Tuesday, November 05, 2013

You, Rob Ford, Are A Douche Bag.



So, a couple of things.
If, while you are mayor of one of the biggest cities in the free world, you do crack, WHILE in an ADMITTED DRUNKEN STUPOR, and then LIE LIKE A RUG about it for almost a year...ALL THE WHILE accusing the awesome reporters who figured all out (way to go, guys!) of being LIARS and cheats, accusing THEM of biased reporting and calling THEM CROOKS...while doing things like driving your car like a reckless fool while texting, reading AND IF you do everything else in this admitted DRUNKEN STUPOR, why not drive...I am just saying...almost killing people when you run by a street car door...AND THEN COMPLAIN TO THE TTC CHAIR...OH, THE NEWER TTC chair (because you got the other one fired because you didn't agree with him)...make NUMEROUS racist statements IN COUNCIL CHAMBERS ...inflate and lie about the work (?) you have done while in office...act like a grade 10 buffoon and bully on the air waves  (and , again, in the council chambers with your ass brother... get lambasted by EVERY late night talk show host in the United States of America...make one of the most wonderful cities in the world a laughing stock...and THEN when you get cornered you and your idiot brother come out with, firstly, the ever popular ,"I know you are but what am I, Chief Blair? " defense ...then the other excellent defence of  "Ask me what you asked me a year ago...but ask me the right question...because I never lied because you didn't ask me the right question the first second third fourth or one millionth time..."(who is his lawyer...who is advising this fool...John Laroquette from Night Court)...  (also, may a steal a comment from the internet...his defense is actually the behavior of a shitty highschool boyfriend...)...and then, feeling like maybe you have the might and importance of someone like...oh...I don't know...Bill Clinton...or a lapsed catholic who is coming to confession for the first time in a million years...the final defense of..."Ya, I did it...but NOW I told you I did it...and I know I made you ALL (6 million of you) look like asses...but it's all okay now right?" ...YOU GET TO STAY IN OFFICE. 
AHHHH HELL NO!!! 
YOU LIED. 
CHEATED. 
BROKE THE LAW. 
ADMITTED THAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE DOING WHILE BREAKING THE LAW IN COURT on a wholeother issue.
TRIED TO GET A TAPE MADE OF YOU BREAKING THE LAW ERASED. 
Oh, ya you SMOKED CRACK!
AND THAT is just the things I can remember off the top of my head. 
AND THEN YOU USE THIS TO LAUNCH YOUR CAMPAIGN!!!
WHAT THE FUCKEDY FUCK!!!!!
You, sir, Rob Ford, are a douche bag of the highest order. 
AND you give hosers a bad name. 
I don't know which is the bigger sin...oh, wait...yes, I do.
AGAIN, when people who are not in office do you what you and all those senators did, they break the law...but you effers in parliament and the mayors office cop to "I did something wrong..." 
HELL NO!!! 
And lastly, I must say, I detest all of you (Duffy, Wallin, Brazeau and FORDS) for making me interesting in politics. 
May you all suffer the fiery torment of your DOUCHIE actions. 
Peace out. I got shit to do.

Side Bar: Congrats on helping the following words trend ALL OVER THE WORLD on twitter.
1. crackmayor
2. drunken stupor
3. brother doug
4. idiot (I actually don't know if this is true...but I am putting it out there anyhow because... come on)
5. crack
6. doug
7. robford
8. idiot 

Since Rob Ford used his crack smoking admission to launch his run for mayor...I would like to use this blog about his douchiness to sell my show.
Tit for tat...crackie.
BUY TICKET TO MY next two shows!!!

Here is all the info from my last blog!
http://sharrmatthews.blogspot.ca/2013/10/holidays-and-shows-abound-and-i-am.html 

 

3 comments:

Michelle Giardine said...

YES.....well put.

Carol Baggott Forte said...

Douche bags are more useful in real life and serve a sanitizing purpose! Sorry could not resist the double entendre! He makes the word 'loser' look more lost!

Michelle Simpson said...

I love this! It Cracks me up! Wait can I say that without being associated with Rob Ford?? I am so going to buy tickets to one of your show's. You are so right on Sharron!!!