Sunday, August 25, 2013

Miley Cyrus Loses Her Mind...and Sticks HER TONGUE OUT...THE WHOLE TIME!!!

Oh. My Lord.
It is one of those days that I was sad/happy that we have down graded our cable...I mean, what with live streams, NetFlix and projectfreetv.com ...and, well, the internet...we felt that we could save one million dollars a month and go to "almost basic" cable...which is kinda like being "almost famous" and "almost pregnant"...but different.
So, we are watching a documentary on the NetFlix about prisoners who take care of other prisoners in the penitentary hospice... because George and I are lovers of the documentary...and my ipad is binging and binging...and when I finally can't take it anymore (I really am trying to not look at it so much.  My social media, that is...I CANNOT STOP MYSELF!!! I usually move it away from me...like far away...but tonight I "forgot")...when I can't take it anymore I just pick it up...and there are one million posts about Miley Cyrus on the VMA's.

Here is a taste of my feed....they ranged from:

i never thought i'd see the day when Billy Ray would become the least embarrassing of the Cyrus'

This is the litlle girl I used to watch playing "Hannah Montana"? Even seems confused.

Am I the only one who is disturbed by this Miley Cyrus performance? ?

And then went on to:

Loving Robin Thicke's "Beetlejuice as a rapist" look

And then Andrew Johnston chimed in...he is always a delicate flower: 

If anything, this performance by Robin Thicke and Miley Cyrus will remind all of to wash our pussies. So, there's that.

Even Jian Ghomeshi could not stop himself:

One doesn't want to pick at easy targets but that Miley Cyrus performance was...simply awful.
 
And I added this one, which has nothing to do with Miley and Robin simply because it made me laugh out loud...


Why is Gwyneth Paltrow up there with Lil' Kim? Is she finally winning an award for the Duets soundtrack?

So, of course, I am intrigued...and I start trolling the internet looking for the aforementioned performance...I wanted to get it before MTV had them all taken down due to copyright infringement...and I found this link... which I hope is still up when you read this...just in case you did not see it.
Lord and Taylor.
Jesus Wept.
The babies cried.
Mary fell down.
& The Easter Bunny ran away forever.


What the fuck happened here?
Let us go back in history a bit.
Now, I, like  a lot of Canadian actors had the experience of working on Doc, a TV show that was produced by and starred, Miley's father, Billy Ray Cyrus back in the 1890's...yes...the 1890's.
One of the days I shot on that show, oh so many years ago, it happened to be American Thanksgiving...  and all of the Cyrus family was present on set and very pissed off that we had to shoot on American Thanksgiving... though we were working, shooting and living in Canada.
Hm.
Anyhow,  I met Miley Cyrus that day...and she looked kinda like this...

   
Probably even younger...
Tonight, on the VMA awards, she looked like this....

 
NOT that you can't change your look or your image...I mean...go for it...but...um...

Huh.

Now, here are just a couple of thoughts that I felt I would like to record... put out there... some things I would like to ask about the Miley Cyrus performance (with a stunned, terrified and ill advised Robin Thicke in the background...with a weird-ass suit.).
Some of this may be harsh...but I am still freshly assaulted from the watching and CANNOT stop myself.
So, if you are offended...I kind of apologize. Sort of. 

1. WHY, from the first moment she came onstage, did she have her tongue lolling out of her mouth? Like for the whole time. I wondered if she was trying to capture the auras of all artists around on her taste buds...or just look like a 12 year old at a pajama party dance off...with her tongue lolling out of her mouth.

2. WHY she wear that shimmery pedophile's dream TEDDY...boo, yes it actually was a TEDDY...and flat Walmart Keds knock off sneakers...it is like her stylist was chasing her to the stage with 6 inch heels but Miley was too (insert word here) to hear her...or care...or something...
Her wearing those shoes while she danced made the performance seem even more red- necky-weird...and a touch desperate...or something...

3. Why some people gotta sing (not very well) with a track of themselves from the studio... (singing better... because of computers)...it is just gross.

4. What the fuck is "twerking"? I am too afraid to google it...so it if is something REALLY gross...don't tell me.

5. AND why Miley dance like Elaine Bennes... scroll up and down...you will see...and if you don't know who Elaine Bennes is...I just passed out...

 
  
6. What was the foam finger about, what did it have to do with the price of tea in china...and whose stupid idea was it (fired)...BECAUSE it became the symbol, for me, of all that was fucked up about this "performance". I just kept looking at it and thinking, "Stop sticking that finger in all your places...what place is she gonna stick it in next...maybe in the mouths of the entire Pinkett-Smith family in the front row...sitting there...AGOG. 

TRUE PHOTO, By the way.

7. Why she gotta be so gross with that Robin Thicke...who, as I mentioned earlier...just looked stunned...and terrified...and certain, as Pierce Brosnan was after the first few days of shooting Mamma Mia: The Movie...that he had made a GRAVE ERROR accepting this gig.

8. I looked up TWERKed. Stupid.
 
It was just plain terrifying.
I will never be the same.
What has happened in the world.
I am glad/pooped that I cable down graded... but it is probably for the best.

Dear Miley,  
Please don't do that again. Please. 
I liked "Party in the USA"...and...other songs that I can't remember...but you don't have to try and be Britney ("Snake Around The Neck" performance)- Gaga (plastic suit like that from Monster Ball Tour) - Xtina (Going from "Genie in a Bottle" to "Dirty" ...which XTINA sang the fuck out of) to be awesome. 
AND I am all for getting your freak on!! 
Do what you want!! 
Express yourself...but if you are going to do it  on national TV...maybe rehearse it a little bit? Or even try something new...that these ladies before you have not done...just sayin'....
AND, who am I to say who you should be...but...you don't need to stick your ass in Robin Thicke's crotch to be noticed or "avantgarde"...




 
 



 

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Full DARK VID AND THANKS !!!

Lord.
I have been in a fog since last week, people.
I have been just floating through the world...full of ideas and music...lordy!!
What an amazing week I had workshopping my new show with WONDERFUL musicians...Steve Thomas, Matt Marcoccia and Mike Doherty!! So open and talented...it was one of the most thrilling weeks of my life! THANKS TO THOSE AWESOME DUDES!!!
   AND a hearty thank you to everyone who came and listened...and gave me the energy that I needed to see what worked and what didn't. AND I could not be more excited about the rehearsals and run at Sheridan College in November! 
Check my website for a link to tickets and info...it will be there soon! 

www.sharronmatthews.com  
 ANYHOW!!
I am still floating a bit... so here is a short highlight vid of Full Dark Part DEUX ~ In Short!!!


Wednesday, August 07, 2013

What do you love about CABARET? Free Tickets?



Dear Cabaret Enthusiasts in the TO Area! 
If you are a student of the cabaret, whatever age you might be...and are interested in telling me what cabaret means to you in a couple of lines...here or on twitter (just tag me on twitter @sharronmatthews and hashtag ‪#‎fulldarkpartdeux‬ ) ...I want to to give away 10 tickets to the workshop performances of #fulldarkpartdeux on the 17th and/or the 18th.
AND give them away to people who are interested in the process and/or in having a career in cabaret...who put themselves out there on the social media and write the most compelling answers!
I am super excited about this workshop...again, it is the most new material that I have ever put in a show...so I am all Little Red...( not that effing Sophia Grace...but REAL Little Red) ...excited and scared! Yesterday Steve and I worked in effing Supertramp, people. SUPERTRAMP!!
Check out the link to the show here!
I would love to see you!
Band starts in 5 days!!
What do you love about cabaret?
Bring it!!!

Sunday, August 04, 2013

Writing is Hard. Yoda. Fleetwood Mac. Crapping Pants. So many things...

Yes, I still go old school "paper" sometimes...


Writing something new is hard.
"Yes, Sharron cry us a river, you are saying..."...especially anyone who is a writer... and everyone else as well...
I have been at my computer alongside my IPAD with my big old school earphones plugged in for a week and a bit now.
And it has been a great challenge.
I gave myself the goal of writing a whole new slew of material and NOT bringing back anything from any of the other shows I have done...which, is a big challenge...
BEFORE: When I did Sharron's Party I wrote a new sonoglogue every month...worked it and memorized it before the show...and put together at least 2 new mashups, as well.
I was always happy when I didn't fuck it all up.
After 3 years I had a ton of material... true that most of it needed work and refining. BUT I had this wonderful base of stories and songs that I have been drawing from for the last 5 years...
NOW: All THAT material is on my bookshelf and in my binders...in my "Joan River's Joke Files", as it were... for my corporate shows, touring shows and other appearances...and I am thankful for it all...so very thankful... and everytime I get to do any of that stuff I learn something new. That was a great lot of work and a great deal of learning getting the excellent chances to run it and run it again in Scotland, London, New York, Africa, BC, Saskatchewan, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, PEI and all over Ontario...so many places...so many wonderful audience members...
NEW: Now I am working on my second workshop of Full Dark.
AND a gal wants to grow...
I have some really good pieces from the first workshop to use... which is most excellent. Use them,  I will...as that Yoda says.
BUT this workshop...as I said before, my goal was to write all new songologues...to use new songs...to challenge myself and to get myself lost...and find the things that are scary to think about...that give me pause to say out loud...that are painful and uncomfortable to remember...and other things that simply make me think...and it has been an experience so far, to be sure.
I started with the unspoken pressure inside my head to do my best work ever. EVER!!!
Well, that sure as shit does not work.
I stared things... judged them... walked away... started again... judged them...I want to write things differently...sure that is how I would have said it before...but how should you say it now?? HUH!!?!?? lord... what a circle.
Then one day I turned to George and said, "maybe I should just 'work' and let it all sort itself out in the wash...just 'work'...just write...".
He agreed.
He is good that way.
Simple I know...but we are all so fucking judgie of our stuff.
So, I wrote and configured songs in and under tales...and rewrote...and I tomorrow I go to Steve Thomas' house and we will start.
(Craps pants.)
I still have a week before the whole new band get together...a whole new group of musicians!!
Steve Thomas (we all know Steve...Panto MD, Drayton MD, Aquarius MD...composer...and one of my long time friends) on keys and leading the band...and taking a break from being musical director at Theatre New Brunswick Mike Doherty, East Coast Music Award winner, producer and sound designer on drums and the young and fabulous Matt Marcoccia, who is  Tsujiuchi's number one guy on guitar.
How wonderful to have a whole new perspective all around.
(Still craps pants a bit...)  
I still have time to write and write and rewrite...
My mind is full of Fleetwood Mac, Evanesence, Grimms' Fairy Tales, Usher, Keith Urban, BE-fucking-YONCE, Jefferson Starship, Hole, Billy Joel, Jessie J, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, my old therapist, girls being sexy...kissing...boys who think they are hot...and more...and things that are scary...
What WILL HAPPEN!?!?!?

This is what my day looks like...



Yup.
So, what are you doing on August 17th and 18th?
I would love to have you come down and see what WILL HAPPEN!!!
What fun we will have...I bought a tight dress from SIREN for $20 to wear...hot...
COME ON!!!

SHARRON MATTHEWS : FULL DARK PART DEUX
Workshop Performance

August 17th and 18th 
Tallulah's Cabaret at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre
8:00pm
$20    

Get You Tickets HERE!!


or call 416.975.8555 
  
I would love to see you!
 xoxoxo

(Craps Pants)