Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Okay, may I start with my favourite new phrase...holy crap doodles!
I was driving to Staples to photocopy...again...the people who work there all yell, "Hi Sharron!" when I walk in....like Norm from Cheers....alright young people...that was a popular sitcom from the 50's.
Some kid asked me who STING was last month. Jesus wept.
What was I sayin'?
Okay, so I am in my SUV, that no one will buy, driving to the Staples and I turned on the radio because I like to keep current with the popular music for my all important work...and the radio announcer said..."Alright, here is the NEWEST version of Hallelujah coming up?"
The newest version?!?!?
LEAVE IT ALONE!!!
Oh for craps sake... it was all effing self indulgent and slow and whiny..oh my dog.
And for the record...I have been wanting write something about this song for a while but the spelling daunts me...I had to go to my dictionary and figure that shit out.
I remember it like this now Halle(Berry)Loo-Ja(Rule).
Sometimes to be good at one thing you must let go of another....shopping for spelling.
LEAVE THE HALLELUJAH ALREADY!
Let us all imagine KD's version from the opening ceremonies...and eff you judgers...she WAS SINGING LIVE!
I just now realized that KD is like Kraft Dinner.
God, I am hungry.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
This may not be something that has ever crossed your mind....but, for some bizarre reason, it did mine.
We were watching the end of the Men's Biathlon yesterday.
Let me say first off...I have the greatest respect for these athletes....I am sure that they work like dogs.
The end of the race was an uphill sprint...on cross country skis...with a gun on your back....after skiing and and shooting...for 10 Kms.
The guys who were racing each other at the end ALL had drool running out of their mouths...their wide open mouths... as they pushed themselves over the finish line and then promptly smushed their spittle covered faces into the ground...along with the rest of their bodies.
All I could think of was when I was 12 and my family got cross country skis and we went skiing.
On my first hill...uphill....I was halfway up and I wished that I was dead.
As we watched all those people laying on the ground I said to George...
"If I was offered a million dollars and I had two choices....one was to spend 4 years training to compete in the winter biathlon and the other was to sit in a pile of poo for a week....I think I would choose the poo."
Friday, February 05, 2010
.......................................................So, my friend Trish and I are standing at the Tim Horton's sandwich making station...it always takes them forever to put together a turkey club...their service is only second to the FABULOUS service you always get at Canadian Tire. (Everyone who works there seems like there wish they were a bit dead.) Trish and I are dishing and there is a middle aged dude who seems amused by our conversation and looking for an opening to be a part of it. I do NOT encourage it. Trish and ! get to the part of the conversation that is focused on my late night viewing of the VH1 special DIVAS....you know...Divas started years ago with awesome chicks like Cher, Mariah, Christina, Celine...and now it has been going on for so long that the only ladies who they can come up with are Miley Cyrus... WHAT!!!?!?!? And Jordan Sparks...WHO!?!?!? I recalled her name but still had to google her...she is most remembered for the inane comeback on the MTV awards to Russell Brand's hilarious joke about the Jonas Brothers' purity rings....Ms. Sparks said something super smart like..."Some people aren't sluts!" WTG.
Anyhow. The part of the show that we was talking about was the AMAZING opening number ...not so much. I was pontificating how Paula showed up in a Liza Minelli wig and lipsynched...sanked...whatever...to a medley of her biggest hits....like that gem "Cold Hearted Snake"...and that hot tune "Opposites Attract"...I mean really... and this middle aged dude...remember him? Says "Well, it is too bad you aren't cattie" to which I turned...giving him my full height and saying " It isn't cattie if it's the truth" and then just stared at him.
What the eff?
Was I talking to you?
If my voice is pitched a bit louder than other people does that give you a right to involve yourself in my chat about VH1's Divas???
Do we look like we want to talk to a middle aged dude who seems to be habouring an opinion on VH1 Divas?
Do you have personal relationship with Ms. Abdul?
Hey old dude... eff off!
AND THAT IS MY TURKEY CLUB!
Okay...no it isn't ...but wouldn't that have been awesome?