Saturday, April 16, 2011

Country Strong and Boobs.

So, I had a few alarming things happen in the last couple days.

#1 I had my first mammogram EVER yesterday. I heard a lot of ladies say it is now way better than it was before. Well, “before” must have been fucking terrible. Because that was pretty shitty. First, let me say that the mammogram is a tool used to detect irregularites in the breast...the boob...I know this. It is an early warning tool. For that I am grateful...BUT can’t they find another way to check our boobs? Huh? The groping, the pulling, the squeezing. I was kinda like writing a grant application for the Canada Council. NO WAIT!!! That is worse....the grant writing, that is.

#2 I had above said Mammogram because I have my first physical in 4 years...I know!!! I KNOW!!! But I went....let me SAY THIS?!?!? When you are 42 years old, your physical takes Eighty THOUSAND HOURS!!! AND let us frank, I had a finger in every place there was to put one...lord. I took off my clothes more times than a noon hour stripper at Jilly’s.

#3 When I am alone at home for the day, sometimes I love to watch movies that George will never EVER want to watch with me. The choice today was between Tangled and...wait for it...Country Strong. STOP JUDGING ME! You know some of you were wondering about it.

Well, wonder no more.

That movie has more holes in it than...a cheese grater, a siv, a salad spinner, a hooker’s nylons, my voice after belting for 7 days straight (I, for some reason, dedicate that to Shawn Wright)....LORD LOVE US ALL!!!

Okay...I am gonna write this down for all to see....WHAT THE FUCK MADE GWYNETH PALTROW SUDDENLY DECIDE THAT SHE WAS A FUCKING RECORDING ARTIST? She was autotuned within an inch of sanity. I think of all the country divas out there who watched that movie...and then got really mad after. She has...and I hope I am not spoiling this for you...a concert segment at the end where she is dancing...on my sweet lord...she is changing dresses, giving the performance of a life time....and at the end she says “That is how it is done, sweetheart.”


Is it?

I am not so sure it is.

Ug...the uncomfortable scenes...the stories that don’t make sense...the bird...the fucking bird...oh, lord...and there is some stinky acting.


Sorry...I am always hopeful for a musical movie...but my a bonus, the secondary female and the secondary dude are good singers.

I can only think that Faith Hill watched that movie, that her hubby was in and said “ You gotta be fucking kidding me...”


Did you ever see the youtube vid where Faith Hill is doing a concert and yells at some coug in the audience who grabbed Tim McGraw’s balls....oh it!


I just had to get that out.

And on the flip side...the tickets to my show on Friday are going fast. I am only doing one, no matter what, so get your tickets in advance people!

Cooch and I rehearsed yesterday...oh lord...I am stuff....and I called the fabu Jamie Drake! He will come to percuss...

I am so looking forward to see you all....

What fun we will have....

Here is the info again!

Online tickets at

FB Page Event!

Happy Weekend, All!!!

The sun is coming out right now!

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