Nobel, Obama and Joanne Woorley

So, I already feel strange writing this...but I went to sleep in a new house ...the fourth in as many weeks ...and I could not sleep.
I think it was the gods of “ideas unfulfilled” keeping me awake. And the dry interior of this house...but the first sounds more fancy.
I am going to write about some things that are...can you believe this?....political.
You know things in the world have gotta be outta whack when I pull up my stool to the political table.
Okay.
I woke this morning to hear that Barack Obama received the Nobel Peace Prize.
I was very happy for him. I am sure he didn’t know it or really care...but I was.
Then as the media crushed around me...TV’s in the subway, live ribbons in the school where I teach, the cover of the internet edition of the paper...I was a bit shocked at the MAJOR backlash.
Everyone, but me it seemed, was mad...or indignant...or filled with disbelief.
When I saw a clip of the Nobel announcement and heard the gasp in the background when his name was announced...for some reason...I got mad.
Why was it such a problem?
All of the people who like to talk politics...a club to which, again, I happily possess NO MEMBERSHIP...armchair Jon Stewarts, if you will...meant in the most positive of ways...Jon Stewart is the only way I can stomach such talk...all those people were giving their soundbites...saying he hasn’t done anything yet.
He hasn’t done anything yet?
What?!
Maybe I am naive...and uninformed...and sometimes majorly unread...but I was on the earth during his entire campaign and during the very closely watched beginning of his presidency.
I didn’t have to be an avid CBC or CNN watcher to hear the news.
But here are the things that immediately come to my mind.
(I have had to look some of these things up to recall the situation and context...but remember people I am not Bob freaking Woodward people... Woodward... Woodard...Woorley...I am not Joanne Woorley...didn’t she write for the New York Times?...or she was on Laugh In!...whatever!)
Here we go...
Have you EVER felt our world more united or globally aware during the election of a major world leader?
People wanted him to win...or didn’t...as a world community.
He brought people to their computers, TV’s and radios to listen and research and blog and fight and clear things up...as a world...though we didn’t, we all felt like we had a vote and our say. People were proud to say they got the chance to vote for him.
He is a son of the world...everyone wants to claim him...has a President of the United States ever boasted such a varied heritage? Born in Hawaii with dual citizenship due to his Kenyan father he has brought hope and brotherhood to parts of the world that haven’t often been mentioned in a sentence with the United States of America....that I can tell...remember...I am just a layman...and not fancy.
He, in a jaw dropping decision, granted his first TV interview as President of the United States to an Arab news station and has continually reached out in a way no sitting American president ever has to the Middle East...THAT I CAN SEE...that I can find in documentation. I remember feeling giddy, for some reason, when I saw that he had done that interview.
(According to Nobel's will, the Peace Prize should be awarded "to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations.....)
Have you ever seen a nation so pissed off at a government that more than half of them, thousands who had NEVER voted before, decided to buck about 300 years of slow moving change and force a dream to come to fruition?
People all over the world were given pause by the simple fact that he was in the running...let alone the fact that he became President...spurring people who live in a minority ANYWHERE in the world to dream bigger dreams, to feel like maybe they can change the world.
Did you see him when he made his first speech looking so cool and confident...including everyone within it? Letting everyone feel a part of his vision for the country and the world...people who have NEVER been included in a talk with the government. Ever.
This man and his election, his campaign, and his presence made a world who had, and still has, fallen into the abyss of the greatest financial crisis EVER believe that it could be fixed...I am not an economist...but I know that I felt that way...and maybe my opinion is not studied...but he made the people who weren’t fancy feel that it might be alright. He brought us peace and hope by the simplest definition.
And as for the “War on Terror”...what a mess...what a clean up...what a thing to walk into the middle of. I don’t know anything about the military or war...so I cannot say what he is doing here or how it will all turn out...but he seems to be going to the nations...he is reaching out to them...instead of finding “230 degrees of Kevin Bacon” between Bin Laden and Hussein.
And just as a side bar...America was in such bad shape...and I know that the Nobel is a world prize...but it bears being said...that they were in such bad shape...that this nation voted for a man who’s name contained Hussein and sounded a bit like Bin Laden ...enough to get you taken off the ticket for dog catcher in the past!
Maybe it is the idea of him, and what the idea of him has caused and nurtured, that has won the peace prize more than his actions as a single man.
But he has brought the world to the tipping point and changed all of our minds...THE WORLD...some for the positive and some for the negative.
But all I know...is 5 people from totally different political parties (Labour, Progress, Liberal and Conservative) decided he is changing and bringing peace to the world...It is their prize...I assume they are smart enough to figure out who they want to give it to and for what reasons...they have been doing it for over 100 years, people.
Back to your regularly scheduled blogs about So You Think You Can Dance and crap that happens to me during my day.

Out East with Sharron

Hey All!
I am back...all in one piece from my "Smash and Grab Tour 2009" into the heart of the Maritimes!
My accompanist for the tour, my navigator for the drive....my person who made me laugh more than a couple of times...and who shocked me with some revelations from the internet...Wayne Gwillim ladies and gents

Nuff said.

and then there was myself

Oh lord.

I wanted to put us both in the picture...but the headshaking people who were walking by us didn't look trust worthy...
Both Georgetown and Pictou were amazing. The audiences dug the show...and we were treated so well...the food, the rooms....I left both theatres with a gift...in Georgetown it was a beautiful sea glass necklace from a local artist and in Pictou it was a print of a woman who was born in Pictou in the early 1900's who went to Broadway and became one of their biggest stars.
How lovely and I thank you!!
Here are some of the moments that made it a one of a kind "Sharron" experience.....
1. Wayne was surprised about being the navigator as well as the pianist...but rose to the occasion without telling me to eff off...after driving away from the PEI airport for 15 minutes informed me that we were going in the absolutely WRONG direction.
2. We walked into the Georgetown Inn...GORGEOUS...and they showed us the first room...beautiful...I took that one...and then when we saw the second one and it was even more gorgeous...we both went silent and Wayne looked at me and said "Do you want this one?" and I know I should have said "No"....but I said "YES!!!"...he also took that very well.
3. The morning after the fabu show in Georgetown at the Kings Playhouse...which was attended by the beautiful Julain Molnar, the lovely Glenda Landry and one of my Sheridan students parents plus a bunch of her students...nice...the morning after that show, we sat down for breakfast at the Inn...which was served family style around a big table...which was already filled with people...Wayne and I sat beside an older couple...she looked pinched and he looked long sufffering....she looked up from her paper as I put my ass in the seat and and said "Oh here are the entertainers" and not in the kind of adoring voice that I enjoy but judg-ie....and I wished I could get back up right then. She was all "it must be hard to be a performer and have to take whatever you can get" and "your voice is very big...you must lose it all the time" and she finally conceded " you were funny"....and then she could not get enough of Wayne THANK GOD and wanted to talk to him about his classical piano training. She clearly was the kind of person who equated what I did to Hooking...and not rug hooking...
The rest of the people at the table looked so happy she was talking to us...and her husband asked me a couple of kind questions...and every time he finished a question he got a facial tick...it must be hard to be married to that lady...before I knew it Wayne and I are justifying our careers and listing out resumes....but when the chef brought Wayne and I our special Eggs Benny with LOBSTER....she asked why it wasn't on the menu...the chef said he made it special for us...and I turned and smiled at her...and barely kept myself from saying ..."I am just a lowly entertainer...I take whatever I can get...and today it is the lobster that was meant for your dinner, LADY!"
4. Beautiful drive to Wood Islands...the ferry dock...navigator was from heaven and told me some fine stories to keep me amused...when we got to the dock I went in search of tea...we went into the cafeteria and stepped back into the 70's, I swear to god...and I went to ask the attendant a question...she turned her head from the black and white old timey TV and gave Wayne and I a look that would have peeled paint...we didn't even stop... we continued to walk on by....she clearly didn't want to be disturbed...we both knew it...and when she got up she had the biggest preggers belly I have ever seen...she forced a smile in her face that was so chilling ... by then I was so afraid I just asked where the bathroom was.
5. When we drove into Pictou, I told Wayne that we were staying at a place that seemed to be....seemed to be...a motor hotel from the picture I had seen on the interweb...and as we drove into the city...after missing it the first time on the 'rotary' and having to drive all the way to Truro it seemed before we found a turn around...there was a big, horrible yellow sign stating
M O T E L.... and I started chanting...'let that not be it, let that not be it'...guess what? That was it.
But it turned out to be just great.
6. I asked the guy on voice box at the Tim Hortons on the highway for honey in my tea....the box went silent as if he had turned on mute and said some thing horrible about me.
7. Wayne was obsessed with us not wasting any of the food that we had bought or been given. He sat in the Halifax airport and MADE himself eat the rest of Chicken we had bought in Pictou...it was a sight to behold.

Let the chicken go wayne

8.Just to cap the whole tour off.....a beautiful experience peppered with little things that make you go...hmm....in the security line at the airport, a blond woman...all cougared out with a crochet vest on...what?...was about 10 people behind us and telling everyone that she was late for her flight and would they let her in...she was all giggly and trying to play on her fading beauty...yes, I had NO mercy...by the time I was in the front I heard her...I had not looked at her on PURPOSE...I heard her ask me to let her in...I so wanted to say NO! But I said "Yes" in a voice that made it clear that the real answer was "EFF OFF!"...she went through... and as she went by me...the smell of liquor was so huge it almost knocked me out....and I turned to Wayne and said "Holy Booze Batman" in a loud voice....and Wayne said in the same tone..." I hope they have a booze detector there"....the line up laughed and then the rest of the security experience was watching her take off everything that wasn't tied down...all fall over-ie ....and drunk....it was quite a sight to behold.
And that was our trip out east...minus descriptions of the fabu shows....the Maritimes were the best....the people, the shows, the towns, the theatres...THANK YOU!!!!
And weird people and experiences...I thank you as well!!!!!

Cabaret. Everywhere.

Wow.
I like to make some serious singer poses when I sing...I am all looking like a jazz singer.
Wait. Not 'THE' jazz singer...that would just be uncomfortable and also wrong.
This picture was taken by the LOVELY Tracy Nolan...the partner of Jim Clayton who accompanied me on my Birthday at Statlers...which this pic is from. It was ALSO Jim Clayton's Birthday that night...I shit you not my friends...what are the odds, huh?
WELL!
What a fucking time it has been.
George and I were chatting about our lives a couple of years ago and deciding what we wanted to do and where we wanted to do it.
That sounded horrible.
You know what I mean.
We decided we wanted to be somewhere that we could be immersed in our art. I know...I sound all fancy...but when I talked to friends in NY and London and they talk about the plays and the workshops and the cabarets and the TV and Film and how they can cross over...I was jealous...I also wanted to be somewhere like that. And be able to afford living somewhere like that.
Well, in the last few months I have seen that we live "somewhere like that".
I am not trying to sound ...well, fancy or...superior...just ...happy and proud of Toronto.
WE can be that place...we are that place.
It is very exciting.
I just finished my 3 month series at Statlers...I played every week for three months in a cabaret.
When I started cabaret-ing in earnest about 6 years ago...there was NO WAY that could have happened anywhere ...not with a cover charge and a drink minumum. And the NOW Magazine recognized it and made it a Critics Pic for the whole time...that made me very happy and hopeful.
My great thanks to Jon Kaplan for being such a great supporter!
Jenni Burke PACKS...yes...literally packs Statlers EVERY MONDAY night for over a year now...EVERY WEEK.
I went to Eighty Eight's in NY about 15 years ago and saw a room much like Statlers doing that very same thing...and dreamed of a day when it would happen here...well it did... and it does...did I mention EVERY MONDAY?!
You can go there and see the up and coming...the older and came...and the people who just like to sing for fun...but you never know what experience you might have!!!But you will ALWAYS get the fabu Jenni Burke...she MAKES that night.
www.statlersonchurch.com
Marcus Nance is doing a fabulous cabaret once a month...his guests have included Measha Brueggergosman and Louise Pitre. He has an entirely different, new and exciting fan base...and he is performing classical, musical theatre and comtemporary rep....and he is easy on the eyes and is one of the BEST singers around. He also PACKS THEM IN! (and he also needs a website)
AND I have seen amazing cabaret shows at fabulous and new venues.
Up at the Toronto Centre Merle Garbe has a series called Studio 5040
www.studio5040cabarets.com
I have performed there myself and have seen the fabulous duo of Patricia Zentilli and Patti Loach...an amazing cabaret team...doing their thing there, with my handsome husband opening the show....the Patty's also have a hit cabaret CD that garnered tons of raves in major magazines.
http://www.patriciazentilli.com/
This will be the second year of the CANWEST Cabaret Festival at the Young Centre! With fabulous and exciting acts....including the Patty's....and....um...well....myself. Not that I think I am fabulous...but ....I am gonna be there....WAIT!!! I am fabulous!!! Aren't we ALL!?!?!?!
www.youngcentre.ca
CABARET is everywhere, people.
And....are you tired yet?
And there is this amazing Sondheim in September Series.
It is one of the most ambitious projects I have ever seen.
3 nights of Sondheim starring the luminaries of Canadian cabaret, jazz and musical theatre. All Mondays...two are over and one is left.
I went to the first one and was bowled over...Blythe Wilson, Janna Polzin, my George, Megan Nuttall, Judith Landers...singing the best music ever written...suck it people...that stuff is the BEST!!! And the huge ensemble choir.
I had the honour of performing with my husband at the concert last night. I played Mrs. Lovett...how fun was that..hair rocked! Dress rocked! And I did my best not to eff up.
But the best part, besides getting the chance to sing with George, was watching all the other diverse performers get up ...there was true magic made last night...Paula Wollfson singing " I'm Still Here" brought down the house...Julie Michels' Send In The Clowns accompanied by George ....oh eff...what is his last name....I have googled...I have looked in the program....he isn't listed...oh that isn't good...but please someone send it to me...was pure art...and my George belting out the Sweeney as only he can...Andrew Stelmack, Jay Turvey...I cannot even name them all...and the choir again...singing the "Ballad of Sweeney Todd"....
There is one more show next Monday and you would be drunk to miss it...they line up is HUGE...Thom Allison, Patricia Zentilli, Charlotte Moore, Elicia Mackenzie....you gotta go to
www.sondheiminseptember.com
I want to congratulate Warren Kimmel and Peter Huck on the herculean effort they have made...and ALL proceeds go to the Actors Fund...
There is so much going on!
This is the longest thing ever!
And now I take my friend Wayne Gwillim and my Sharron's Big Broadway Show...which I did in Sunday night at Buddies in Bad Times...that was a night to remember for always...I take the show to two venues out east. I am very excited...and a bit nervous...but mostly excited!
Statlers rock and roll.
Buddies Broadway.
Monday Sondheim.
I am immersed!
Toronto is rocking...and that is just the cabaret stuff people...so much else to be seen and done!

ADDENDUM: And I probably am NOT using that correctly...But I received this email from a very supportive cabaret and theatre goer who came to the Sondheim Series last night....
"Your blog today was great because I hadn't heard of some of the cabaret nights you mentioned. Is there some central source for Toronto cabaret listings on the internet? Or would that be...you? Walking back to our cars, I was raving to my friends about how lucky we are to live in a city with this much talent on our doorsteps -- and where you can go hear a show like last night's... for only $25?... and all benefiting a great cause? I was feeling all warm & fuzzy about Toronto."
I suggested Amanda's Blog
http://twisitheatreblog.com
...also Robert Missen's Group... Read More
Canadians For Canadian Cabaret
Can you guys think of anyone else?
And the Bassist's name is....George Koller....thanks Loach!

How much does this picture rock?

Doesn't it look just like the movie "Carrie" before the blood gets poured all over her...except Keith Cole is playing the guy that ended up being the "Greatest American Hero"...what the eff was his name?? Katz something...oh tell me do my blog readers!
Well, one of you guys sent me an email today saying " Hey Curly, what the eff gives....write something!"
Me all, "How familiar of you but alright!"
The above picture was from the wonderful night I had while performing at Cheap Queers during the summer...oh god...I had an effing good time...and it was as fun and cool at it looked...and the young gentleman at the piano is the talent Doug Price. He is a great accompanist and fabulous chartman.
I was sooo excited to be asked to be a part of this series at Buddies.
I love Buddies.
I don't know if I mention that enough.
They seem to get what I do... and if they don't they still smile and support me...Patrica even listens to my pop songs even though I know the genre makes her more than slightly sick.
Now, that is support.
I am not just saying those nice things because they have a new AD.
REally.
I have a busy week...it kinda makes my stomach hurt from excitement and nervousness.
I know you ALL know from my emails and Facebooks that I have two cabarets this week...one is the last night of my Back to Basics series at Statlers.
It has been a great 3 month run.
I will be rocking it out with the FABULOUS Donovan on Wednesday at 8:30pm...who knows... but I think Rick Springfield and Rihanna will make and appearance...this material is all being put to bed for a while so come on out and request your fave tune...it is encouraged!
And then on Sunday at Buddies I am having a special preview of "Sharron's Big Broadway Show".
It is the story of the very important and fancy journey from Hamilton to Broadway and all the places in between...now, before you start freaking...yes, I know I have never been in a Broadway show...but like most of you...I have been ON Broadway. So suck it judgers.
The musical tales include my adventures with Tina Fey (fabulous lady, came to my trailer the first day of "Mean Girls" to welcome me to the set...I did my best not to pee myself), John Travolta (I danced beside him on Dundas at Roncesvalles at 4:00am...I did my best not to fall over and crack my head open), Elaine Stritch (I stayed overnight in her rehearsal suite at the Carlysle...I really did) and Stephen Sondheim (I truly made and ass of myself when I met him)....oh what tales I have...and what a tail!
The show on Sunday @ 8:00pm at Buddies is priced to sell at a mere $10.00 people...I just wanna do it for an audience before I go to the maritimes with it...and that Hot Mess Wayne Gwillim will be accompanying me!
So, come on out and join in the end of my cabaret season this year!
Because after that it is off to lyktp to do a musical people!
What the eff am I doing up this late promoting myself?
George is asleep and the dogs are snoring.
And one other thing.
That Donny Osmond on Dancing with the Stars...he looks koo koo for COCO Puffs!

Kids....what the eff is wrong with these kids today...

So, I have something that I watch on the TV that chills me to the very bones....the bones, people.
I don't watch it every week....I don't look forward to watching it...but when I happen upon it...I can't stop myself ...it is like a fucking car accident....it really is.
It is....Supernanny.
That show is scarier that any horror film I have ever seen....
And if I am ever having a day when I see a cute kid on the subway...or the street...or wherever they like to hang out and have a fleeting yearn for a child of my own....I go home and promptly watch SUPERNANNY.
Ya wanna know why my dear friends? It helps me to recall that I DO NOT have the disposition to bring up humans....now, furry things...yes, I can do that...but not beings that can turn to you after you feed and clothe and love them for 16 years and tell you that THEY FUCKING HATE YOU and your GUTS....and give me the fucking car keys and 40 bucks!!!
I mean, don't get me wrong...I enjoy kids...I like hanging out with them and stuff...but the whole patience thing...not in me really.
And that Jo Frost....she has all of these ways to train them and put them in the naughty chair...or naughty corner...or naughty room....I wonder if they are gonna grow up and enamoured with naughtiness and end up in the porn industry...they will have Jo Frost to thank for that.
Way to go British Lady.
Anyhow...the kids on that show scare the fucking shit outta me...they are all screaming and hitting and pushing and killing....I know they are....they don't show it on screen but those are some violent kids.....
And I love it when the Supernanny leaves for the first time and the parents look all terrified and the kids look a mix of relieved and pissed off and plotting....can one look plotting...I don't care.
They do.
Some of those kids are evil.
I am surprised those parents can sleep at night.
I would always have one eye open.
So, thank you Jo Frost...for helping to solve the population dilemma...one condom at a time.

The end of the summer....suck that Mother Nature...and that creepy guy who....

Yesterday, after SPIN CLASS...which rocked by the way....just when I thought I could not make it any further 'Move' from Dreamgirls started to play...the teacher is awesome and fabulous....has a huge package in his very tight bike shorts....and finds himself strangely drawn to me...and not with lust I am thinking....hmm.
So, yesterday after spin class I was getting on my bike to ride home from Queen and Broadview...great area, but sometimes questionable...I think it is the presence of Jilly's...I heard a voice yelling "HEY!!!!"...."EH!!!"...I look around and then ....up...and a gentlemen...and I use the term loosely...not that all guys who have mullets aren't gentlemen but it does give me pause...and I can smell the liquor on his breath from the street...when I look at him he says,
"Hey, what time is it?"...me think "Doesn't he have some kinda of a time indicator in his home?"...I tell him and then he says..."Uh, I have locked myself in my place."....me think "What the efff?".....he say "Could you come up here and go to door number....." I am already shaking my head and furrowing my brow....and not one to just ride my bike away ... I ask... "Whatever would make you think a stranger would come up there into your building and in your apartment...and how the eff did you lock yourself IN...no wait... don't tell me....I really don't care." And I ride away.
Was that harsh?
So.
Tonight is my last summer night at Statlers...and my last night with my dear Mark Harjes....we have had a blast...when we started working together in 1994 I was just new and shiny...and he used to make me laugh...and he could always and still does play so well...and he loved a medley...and a musical theatre tune...and just loved to play.
I used to take him to auditions with me and when MD's of the big shows heard him play they would ask me for his contact info...but he just wasn't interested...he just wanted to play.
Me love him.
I will miss him....for tonight I went through all of my old stuff...really old stuff and picked out some of my faves that we have done together...and some I have not even done since then....I hope to remember all of the words....
And after tonight I have agreed to do three more nights at Staters....The next three Wednesdays.....the 9th...the 16th ( which is my Birthday....the actual day bitches) and the 23rd....then I am gonna stop for a while.
I think I need a breath.
I have so enjoyed this summer series ... it has been like play time once a week.
But I think I need to have some nothing...to figure out what is next....I have an idea of what I want it to be...but I think I need to stop freaking out about being current and in the 'public eye' and just ....be...that sounds so therapy...but it is true.
So, I really don't know when I will next do something.
I am not saying that to draw you in...like EXTENDED THREE MORE WEEKS....although it is true and I have used that pretense before...but I just want the people who are interested to know....I have taken a number of your song ideas...for which I am eternally grateful...thanks for putting thought into your choices ...I will work these songs up over the next few weeks....
I am all " SUMMER OVER" melacholy.
Sigh.
But will stick that melancholy up Mother Natures ASS tonight by the time the show rolls around...at 8:30pm....so come on down... and we can play...I have picked out two song books that are my faves... and we are all ...together going to randomly pick a song and see what can be worked up!!!
Don't sit at home thinking SYTYCD Canada sucks...come out and play with me....

I need a title!! And some votes!!!

Oh YOU GUYSSSSSSSS!!!
I am all excited...and NOT just because I am all enjoying SYTYCD Canada....who knew...the dancers are cute...one of them was in the Music Man movie...when he was 6 years old or some shit like that....AND not just because I got new shoes and a new haircut...AND not just because I drank a whole bottle of homemade Italian wine at my sister's house this weekend....AND not just because while drinking said bottle of wine I sat with my brother-in-law, my sister , George and a couple of other dudes and we named our fave porn titles....
Creamer vs. Creamer
Pocha-hot-ass
Romancing the Bone
and George came up with my personal fave....The Boston Tea Bag Party....everyone laughed so hard that we almost threw up the Italian wine...which was crushed by the feet of old Italian Nona's in black mourning gear...and then they put on their house shoes...and fed their pidgeons...wow...that was some racial stereotyping....sorry Hamilton...
NO!
I am most excited because in my endless quest to keep my audience excited and on the edge of their seats...or something kinda like that...Mark Harjes came up with and idea for this week that I LOVE!!!
It is called...hmm...what is is called....is "Choose it or Suck it!" too harsh?
Maybe I need you to email me some titles, people, for this week....
Anyhow!!!
This is the idea!!!
So, below is a list of some of my fave tunes....I would love you to send your top Faves.....
Then on Wedenesday night starting at 8:30pm...I will bring in a list of 10 songs and choose them from a hat....during the show...
"Sharron's 'You Pick it, I Belt it!!!'" night....hey that does not suck....but I am still open to way better titles!!!
So, here are the songs....and if there is one that I have forgetten that you wanna hear....please include it!!!

Bohemian Rhapsody
Slave 4 U /Tainted Love
Conversation
Sister Christian/Sweet Child of Mine
Dirty Deeds
Mr. Brightside
True Colours
Don't Stop Believin'
Hotel California
Stop In The Name of Love
Diamonds are Forever / Material Girl
Creep
I Walk the Line/I'm On Fire
Way Back the Then
Some Other Life
Do You Miss Me?
Every Breath You Take


Do You have others? DO YOU??? Write me here or post it in Facebook....or message me if you are shy....it should be an interesting night...I will endeavor to come up with a story to match a song.......or maybe you can help me by coming up with a premise that Wednesday Night when I pull the song out....WE ARE GONNA DO SOME SEAT FLYING PEOPLE!!!

So tired....so almost famous...so almost not...and so almost cut off by a young upstart latino gay.

What an effing week.
So tired....so almost famous...so almost not...and so almost cut off by a young upstart latino gay.
The sublime...the ridiculous...welcome to my life once more.
Less you all roll your eyes at the drama that occurs in this story...it is not for the 'Over the Top' impaired ....just as a spoiler.
George and I have been waiting for some interesting luck ... and it came... thank you Universe...
But it always seems to come all at once....ya know..rains ...pours...whatever!
This week I was booked to do a TV series, a cabaret, a commercial dance rehearsal and then a shoot of said commercial and end it all off with an appearance at the Fetish Fair.
Yup....the Fetish Fair and a Walmart commercial...I wonder what one thinks about the other.
Oh don't I think I am fancy?
Anyhow....it all started with the costume fitting for Walmart....the costume lady called me 'Shannon' and then handed me a pair of the grossest most ill fitting pants in the live long day and a pair of orthopdedic shoes and a blue Walmart smock....
I knew that the time to suck it up had begun...after doing the first part of the fancy TV series shoot the week before...oh dear...it is always a bit humbling to do a commercial...NOT THAT I AM NOT HAPPY FOR THE WORK OR THE CASH...but you are definitely part of the product and treated as such...
So, I leave the wardrobe fitting a bit daunted but still a bit happy as some cool people would be there for the shoot with me....Karla Jang and Shawn Byfield to name a couple peeps....did I mention that it was a 12 hour ALL NIGHT SHOOT?
WHAT?!?!?!
So, I get up the next morning at ....well....it was early and off I go to my dance rehearsal for the commercial...I am thinking " How hard can it be? It is 24 seconds?"...I am 40...have I mentioned that yet?
So...we dance ALL DAY...ALL DAY...no breaks...no sitting really...not hard dancing but this gal was working it all day! Oh my.
I get home later after dancing ALL DAY and take a nap and get my shit together to go to Statlers for my cabaret gig...which goes well...my dear Mark Harjes is playing for me and we got a nice little crowd...but mamma is tired from all the highkicking...and after the gig goes home to sleep because....
She has to get up at 7:00am to get to set....yes, I am all fancy that way...get to set...to shoot her...am I still writing in the third person?...to shoot my last day on Murdoch Mysteries...I have not yet mentioned that I shot two days the week before at the Botanical Gardens in Hamilton..nice...and while there met someone who grew up around the corner from me who mistook me for my way older sister Gwen...his name is... Ronald McDonald...no shit...even he looked sheepish about that.
So, it was nice to come back to set...it is all old timey so I had a big old costume on and fancy hair...but not as fancy as George.., who, oddly enough, ( thank you universe) is also on the same episode as a big old rich dude and I am playing...his maid...I mean, really.
So, George and I sitting on set together in our costumes talking on our cellphones ... just like Brangelina...but different.
After I am done shooting...which was a fab experience...there was crew there from "Mean Girls" and "Music Man" movie there...and other cool actors like Kate Hewlett and Kristina Nichol ...it is one of the lovliest sets I have ever been on...the director hugged me when I left...nice...after the shoot I go home and take a melatonin and nap for two hours...but because I took a melatonin I don't know if the nap counts...and then at 8:00pm drive my ass to France...or Thornhill... and park my car in front of a Walmart store and gird my loins for my twelve hour, all night shoot.
First of all, our holding area was an aisle in the men's underwear section.
I shit you not.
Now, the crew and all were great to us...it was a fine shoot...but sitting on a folding chair in the men's underwear section dressed in orthopedic shoes can get one down.
But the people who were there made it fun.
But the sun came up ...and Walmart opened at 7:00am...and as we shot we heard to beep of the registers start.
I drove home and made about 2 questionable driving moves...maybe more...
So, then it was off to the Church Street Fetish Fair...I ain't gonna lie to you...I was excited!
My first outdoor cabaret.
Woo hoo.
I had a nice little stage to work on and the straight but not narrow Steve Thomas would be playing for me....
When I asked security who the host was he pointed to a well turned out young man in a lime green speedo and knee socks.
He actually wore them well.
He seemed to have no idea who I was or what I was doing...
Oddly, I am used to that.
There was suddenly a chaotic confusion and I was thrown onstage early...the host asked Steve and I our names and intro'd us as "Steve and Sharron" ...like Steve and Edie....but Fetish-ie...let me take this moment to tell you that I was wearing black sheath from Fashion Crimes and domanatrix pony tail....thank to a suggestion from Jeigh Madjus...and it was 1000 degrees out...let the flop sweating begin....
There was a small but mighty crowd...I knew it would get bigger as my real start time got nearer.
Do you know how distracting it is to sing Britney Spears when a naked dude wearing a leather mask is being led by on a chain....do you?
I really had to focus people.
Then as I got to the end of my Paula Abdul number...my act is classier then it sounds...it was going quite well and then the earlier mentioned young latino host cut me off.
What?
From the back of the stage?
My crowd...BOOO.
Me...WHAT?
Steve...are we done?
I did one more song, bringing that silly host up to interact with ...he was wooden as a board...he had nothing...
So, I said my goodbyes and host boy asked me " oh I am sorry...did you want to keep singing?"
WHAT?!?!?!
Then my people audience began to show up...because I had only done 20 minutes...and had started 10 minutes early.
Oh...it was sad...being cut off by a young latino who doesn't know my fabulousness...where is the humanity.
I think that life just likes ya to not get too big for your boots...
OR I think that young boy needs to check out my website....
Either way....what a fucking week....maybe you were bored...maybe you were interested...who the eff cares...I am tired as shit.

Surprise what? And then I spend the rest of the evening trying not to pass out!!

I wrote this a couple days ago...but due to busy times and other things I could not finish it the same day.....
I am flabbergasted....just....w

hat?
I sit here at 8:15am on my way to dance rehearsal....cause that it was 40 year old character actress chicks do...dance...on TV....oh mom...thanks for the tap, jazz and ballet at Marlene Robinson Dance School....but I just wanted to say something about what happened on Monday night before it got too far away.
It is so ironic...I hope that I have used this right...not like that Alanis who wasn't talking about ironic things at all....so ironic that the day I choose to go on about Canada and people not being celebrated....I find myself and my dear Jenni Burke thrust into the middle of a night that I will never forget.
When Sara Farb asked me to come to her cabaret and I heard the run down of performers I was very excited....A:Love the cabaret, of course. and B: The list of performers were my fave young people out there doing their solo thang. But when I sat there and my best friend Thom Allison came onstage...I....alright...let us be honest here....I turned to Jenni and said "why the eff didn't they ask me to host?"...cause I am self centered that way....and then when I heard him say that the evening was a surprise celebration for Jenni Burke and myself I near 'bout shit my pants.
What a night....I was greatly honoured that so much thought was put into the evening....Kyle writing a songologue ... Kritty singing Mr. Brightside ...were just a couple of the amazing highlights....oh and Jeigh writing new lyrics to 'Woman" ... and Kelly singing a fierce tune that I want to ask her for the music to...Ari in a glitter top singing "Blow Gabriel Blow" ... were others... and Allie singing 'Glitter" (I mean really!!) ... Gabi being the only white woman I know who does real justice to the Dreamgirls songbook on a weekly basis...Dan Rutzen playing the shit outta the keys...and the lovley Sara Farb singing in her singular and fabulous way...having put whole deal together...and then Thom singing "If you believe " and me snot crying in the front row....beside my dear friend Jenni.
We just kept turning to each other...not believing that it was happening....I had a very important moment about 10 minutes into the show...I began to feel overwhelmed and wished for a less obvious seat....worrying about people watching me fall to pieces...but after wishing away many pivotal moments in my life I stopped myself...I turned to Jenni and said " Let's breathe and suck it all in and appreciate this fabulous moment that will never come again!"... and I did...I think Jenni did too.
I wished it never to be over.
How lucky am I?
How blessed.
And, mostly, how thankful and proud I was of all those fantastic performers...they are really the
best young people around... and now they are out there producing, writing, creating and working....wow.
So humbled...and the gifts ....thanks to Fashion Crimes for the dress...Dan Thompson of Daniel Thompson Cosmetics for the UNBELIEVABLE pallet... Patty Zee for the custom painting...Sportelli, Mitchell Marcus Sara Farb and Buddies for the tickets....the Bikram Studio for the MONTH LONG PASS...Jeigh's Spa for the facial..my hair guru Bill for the do.....and Buddies for the door....I just felt like it was not a real moment...it was like being at your funeral but still being alive and fabulous!
And to all the people who came to be a part of the evening...and yes, we really were surprised!!
I CANNOT believe something was kept from me on FACEBOOK!!!
I am a FACEBOOK LURKER AND SLUT!
Sara...you honour me with your friendship.
Thom ...you honour me with your friendship.
I am just ....wowie.
SO!
All that being said...I am doing something this weekend that I have never done before...
On Sunday at 5:00pm on Church Street just north of Welleslley across from the Beer Store I will be doing a headlining set... OUTSIDE....like a rock star people...I have never done that before....in celebration of the CHURCH STREET FETISH FAIR!!!
Oh yes....it is free and will be something else I am sure!
The always straight but never narrow Steve Thomas will be playing for me...and it will something to be part of....I would love for any or all of you to come down and witness an set that even I can't predict what is gonna happen!!!
I think it is gonna be a day to remember!
I don't know what the true future holds but I forge forward with excitement and renewed vigor thanks to that fabulous and wonderful tribute.
Thank you for putting a spring into my step and heart.

SO, you know What?

It NEVER ends....PEOPLE!!! It NEVER, EVER ENDS!
Just when I think I am making it ... that I am all current and fabulous...doing my thang...I get someone asking me to justity my thang, tell them what my thang is....oh, and who are you, Miss Thang?
Okay...not that I am all self important...well, not too self important but WHAT The EFF?!?!?!?
The nother day....yes, I wrote 'other' with an n in front....because I can...oh,and for the record, I love elipses....I don't care if you don't....I think it sounds like the way I talk....so suck it elipses- haters....
Breathe....I think the antibiotics make me ornery.
Where the fuck was I?
Oh Ya, the Nother day...I was chatting with a fabulous, well respected and wonderful actress ... we were at the Toronto Reference Library...
(Sidebar:they hate me there...two reasons...One: I pull out 100, 000 books that they have to put back...Two: They came to see my show and due to the fact that they are deeply religious were offended by my potty mouth and low cut dress, they think I am the devils whore.....
But maybe I am paranoid.)
So, I am standing away from the librarians who are staring at me, talking to my dear fabulous actress friend...who is about 60 years old...and she starts to tell me how she is there to find the addresses of theatres that she hasn't worked at to introduce herself to them...
I freeze.
Now, this a pretty well-known Canadian actress and she is effing 60!!!
I am all "WHAT?!"!
"Why the hell should you have to write anyone?
They should know you!"
I am off on a grand tirade in the middle of the REF and the librarians are staring daggers at me...because I am dirty and now, loud...and she, the actress says "That is just the way it is...it is never over...the selling and the promoting...you gotta do it."
I just wanted to lie down on the stinky three hundred year old carpet and die a bit....
Really?
Is it never over?
I mean, you all get my well timed Facebook message and emails...I try not to over do it...but a girl has gotta promote her shit, right?...and when someone I know walks up to me and asks "So are you doing anything in the theatre?" I just wanna freak the freak out.
How hard is it to get your shit noticed in this country.
Answer: Effing hard....okay Sharron be positive....challenging.
But I have always dreamed that there might be a day when all of the hard working artists out there... when we just might be able to sit for a sec and ride on our laurels....is that so effin' bad?
Not that I think I am even close to that place but still......did I mention that woman is 60!!!!
I dream of the day when musical theatre is respected as an artform in this country and when the same aforementioned country celebrates their artists... and when elipses will be embraced in storytelling circles everywhere....

Bag This

Okay...it is only 5 effin' cents for a plastic bag....why oh why do we all of a sudden want to hoard that 5 cents.....
Why are we SO offended by that charge ...that we will carry a fourty pack of tampons, a two litre bottle of caffeine free Diet Coke, four rolls of toilet paper and an Aero bar.....yup it is that time people....we will carry these things willy-nilly... I just, this year, found out that the phrase is "will-he, nill-he" and I do not give a shit....willy-nilly makes more sense...where the fuck was I?....oh ya....we will carry all of these things WILLY-NILLY in our arms running across Sherbourne in rush hour instead of spending the 5 cents on a stinky plastic bag.
I KNOW it is not because we want to save the environment....come on you don't really care... admit it.
AND I know it is not the 5 cents...
If we see 5 cents on the ground we all 'Sophie's Choice' whether it is worth it to risk our back and bend over to pick it up...
So, if our back is worth that 5 cents...why don't we spend it to try and save ourselves from wrenching it when the tampons fall into oncoming traffic?
DO you follow me?
That 5 cents just pisses me off.
And I just found out it doesn't go to the stinky environment anyway...it goes to the retailer...then I was pissed off more.
AND, off topic, OUR CITY STINKS OF GARBAGE!
Can the city workers really be fighting to keep a deal that no one ELSE in the LIVE LONG LAND still gets??
REALLY???
Ug....I gotta have a cup of Diet Coke.
And take an advil.
Cause my effin' back hurts.
Can I get a "WHOOT WHOOT!"
GO BACK TO WORK AND CLEAN OUR CITY!
Can you imagine....okay close your eyes...can you imagine what it is gonna look like after ....gulp.....carabana????
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dog Whisperer and Budda

It is late at night.
This is when I have all my best ideas....the ideas that the next morning sound all effed and drunken...so I decided to write this one down before I slept my good sense away.
So.... got two dogs....decided to train them....which is not a bad idea since the Otto dog peed in the house for FIFTEEN years. Every day....no word of a fricken lie. I love you sweet Otto.
In order to do that training ... my dear friend Ryan suggested the Dog Whisperer...and I know the everyone is all lordy for him...when people are lordy for something I feel the need to eschew it....that is why I have NEVER seen Avenue Q and why I will not shop at Lululemon....oh and because their clothes are FUCKING OVER PRICED... I mean...so what, they hem the pants....I digress...Ryan brought us the Dog Whisperer DVD's and two books.
I was not sure of it then .... and now...I have at least 40 hours of it taped on my PVR...and when I have one moment to sit I will watch an episode and then learn it to my dogs...who aren't sure what they feel about Cesar...aka the Dog Whisperer...although when the opening theme comes on the big one, Tyson, wanders into the room and plunks his huge ass down in front of the TV making the working of the flinker impossible.
But I have made a discovery.
Cesar is brilliant.
He is like a doggie Dali Lama....
And after using his practices I now know....if you can't afford therapy ... tape 40 hours of the Dog Whisperer and just use it on yourself...learn yourself like you are a 6 pound Chihuahua named Nu Nu ( who has been named the meanest dog in the world). Practice calm assertive behaviour. Stay in the moment....be relaxed. Make yourself sit in a stay for a long period of time when you get all fussed up. Take your aggressions out on an inanimate object instead of the bitch sitting next to you.
I am totally convinced that Cesar's practices can change the world.
But remember... it isn't easy....Cesar gets bloodied on a daily basis trying to make pit bulls submit.
Watch his show...I swear to god it works.... it just might enrich your life.
And save you tons of cash on prozac.... do they still have that shit?

Starbucks and Being Retarded

So, I am at Starbucks.
On Church Street....with my people....and I ask the very fashionable Barista....I love that title...I ask him for a medium tea ... he already hates me because I don't conform to their fascist changing of the drink sizes...and ask him to leave the bag in....like I always do...every where I go...Tim's, Country Style...yes...I sometimes go to Country Style...eff off.
When I ask the Barista to leave the bag in he looks at me like my dog Tyson when I say "Where is Daddy?"...he all tilts his head to the side and googles his eyes....and says....the Barista not Tyson..."We always leave the bag in....who doesn't leave the bag in?!" and then all of the Baristas behind the counter...all of who's hair is pointing straight up in the middle...you all know what I mean...just think about it....all of the Baristas start having this in depth conversation about how could someone not leave the bag in....rubbarb, rubbarb, rubbarb....and I am standing there with my $1.75... too much for an effing tea if you ask me... and I just wait for the hub bub to end and give me my tea.
I have been asking for my tea that way for years....they ask you everywhere else if you want the bag left in....why the eff am I justifying myself?!?!?!?!
The head Barista turns and says...wait for it.... "Everyone things we're retarded here...we know how to serve tea."
What do you say?
What the eff do you say to that?
I will tell you what I said....
" I didn't make any judgement on your level of idiocy based on your looks...I am sure that you are good at.....oh what the fuck..... can I have my damned tea!"
Who knows what the day holds, huh?

TOO LONG!!!

Hey All...I have started numerous blogs in the last few months only to be totally distracted...like a magpie..."oh Sharron...SOMETHING SHINY"....well, actually it was really like...."oh Sharron...why are you writing a blog when you have three grant applications to finish"....even thinking about it in retrospect makes my ass all clench up....but two of them are done. I, Sharron Matthews, girl from Hamilton mountain...who almost failed at comprehensives in English have completed 2, count 'em, 2 grant applications...suck it Miss Pugh from grade 11 english...that lady was a bitch.
And, of course, for those of you who know me well...I just closed the book on 5 year journey of 'Sharron's Party'... ( ah journey I actually started the day I walked onto a stage at JJ's in 1994) ...oh people... what a night it was...it was packed people...it was overflowing...it was full of fabulous energy and I was excited and scared and sad and happy and relieved...so many things...I started my journey back into cabaret at the beginning of that same year....2005...at Statlers...the old location...it seems so long ago...and doing the Party has been greatly rewarding and challenging and I am glad that Madonna called and said " Girl, time to re-invent!" and when the material girl tells you it is time....baby it is time.
But what a way to go... so many supporters who have been with me for years...and so many people who joined in along the way...
I feel...well...I don't know...I just sat outside Buddies today...which is really and truly my second home...I rehearsed for 'Cheap Queers' which I will be doing a bit in this Friday night (June 26th)....I am so excited that I got asked to be a part of it...and I sat outside in the little parkette next door after I rehearsed...oh, I rehearsed with a new, young and sweet player named Doug....I will call him Douglas...just because...what was I saying...oh ya...I sat outside and ate and apple sitting on a bench and didn't know whether to laugh or cry...so I just decided to breathe.
I am always so focused on what is next...which I think is important...but I am just trying so hard to just let the truth of what I have had the blessing to accomplish just wash over me for a while....instead of ploughing forward...which I will end up doing anyway...
But maybe not today...today I want to go...to the library...and not to copy music...but to get a book...to read...really.
I have had a couple of emails in the last couple of days about what is next...well, there are some immediate things that are coming up for me...
This week, as I said...I am doing Cheap Queers...but before that, on Thursday I am hosting a night called 'Unscripted' which is closing off the "Festival of Creation and Ideas" at Canadian Stage...Thom Allison...one of my best friends...will also be doing the night with me.
Then I will be starting something I am quite excited about...
My plan is to put a new show together to tour in the fall...and there are things that I want to try out...some things that I have written that I thought weren't right for "Sharron's Party", some songs that just never got a chance to be sung, some old songs that have not been sung in a while...I have a lot of ideas. And, honestly, I just want to sing a bit.
So, I approached the people at Statlers about a limited run there and they could not have been more onboard!
They have this lovely jewel of a room upstairs that is just 50 seats...and it has the most intimate feel to it...I thought it would be the perfect place to try some stuff out, join together pieces that have not been joined before, tell stories that I have not told yet, sing some older material that I have missed and get to shape new pieces that I have been dreaming about...
And for the month of July I will do just that...I really am thrilled about it. It will be different every week...
I decided to call it "Back to Basics" and I think that says it all....I hope!!It is kicking off Saturday July 4th and then it is every Wednesday for the whole month ...the 8th, 15th, 22nd and 29th...every night is at 8:30pm...
You can reserve your seats at statlersonchurch.com
( Since it is a small room you might wanna reserve early)
It is a $12 cover with a $10 drink minimum... and if you wanna make a night of it the doors to room open at 6:30pm for dinner...and they have great food...
As I said....it is a limited run...back to my cabaret roots with a purpose and I am using a three fabulous players...Darren DeSouza, Donovan LeNabat and the ever wonderful Diane Leah...they are all fabulous.
So, come on over and see what I got cooking...
I will be working this whole summer on getting a tour together for myself, as I said...I am excited and daunted by that...the Party was so time consuming that I never really had time to properly do both...I am daunted and excited about that as well..I wonder how people over the ocean will like what I do?
I wonder if NY will like my shit?
I am hopeful!!
Oh ya...I am booked to to "Sharron's Big Broadway Show" out east in October during the first week...that will be interesting...it is my first dog and pony show out of province...I have to arrange the flights and the car and drive....oh la la....another first and I am thrilled about that!
There are a couple of other things in the works that I don't feel that I can mention, due to superstition just yet....but they are also exciting!!!
So, we will keep the faith together bloggers...I hope you jump on the 'Movin' forward' train with this Hamilton Gal!!!

Idol, Dog on Bed and what the eff?

Hey !

FINALLY they voted off that SCOTT dude!!
Finally! George thought for a moment that panel of judges was gonna save him.
But they didn't!
THANK GOD!!!!
Oh, what a couple days..... full of things that were great, things that sucked and things that I wish I could have had a video camera on for... oh and another thing that just made me fucking mad.
Where to start?!
Well, I have been sequestered in my home for the better part of the last three months working on many......many projects....shows, benefits... Videos...my ass....
Oh... and training a 110 pound dog.
It has been going well my friends... for one week together.. I think they are doing pretty damned fine... Cassie has been allowed back on the couch and the bed... Tyson can come up if invited.....and they run around together.. and they even kissed a couple times.... but hey, only first base, you dirty bitches....
I was feeling all puppy-low-voice-talker... which is my version of the dog whisperer....
But after pride commeth the fall ... or some fucking thing........George went to rehearsal yesterday... and I was alone with the 160 pounds of dog meat...I was DETERMINED to walk them by myself... though I was truly scared a bit shitless....
So, I sat them at the front door...and they did sit and poured out my heart to them... begging them to be good...asking them to not pull me off my feet...and Cassie seemed to listen...she is very intense.... a good listener.....and Tyson..... well... Tyson seems to listen to a music only American Bull Mastiffs can hear... like Lauren Hill.... or Sammy Davis junior....and I just had to pray that he would be good.
And they were.
God damn it... I walked them all the way around the block...it took about 20 minutes...I am all proud... I fucking rock.
So, today we take them to the park to play ball and it is all going well.... and then... and then Tyson gets the ball for the first time ... and George and I are all excited... and he runs around with Cassie... and then... and then...
he puts it one the ground in front of him... and they stare at each other and before we can run to them they start going at it... I mean... AT IT...holy shit... and I grab Tyson and George grabs Cassie and they keep trying to go at each other...
It was HORRIBLE!!!!!
Oh my god... all four of us walked home like we had been.... well ... IN A FIGHT!
Oh my god you guys...George and I could not shake it for the rest of the day...
Cassie and Tyson seemed fine... althought Tyson had a bit of a swagger because I think he won... and now all of their privileges have been revoked... no one is allowed on the bed.... and when I went out yesterday I barricaded Tyson in the kitchen.... so ... we start again...
( sidebar: he did break out... again and they are fine... as long as they don't have anything to fight over.... it seems)
Lord.... I almost threw up.

And, on a happier note, I finally shored up my guest list for
"Sharron's Spring Forward Party"
It is full of talent and history!!!
On Friday April 24th
Young Kritty Uranowski, who I did the Hairspray movie with, will be on singing her own tunes... she is really something else... you do not want to miss her....
And then the master of cabaret and jazz, my dear friend Tim Boyle.... he and I were room mates in the early 90's and .... oh my dears.... what a time it was...maybe we will talk about the time we smoked hoolie ( I don't do that anymore... really.. I freaked out once.. and then I decided the hoolie wasn't for me) and got chocolate and then turned down the volume on the TV and all picked a character in a porn and was that characters voice...... I can't wait to talk with him about THAT !... and have you hear him sing! Like a bird, people!
On Saturday April 25th
The ever talented Gabi Epstein will make her second appearance on the Party... she was in Edges and is a cabaret whirlwind... I think she is one of the best singers I know!
And.... oh my dear lord... the Big Girl is coming down to kick his head... sing a tune... and talk about our 3 months together on the Music Man Movie... which we did with Kristen Chenoweth... yes, Christopher Wilson will be on the Party....maybe he will talk about the time he got in trouble from Kathleen Marshall for having a kick off competition.... with an 8 year old!!!
And opening for the show at 7:30pm will be the ever creative, talented powerhouse Bryce Kulak of "The Big Idea"
Do not miss it!
So, it is among the last of Sharron's Party...I am not kidding y'all... I have written a really fun show.. and I look forward to see you all!
You can tickets online at
http://www.ticketweb.ca/snl/Search.action?query=sharron%27s+party&x=13&y=7
or call
#416 975 8555 for tickets


Fitness Quest 2009

So....I know you think I might have given in BUT I am still at it at the Berkeley Gym with Eleni and Kirsten... I am gonna do a Vlog next week... but I am working my tail off.... I am so happy with my whole regime.... and don't get me wrong... I have never worked harder...
I am on a bit of a plateau right now... but I am powering through it people....
So... yesterday I did my first spin class into training... and the spin teacher Lara... who is amazing... is also one of the hardest and ...nicest people you will ever meet ... which makes it hard to hate her at she has you on a maximum resistance...for 5 minutes... when she said it was five minutes ... the horrible person that lives inside of me... almost screamed out "FUCK OFFF!!!!!!" ... the extra F is for extra FUCK!...
But I made it... I had done 3 days in a row of really challenging spin and so when i came out to meet Kirsten I thought that maybe she might take it easy on me... what the eff was I thinking....
Skipping
Stairs
Push Ups
Burpies
More skipping
Lunges
and then my friends.... I did tricep dips... and in the middle... I could help myself... I cried... I pulled my towel in front of my face... and cried... I couldn't even stop it...
But then I wiped my face and got back to it.
And Kirsten is firm, yet understanding... she didn't let up... but she didn't kill me either.. that is the mark of an awesome trainer.. and she is awesome.. and sat and talked me about my plateau after....
And then I came home and sat in the bathtub for two hours...
And I go back to Eleni on Monday who has been in Miami taking a boot camp... she is always learning.. this fitness pro... so... I am a bit shitting my pants about what she is gonna make me do on Monday....
Who knows?

Billy Bob

I couldn't find a shitter colour to spell his red neck name in... have you seen the clip on youtube of him on Jian Gomeshi's show... you have to go... you have to see... he is an embarrassment... and he has made almost a whole country hate him...he mentioned in this interview how performing for Canadians was like the mashed potatos without the gravy.... and that we just sit there...... if he didn't think that we stand up enough.....WELL WE DO NOW!
We stand up to your spoiled celebrity rudeness.... and your band sucks!!
ooohhh I am all filled with fire!!!

I am off to spin class!

I hesitate to say..... that he is the cutest... boy dog... that is alive today... I know... I know.... you all think your dogs are cute too... and they are.... but I mean..... COME ON!!!
Look at that face.
We woke yesterday to no cries.... except for our tummies... George and I tried not to make noise to wake him... or make him whine... so the Bathroom was out of the question!!!
But Tyson slept till 8:00am... no cries...wow.
One of my favourite moments of yesterday was trying to figure out how to get into our kitchen while the dog-bed-that-ate-New-York was in there... and he doesn't even sleep on it... he sleeps.... BESIDE it... and once.... under it.
We thought and thought... and we pulled in the $20.oo bathmat and Tyson acted like the thing came from Holt's doggie store.... he sits on it... sleeps on it... not on the $ 89.00 monstrosity that we could NOT afford.
Look at how cute he looks on it.

We had alot of visitors yesterday.... our pal, and fellow dog nut... because we are a breed unto our own that many of you will NEVER understand......Ryan came over! He is all 'Cesar the Dog Whisperer' devotee... and I had been on him since the day of the 'Accused humping moment' to get his DVD of Cesar's season 2 so we can train these dogs....train them like no dog has ever been trained....ahhh.... dreams are a beautiful thing, my friends....
And we sat and talked about our dogs for hours... I mean HOURS....
And Sara came by for dinner.....
The only weird part .... is we have to keep our eyes on his.....um.... he got neutered and because he was 4, he still has... the sack, as it were...I think I already mentioned that.
So, every time that behemoth rolls on his back our eyes are glued to is ballsack.
Looks... fine.
It is quite a lovely colour actually.
But they move forward... they are laying in the same room .... she still growls a bit and he just wants her to love him sooooo badly.
But George has tried walking them both ... at the same time....
Will I EVER be able to do that?

Cassie has ideas.

Tyson.
He is humouring me....and as you can see... he doesn't really stay still when asked, as of yet.
Cassie.
She cannot believe how fucked this is.
The best part is when we walk them.
It is quite a production...with the two of them... people cut us quite a wide berth, let me tell you.
Last night, we decided that after our long walk... which we will do twice a day...which consists of George and I leaning back and holding on for dear life till we get to the park and then we get a bit of slack from them after they have walked on the 100 square feet of grass around the corner from us....
Cassie pulls like the bejesus to be in front... I know what that is like.....I digress... we decided that I should have a try at walking Tyson out back of our condo.....
So, we switch pooches.... Cassie so happy to have her Daddy back... she loves George best......sigh....I get Tyson's leash and George says " No, you want to get your whole hand through the loop...." ....oh.....and then we begin to walk around the parking lot... I feel all fabulous and superior... till Tyson decides he would like to go somewhere else... and then he pulls my arm out of the socket and I have to lean back like I do when I am doing the chest machine at the gym.... the Berkeley Gym, 128 Berkeley street... ask for Olivia .... she'll hook you up.... best training and spin classes in town.... okay... and when I lean back he almost pulls me right off my feet... and stops short.. I fall into him... it is like walking into a brick wall and he just stares at me.... that is when I realize that he is humouring me.... he kinda likes me... wants me to know that maybe I can walk him.... but don't get to cocky, lady.
I turn and look at George and Cassie.... Cassie is just sitting there looking all haughty and aloof... and she has that 'This is fucked' look on her face.
When I got into bed last night I was a bit think-ie.
( Tyson in the kitchen... and Cassie super mad on the floor beside the bed... because all of the literature says not to allow them on the furniture as it causes territory issues... blah blah blah... UG)
You know.... I am having the serious thoughts.....this is alot of work and will take alot of patience and time.
It is kinda late for that thinking... but what does that all mean.
We had talked about moving somewhere maybe....
George looked at me and could see that I was thinking as my brow was furrowed and I had that far off look in my eyes.... and asked me what was up.
Nothing.
Just serious thoughts.
But I woke this morning.... Tyson gave his first cry at 8:00am on the nose... HE KNOWS HOW TO TELL TIME.......and thought....there is a reason this little pup... huge monster pup... was put in our path and why we felt the need to bring him home..... it is meant to be.
So all 'return to love', I know... but I do feel it.
Cassie is more accepting of him.... she comes closer to him and sniffs him through the baby gate.... she stays in a sit while he walks around her....we stay calm... unlike the humping/ripped shirt moment....
Some people have babies....
Some people have pets......
Some people have goob from Tyson's mouth all over their condo.
George and I thought if we could change his name... which we never would....
MacGoober would be a good title.
Cassie just looked at us.
She thinks it is fucked.

What the Fuck.

I cried last night.... what the fuck are we thinking.

When we took the sweet Cassie girl, our three month roommate from the Toronto Humane Society, back to that very same place for a blood test, the people who work there ( they are quite amazing in their love for animals) saw us and know we are suckers for a sad puppy..... we really are... is that a bad thing?
So, when Trey, he is and animal investigator on Animal Housecall with Ann Rohmer on CP24, when Trey told us he had a dog he wanted us to see, I resisted for about 2 and a half seconds...why not... what harm could it do... we left sweet Cassie with Laura up front and off we went.
Trey told us that Tyson, that was the pups name, was brought in the day before by someone who was moving to the states... now... I try not to judge, what do I know?.... but still... so we walk up to his little shelter pen and we can't see him, he has managed to shove his entire 110 pound frame under a 6 inch high pallet....yes.. he weighs 110 pounds.... and Trey calls his name over and over... he doesn't move until about the 10th call and then the biggest, widest eyes come up... he is terrified.
OH MY GOD... I want him... that is all I can think.... please let me take him now.....
But we decide to have a night to think about it....
I can't stop thinking about him... even as the sweet Cassie girl is laying with her head in my lap....I worry that she might be unhappy... and she has had a hard life... but what if she has a friend to spend her time with... what if... oh lord.
We have only ever had one dog a a time.
Otto we had for 15 years and every once in a while we would entertain the thought and then we would decide against it.
I miss you Otto.
And then the lovely Cassie... but if we were gonna get another one... maybe now was the time.
Who the fuck do we think we are?
Oh, so many thoughts I had...
And I was terrified.
What if it goes badly... what if she bites his face off....
Well, let's have them meet....
When they met at the Humane Society ... it was like the two of them looking into a fun house mirror.... he looks like her.. she like him.... he looks like he ate her and then gained 20 pounds... he peed and she growled and then they both wagged their tails... everyone at the pound was satisfied.
I was still terrified.
It is a life changing decision.
We have to figure out how to introduce them... how to walk them....
So, he gets his balls chopped off the day they meet and we decide to take him.. sorry dude.
And we wait another couple days for him to heal..... looking at his picture on George's IPHONE every couple of minutes.
Cassie knows something is up... she gets all shakey and not eat-ie.
Oh god... let this work out.
So, the day we can go get him, we put her in the truck, because we decide the first thing we need to do is take them on a walk to get them all 'pack aquainted'.
Thanks to the people who work at the Toronto Humane Society for all of the the literature and the words of wisdom.... they were very helpful and kind.
We walk the two of them.... okay... we are dragged by the two of them around a couple blocks... we decide to go to Petsmart.....
Holy fuck.
We get Tyson...have I mentioned that he weighs 110 pounds, into the back of the truck... where WE decide he will ride... Cassie growls and jumps into the front seat.. that seems alright....
I ride in the back seat trying to block an entrance from Tyson over the back.
Well, the car starts moving and Tyson basically walks over me... over me .... to get to her.. he really wants to be her friend... she wants to remain an orphan, clearly....
I spend the whole drive to Eglinton pulling him back with all my strength and making sure he doesn't bust his sutures... and she is growling.
Maybe I should have driven.
Petsmart experience.
Cassie pulls me all over the store and has forgotten every good manner she ever possessed.
Tyson pees....EVERYWHERE... we pick him a bed and a collar the size of Afganastan.
And a bag of food that weighs the same as him.
We get them back in the car... I am all questioning every instinct I have ever had... I am freaking the fuck out.
I drive and George has a running commentary with Tyson about how he isn't getting past him... he better just rest .... don't even think about it... Oh and Tyson's drool is EVERYWHERE...
he is a nervous drooler.
WE are both covered in it....and his hair... and .... I don't know how to say this... but I will just say it... his Lipstick is huge... do you know what I mean?
His penis... is just fucking HUGE.... and all out and pink... and though they neutered him... because he is 4... he still has a big hairy ballsack.
Oh dear.
And Cassie is just staring at me like I have wrecked her whole life...
So, we get them home... it is quite a lot of figuring... and we have decided that the best plan of attack is to put him in the kitchen till his wound heals... it is where Otto spent all of his alone time... so, we know it works.. it is bigger then a kennel... which unsurprisingly we could not find in his size... the kennel that is.....not his ballsack or penis....and she will be outside of the kitchen with us as usual.
Which seems a bit unfair to me... but the literature and the Dog Whisperer on Youtube says it is just fine.


There is alot of growling and crying while we all try and figure shit out... Tyson decided to lick me.... sweet... which turns into humping... not soo sweet... and then he claws my face and rips my shirt... it is all 'The Accused' but different... and I start to cry.
Yup.
George looks like he is about to die.
Sharron, pull it, the fuck, together, I say to me
Alright... we should go for a walk.
Hmmmmm.... that went alright.....they both pull like a freight train but we are correcting them as much as we can.



The devil eyes are totally appropriate.
We take them both out alone... her for ball playing and him for ball healing to give them time alone in the house.
And then to bed....
We are so afraid that he will know down that babygate.... which really is like a piece of paper to him... he just respects the boundry... that we bring her bed in our room and close the door... and all goes well till the first cry ... at about 6:20am... which really, for a first night, is not too bad... we ignore it for aobut 30 minutes and them George tells Tyson to go back to sleep.
And after about 20 more minutes he does.
Sigh.
I am so fucking tired.
But this morning....George took Tyson out... and then our plan is to walk them both.. when I let Cassie out of the room she runs right to George and sits in front of him... right beside the Tyson... I think he is substantial enough to have a 'the' before his name.....and there is calm... no growling... no crying.. just calm.
And I get my coat on as soon as possible so this doesn't get wrecked.
Maybe... just maybe lord... this will work out?

Blog all broke... Now all fixed... and I have so many thoughts...

My blog was effing broken FOR A WHOLE MONTH!!! And I, clearly, have SOOO much to say! I hope all four of you are well....I am so happy that it was almost spring yesterday.... I put on my party outfit.... different than the Sharron's Party outfit of my Fashion Crimes togs..... fashioncrimes.ca ....but my white trash, St. Patricks Day party outfit....jeans, green sweater, shoes that were comfortable for wandering around the streets in a stupor of alcohol, my down vest with all of the pockets so I don't have to carry a purse and some advil.... preemptive !!!! Oh lord... I have never really been a St Paddy's fan but last night... have you ever seen so many green foam top hats?.... but last night I had a great time... George and I went to Buddies... where we have been alot lately.. I think they are gonna put in a cot in one of the dressing rooms for me... they were celebrating St. Patricia's Day... Patricia being the awesome Bar Manager at Buddies for many years...and it was fun!
Clinton Walker was there... looking all fab and irish.... Sky Gilbert was there in his Highschool Musical half top... which I LOVE! WE had a great time.... I had a shot of whiskey and a shot of Bailey's... I don't know who the eff I turned into in the last little while... but all of a sudden I am power drinking....not all the time.... but when I do....someone has video of me after 'Sing Out Louise" juggling two water bottles.... yes, I know.... Only two... I am not a circus performer for fucks sake....on Alexander Street... and note to them... you know you are... if it ends up on the Youtube I will kill you.

SING OUT LOUISE!
Oh what a night! I am so pleased and proud of the fabulous benefit that happened at Buddies on March 9th.... these performers were turning it out! If we had been in NY the place would have been SOLD OUT!! But we still had an excellent crowd of very loud and proud people.... here are some thoughts...
Patricia Zentilli belted an F ....almost made me fall down a set of stairs......
George Masswohl made everyone laugh and cry... he was soo good.....
Damien Atkins and Andrew Kushiner.... created a pop medley accapela... it contained something from the Opera Lakme and Single Ladies by Beyonce... just to name two of th 25 songs that were in it....
Jenni Burke said Fuck about 100 times... in a song..
And that was just a few highlights... I started to write more but I was afraid that I would be here all the live long day.....
Thanks to all who came out to the show.... and to the fabulous performers and players who gave of their time.... what a night!

Sharron's Party
Yes, it is true.... I have two Parties In March, April and May.... and then my 'Big Gay Party' in June and then I am calling it a day... actually I am calling it many years.
It is time to move my work forward.. I like to be the one who knows when to finish something and I think it is time.... I love the Party... I have worked my ass off on it... and I have written, marketed, sold it, put up all the posters... you name it I did it...and I want to do something new! I am excited for the next shows... new material... I really enjoy working with Lily Ling.. she is young and she has a really great energy... and I love that all of the songs I bring to her she looks at and says ....What is this song?... She will be playing for the show for the next four months... baring some exciting gig that might come up!!
And I will have an opener for the shows.. a young person who will do a short set from 7:30pm till 7:45pm.... and this month it is Michael Hughes... he is a VERY talented young man... and the guests are some of my old faves, some of my new faves, and young people who I have been scouting around for.....
I am doing all new material.... I am very excited... it will be an awesome 4 month series!!!!
Come on out.....
March 27th and 28th... a Friday and Saturday
on the Friday... Alicia Toner and Shoshana Sperling and Saturday ....A trio from Randolf, Kevin, Jordie and Sarite and Ryan Kelly! ... check out the listing for the next four months on my website....
www.sharronmatthews.com

In other news.... the workouts are harrowing... I know!!! But effective... I have lost 10.5 inches... yes... you read right.... I am proud as punch!
Thom Allison's show was AWESOME at Buddies... oh my lord that was some good storytelling and good work! his mind never ceases to amaze me!
What else?
I wish I could afford tickets to Britney.