I don't use this blog very much for other than
A: Publicizing my show....
B: Chatting about pop culture
C: Taking people on trips
and other random but usually light hearted, and sometimes, potty-mouthed stories.
But every once in a while something happens that gets my ire so up in the air that I just cannot keep it to myself.
I went to my husband, George's, agency party last night.... it has long been one of his favourite things to do every year. He thinks, and I concur, that his agent puts on a fabulous spread and creates a fantastic atmosphere to say hello to old friends and tell a new person, maybe how much you enjoy their work....and maybe network a bit.
But mostly, have a laugh.
After walking around the room for a long time, I had the pleasure of sitting and talking with two young and talented women about their work and what not.....when a man... who I didn't really recognize.... slid into the booth beside me. He interrupted my conversation in a very rude and loud manner, insisted that I knew him... which I was trying to figure out if I did or not.... he clearly had had too much to drink .....he was so close to me that I could smell the booze on him....and he aggressively tried to insinuate himself into our private moment... the more I tried to put him at ease, the more weird and pushy he got ... and then I looked across the room to see two men....who I also didn't know....laughing and pointing.... they were clearly his friends... when I finally decided that I might be the butt of a joke I took my young friend and we left.
I asked around and found out who all of these men were... one man, no one knew but one of the 'laughers' was the brother of the drunk guy.... the drunk guy that wasn't even invited to the party.
My husband took offense to the whole story when I told him... and even though he is clear that I can and will take care of myself...... he, very gallantly, went to have a conversation with this man.
George has been a bouncer at clubs in the past and has a great deal of knowledge about how to talk someone down...and as George was the designated driver for the night, he hadn't had a drink.
When George came back to me a while later... he said that the man had said he had done nothing wrong.... and wouldn't come over and apologize to me because it would emasculate him.
I just saw red.
I just couldn't believe in this day and age... in a place that held tons of 'forward thinking' artists... it was okay for him to come over and strong arm himself into a conversation, while his buddies laughed in the corner, like something out of a fraternity movie. And that I was just probably being a bitch for sticking up for myself.
I handed George my feather purse and stalked around the room in my high heel shoes trying to find this guy.
When I finally did find him...the nameless drunk guy....he walked up to me with a cocky look on his face saying I over reacted... and I told him basically what I just wrote ... and he began to apologize and admit to all of the things he just spent the last 20 minutes denying to George....I thanked him for his apology and returned to the party and began to again have a great time....
Sidebar: The one 'laugher' that I didn't know came to me and told me that he had only met 'drunk guy' an hour ago, and didn't want to be lumped in with him.
This story is long.... but if you care.... persevere... it gets better....
I was standing with two fabulous people I haven't seen forever and chatting with them about stuff when I looked about 3 feet away. There, standing in a group, were 4 guys.... 'drunk guy', 'drunk guys brother', one guy I don't want to name and another I didn't know..... and I heard drunk guy say some disparaging remarks and then my husbands name... and then all of them laughed.... I just walked through the group and right into his face ....drunk guys' face... and asked him what his problem was... was it wrong for a husband to defend a wife... or more importantly... a man to defend a woman?
He , 'drunk guy', just kept saying how it was a funny story that they were all appreciating.
I said I didn't think it was very funny.
And all those guys just stood there and said nothing.
Maybe I should have taken more into account his apparent drunkenness, but in the moment I just COULD NOT believe this was going on .... and that 'drunk guys' brother, who was responsible for bringing him to the party, didn't get him the eff out of there.
But I went to George.
Was I wrong?
Was I right?
Either way I went.
There were heated words....of which I was a part...and there was confusion and heightened tension all around... I was repeatedly called 'his wife', as in 'George, you might wanna get your wife outta here'.....I COULD NOT BELIEVE THIS WAS HAPPENING.... and the thing I am most unhappy about is that I felt guilty about telling my husband....no actually, I felt a bit ashamed.
How fucked is that?
I did nothing but sit and have a conversation and when I was behaved inappropriately towards, I defended myself.
And my husband stuck up for me.
After a long tense conversation that almost turned into something more...drunk guy wouldn't leave...even though his brother assured us he would...we decided to leave.
Again.... I left and not drunk guy.
Doesn't that seem just so wrong.
And... here is the kicker... as we stood outside having a conversation with one of my husbands childhood friends....'drunk guy' and 'drunk guys' brother' come out the door....I am thinking....MAN, PLEASE, LET THIS BE OVER....so we ignore them... and as 'drunk guy' gets into the cab, before he slams the door...he screams out....are you ready for it??
"George Masweellll ( spoken incorrectly, of course) is a FAGGOT!"
And then I chased the cab down the street in my high heels and fun-fur jacket clutching my feather purse.
I am not ashamed of my need to speak out.
I can't let people treat me badly and just go... they will treat someone worse next time.
And I will not be bullied... and all of these thing are the earmarks of a bigoted bully.
So, if you were there... that is what happened.
If you were not... CAN YOU BELIEVE that someone would scream that out anywhere.... let alone in or near a group of artists, where people are proud of celebrating who they are, whatever they maybe.
I am angry.
Drunk guy probably feels just fine and I feel angry, upset and tired.
He wrecked my night.
My husbands' night.
Maybe other peoples' nights, as well.
Some people maybe will say that I should have just let it go... but I believe that when you let someone bully you and don't address it ... they feel that they can do it again and again.
They think that it is alright to be a bigot.