Wow. This is hard....REWARDING as all get out...but hard.

May 8th and 9th Buddies in Bad Times SUPERSTAR TORONTO
www.traceynolanstudios.com

It is late at night.
The big dog is leaning against the wall staring at me...and now he lies down and I think about joining him...I am so tired.
The last month and a half has been a whirl wind...and now it is Week 20 of World Domination...how the eff did I get here?
You know what is funny? When I put the down payment on my Edinburgh plane tickets...did you know that you could do that?...the lovely person who found and arranged the deal for me (at a fabu discount) asked if there was a company name I said, of course, Sharron Matthews Superstar....they laughed and I realized that I am so used to saying it that it is like saying... Kleenex Toilet Tissue...do they make toilet tissue?
I have gone from crying in my bathtub when I didn't get the grants to sitting on my couch totaling the cash in my "Superstar:World Domination" account....I have paid a lot of things already but I have raised, with the help of a lot of dear people, just under $20,000.00.
I have $10,000.00 to go.
I just had to stop and breathe.
You see, I tend to just keep going great guns until I reach my goal....I need to be all like the inch worm and stop and see how beautiful the garden is...or some shit like that.
I have hosted a huge fund raiser...I have performed the first stop of the tour...I am less than a month away from Joe's Pub and I just booked the Edinburgh tickets and am putting a down payment on a Scottish flat tomorrow....holy crap bags. AND, thanks to Nada Ristich @ BMO, I just received by first corporate donation.
I have come so far.
It IS NOT even close to being at all easy.
It is fucking rewarding as all get out....when I get to all these places it will be a bunch of small donations that got me there...a community....I appreciate ANYTHING that anyone has done to help...and I have been humbled OVER and OVER again by the kindness of friends and strangers...but it is fucking hard, all day long, work.
Today was one of those days.
I woke to thoughts about where to rustle up the last $10,000.00.
I am trying to stick to my very specific (read CHEAP) budget while finding a place in Scotland...you know how much the cheapest place costs...that isn't a hell hole....about 2800 Pounds....$4100.00 Canadian...holy shit, eh?
I am worried about getting a good place to stay that is not a long walk form downtown as I have to bring my costume to the theatre every night...and it has to be close enough that Derrick and I can run down to the Royal Mile (the hub of the Festival and sell the show and meet other artists and producers) all day long before the show.
The next thought I have is that I have to send out more invitations to New York today...a lot of them.
I have to...I have to...my husband looks at me and I sigh.
I have to take a couple days to breathe.
A friend called today to talk to me and I could not even take the call...I felt a bit overwhelmed by it all...after a big show (and I have done the fund raiser and the May Buddies show with less than four weeks apart with no break in STEAM) I usually take a couple days to just read. That is all.
I buy a really trashy book or two and eat chips and read.
No such luck.
But the shows this past weekend?
Magic.
True magic.
I had such lovely crowds and I loved the songs...the first night I had a whole "Holy shit I am going to take this around the world" crisis of confidence. I felt good about my work that night but I had to fight the jimmy nerves the whole show.
The second night I promised myself I would have fun.
I did.
Both nights were totally valuable for different reasons....mostly because I actually got to sing.
That is what I miss the most during all of this admin work, which, most of the time, I actually quite like...BUT I have to remind myself that this is all about how I want to sing more often.
I am excited that there are so many people getting on planes, trains and automobiles to come to Joe's in New York. I feel lucky that people give that much of a poop about what I am doing.
I feel lucky and a bit exhausted.
I think I need to do some work and cap it off...take the time...just a couple of days.
I am beginning to dread my phone dinging.
I have to have a fresh mind to tackle the last $10,000.00...I have some ideas but I think that if I have a break a will have more.
Mostly, I just want to give George my full attention.
How much can one guy take of the same subject for 20 weeks straight....he truly is the best man.
He is in bed right now.
Sleeping.
I am going too.
I hope you are all well and ...thank you.