Friday, August 21, 2009

Dog Whisperer and Budda

It is late at night.
This is when I have all my best ideas....the ideas that the next morning sound all effed and I decided to write this one down before I slept my good sense away.
So.... got two dogs....decided to train them....which is not a bad idea since the Otto dog peed in the house for FIFTEEN years. Every word of a fricken lie. I love you sweet Otto.
In order to do that training ... my dear friend Ryan suggested the Dog Whisperer...and I know the everyone is all lordy for him...when people are lordy for something I feel the need to eschew it....that is why I have NEVER seen Avenue Q and why I will not shop at Lululemon....oh and because their clothes are FUCKING OVER PRICED... I what, they hem the pants....I digress...Ryan brought us the Dog Whisperer DVD's and two books.
I was not sure of it then .... and now...I have at least 40 hours of it taped on my PVR...and when I have one moment to sit I will watch an episode and then learn it to my dogs...who aren't sure what they feel about Cesar...aka the Dog Whisperer...although when the opening theme comes on the big one, Tyson, wanders into the room and plunks his huge ass down in front of the TV making the working of the flinker impossible.
But I have made a discovery.
Cesar is brilliant.
He is like a doggie Dali Lama....
And after using his practices I now know....if you can't afford therapy ... tape 40 hours of the Dog Whisperer and just use it on yourself...learn yourself like you are a 6 pound Chihuahua named Nu Nu ( who has been named the meanest dog in the world). Practice calm assertive behaviour. Stay in the relaxed. Make yourself sit in a stay for a long period of time when you get all fussed up. Take your aggressions out on an inanimate object instead of the bitch sitting next to you.
I am totally convinced that Cesar's practices can change the world.
But remember... it isn't easy....Cesar gets bloodied on a daily basis trying to make pit bulls submit.
Watch his show...I swear to god it works.... it just might enrich your life.
And save you tons of cash on prozac.... do they still have that shit?

No comments: