An Effing Wedding, A Effing Twist (an admission really) and an effing favour....

WILL THE NEWS EVER STOP!!
Spring/Summer (because NO ONE in Canada is sure what season it is...) is moving like girl in a short dress and hooker heels to a club on King Street on a Saturday night...REALLY!! There is a number of shows listed...plus a twist at the end. Why don't you just look through all of it before scrolling to the twist...I mean...have some self control.
Also, I my big plan AND challenge for the next couple years (yes, it takes years) is to build up my audience HERE in this country...so if any of this might appeal to anyone you know...please pass it on!! It would be greatly appreciated!
There is truly something for everyone.
The WORLD PRIDE show is naughty, for certain....BUT ANY shows out of town are CLEAN and suitable for ALL ages... ask Madison and Mackenzie in Manitouwadge... they totally dug it!

Oh Madison and Mackenzie...I photobombed you...

FIRSTLY!!!

1. VICIOUS BITCHES at WORLD PRIDE!!! 
AND A WEDDING AT WORLD PRIDE!!!

GAVIN ELIZABETH (i am working on a nickname for him...i like this one...he is tolerating it...we shall see how it goes)  CRAWFORD is getting married to Kyle Tingley (FULL STOP and congratulations...and begin again) at the HUGE mass WORLD PRIDE wedding at Casa Loma (again, FULL STOP!! REally? How cool and wonderful...begin again) on the day of our Buddies show on June 26th! (WHAT!?!? FULL EFFING STOP!?!? When will sound check be!!...not that it is all about me or anything)
AND they have invited everyone to the Buddies show that night, again June 26th...so the show is now more than half sold and it is STILL three weeks away!! So get your tickets! (Link below under the cheap and cheerful poster!)
AND our show that is 4 days before...our first show a late night 10:00pm PRIDE WEEK KICK OFF PARTY (who is really going into work that week anyhow...and if you do...will anyone be truly awake that week? )party at Second City (thanks for having us Second City TO) and it now seems to be a bachelor PARTY!?! Is it? Maybe that is me pushing the promo...but who cares!! You betta get your tickets now now now!! ALL the info is BELOW! (the twist does not come here...continue on...)

GAVIN Crawford and SHARRON Matthews are VICIOUS BITCHES
WORLD PRIDE EVENT 2014
TWO NIGHTS - TWO Different VENUES!!
June 22nd @ 10:00pm AT Second City Toronto
TO get tickets click this link:
http://www.secondcity.com/performances/detail/2250/ 
June 26th @ 8:00pm AT Buddies in Bad Times
TO get tickets click this link: 
http://buddiesinbadtimes.com/pride2014/gavin-crawford-and-sharron-matthews-in-vicious-bitches/ 

The King of the Monologue teams up with the Queen of the Songalogue for an evening of hilarity, music and idle gossip. Sharron Matthews and Gavin Crawford come together for the first time at World Pride to lovingly lampoon all things gay!  

Here are some articles about us and the show!!

MY GAY TORONTO
http://www.mygaytoronto.com/mgtstage/20140526.php?ArchiveDst=mgtstage 

NOW MAGAZINE
www.nowtoronto.com/stage/story.cfm?content=198224
 
CREW MAGAZINE!!
http://www.crewmagazine.com/article/interview-sharron-matthews-gavin-crawford/ 

XTRA  (THIS IS NAUGHTY!! DO NOT READ AT WORK...)

http://dailyxtra.com/toronto/life/sex/the-masturbatory-tales-volume-2



****************************************************************************
 2. Sharron's Big Broadway Show at the Elora Festival!!
The Elora Festival has invited this humble Hamilton gal up to tell her Broadway Tale! This show had a hit two week run at Hamilton's (yes, my hometown!) Theatre Aquarius! I never get to do it enough and have a blast when I do!! ALL the info is below! (and now...the twist is...not here either...scroll down...it's like Game of Thrones...right?)

SHARRON's Big Broadway Show

Elora Festival

June 26th @ 3pm

Some of your favourite Broadway hits alongside the hysterical and heartbreaking stories of Sharron's journey to the Great White Way!

“Matthews is a stunning performer “
  - Hamilton Spectator

"Sharron Matthews is perfection."

- The Toronto Star

To buy tickets click the link:

http://www.elorafestival.ca/concert-information/2014-schedule/

HERE IS A FEATURE ON ZOOMER ONLINE ABOUT THE ELORA FESTIVAL...FEATURING...WELL...ME...(A GAL HAS GOTTA PROMOTE!)

ZOOMER 
http://www.everythingzoomer.com/musical-milestones/#.U5CKIMdrWXW 

 ****************************************************

3. SHARRON Matthews GOLD is coming to Brockville Arts Centre!!
After touring this HIT show around the world (New York City, London, Scotland, Africa and across Canada)  the Brockville Arts Centre has asked me up there to do my thing!! And I am so excited! 
Audiences ranged from 12 to 86 years of age...and when they came back the next week...they brought people with them! 
Don't MISS IT!! ALL the info is below....

Sharron Matthews GOLD

Brockville Centre for the Arts

Wednesday August 6 at 8:00 p.m.
Thursday August 7 at 2:00p.m. & 8:00 p.m.

Sharron's HIT comedy concert has toured THE WORLD to astounding critical acclaim and now it is coming to Brockville! Featuring so many hit songs, including Sharron's killer arrangements of Bohemian Rhapsody, Hotel California, Creep and Last Dance!! 

"BEST OF THE FEST" 

- The Scotsman

"#1 Cabaret in New York City" 

- NitelifeExchange and WPAT Radio

To buy tickets click the link:

http://www.brockvilleartscentre.com/august.html

*******************************************************************************

4. The Twist.
After three years...I am finally ready to admit...are you ready...that one day...when I was leaving my teaching job at Sheridan College...I, BY ACCIDENT, (meaning I meant to do it...but I also meant to bring it back) stole Mary-Lu Zahalan's stapler. 
WHEW.
What a load off!
Do you think the Sheridan Security will come and get me?
Do you think Mary-Lu will ever talk to me again?  
Do you think anyone will understand that I needed to promote and put up posters? DO YOU!?!?
Do you think this will affect my record there?
Will they still hire me to do stuff there?
Hard to say. 
But the truth is...
Um...and I still have it...and it is my favourite stapler.

I love it.

 HAPPY SPRING/SUMMER TO ALL!! 
And if you like anything you see (including the kidnapping picture of Mary-Lu's stapler) pass it on!!  AND thanks from this Canadian Gal trying to rise above her stations!! xoxoxo

Grey's Anatomy is effing over. Cristina is gone. What more is there to live for? (Too Far?)

Um. 

Grey's Anatomy is over.

For the year.

It could take forever to come back on.

And if you love Grey's, YOU know how that goes.

WHY IT TAKE SO LONG TO COME BACK ON EVERY YEAR!?!?

WHY I STILL LOVE IT SO MUCH!?!?

 

SPOILER ALERT!! If you have not watched or are waiting to watch the finale till you have some alone time, kleenex, a glass of diet coke, bottle of wine and a bowl of kettle corn DO NOT READ FARTHER.

Okay.

So, how do we feel about the Cristina Yang ending?

I felt, meh.

I mean, I am glad that they didn't kill her in the weird, red herring, terrorist-not-terrorist explosion at the mall where she MIGHT have needed to go to get a universal plug for her IPHONE now that she is going to Zurich.          (Um...really...please...we deserve better than the universal plug thing, Shonda...don't hate me, Shonda...it is just because I love this show so much that I speak my mind...now that I have your attention....lord...what if I did have her attention...Um, do you have room for a sassy red-headed doctor? I don't know many medical terms but I can learn....here is my resume shot just in case....

AND, just in case the world has gone crazy and you...you, Shonda, have actually come to my page to see what a 45-ish year old Canadian cabaret/actress/singer/producer/writer gal has to say about your wonderful WONDERFUL WONDERFUL show and don't hate her about the universal plug statement...your show which she could quite possibly could be on...here is my IMDB page link...

https://pro-labs.imdb.com/name/nm1213490?ref_=cons_nm_more

I mean, Just FYI. End of bracket.)  

Where was I?

Oh yes...the universal plug thing?

Well.

At least they didn't make us think she was dead for too long. AND, OH!! They also let her (Yang) do the Meredith voice over....what...it was like an alternate universe. I was all fucked up for a while.

Anyhow, in the end she (Yang) took poor Shane with her to Zurich. Do you think that actor...who is he? Let me look him up on IMDB (my link above, FYI)...Gaius Charles (fancy name)...Do you think Gaius Charles aka Shane got invited into Shonda's office and was all like..."Either this is good news...or Shit!!! Shit shit shit...I am gonna lose my awesome GIG!!! SHIT SHIT SHIT! Maybe she has room for me on Scandal...SHIT SHIT SHIT!" 

And, here is the rub, this is just the truth.

I am gonna say it.

The Meredith/Cristina dance off song did not match the dancing. 

THERE IT IS. I said it.

I wanted a better song. More musical closure.

THAT WAS LAME.

Sigh.

So, here we are, people ... what is gonna happen now?

1. I hope Debbie Allen is on more.

She is from Fame.

Nuff said.

2. What is gonna happen with Bailey and Karev and the board seat? (I really don't care about this.)

3. Meredith and McDreamy. She stay. He go to Washington. Because...best line ever..."He isn't the sun. You are." UM. AWESOME!!! (I wish I lived in their house...their fake TV house even.) WHAT WILL HAPPEN?

4. New doctor. Webber's daughter. Meredith's sister. THAT Ellis Grey was A PIECE of work, huh?? A PIECE! HOw is THIS gonna work out!?!?

5. Will Cristina just get to wear awesome dresses in Zurich with done-up hair because she is fancy now? Will we ever know!?!?

6. That Kepner is annoying. I mean, really. AND she gets more screen time then Debbie Allen, who was on Fame.

7.  HOW long will I have to wait to find out. Huh. How long?

 

So, while you wait for Grey's to come back on...riddle me this...( you will soon find out that I am using "riddle me this, wrong...and also, you should know, that while I was watching Grey's and writing this blog I should have been working on the following...)

OKAY.

We are getting closer to WORLD PRIDE in Toronto.

It is gonna be CRAZY! You know it is. Grindr will crash, sun tan lotion will run out, booze will flow like stupidity runs out of Rob Ford's mouth. ( I could not help myself.)

Now, of the all the World Pride events you could attend...and there all one million...yes, Melissa Ethridge is coming...and Tegan And Sara... but what about two home town personalities collaborating FOR THE FIRST TIME... desperate for excitement and excited to draw on each other's talents.

(I am going to now talk about us in the third person...kinda as if we could afford a publicist)

They got all their promo arranged, their venues booked, their respective websites changed...with the grand hope that they could work together...because, you see, they don't really know each other at all.

(Mostly Gavin wanted Sharron's administration and touring abilities...and Sharron wanted to ride the coat tails of Gavin's Canadian TV fame)

And they were just hopeful that they could write together.

And, not most important but it would be helpful, that they would actually like each other!

WELCOME TO CANADA!

AND Welcome to Gavin Crawford and Sharron Matthews are VICIOUS BITCHES!!

Saying what they wanna say!

Finally...the CBC? The Mirvishes? No one is safe!!!

Gavin is singing songs!

Sharron is doing sketches!!

What will ensue?

Maybe stories about Elaine Stritch...starring Sharron and Elaine-friggen-Stritch! Nasty gossiping about anyone and everyone...and the audience is invited to join in! Songs from Little Shop of Horrors, Mame, Guys and Dolls and songs made famous by Janet Jackson, Whitney Houston and her aunt Thelma. Gavin with a baby bjorn! Sharron in a wig! Will he do Rufus? Will she sing a Medley?

People will just have to come to find out!

(We are also doing a photo shoot this weekend...so there will be an excellent vicious photo to follow!)

What do you say, People!?

Fun!

I hope you think so!

YOU BETTER BOOK YOU EFFING TICKETS NOW!!!!

 

TWO NIGHTS of fabulous, PEOPLE!!

The First at SECOND CITY on June 22nd at 10:00pm!

http://www.secondcity.com/performances/detail/2250/

The Second at Buddies in Bad Times on June 26th at 8:00pm

http://buddiesinbadtimes.com/pride2014/gavin-crawford-and-sharron-matthews-in-vicious-bitches/

 

Oh, Grey's....oh, Gavin.

Oh, BROTHER!!! GET your tickets. Who knows WHAT THE EFF WILL ENSUE!!

Relevance may be overrated.

This is a time of my life I find hard to put into words.
I know this because I just started and deleted 10 opening sentences.
After all of the touring, money raising, show writing and configuring, photo sessions, publicity compiling, venue getting, then house filling, plane ticket buying, money stretching, hair pulling, melatonin taking, 50 pound limit packing (MADNESS),  Blackberry-wishing-I-could-whip-out-the-windowing (which turned into IPHONE-wishing-I-could-whip-out-the-windowing in 2012...better late than never), costuming, charting, rehearsing, re-rehearsing, dealing with sickness-ing, rolling around the hill in sadness and glory beside the Half Price Hut in Edinburgh-ing, selling the show with my bits and pieces-ing, finally having a team to sell the show with my bits and piecing, review reading (lord and taylor...the Christian Newspaper who was offended by “jesus thinks I’m funny” but came to the VERY FIRST PREVIEW in Edinburgh...needless to say...they were NOT with jesus on that one), article writing, variety show promo-ing, 98p pie eating, eye lash applying, killer high heel wearing, getting ready in bathrooms from the 1100’s-ing, sublime triumphant moment having...not so sublime NOT triumphant moment having...commiserating and working hand in hand on 24 hour basis for 28 straight days with awesome UK producer-ing...awesome accompanist, husband and I dragging our shiz all over for publicity and promoting in New York, London and Scotland...and Africa-ing...and many things I can’t even recall right now...after all that...life tends to wind down in way that is...well, pretty obvious.
And sometimes quiet.
Hellllooooooooo, I say, into the quietness.
And sometimes the answer back it is thrilling and peaceful and other times...well, a bit scary.
After the 2012 season Georgie and I had big talks about moving to the UK. We met with attorneys and all. We met with out bank and everything. You guys, we basically met with many people. And then, after much conversation and angst we decided to plant our feet firmly here for the near future.
We love our home and our home...you know what I mean?
Now, to be sure, there are many bookings ahead...Canadian bookings!
Imagine!
I am doing my own shows, I am writing and producing with the amazing Gavin Crawford, I am opening for he likes of Bruce McCulloch of “Kids in the Hall” which is most awesome, I am touring with Icon who is Mary Walsh and being featured on her show...and there are variety shows...and XMAS sing-a-longs...lots of awesome projects!
My booker, Tammy, is excellent...we have been on a long journey together...and she thinks outside of the box...and she is a spitfire, people.
It is hard to build a following in our wide, wide conservative country...who like to watch TV...a lot...so she and I are devising other ways to get the word out.
Which is exciting...but it takes time and thought.
AND/BUT it is very different than the excitement and angst of those self-produced and co-produced Edinburgh/London/NewYork years...those times were so immediate, fraught and full.
And may take place again one day (this thought makes me pass out)
These times are like puzzles to be figured.
I surely have said this before on here...but for those of you who weren’t following along (hello to you) or are new (heyyyy) or simply had a life to lead (awesome, good for you) I would just like to say again here that I decided to concentrate on the bookings, touring, building and the writing, compiling and arranging of new work at home from 2013 to now (and beyond) because though the years of 2010 to 2012 were amazing and commercially successful as all hell...and they paid themselves off in many ways...but they were (even with all of the wonderful support I received from supporters) fucking fucking fucking expensive as all get out.
I loved and was challenged by the work I did on Full Dark last year...and this work continues in new ways...which is exciting!
But when life is quiet like this...this is what happens to my brain:

Brain to Sharron: Sharron, are you still current?

Sharron to Brain: Um...huh? Well, I am always thinking about new things...but trying to exercise and perform the things I have worked on touring...and...wait? Why am I justifying myself to...myself?

Brain to Sharron: Just asking. Go back to Facebook...really...but before you do...is your work relevant?

Sharron to Brain: Relevant? Hold on...(goes to Oxford English Dictionary....)


relevant
adjective
the relevant page numbers: pertinent, applicable, apposite, material, apropos, to the point, germane; connected, related, linked.

Sharron to Brain: Um...I am still a bit confused...but I think so...I feel like it is...I mean I am exploring...WAIT!!?!? WHY am I doing this? You are trying to make me feel bad about myself....Me!

Brain to Sharron: Sorry, I did not mean to upset you. Please, Instagram another picture of your dog...but one more thing...do you think people still care about your work?
 
Sharron to Brain: Um...I...huh...well...WAIT!!! FULL STOP. No...no I will not worry about this...go away mean...Meanie Me.

And on and on it can go.
But last night, and for the last few days...and this is a hope I have had really for the last 20 years...but now it seems closer to being ...I have been saying to myself and out loud to George that I want to let it go...not like Idina Menzel in the Frozen movie...well, maybe sort of...but let that angst wash over me...see it...see it for what it is...and let it go. And continue on with what I am doing.
I think I can do it.
Do things because I love them...or I hate them...of they make me happy or sad...or confused...or unsure...or they make me feel good...or wretched...not because I think it is what I should do...or the natural next step...but because it intrigues me.
How awesome.
Last night, at the Flying Beaver, I had the amazing gift of a pre-sold out house (my version of heaven...I can focus on other things) and a set list that was a total mixed bag. 

 

  

Songs/stories that I am trying to figure out what the telling is...songs that I think  exist in bigger pieces...but I wanna stretch them out now...tested and worked medleys that are like putting on an awesome suit of awesomeness...that fit and fly and make me joyous...stories that I had not planned on telling at all...pieces that I had not done forever that I love...and a new song that I think will eventually end Full Dark...just an exciting variety of work...with my pal Steve Thomas on keys.
It was an excellent night. And I had a wonderful time...and the audience was with me all the way...and I took my time...I breathed...and I laughed...and I continued with what I was doing.
And I watched a guy text for 20 minutes...so I stole his phone...and put it in my bra...and made him slow dance with me.
And the audience and I talked.
I wrecked a whole bunch of people’s hair.
And I sang for one of my idols.
I mean...
It was just...a gift.
What a thing to be able to just be.
I know...I sound all lordy...but truly...it was.
And there were other people before and after me...working THEIR shiz.
And I am sure there was magic happening.

How wonderful.

So, here we are.
I want to thank all of the people who came...who bought their tickets early and then the people who came and stood in the wait list line...I know we artists are supposed to be “oh, that always happens” about it...but fuck it...you will never know the supreme gift you are giving to a performer...it is just about the best thing...THE BEST.
Also, I want to thank all the people who continually help me shout out on the social media...the emails...the whatever. Another gift of epic proportions.
And thank you to all the people who are just excited to watch a performer work...not even sure of what they might see...there aren’t enough of you in the country...but I hope and pray that your energy will birth more and more.
And thanks to Maggie and Heather for working their asses off to keep that room going. And they do. And it is awesome.
Go see shows there!

www.pubaret.com

I have a couple of NEW NEW shows...new endevours...collaborations...coming up in the next few months...and I am all excited and I would love to have you there!!

Gavin Crawford and I are doing a show called, “Gavin Crawford and Sharron Matthews are Vicious Bitches” for World Pride.

June 22nd at Second City TORONTO

http://www.secondcity.com/performances/toronto/nowplaying/

AND June 26th at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, TORONTO

 
http://buddiesinbadtimes.com/pride2014/gavin-crawford-and-sharron-matthews-in-vicious-bitches/

Already with throw around names in writing like Elaine Stritch, Adele, Rufus...so many things!! Who knows what will happen!!

And then on July 5th I am doing a new show, that is totally still in the works at the Soulpepper Cabaret Series with accompaniment by the newly-arrived-home-from-the -UK Brendan Wall!!

Check here for tickets.
http://www.soulpepper.ca/performances/cabaret_series.aspx

And this summer I perform at the Elora Festival, in Stouffville, Brockville...it is all on the old website...check it out!

www.sharronmatthews.com

And thanks for reading...and for following...and everything.
Am I relevant?
Who effing cares!
(Still not sure exactly what it means anyhow...)

On another note I just put too many scoops of fibre into our morning shake because I was watching two squirrels do it.

So we are back to our regularly scheduled weirdness.

Have a great day to all.

2014 and 2015 is STACKED WITH GOODNESS...Starting with a huge announcement!!

Oh my LORD and TAYLOR!!!

The emails keep coming...the phone is ringing...the social media is being whored on...I got a lot going on!!!

This next year is a non stop set of GOODNESS! NONSTOP PEOPLE!! 

GOODNESS!!!

TO YOU, PEOPLE!!!

I am just finalizing an Eastern Tour with Canadian Icon, Mary Walsh, YES, MARY WALSH!!... that starts a year TOMORROW in April 2015 with dates in Moncton, Saint John, Liverpool, Fredericton, Summerside and Halifax.

BUT WHAT about all the time before that?

Well, thanks for asking... I have an awesome gig at the Flying Beaver Pubaret next week, April 25th, 9:00pm w/ Steve Thomas... we rehearsed yesterday...oh my sweet jebus... that Kellis song from the Mean Girls made the cut ... and new P!nk and Yoncé...and some awesome, old school medleys that Steve originally charted...and then forgot he charted...and then, finally remembered. 
Good times...I love watching him smile without an inch of hubris about his own smartness. 

I am so excited to sit and sing!! Or maybe stand, too.

Imagine.

There are actually only a handful of tickets left...so get yours now...I am not even just saying that, peeps...the room is small...so get yours here...I would love to see you!

Tix $20 advance/$25 door
Available at the Pubaret or online at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/631146

Dinner available before, during, and after the show.
Dinner patrons get priority seating.
E-mail Heather@pubaret.com or call 647.347.6567 for rezzos.

 

THEN there is a WORLD Pride show at Buddies and Second City in June with Gavin Crawford called...wait for it...Gavin Crawford and Sharron Matthews are Vicious Bitches...yes, please...AND THEN solo shows this summer for the Elora Festival, Brockville Arts Centre, Lebovic Centre Outdoor Concert Series in Stouffville, and then Georgie and I are celebrating his new hip and our 20th wedding anniversary by DRIVING...yes.. DRIVING...out to Kamloops, BC and doing "Closer Than Ever" at the Western Canada Theatre in August/September with Patricia Zentilli and Steve Thomas for 5 weeks ...I just passed out AND THAT IS JUST THE SUMMER!!!

Now, as we get into fall and the holidays I am going to be doing some opening dates for "Kids in the Hall's" Bruce McCullough's "Young Drunk Punk" show in Oakville, St. Catharines and Richmond Hill in Nov/Dec, then I December I do "Sharron's Christmas Party" at Stirling Theatre, then there is the return of our HIT Super Fun Christmas Sing-A-Long at Buddies for THREE nights this year and then touring it (FOR THE FIRST TIME!) to one of my fave places, The Shadbolt Centre in Burnaby, BC for two nights... ENDING WITH a whole new format/variety show at the Richmond Hill Centre For the Arts on New Years Eve with Kevin Fox, George Masswohl and WHO knows who else... SO many wonderful COLLABORATIONS...and that is just so far!! 
I JUST PASSED OUT!!! 
2014/2015 is shaping up to be a grand grand awesome year... Way to go Tammy Fox for booking the hell out this shiz.
For tickets to most of the events simply click the yellow theatre or event title...if there is no yellow link...the web connection is forthcoming!
And there is always info on the old website!!
Some stuff has not been added yet...but go here for deets... www.sharronmatthews.com
WHAT a GREAT GOODNESS OF A YEAR!!!
Thanks be to baby jesus...the bunnies...the unicorns...and, as always...the kittens.

P.S. I forgot to add that George, Patricia and myself will be doing the "Closer Than Ever" again at 1000 Islands Playhouse next spring, right after the tour with Mary. 
Life is grand. 

P.P.S I ALSO forgot to mention that eastern son, East Coast Music Award Winner and Theatre New Brunswick MD, Michael Doherty will be accompanying me ( in the van and on the piano) on the Eastern Tour next year...me, Mary and Mike (awesome show title)...in a car...what WILL happen?

Peace OUT
(drops mic to the floor)
(drops down on the ground)

Trampoline, PAINTBALL Gun People, Pajama Pants? Used Prophlactics....IT MUST BE SPRING!!

Please sweet baby jesus let it be spring...please.
I have spent the last few days watching the 4 foot, dirty dirty dirty snow drift slowly, and grossly, disolve out front of our little house....and put my hands together under my chin and I hope (and pray to Jesus and Buddha and Allah and that yoink, Mother Nature....and anyone else who will listen) that this winter shit is over...knowing in my 3 year old Stratford heart that there will probably be one more dump of snow.
For shit’s sake it snowed in OCTOBER last year.
JESUS  (BUDDHA, ALLAH and that yoink, Mother Nature) WEPT.
But signs of spring are every where...truly...let me tell you a few, shall I?

Exhibit A. Trampoline People With Paintball Guns
Our Trampoline/Seasonal-Above-Ground-Pool-Neighbours w/ Hellacious-Teenage -Children Boy/MEN have emerged into their back yard (the silence from their plot of land is the ONLY thing I enjoy about winter...seriously) and we know this because, while I was in TO a couple days ago, George was at home in Stratford napping off his hip replacement and was awoken (I am PMS-ing...is “awoken” a word? I think it is. I THINK IT IS!! WHO HAS CHOCOLATE AND PIZZA!!!) by loud blasts through the slightly propped open bedroom window. In between a LOVELY cascade of swear words and gay slurs there were loud pops echoing throughout the neighbourhood.
George got his crutches and went on some one footed recon.
Those little shits (or fully grown over indulged shits) had a paintball gun. An effing         
paintball gun that they were shooting/arguing over in a residential back yard.
What the eff?
Then George made his way into our backyard (on his crutches...I cringed when he told me the story) and found an unexploded paintball in the back yard...well...I am certainly glad that Tyson didn’t effing eat it!! 

SAID PAINTBALL...BALL!!

IS THIS LEGAL!?!?!
IS IT!?!?!
Paintball guns in the backyard? In redneckie HANDS!?!?!
It MUST be spring.
(I pray that those little shits move out...but of course, why would they? If I had that kind of awesome freedom I would probably stay FORVER. Dear lord and TAYLOR!!!)

Exhibit B. Shorts With White/Red Legs and Pajama Pant Season
There are people wandering around in shorts and flip flops with BRIGHT RED and/or FISHBELLY WHITE wind burned legs. It is also, as I have mentioned on Twitter, pajama pant season...along with being that  sideways hat, pants on the ground with WHITE BELTS on skateboard,hanging out in front of the local coffee shop/city hall/bus stop time of year.
Which is OBVIOUSLY spring.
Am I Right?
Um...but also...now that coats are off...I have noticed whilst in Toronto that a lot of people seem to be dressed like they are having a casual Sunday afternoon off...in the 80’s!
George (who always has his finger on the pulse of fashion trends) informed me that this trend (IT IS A TREND FOR EFF’S SAKE) is called “NormCore”.
What?
Wikapedia says...

Normcore is an emerging cultural trend focusing on "coolness that opts into sameness." [1] It is in response to hipster subculture.[2] Jeremy Lewis, the founder of Garmento calls normcore “one facet of a growing anti-fashion sentiment.” K-hole,[3] a creative trend forecasting collective based in New York City is cited as coining the phrase.[4] 
Normcore is an anti-trendy trend

Huh.
An anti-tendy trend.
“Coolness that opts into sameness”
SAMENESS!?!?
WHAT!?!?
Why would we all wanna look the same to give the finger to fashion?
We are swinging from this...

To this...

Which actually kinds of looks like this....

MAN!!
I am so confused by trends...and now ANTI-Trends?
Lord...I just began to figure out “meta” and now there is this...LORD AND TAYLOR...but lord and taylor via the Value Village.
NORMCORE.
Taking the shine off of awesomeness in a North American city near you.
AGAIN! Trends and Anti-trends?
It must be SPRING!!

Exhibit C. Condoms on the Nature Trail
This is short but sweet.
I was walking Tyson on the local nature trail.
Found Tyson worrying something.
Was hopeful it was not ANOTHER dead squirell.
As luck had it, it was NOT!!
It was a used condom.
I ALMOST (read: I did a bit) threw up.
I am yelling at Tyson....he is super excited and thinks all the yelling and pointing is awesome.
WE engage in the dance of disgusted person and disgusting dog which is as old as time and ends in both of us getting hosed down later. (Mostly his mouth...which he was none to happy about...let me tell you.)
If the young people (or maybe the old people for that matter...a couple of whom I have accidentally happened upon getting a little bit of a BJ in the cemetary...GET A ROOM, people) are out having public sexual encounters?
IT MUST BE SPRING!!!

And with those wonderful signs of the season, I wish you a happy, joyous Spring!
(Without paintballs, same fashion, and used outdoor condoms.)

ALSO!!
If it is SPRING...
And 7 MONTHS since I did a solo TO date...
I MUST HAVE a show!!
See what I did there?
Small room.
Big Hair. Big Stories about Mean Girls and a Salute to Sharron's Party Days! BIG TIMES!!
Do the Math and get your tickets.
Let us just have a fucking blast!!


SHARRON MATTHEWS: SURPRISE SHOW!!

FRIDAY April 25th @ 9:00pm at the Flying Beaver Pubaret on Parliament Street

ONE NIGHT ONLY!

Tix $20 advance/$25 door
Available at the Pubaret or online at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/631146

Dinner available before, during, and after the show.
Dinner patrons get priority seating.
E-mail Heather@pubaret.com or call 647.347.6567 for rezzos.

HERE IS THE FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE!!

https://www.facebook.com/events/375197265951700/

Mean Girls 10th Anniversary...and my 10th year Cabaret Milestone!! ROCK IT!!!

I did an interview with the Huffington Post this past week.
Not even the Canadian version folks...not that I want to appear too fancy...but just for clarity and all...it was with the U.S. Huffington Post. Okay....FANCY!!
 The subject of the interview was the 10 year anniversary of the release of Mean Girls.
Lord and Taylor...REALLY!?!?!?
10 effing years!
Sweet bunnies and kittens.
Mean Girls was my very first feature film...THAT sounds a bit fancy...I know...but it is truth...swears.
Oh, and I trawled for that interview, too....here was the tweet I put out:

Oh yes, I even included the pic...because I am a social media whore...I am not new.
Someone, who shall remain nameless to protect their identity...for certain mysterious reasons, told me that the Huffington Post was searching down people from the movie to interview...and I wasted no time.
Because WHO does not want a little press in a year of building new work (lord...saying it that way made me throw up in my mouth....let us just say I am working on new shit)...a girl needs to keep herself current in the media and all.


Here is the link the THAT fancy article!! 
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/09/mean-girls-anniversary_n_5112299.html?view=print&comm_ref=false
 
AND, not just that, but Mean Girls was and still continues to be a big deal in my life.
Most importantly, it is the closer when trying to sell my show.
After three years of performing in Edinburgh the whole team who worked on the show finally gave into the fact that listing my theatrical credits, my reviews and anything else took way too long... “She was Joan the Secretary in Mean Girls”...then they would show them the above picture and tickets got sold.
Like a motherfucker.
So, Lorne Michels and Tina Fey, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.
I would work my ass off after that to keep the audience happy and joyous, but Mean Girls got them through the door...I am not embarrassed to say it, quite the opposite, I am GRATEFUL AS HELL for the credit.
From Tina Fey greeting me at my trailer my first day on set to hanging out with Edna Furber (Jan) and “I Can’t Help It If I Have A Wide Vagina” girl (Stephanie) everyday at the lunch tables...to be joined by Amy Poeller, Anna Gasteyer, Tina and that dude from Scrubs...much to our collective chagrin...the experience is one I won’t soon forget.
SO...I was trying to figure out a fun and casual theme for my show this month at the Flying Beaver Pubaret in TO...I have not done a show in town in almost 7 months...and I always miss singing and telling a tale just for the sweet sake of it...I decided I would have some Mean Girls themes and stories in the show!
Oh my....what does that mean you ask?
And why just SOME?
You will just have to come to find out...but I am looking into Kellis, P!nk, Yoncé (I need you all to know that I just googled “How do I spell Yonce with the thing over the e on a MAC?”...judge at will) and many other songs to help tell you about how the costume designer bought all my costumes four, count ‘em, four sizes too big...but I wore them anyhow...or how all of our honey wagons (read, trailers and poop places) were in the parking lot of the Mental Health Centre and one actress was too afraid to step outside her trailer and would only honk the horn to get the attention of the first AD...how I found out why sometimes they tell you (and I felt in this case that it was totally justified) that you are not to look some performers in the eye on set...or how I the “Has anyone here ever been called a slut?” shot came to be...or how I met Lorne Michels...SO MANY STORIES!! So many that I have never told...but 10 years seems like the perfect amount of time to wait, right?
Also, it is the 10 year anniversary of the day my sweet husband and I decided that I would devote all of my time and energy to making a go of cabaret. (George said, “I will work and you sell your shows...it is what you love...it is worth it.”...you gotta love him.) I was looking through all my old pictures and was waxing a bit nostalgic....so many awesome shows...so many guests...so awesome...so many amazing supporters and audience members...so much gratitude...so the other part of the show will be a Sharron’s Party tribute...all wrapped up in a sing-a-long....TRUTH! Mean Girls and Sharron’s Party...accompanied by the ever awesome Steve Thomas!!!

FRIDAY April 25th @ 9:00pm at the Flying Beaver Pubaret on Parliament Street

ONE NIGHT ONLY!

Tix $20 advance/$25 door
Available at the Pubaret or online at http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/631146

Dinner available before, during, and after the show.
Dinner patrons get priority seating.
E-mail Heather@pubaret.com or call 647.347.6567 for rezzos.

HERE IS THE FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE!!

https://www.facebook.com/events/375197265951700/


I would love love love love to see you all there.
It will be all things super awesome and fun...with maybe a ballad thrown in for good measure.

It is a small room so make your rezzo NOW!!!

And here are some of the pics (I am so happy to have such a fabulous catalogue of shots of all of my stuff!!!) and the people who helped make my dreams come true!!
Featuring:
David Shelley
Mike Bickerton
Bryce Kulak
Ed Sahely
Gavin Crawford
George Masswohl
Derrick Chua
Wayne Gwillim
Sara Farb 
Patricia Zentilli
Jeigh Madjus
Brent Carver
Kat McEwen
Jayne Lewis
Kritty Uranowski
Marc Lottering
Chris Green
Chris Tsujiuchi
Michael Hughes
Doug Price
Grant Ramsay
Melissa Doidge
Gillian Blackman
Karen Blackman
Susan Gilmour
Thom Allison
Shawn Hitchens
Gabi Epstein
Steve Sher
Damien Atkins
Andrew Kushnir
Kate Barris
Rick Miller
Blythe Wilson
Chris Elias
Carly Street
Elenna Mosoff
Gillian Tooke
Theresa Tova
David Rogers
Ari Weinberg
Tim Boyle
Tim Hughes
Andy Parks

and many, many more...who I see in my minds eye!! 
Life is grand!!
(tomorrow I start something almost new...wish me luck...and see you on the 25th!!!)