but it should be. The casting directors came to Canada for two days...and went from hearing a whole song to hearing 16 bars during the first twenty minutes of the first day...then it was all over FB that if you were going you better sing some belty 16 bars....I went into the audition and there was an action figure lying on the floor in the centre of the room...that was where we were supposed to stand. I belted my entire song. Then the casting directors picked up and left right after me...as I stood outside and chatted with Julain Molnar we watched at least 10 more people arrive to audition for the show...and the casting team had left.
Super classy.

May
Best and Worse: Working for three weeks on my Chalmer's Fellowship grant application. Firstly, while grants are awesome...grant applications suck ass...and not good ass.
I was given priceless help and support from Sky Gilbert, David Oiye, Ed Sahely, Leslie Arden, Paul Sportelli, Curtis Barlow, Louise Pitre and the long suffering but deeply loved George Masswohl. The last day I was a crazy lady. I was in my pajamas all day and George kept running across the street to the Kwik Copy as our printer had broken. One hour before the deadline he drove me to drop the package off on Bloor Street, still in my pajamas...when the time came to give it over I was very reluctant...it is quite honestly some of the best work I have ever done. I am tempted to hang that shit on my wall.

June
Best: The very last Sharron's Party!! It was packed! It was my Big Gay Party...which is no different from every other Party I have written and hosted. It was amazing to reach the end of this five year journey and wrap something up before it got stale. The audience was off the rails...Thom Allison sang " I am Changing" from Dreamgirls and Jeigh Madjus sang "It's Raining Men"...and Christopher Skinner yelled "One More Song"!!!
You are missed Skinner.
And I wore this outfit....life rocks...as does FASHION CRIMES!!!




















Worst: The End of Sharron's Party. Yes, I was torn.


July
Best: My niece, Vivian, visited and the most culturally diverse week I have ever had occured. We went to see The Sound of Music, West Side Story at Stratford, she came to see my show at Statlers...I know, I tried VERY hard not to swear and we saw the Producers at Stage West. We then went to Canada's Wonderland and rode all of the coasters until I almost threw up. She was a great pleasure to have and she said her fave part of the whole visit was when we walked the dogs.
Gotta love it.















Worst: This was the month I had the "tea bag" incident with the "Hair-pointy-uppy-valley-girl-speakie-barista-boys" at Starbucks on Church street. Jesus wept. Oh and "tea bag"...not what it sounds like.


August
Best: Tie! This month I was lured to Buddies under the guise of attending a young version of "Sing Out Louise!" and it became the biggest surprise of my life. The youngsters, headed by the lovely Sara Farb, put together a show to salute Jenni Burke and Myself...it was an amazing night...it felt like I had died and gotten to be at my funeral. I was honoured. But before the surprise, you gotta love that my first thought when Thom came onstage was "Why didn't they ask me to host for fucks sake?" THANK YOU FOR THE HONOUR!
AND! Shooting an episode of "Murdoch Mysteries"...the lovliest set ever...and George Masswohl (yes, that one.) was also on the episode....he played a rich dude...and I played...his nanny...I wasn't fancy enough to play his wife...but we sat in director's chairs and talked on our cellphones...like the low budget version of Brangelina.





















Worst: Waiting to dance in a commercial 3:00am in the men's underwear section of Walmart. Nuff said.























September
Best: TIE AGAIN! Visiting my dearest friend Thom in Edmonton...it was like going to a three day slumber party where the other person gives you birthday cards and chocolate EVERYDAY! And also cooks your every meal!! That is my dream world.
AND Seeing aforementioned Walmart commercial and realizing that I am pretty much unrecognizable!!! Yay!!

Worst: Thom and I getting into an arguement with a lady...and I use the term loosely... in a bus shelter Edmonton...yes, Thom and I were in a bus shelter...will wonders ever cease...this bitch didn't know who she was messing with. We had her smooshed in a matter of seconds. Her "Mom Pants" were in a twist!

October
Best: This was a huge month! A lot of my dreams came true...so excuse me again if there is more than one best this month...but it is October and this blog is longer than "Gone with the Wind" or "Lord of the Rings" so if you are still reading at this point...A: Thank You for Caring and B: You clearly have some time to kill and kinda enjoy hearing me go on about myself...SO!!!...
I toured my "Sharron's Big Broadway Show" out east...my first tour out of Ontario! And Wayne Gwillim came with me...it went very well...and Wayne had to be navigator...and as we drove out of the airport parking lot in Charlottetown he got his shit together and told me where to go...figuratively speaking...and then 20 minutes later very calmly stated we were going the absolute opposite way to way we were supposed to be going! I love WAYNE!











I have always wanted to be a part of the "Hysteria Festival" and I was asked by Moynan King to do my own set in Buddies to begin one of the evenings...and I could not have been happier or prouder!



















AND I also had the great honour of premiering my band "The Panik Attack" at the Canwest Cabaret Festival! SOLD OUT PEOPLE!!!





















And I started rehearsal...on the newest Leslie Arden musical "Princess and the Handmaiden"...and I was playing the King!!! It was a big month...one that made me look back to the pumping of the lotion in January and think...wow...things can change very fast. And I was very thankful.
Oh, and I don't wanna brag....but Now Magazine named me "Best Cabaret Performer"...I mean, I guess I do wanna brag...but I worked my shit off...so it was a happy, tearful and proud moment.
October 2009...I thank you.

Worst: I will not dishonour the great month of October 2009 by focusing on ANY negative thoughts. So suck that, January.

November
Best: Opening night of the "Princess and the Handmaiden" @ the LKTYP...when I came out in the Prologue and sang to the audience I saw all the Canadian composers, producers, actors young and old and felt what an important night it was. I felt honoured to be opening an original Canadian musical in Toronto...and that it was the second Leslie Arden musical to be produced in Toronto. There should be hundreds. She is amazing. As is LKTYP. They are one of the best places to work in...the world. Yes, I made that statement...the world.
















Worst:Waking up the morning after the opening and realizing that I probably said the above mentioned statement about one million times after drinking a little too much at the opening night party. I hope I didn't wear it out. Oh, and in the words of Shauna Mac...I had a 10th Grade Hanger.


December
Best: Though super busy George and I enjoyed our best Christmas EVER! Too many awesome parties to mention. AND I dyed my hair red. Suck that resume shot.

Worst: Hmm. Huh. I cannot think of one damned thing.

So, there you have it faithful and patient readers. I started the year pumping lotion in the depths of despair and ended it with my best and happiest time EVER.
You can't write that shit.
I want to thank you all for caring and listening and supporting.
I had named 2009 the year of "I am not fucking around!" which was true....and the title that George and I have come up with for 2010?
"Untitled"
We are gonna be open to what comes.
I hope that you all have a great year...and see the pluses and the minuses...and the balance...and forge forward!!!
All my BEST!
Sharron

Sigh. It is over....again.

I can't sleep.
Sigh.
Here we are AGAIN.
The time between Christmas and New Years....where I consider going on an all-liquid diet but figure I might as well wait for a couple of days....I have given up on my pre-christmas jeans in favour of tights...and skirts...and...I know...eff you....sweatpants.
Christmas is over.
This year was the first year that I really realized that I love the lead up to the season WAY MORE than the day itself.
I love everyone wishing the other "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Holidays"... the anticipation of the day itself....that NEVER lives up to the days beforehand...the soft snow that falls...and here is a thought....
Isn’t it strange that at Christmas time having snow and sleet is kinda romantic and cozy...and after Jan 1st the same weather is just bullshit.
It is almost time for the aforementioned bullshit.
Oh....and this Christmas Day...a drunk lady backed into our car...our car was parked.
She drove away and contacted us from her party saying that she had to leave the scene (yes, I use the CSI terminology...I have to use it somewhere to justify the hours of watching) because she was LATE for her party.
Are you fucking serious?
Merry Drunken Christmas, Lady.
But I digress.
I have a musical to close tomorrow...and I am torn.
I am always happy to recognize the timely ending of a project.
A job fulfilled.
An audience satisfied.
Okay....I just judged myself.
But I always know when it is time to move forward and I know that my attention span is quite short.
Surprised?
But I have had a blast doing this show at LKTYP.
And I find myself melancholy.
There is nothing like the gift of singing or listening to some Leslie Arden.
I stand on stage at the same point every show and listen to Regan and Tracy singing to each other...and the melody and harmony is so haunting...I almost tear up...which is saying a lot about a hard ass like me.
Oh WAIT...Sidebar....Shawn Wright came to the show today and something that had been nagging at the back of my subconcious came into the light, as the fancy people say....here it is for you to consider....Shawn Wright....Karen Wood....separated at birth?
They are like Janet Jackson and Michael Jackson...are they the same person? Do they cancel each other out.
I wanted to actually use Latoya there...but who would be who?
There is something very solitary about the cabaret and one-woman show work that is my great passion.
Okay...I just judged myself again...but you know what I mean, people.
I love the company of....a company. The crew and the cast.
We have a good time.
Even when the kid in the front got up during the applause of one number and asked me, while I was bowed over accepting said applause, how much longer the show was.
Actually, especially then.
Nothing like the young ones keeping you honest.
They also like to stare at the action on stage with their mouths WIDE OPEN.
That is my fave.
Even though sometimes they are breathing and coughing out the germs...but I use sanitizer.
Who knows when I will do theatre again.
I will be dedicating this year to new projects and going international...so that takes a lot of time...but I have totally enjoyed this theatrical breath of fresh air.
GOD....I keep judging myself in the fancy speak!!!
I want to thank Tracy, Regan, Andrew, Larry, George, Jonny Tan, Karen, Julain, Susan...late entrance CATHY...WTG girl...Kate, Kristen, Scott, Jacks, Gavin, Allen, Leslie, Stephen, Craig and ALL at the Lorraine Kimsa. It is always a pleasure.
Maybe now I can sleep....I have young people to keep the attention of tomorrow...and it can be a challenge.
And a joy.
God...the self judgement!!!
Night all!

Dog vs Cone

I won't put a picture up here of Tyson in his cone. I think it would be bad for his self esteem. It is almost a year since the tragic viewing of 'Marley and Me'. The viewing in which George turned to me halfway through and said quietly, in the PACKED theatre, "This dog isn't going to die is it?" Oh lord. Then we got out two monster dogs. It was like seeing " A Baby Story" on TLC....which is horrifying by the way...I had it on in the background last week, totally by accident....and when they got to the birth I had to sit down as I thought I would pass out....SO, it is like seeing "A Baby Story" and then deciding it is time to have kids. But this has been a great year with them...a learning year. A year of surprises. Who knew that after three months Cassie could bark...and it is a old man bark at that. Who knew that after eight months Tyson could be totally enthralled by a beam of light from a laser or flashlight. Who knew that two dogs pass fleas faster than a whore with the clap. So, many things....too little time. it is our first Christmas with them...and sadly, the Big Dog is in a cone...the biggest cone I have ever seen....for those of you who don't have dogs and have no idea of what I speak...when dogs itch or lick themselves raw the vet puts a device resembling a megaphone on the dogs heads so they can't reach the affected bits. The dogs all look "special needs". After the fleas he got all infected and needed "THE CONE". God bless his little soul. Anyhow....somehow...with said cone....he locked himself in the bathroom. We had no idea how he did it...all we knew was when we got home the little girl was lying sweetly on her bed....gloating, no doubt...and he was no where to be found. Then George saw the that the bathroom door was closed. When he opened it...Tyson had decided after he locked himself in to hunker down...he ate the garbage and two bars of soap. Dove. Maybe the two fucking quarters of moisturizing cream will help his skin. He had bubbles in the corners of his mouth. You can't help but laugh. He also decided that the blue disco ball on the Christmas tree looked yummy. So the next day his poo was sequins and dental floss. If I had a nickle......

How the eff did this happen?

This is a photo of the Christmas tree that George brought me home last year.
We had experienced a gross year who's main highlights consisted of our beloved Otto passing and that effing Rob Roy debacle.
I decided that we didn't need a Christmas Tree.
Nope.
So, one day I was in the bath and George brought in the tree and decorated it.
Yes, I bathe for a VERY long time.
And that big present in front was for me.
Sweet.
How did Christmas sneak up on us this year?
Was it the balmy fall that lasted till...this morning? Freezing rain and sleet suck ass.
But Christmas is all close...and it could be me...or it could be the PMS...but I feel all emotional and seasonal...not like the flu.
Just moved.
Not like bowels.
For fucks sake, Sharron....just say what you wanna say.....SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A WOMAN PMS' ????!!!!
I decided to not do a holiday performance this year.
It was after a lot of thought that I made that decision.I LOVE the holiday show....but I wanted to devote my time and energy to the "Princess and the Handmaiden"....Leslie Arden's music is challenging people!
But I want to do....something...
So, a lovely lady called me on the phone and asked me to be a part of her groups show....
Maybe you have heard of them??
Check this out!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjXazfJXCIM
Oh ya!!!
These ladies...and some gents...are something else...and their shows are awesome!!!
AND....my band, The Panik Attack (the handsome Reza, Jamie and Erik) will be playing with me!!! With a lovely bassist named Devon....oh what a night it will be....
Incidentally, I was rehearsing with my guys and after we were riding an elevator down from the space...all the boys had their instruments with them...and when the doors opened a man outside said "Hey, here comes the band!" and then looked at me...and before I could kick him in the balls he asked if I was the manager...I looked at him and said "I with the band......jealous?" and strode away.
Swinging my ass as I went!!!
Oh what a time it will be....
This Sunday December the 13th at the Revival at 7:30pm.... go to this link for TICKETS!!! This event almost ALWAYS sells out...so go NOW!!
http://lescoquettesnaughtylist.eventbrite.com/
I hope to see you...if not at Les Coquettes ....then out and about!
Happy Holidays all!

The Effing Christmas Shoes

So, yesterday I am happily driving to Joe Fresh...for the record this is NEVER an unhappy thing for me...you gotta love lovely styles at affordable prices...WHO DOESN'T?!?!?
I turn on the radio in happiness...in celebration of Joe Fresh and being done my show day at 11:45am. Because the radio is a bit broken...you can't see what channel it is on...and the fact that I don't feel like listening to Q107...Georgie's fave...I start to blindly search the channels.
The seeker stops on the musical chords that are clearly the beginning of some country and western Christmas song...
I ain't saying I don't like country...I don't enjoy all of it...but I love the Dixie Chicks...that counts right? I guess that is kinda like people declaring that like some musicals and then say "We Will Rock You" counts, right?
Make your own assumptions about that statement.
Anyhow, the song is just starting...all flowery and with ping-ie piano chords...and I have a moment when I admire the campiness of the country lyric...I know the country community would be surprised and maybe a be horrified to discover how camp their lyrics truly are...like
"I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl,
But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal."
or....
"My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do
Miss Him."
really? Or how about...
"If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now."
How nice. But do you see what I mean?
So, as I ponder over these thoughts, the songs starts...and it sounds like that country guy...I don't know his name...they all sound like him...the guy who sang "Butterfly Kisses"....all husky voiced and earnest.
He starts to tell a story about a pair of shoes....instantly I am pulled in...because what girl doesn't dig a song about a pair of shoes....and then I realize this isn't a happy shoe song.
I will short form this shit for you.

It is basically about this guy who goes into a store and sees this dirty little kid who is holding a pair of Manolo Blahnik's...the kid wants to buy them for his mama with money from his paper route because she is dying that night....Christmas night...and he wants her to look pretty when she meets Jesus.
Of course, the guy gives the kid the cash. And it is happy, yet horribly sad Christmas with the dirty child at the end of his moms bed...with her corpse clad in pink sequined mules.

Yup...that is the story.
I found myself doubting the child's authenticity during the song...I could see his criminal father rolling him in the dirt and telling him to pick the most expensive pair of shoes in the store so he could sell them on Ebay. Just like a modern day Oliver.
I have one question.
Who the fuck comes up with these fucking Christmas Country Songs?
Oh wait...one more question....And where kinda life are they living that they got this idea?
AND WAIT!!!
I have to tell you something else...I was in such disbelief about this song on that I drove home...after my very successful Joe Fresh visit...and Youtubed it.
Ya know what?
That made a fricken movie out of it....with Rob Lowe and that chick from "Father of the Bride"....they cleaned it up a bit...the child was not dirty.
I watched the video on Youtube and just about lost my shit.
Really?
Really?
Are there people at home right now listening to this "Christmas Shoes" song between "Do they Know It's Christmas?" and "Silver and Gold"?
Is this what Christmas songs have come to?
I am just shocked and freaked out and not a bit delighted.
Oh god...it is just so good in a way that is so bad.
And now, without further ado...is the Christmas Shoes song...you decide...
and if you like it....good for you...but if you don't... as Olympia Dukakis' character says in "Steel Magnolias" (no coincidence..total camp) "Sit next to me!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNsvE33pRSw

I had my first night off....in 5 years. I have nothing to learn. Nothing to sell. Nothing to worry over....well, not right now anyway....and I am giving myself this month to recuperate after...alright...5 years of overwork.
I know that sounds excessive, what a surprise...but George ran to Hamilton to do something and insisted I stay at home with the traumatized dogs...they had a hard day that required 3....count 'em three baths. Sigh...god bless their souls...I do love them...so I sit in the quiet of my home....the dogs asleep...well, the Big Dog had to take a Benadryl so he is all drugged sleeping...but we just threw out their beds...don't worry Patty Zee...this occured after they stayed at your house...so we decided to be wishful and buy them one BIG bed...during said purchase both dogs were being groomed at Petsmart and we ran into one handsome Loach son named Will....who shook my hand with such conviction that had to nod and think "that is one fine handshake"....I love running into nice people.
Anyhow...so...I got soil....soil that I have been planning to get for...you guessed it...5 years. This poor plant has been soldiering through my false promises of replanting for these long years...and tonight while we were at Home Depot getting wood pieces to prop up the bed that the 120 pound flea machine broke....(actually we think he ate a mouse because he had fur in his poop....George said " Oh no...now they are gonna call him 'Old Fur in the Dung Masswohl'...I don't think they will, actually, but I love that George thinks they will..whoever they are) ....so yah, Tyson broke the bed...again... and while he and Cassie were getting conditioned and moisturized at Petsmart ( we went to the pros) we were at the HD getting wood I walked with determination into the garden section and got a huge bag of soil...because that is the only kind you can get....and lugged it around the store like a kid with a teddy bear.

Then after George dropped me off I cleaned the kitchen...as good as therapy...and I put on Julain Molnar's CD, it is called Lullabies for a Sleepless World...and got my plant

( swear to god it looks ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE THIS!)
and the clay pot I have been saving since we moved in here...and while listening to Julain sing ...(it is a fabulous CD...you need to get it....I will find out how you can) I repotted that beautiful plant...it was as good as doing a show...as writing...it made me want to call my sister....book a lunch with Thom....kiss my husband....it made me so happy.
And as I looked over at Tyson and Cassie on the one big bed...(Cassie laid in the middle of it and I had to push her over and make room for the Big Dog)

Wishful thinking?

I poured myself the teeniest glass of wine and sat down to write for the simple joy of it...I thought I should read...or watch TV...or something...while the couch covered in anti-flea juice dries...but no...it is so peaceful...I light a candle...for the first time in forever I light a candle...I had to look for the matches for 10 minutes and blow dust off the candle....and I picked one of my favourite CD's to compliment Julains'....the Patty's ( Zentilli and Loach)....one with a y and one with an i..."Pull Me Through" is their Cd and it is equally awesome...and I just felt so happy and melancholy ...in a good way...you know when melancholy is so satisfying and soul filling?...I listen to Patty and Patti...and cry a little...and smile and look at my plant....and am gaylordy happy.

Yes. I Read it.

Yes, people, yes....I read it.
So, I am sweeping the floor...with vigor.
I have a fabulous show to go do today in a couple of hours.
But...since I have been a self producer for the last many years I had to get into the horrible...horrible...awful....fucked up habit of reading my reviews....because I have to use them if they are good... but then live with them if they are bad.
When I did Les Miserables on tour in the US it was humbling....we opened in a new town every week. So, I got the moms of Little Cosette and Little Eponine to read them for me...if they were good they would tell me....if not...well, there were no words spoken...and in this blissful silence and ignorance I lived until we were in Amarillo, Texas...one of the Moms said I got a great review in the Amarillo Armadillo....I don't think that is what the paper is called ...just for my storytelling purposes...I picked it up..."The weakest performer is....( oh god don't let it be..) Sharron Matthews." Then that mom and I had a little chat about the difference between a good review for me and a good review for little Maggie, her daughter.
The very next week I got a rave in both the Washington Post and Washington Times ....same show...same costume...same me. It made me a bit wiser ...but NO DOUBT my people...it still hurts.
Hurts bad.
It is hard as an actor to try and figure out the right thing to do...do we read them?... so we know why everyone around you is all of a sudden hushed, or not looking you in the eye....or uncharacteristically quiet the day after opening? Or do we just say " I DON'T READ REVIEWS!!!" and hope that no spoilers come out from your third grade friend on Facebook?
I don't know...I chose my own road...usually I cannot stop myself...it changes with every show really.
But now as I focus on branching out in the world with my shows and all... every thing little nive word helps, right?
RIGHT?
Breathe.
So, I woke this fine morning to look at my Toronto Star online....when I saw the title of the review I should have stopped there....but no....macabre fascination drew me on...
"When Sharron Matthews starts narrating in a style totally devoid of all personality...."
Oh my.
Breathe.
That hit a chord in me and I suddenly remembered the other stinker that I got from the same paper...and in the spirit of saving my soul...I began a search online....google rocks the shit....ah yes...here it is...from 2002....broke my heart it did.....
"Sharon Matthews tackles the other major role of the Narrator with mixed success. Her Rosie O'Donnell presence pays diminishing returns as the evening goes on..."
Hmm....maybe it is not me...there is only one R after all.
Narrating seems to be a sticking point for me.
Either too much or too little it seems.
I remember that review...it hurt my feelings....for days...hurt bad.
It also made me feel fat....and WHO NEEDS THAT, RIGHT?!!?!?
Ah well...I breathe...I call Thom Allison who tells me I am pretty...I sweep the floor...and I move on...
The opening night of "Handmaiden" was a night for the memory books...it took me right back to the other opening night..."Martin Guerre" at Canstage...where we had to come back onstage for a third bow dressed in our street clothes because the audience would not leave.
During the Prologue of "Handmaiden" all that I could think of was the faces that I was seeing... Jim Betts, Derrick Chua, Vincent DeTourdenett...actors young and old....Canadians supporting Canadian musical theatre...it was an important night.
Leslie Arden rocks.
She is a Canadian treasure.
I feel very lucky to work with her again.
Also, LKTYP rocks!
And I think the show also is pretty damned fine.
Julain Molnar, Karen Wood, Susan Henley, George Masswohl, Regan Thiel, Tracy Michialidis, Andrew Stelmack, Jonathan Tan, and Larry Mannel tell a great story and will surely make you laugh!
As does my 6 year old friend Ella.
But...as a kicker I will take this part of todays review for my PR package...
"live-wire who electrifies the cabaret scene "
Nice.

Things that make me ....

So, someone sent me something this morning...I do enjoy receiving the interesting info and emails that get sent to me as people are picking up on my penchant (yeah, I said it...penchant...someone says it in 'The Princess and the Handmaiden' ...the show I am in tech for right now and I like to recycle good words...ever increasing my word potential past swears and cusses...though I love those...this is the longest brackets ever) on my PENCHANT for the exciting, infuriating and funny...
Someone sent me a link to a website that extolls the virtues of two people in the entertainment business who have moved from Toronto to New York in the last 10 years.
They have enjoyed, and worked for, amazing success in NY.
That was not the reason the link was sent to me.
It was sent because they have commented on their blog about the debacle, craziness and sadness that surrounds the Garth Drabinsky trial...
Which I have also commented on...he employed me for 4 years on and off...and helped to create some of the biggest breaks I had in my early twenties. I don't think that stealing is right but...he was a titan here...and he loved theatre.
This blog wrote pretty much the same thing....again, not the reason the link was sent.
The thing that my email-er...is that a word?...took umbrage at....umbrage to....using a new word is hard....anyhow...the thing that pissed my emailer off....see the cusses work just as well....was the following comment about Garth and theatre in Toronto...
"Quite simply, Toronto theatre was not as good before...and certainly has not been as good since..."
Hmm.
It sat it their craw enough that they finally sent it to me...and now it has been crawling around inside my head. (See what I did there?)
And it made me think.
I am all thinking...
"Yes, theatre in Toronto has been beat around something fierce in the last few years...."
"Big theatre in Toronto has gone the way of popular juke box musicals...but who am I to judge what people like?"
Then I got mad.
Then my ever favourite listing started.
1. Toronto NEVER had a big contemporary musical theatre scene until Garth it is true but he has left a legacy here... he spurred young people to come out of schools and from across the country and to create exciting companies like Acting Up Stage (the musical theatre company run by Mitchell Marcus that not only produces theatre and cabaret, but teaches young people about contemporary musical theatre), the new Ghostlight Productions that had the idea to produce TWO contemporary musicals in rep and use one to sell the other! People are self producing their stuff ALL OVER the place...instead of waiting to be cast or produced....Garth helped create a city of self promoters and producers.
In TORONTO!
2. Scriptlab...spearheaded by the ever patriotic Jim Betts has been giving young writers and composers (and older) a place to meet, work and feature their pieces for a long while. Also giving young performers a place to do the same....and all learn. Jim Betts also produced a music book and an accompanying CD of Canadian Musical Theatre songs called Field of Stars...people now more than EVER come into auditions with Canadian content...it is funny...people used to ask for a Canadian monologue but could never really ask for a Canadian song...now they can.
In TORONTO!
3. Some of the best new young composers are working there shit out here with help and support from companies like Canstage, Acting Up, Scriptlab, Sheridan College, The Stratford and Shaw Festivals....Reza Jacobs, Jonathon Monro and Zachary Florence to name a few...
4. Independant Toronto producers like Derrick Chua and Micheal Rubinoff continue to find new and interesting projects to do...they both support our community and proudly travel our Canadian message abroad as they both branch out into the world at large. (I don't quite know what our message is....but you get the gyst.) There are many more new and upcoming Toronto producers out there doing there thing and starting their journey's !
5.The Toronto Fringe Festival ...Drowsy Chaperone.... The most exciting Toronto export since....well, you can't count Showboat...not Canadian...Ragtime...not Canadian....and DC won TONY's BABY! And started at the freakin' Toronto Fringe Festival! My Lesbian Jewish Wiccan Wedding ....musical also started at Toronto Fringe Festival and transfered to the Mirvish season...we NEVER had independantly produced Canadian musicals making such a splash EVER!!!
IN TORONTO ...and then the world.
And my friends.... that is just a few things that I can come up with!!!
Maybe you can help me think of more....
Me wonders...do these NY/Toronto transports even KNOW what is going on in our scene...well, maybe they should come and see!!
There is some great, inspiring, inspired, innovative, creative, audacious, hilarious, moving Canadian stuff being done up here...In TORONTO!!!
Please add to my list!
Support our Canadian Musical Scene!

George's Food Quest. Reactions by Sharron.

Heard in the Matthews-Masswohl kitchen this morning.....
Masswohl "Are you really tasting that....or are you just making tasting sounds behind me?"
Matthews "(lip smacking sounds cease)"

Saturday, Laptop and Aretha!

Hey All of you people.....How are you this fine Saturday morning?
I am better than I could be...let me tell YOU what!!
It is a miracle that this effing computer....the one I love more than my first knock off walkman...is even WORKING!
What a day I had...I was rehearsing the musical theatre...and ya know when you just have a day when you CANNOT find a character, a singing voice or talent....well, all those things just eluded me and I was fucking mad and George was trying to calm my high maintenance ass down on the way home....I had some errands to run and stuff to do and lines to learn....world to save....ya know...just the basics...and George said " You go an take a half hour by yourself and I will do all these things for you..."
Well, who could ask for anything more...but I still felt like maybe I should go with him to help with the things and all but he insisted I stay home.
So, I was in my quiet home...now termite free and floor refinished...I made a cup of tea and went and sat down and my trusted and loved computer ( how can you tell I am rehearsing a fairytale....wow...it is early for me...I almost spelled that ferry) put the tea down and powered up...went straight to facebook to lurk...and then picked up my tea..which had some condensation on the bottom of the cup...it stuck to the table and then as my hand slipped free...it turned and splashed ALL OVER MY PURPLE LAPTOP THAT I LOVE MORE THAN IS APPROPRIATE!
Never a over reactor I started screaming and crying and turning it upside down and looking for a cloth and wiping at it....then, still crying, I ran to find the hair dryer...it was all dry...on the outside...and it WOULD NOT turn on.
George was so happy when he got home.
Now, not only could I not find a character, a voice or talent AND my entire business was filled with decaffinated green tea.
What would happen?
We went to Patty Zee's house for dinner....lucky her, right? And she googled the problem and told me to resist temptation and NOT turn it on for a whole day.
I did it...I waited...I didn't want to turn it on at all....because the longer I waited the longer there was still hope for a happy ending ( again, fairytale...now I almost spelled THAT word tail).
But after rehearsing yesterday...a day where I ALMOST found a purpose, a voice and my lines...I went home...and stood in front of it....and looked at George...who was clearly looking pinched...and I put my pointing finger...you may call it index...but I use that finger more for pointing than indexing, hence the title...I put my pointing finger on the magic button...and it made the special MAC sound....the fancy WAH....and I almost fainted...there seems to be only one small glitch, I may have fried the battery, because the screen goes of when it is unplugged...but I can get that fixed.
Someone likes me...not enough to not have it happen in the first place...but they like me a bit, at least...I will take it...maybe they are opposed to my potty mouth.
Fuck it.

After I made my computer work I went to see Aretha Franklin with a group of WONDERFUL and slightly naughty ladies..yup I said it ...these are ladies who frequented Sharron's Party and have become friends....which is lucky because one of them got squirted in the face with Shoshana's breast milk at the Party...nuff said...one of these wonderful ladies had bought me a ticktet to go with them...how fantastic and just....well, just plain nice.
Aretha was amazing...I didn't know she could still sing like that... had a couple of fave moments....
1. Just before she came onstage....a stage that was filled with a tuxedo'd 20 piece band with back up singers...a tall young man brought her leopard print slouch purse onstage and put it under the piano...the grand piano...then I remembered that she always gets paid in cash before a show...once her whole entourage was at a theatre waiting on the buses...the theatre owner told her he had a cheque and she got back on the bus and went home...the same guy came out after her encore and picked up said purse.
2. She sang "As if We'd Never Said Goodbye" from Sunset Boulevard...it was Amazing!!!
3. She sang the CRAP OUTTA "THINK"....
4. She was wearing a watch with her million dollar dress....
5. She had a host of people onstage who saw to her EVERY move...
6. Those ladies and I danced through the whole show....much to the chagrin of those around us.
SHE IS THE EFFING QUEEN OF SOUL!
I cried...I could not believe I was there...I thank you Lady....I won't put her name down here...but I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!

The Christoppher Skinner Vigil

Firstly, I would like to thank the arrangers of the vigil tonight for Chris Skinner. It was beautiful and peaceful...and well maintained...I know that sounds all weird...but the police presence was just enough that we all felt safe and taken care of.
I met a couple dear friends early so that we could walk together...when we sat down to dinner I started to feel sick to my stomach....I got anxious and a bit scared...and I could not specifically figure out the why.
Ever since yesterday I couldn't get the image of Chris's broken glasses laying on the street out of my head...it played right at the end of a news reel. Of all the footage...even of him walking along the street oblivious to what was to occur...the broken glasses bothered me the most.
The lack of a person to go with them.
I have seen him in those glasses.
I didn't know what to expect as we walked to Church and Wellesley.
But when we got there...I just felt quiet....there were many people there.
Someone handed out candles...we ran into more people we knew...a fellow I knew drove from Stratford to be a part of it, lots of dear young people...and older people...with babies and dogs..basically people from every walk of life... there
to celebrate a life.
A man named Matt got on a mega phone and said a lovely speech and then he asked us to raise our candles...and look up to the sky...not down for a moment of silence... and then....my phone rang...of all the times during my shows I have yelled at people...I just fumbled...and cursed myself...and then...I realized it wasn't mine.
Thank you.
Then we began to walk...from Church and Wellesley to Adelaide and Victoria....the place where he was killed. I say it true...I don't want to soften it. His life was taken there.
The walk was something to behold.
It was at least 1200 people...walking down the southbound lanes of Church...the streets were lined with people just standing and watching...it was so still and quiet..every once in a while there would be a burst of laughter...and it felt right...and the young man I walked with asked me how I knew Skinner...and then we talked about the very small portion of his life that I was lucky enough to share...and it was shared during very festive situations...so it was heightened and funny and fabulous...and we also laughed...and I felt like part of him was there.
When the line made the turn at Queen Street we could begin to see the magnitude of the gathering...it was stunning. It made me cry.
And when we got to the corner...of Victoria and Adelaide...we all stopped and held our candles high...and had silence...and young woman stood on a newspaper box and hung this sign over the corner...

And everyone just stayed...just waited...and then we all filed to the corner and left our candle...and there was a big banner with pens and pencils to leave a message.
As I looked around there was a man standing by himself wrapped in a beautiful rainbow quilt...he took a deep breath and with the greatest reverence took it off and folded it neatly and put it into a bag...slung it over his shoulder and walked to the subway.
I wondered how many times he had done that.
Too many, my guess.
We will not tolerate hate or violence.
With peace, respect and love we walked tonight.

Days, Dogs and the search...and the vigil...

I know that you all think I am lordy for these dogs. Well, I am. No doubt.
I am laying in bed after having one of the longest days of my life and George had to go let in the workmen to our home early this morning (yes, we are still in a rental due to the effing termite invasion, but we are close to going back....thank god...godess or universe.) so I slept in. I got home at one million o'clock last night and G was asleep (too tired to type out full name of husband...he knows I know his name) and, again, the day had been so long that I needed a glass of wine. Side bar....in an effort to get back to fitness, I have given up everything I love except wine...I am unwilling to give up to booze now that I have found it again...now...don't be thinking I have a problem or anything...I don't. I don't encourage drinking...but I say 'do what you wanna'.
I laid myself into a 'one glass of wine' sleep, I vaguely remember G kissing me this morning and telling me he had to go...me saying 'lurv u and blergy do'....well, that is what it sounded like in my head anyway...after the exchange I went promptly back to sleep.
When I woke again and peered over the side of the bed...there they were. No questions, no answers...just puppy love...they were waiting...ever so patiently...thanks pups.
As I said it was a long day yesterday...and I am thankful for it. It scrubbed my brain out a bit...my brain needed a change of direction...if only for one day. I woke up yesterday morning at 7:00am to put on my hairpiece. Yup....that early for styling and image...because I went to host the Contact Conference up in Richmond Hill...which is far, just for your info...less far when you are sharing a car with the laughter inducing Wayne Gwillim.
But as I got my hairpiece done...I checked my email...and , thankfully and sadly, found numerous emails from friends and strangers regarding Christopher Skinner. The outpouring of grief and disbelief not only continues...as well it will and should...and it is fanning out over the entire world.
I received messages from as far as London, England.
His funeral and memorial were the day before in Uxbridge...I had wanted to attend but could not.
There was a new article in the Toronto Star yesterday morning with a video attached about the memorial... hundreds of people were there.
The video...though it has an add attached at the beginning, shame...plays the SUV in question, filled with killers speeding through a light... on a loop....I watched it 10 times...I didn't recognize anything but I just couldn't believe that this car contained humans who would (or had) committed such a horrible act.
They are searching....and I believe wholeheartedly that they will find these people.
And with that thought I went to Richmond Hill.
I started working and hosting at 11:00am-ish and walked out of the building at 11:00pm...with a break in the middle where I drove to the Sheraton and talked to presenters...
Oh, let me tell you...Contact is the yearly Conference where the presenters from theatres all over Ontario get together and see acts to book in their theatres for the next year....it is three days long and they see a TON of stuff....I hosted and presented some of 'Sharron's Big Broadway Show'....it went well, I had a good time... no one is meant to wear heels for 12 hours....there were 6 acts including mine during the day...they all had 25 minutes each to show their stuff....and in the evening there was a wopping 8....plus me....9.
There was some amazing talent...A fabulous afro cuban jewish band named Odessa/Havana...a 19 blues phenom named Keith Hallett...I was happy to be an entertainer.
THIS IS WHERE THE REST OF SUNDAY HAPPENED AFTER I WROTE THIS PORTION OF THE BLOG>>>I rehearsed with my new band, I walked the dogs, I watched Grey's Anatomy on PVR....I pondered publishing the blog.
I felt weird writing a blog about normal stuff....so I saved it to draft...now here I lay on Sunday morning...still feeling strange and dark about how life moves on and the world keeps spinning.
Last night I watched two days worth of news on the computer...and was again shocked and laid low.
Christopher Skinners' parents...so brave...so young...they looked like they are mine and George's age...you picture parents being so much older. They spoke so well in interviews...I thought they were very brave and honest.
Then I saw the new footage of Skinner walking down the street...
You want to reach in and grab him...
I wanted to turn it off....I wanted....everything to be different...for a cab to pick him up...for him still to be living at his old place so he wouldn't be in that area...for him to have stopped somewhere and made a phone call...
It is absolutely horrible to watch someones fate to unfold on a security camera...to watch him walk out of frame and then in a few seconds watch the traffic slow.
Seconds.
To hear how fast and cold the attack was...30 seconds.
And then the camera panned to a shot of his broken glasses on the ground and tmy heart stopped.
What the fuck has happened here?
How can this be true?
How can all this horrible info and truth be mixed into a "normal" day?
We can't forget...we live...but we cannot forget....
I feel that the search is on in a serious way.
I believe the killers...the murders...they keep calling it a "Hit and Run" which I find offensive....it was a murder....I believe the killers will be found and found soon.
Then they will face the world.
The vigil is tonight at 8:00pm at the corner of Church and Wellesley....
There will be a city full of people who will peacefully and with great respect say no to senseless violence.

The days after...What do we do now?

I am still just in a quiet shock.
My Sister said after our dad died, the hardest day was not the day he died but the days after. When everything was supposed to be “back to normal”.
“People don’t want to dwell in that place for too long, it might be catchy.”
That is pretty much exactly what she said...and it was, and is, quite true.
The world doesn’t like to be sad or reminded of horrible things for too long.
Understandable, but...
I keep feeling like I should feel a bit better today but I don’t.
I have received a staggering response to the article, and subsequent note, that I put up on my page on facebook.
There are emails, phone calls and messages.
The reason I feel like I should feel better is...I feel like it is not mine to feel bad about...yes, I said feel four times..but I could not think of better words to put there. Skinner wasn’t someone that was in my life everyday or every week...his friendship was casual...but when he was present there was absolutely no missing him. But still it felt wrong for people to say they felt badly for me.
But when I read through the emails there were reoccurring themes... “I don’t know you Sharron..”, “I didn’t know Christopher...”, “I knew Chris a little...” and they all felt compelled to write....something...to express their anger, their fears and sadness over a senseless murder. And everyone expressed to me, one way or the other, that they didn’t feel like they had the right to say anything.
But when something this black happens I think it is our right and our duty to examine how it affects our lives and our world...to see how we are all connected because, as my friend Kat just said to me... “He was just taken. Stolen”
And it is not to be put away so that the world can feel comfortable.
Below you will find some of the things that were sent to me...I can’t believe how many people we knew in common, how many lives he has touched, and the footprint he has left.
I have left them all anonymous except for the last one...it just...well...
I thank everyone for their words and I want to express my great sorrow to all of you at the loss of Christopher Skinner.

“I went to high school with Chris. We were not close but I am so disturbed by this that I have been brought to tears several times throughout the day and cannot release it from my mind..”


“Chris: I commit to you that I will not let this get swept under the carpet and that the police statement of “No, there’s not at all any indication that there were homophobic elements to the attack,” says Det Stacey Gallant." will not stand. What a world we live in.”

“Only hate could do this. The why of hate can never be allowed to mitigate the fact that the act itself is nothing but hate.”

“Skinner and i worked together when i first moved to toronto. he was one of the very first people i met when i came here from halifax. he was awesome and kind and funny and authentic.”

“ The scream in my soul is bigger than my voice.”

“I loved going to your shows with Chris. He always cracked me up, and I'm sure everyone else in the room as well, with his big boisterous voice that would answer every rhetorical and sing along with every song. He was taken from us and even though I'm sure the person who did this will be caught, it will never bring him back. My heart is breaking.”

“Skinner was the kind of person who you didn't have to know well to see just how incredible he was. He could light up a room with a hint of a smile. If anyone knows anything at all, please come forward.”

“Only bullies commit horrible acts of this nature. To dehumanize another human being to the point that they mean absolutely nothing to you takes years of practice. The(se) murderer(s) have/has committed other past atrocities and Christopher was the culmination of their misguided beliefs. Stop them before it happens again.”

“I saw your post about this young man on Thom's wall and I, like you, have been so angry since the moment I heard about what happened to him. I didn't know Christopher but feel as though I did.”

“I find it strange that I could be so upset and mourn for someone I knew from a distance . . . and maybe because of the circumstances behind his passing . . . but the shock and anger is very real and resonant. It's hard to imagine that such a thing could happen in a city such as this or even a country considered so accepting...and yet here we are. I think the outpouring of grief for Chris from his loved ones and those distantly associated not only speaks for his character but for the general public at large.”

“Every time that I leave the house to walk the dog I judge every SUV and feel like I can hear people crying instead of the usual chatter that I am familiar with.
I saw your post, and although each article is terrifying to read I am thankful for the response you have turned up. He deserves every single person to think of him, because every single person he met was touched so much.”

“I do remember him from your final Sharron's Party show -- sitting on the stairs at Buddies, shouting "ONE MORE SONG!" -- and I can't imagine the depth of loss his family and friends are experiencing.”

“I can't believe the news... I just read your note and I am sitting here in absolute shock right now, Sharron... I took a course with Chris back in high school, a musical theatre course, and that week gave me two things: my lifelong love of musical theatre, and the courage to be myself thanks to meeting Chris, who was comfortable with his sexuality even in grade 11. He never knew it, but I came back from that week and came out to my best friend, and my life and who I am today started from that point. I have always remembered him for being the first gay guy who was comfortable with himself and just a nice, cool, normal guy, and who made me believe that I was genuinely OK. Fuck, I can't believe it... I had always hoped to run into him again some time to tell him that story. This is fucking devastating news.” Signed, Jonathan Tan

Christopher Skinner...One more song.

I am mad and sad and confused and in a state of disbelief. Mostly I am fucking angry. I was away from Toronto for a week without a TV so when I received a email message about "horrible news" this morning my heart began to beat faster.
I could not even guess at the utter blackness of that news.
Christopher Skinner, a young man who had become a friend of mine through my shows and through a mutual friend had been murdered.
Murdered.
I can't believe it as I spell it.
I am so fucking mad I could do something violent.
I left my house soon after I heard "the news" to go to an audition and every face I walked by looked guilty to me....guilty for not being sad and guilty for not understanding what had happened in the world...and just maybe guilty of the crime...guilty because the world keeps turning.
I found an article online at Xtra and posted it on my Facebook page and the outpouring of emotion was staggering...people cried and screamed and railed and wondered. It was reposted...it was spoken about by others...people talked about choices...others talked about not choosing...others still just poured out their hearts and minds.
People who didn't know him...now knew him...and for the worst possible reason.

I met Skinner for the first time, and he will always be Skinner to me because that is how we were introduced, at my show at the Gladstone. He sat right next to the stage and talked to me...onstage...all night...he was so thrilled to be there...and myself...always adoring a challenge and the love of a great audience member...was thrilled to have him. He is known by my constant supporters as the guy who always yelled out "One More Song!!!"...even after I had done three encores. How can you not love that? At my very last party in June at Buddies in Bad Times he yelled out his standard "One more song!"...and after two songs I had to call it...and then as I walked off the stage he was standing in front of me, smiling and he whispered right into my face..."I will always ask for one more song."

We were just in the process of becoming spin buddies and coffee talkers. They were just little normal things. But I still feel robbed. I can only imagine how his closest friends, his fiance and his family feel.
I received an email from a friend who works in the club district who informed me that the police were looking at their surveillance tapes and said... "I've dealt with the police on other things that have gone down in this neighbourhood and I've never seen them take anything as seriously as this."
It is a comfort.

Cold comfort.
Someone said that the police didn't know if it was a hate crime.
Is it a hate crime?....well, let me see...he was alone...he was beaten almost to death...and then run over by a car.
Yes, it was a hate crime.
It doesn't matter how he was created...or what his sexual orientation was...that is beyond the point.
He was now "horrible news"
There are people who are probably sitting in the comfort of a warm home, quite possibly with a loving family and living with the truth that they killed a stranger...another human being...someone who was alone and vulnerable to violence.
I hope that their black, black souls are rotting with that truth right now.

Britney, Boo and Myself on a Scottish Adventure

This time last year I was in Scotland. The is a kirkyard....or is it kirk...people, it is a cemetary in Edinburgh that we came back to later that night and paid to have ourselves made nauseous due to stories about torture and then have the shit scared out of us while we crouched in a fucking mausoleum...in the pitch dark...one girl from Wales was so terrified she cried and held my hand the whole time.
Ah...good times.
I LOVED that trip so much.
I saw so many beautiful places.
I went on one big adventure.
And in honour of that adventure I am reposting a story that I recently rewrote for a grant application.

Britney, Boo and Myself on a Scottish Adventure
by Sharron Matthews (and as usual, these stories are also lived through by Sharron Matthews

So, there I was in this quaint little fishing town in western Scotland...near the Isle of Bute...I don’t care how juvenile it sounds...that words sounds like...looks like...Butt...and reminds me of a movie that I saw at my friend Thom’s house called ‘Lust in the Dust’ starring Tab Hunter, Divine and Lanie Kazan...in which you see that word...Bute...tattooed on Lanie Kazan’s stunt ass...she had a stunt ass... if you don’t know what I mean...or believe it, watch the movie. I digressed...already... So, there I was in Tarbert, Scotland, at a pink hotel...when two ‘bear’ type males walked into the dining room during dinner and winked at me...I knew it was a gay friendly hotel....the fact that it was painted PINK should have been my clue.....I love that I can travel thousands of miles and still find a fan base. The hotel is near Tarbert Castle, home of...ready for it?...Robert the Bruce...I know of him because of...Braveheart...with that Mel Gibson...now Mel may be a bigoted, short, racist, anti-Semitic bastard...but he made a good movie. Remember Robert the Bruce was portrayed by that dishy Angus Macfayden....I don’t know why his career never took off...he did the Braveheart movie and then then next thing I saw him in was the ‘Ya Ya Sisterhood’ movie with that Sandra Bullock...who I love...judge me as you will. I wonder if Angus thinks that Gerrard Butler got his career,,,,maybe there was only room for one scottish dude....Gerrard is scottish, right?....or is he Irish? HEY! Did you know that the Scottish descended from the Irish in about 300AD??? REALLY!!! Do NOT bring it up in conversation over there.... WHAT THE EFF WAS I TALKING ABOUT???!!! (Underscore with random scottish music) Oh ya...Tarbert Castle...very cool...a bit of a ruin and I COULD not wait to get up there to it! Because I am a bit of a castle whore. Now my husband George had been sick since we arrived...he got the pleurisy from the hacking dude who sat beside me on the plane...we sat down and the dude started to cough and I turned to George with a pursed mouth. But I didn’t get sick...just poor Georgie... I was so sad for him...I want to help make him feel better...But I also want to climb around the hills...like in the Sound of Music...but Scottish. I go off to the chemist...the chemist...to get cold medicine for Georgie. And while I walked through the town with my paper sack of stuff I stared at the castle up on the hill....the city is surrounded by hills....mountains...the Scottish call them burns.....I wanted to see that damned castle....I asked George if he minded if I went....as he lay in bed looking like death....handsome...but still death warmed..... “Hack, cough...no honey...you go...hack, cough” “No I couldn’t...” ( I run out the door) I had never been across the ocean...or by myself across the ocean. I wanted to go on a solo adventure. Now if you have not been there...everything is a freaking climb in Scotland...to anything...wanna scone?...climb that hill. I make it up the effing hill to the ruins of the castle and I am taking one hundred pictures...I heard a rumble behind me...I turned very quickly...and a stag runs by me...not 80 guys...but a stag...with antlers...it stopped and looked at me...and I tried very slowly to raise my camera but it mistook my camera for a gun or some such thing and took off. So, I looked at the informational flyer that someone I couldn’t understand gave me and I planned a short 45 minute walk...now let me mention right here...I didn’t see another living soul on the whole hike... and it was straight...UP. I found myself wishing that I had Lanie Kazans stunt ass. But I was brave....I was a warrior. I had to keep pretending to look at crap from my pocket so that I could stop and take a breath the first 15 minutes...then 30 minutes...and I am still going up...I should have turned around by now...it became apparent at this point that I had followed the wrong path...not the 45 minute walk...but the 2 hour hike...and let me say here...that I had not yet seen another human...
( actual picture from said adventure...taken just in case they found my corpse)
As I continue further and further into the mountains the inner scary movie voice starts having a dialogue... "SSSHHHAAARRROOONNNN...maybe you are going the wrong way...and you haven’t seen anyone since you began...’ Well...so what...it is October...not too many people on vacation. ‘SHHHAARRROONNN...what if someone is following you on this path..’ Shut it!!! ‘SSSSHHHHAAARRROOONNNN...what if you fall and break one of your weak ankles?...’ Why did you have to bring that up??? Not only are you the scary voice but you are bad for my self confidence. ‘SSSHHHHAAARRROOOONNNN...be afraid...’ I am brave. I am a warrior. And then my inner scary voice, whom I shall call Boo...got all mixed up with my own, calm...mostly logical voice and with the voice of Britney Spears...and to remind you, she comes to me telepathically when I need guidance. ( Underscore with Britney or Britney-esque type music) Britney: Girl you are a grown up woman who has gone on MANY hikes and been away from home. Me and Boo: You are right Britney! I have my puffer...I have money and my passport in case, again, my body need to be identified...SHUT UP... Britney: Y’all you are strong... Me and Boo: and I have no water or food...THERE ARE 100 STREAMS TO DRINK FROM ASSHOLE... No cell phone...not that you would get a signal...PLEASE...HEY I HAVE MY IPOD... Britney: That is good thinking girl. An Ipod is a great physical instrument to defend yourself with.... Me and Boo: What am I gonna do with an Ipod, Brit? Britney: Make them listen to Avril Lavigne. Y’all I hate that bitch. That Britney is so witty. I pulled out my ipod...charged, thank god. And I put in an ear phone....just one...the right one in case I am going to be attacked.......and push play......Girlicious’ hit ‘Like Me’ starts blaring.... Suck it scary voice....and my scary voice is lulled by the slutty girls singing. Somewhere during this time period I step in a bog.....a real bog....the path has been wet and my shoes are waterproof to a point....the point it is a bog and Iose my shoe...I have to go in pull it out...while holding one foot in the air. By the time I reach an hour and fifteen minutes....I start to worry....I don’t know where I am....I feel that the path should have really turned....the sky is stormy and I pull the map and in the bottom corner it comments on how the weather turns fast in the burns......so take the appropriate supplies....and read the map, ass. I take the time to look closer at the map...I see where I might be if I am on the 2 hour walk.....and where I would be if I am on the five hour walk ending in the town of Clacken. FIVE HOUR WALK!!! Britney: Oh Sharron girl...even I can read better than that! ME: Shut it! Not now Britney! I try to picture the phone call to George....“ Baby, Can you come pick me up in Clacken....” Isn’t that a great name... I turn a forest corner...and there is a very old foundation for a house or fort of some kind....there is nothing about it on the map....but it is very cool....I use the word cool because there are no exact words for how...cool it really is...I discovered something on my brave warrior adventure...just me...and it was worth it to be a bit afraid....so I track off the path and walk through the bracken into the foundation...and the sun comes out....no shit. But still I feel fucking awesome! And I sit down and have the piece of mind to really scan the map and figure out where I am....I am about 45 minutes from the end...I can do that...I am fucking on fire...I am brave...I am a warrior. I start to walk up the path as ‘The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald’ begins to play in my right ear.... Wait a minute...what if I have walked into a time corridor like Brigadoon...and have travelled into the past? Sharron, get it together. What if George thinks I am dead?? Which is more likely... Oh here is a thing....what if I think good thoughts???!!! As I come to a rise I peer over I see Tarbert ...and I yell so loud, I scare myself and trip over a rock and almost break my right weak ankle. When I get near the castle the first human I see is this effing huge black and white dog....he sees me and starts to bound for me..... and someone screams...... “SHEAS!”...which I have since found out means sit...or stop....in gaelic...and I think a monster scottish dude is coming over the hill.....an it turns out being the tiniest wizened man I have ever seen....on a cellphone....and he hooks up his dog and turns a suspicious eye my way as he passes....but eff him....even he can’t spoil my high!!!! I made it..... Alone....